Ahahahah xD

[MrsSeverusSnape]

Once upon a time, there were 3 Italian pigs. Giancarlo, the owner of a straw house, Antonio, the owner of a stick house, and Guido, the owner of a brick house.

 

One day this nasty old wolf came up to Giancarlo's house and said, "I'm gonna huff, and puff and blow your house

down." And he did!

 

So Giancarlo went running over to Antonio's house and said "Let me in, please, the wolf just blew down my house!!"

 

So Antonio let Giancarlo in.

 

Then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down!" And he did!

 

Antonio and Giancarlo went running over to Guido's house and said "Let us in! The wolf just blew down our houses and we're scared!"

 

So Guido let them in.

 

The wolf caught up with them and said "I'm gonna huff, and puff and blow your house down." While he was huffing and puffing, Giancarlo and Antonio were scared! But Guido picked up the phone and called a friend.

 

All of a sudden this big, black stretch limo drove up. Out came two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedoras. These huge pigs came over to the wolf and grabbed him by the neck and beat the living stuffing out of him. Then, one of them pulled out a gun and fired into the wolf's mouth. They left the wolf for dead, got back into their limo, and drove off.

[Cobalt]

:yawn:

 

next

[Cobalt]

It was amusing, to elaborate.. but a bit short and a bit lame

 

so yea

[MrsSeverusSnape]

You are so nice today :nice: :kiss:

[Cobalt]

I know :lol:

 

Isn't it lovely

[busybeeburns]

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle,

 

they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy,

 

 

 

'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

 

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies

 

 

in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.

 

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

 

 

 

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get

 

 

into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

 

At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop

 

 

and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'

 

He takes two birds out of the box,

 

 

puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

 

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to

 

 

the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

 

Looking down at the remains of his best pal,

 

Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat.

 

Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'

 

 

 

 

 

THERE'S MORE....

 

 

 

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.

 

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge

 

of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand

 

and a shotgun in the other.

 

'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.

 

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

 

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.

 

Paddy watches as half way down,

 

Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

 

Seamus continues to plummet down and down

 

until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

 

Paddy shakes his head and says,

 

'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'

 

 

 

 

 

IT IS NOT OVER YET...

 

 

 

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends

 

when Sean appears.

 

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of

 

 

which he pulls a chicken.

 

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs

 

and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears

 

down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

 

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

 

'Fook dat, lads.

 

First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping,

 

den Seamus parrotshooting....

 

And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'

[JPB]

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle,

 

they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy,

 

 

 

'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

 

'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies

 

 

in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry.

 

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box.

 

 

Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get

 

 

into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

 

At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop

 

 

and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.'

 

He takes two birds out of the box,

 

 

puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

 

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to

 

 

the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

 

Looking down at the remains of his best pal,

 

Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat.

 

Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!'

 

 

 

 

 

THERE'S MORE....

 

 

 

Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass.

 

He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge

 

of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand

 

and a shotgun in the other.

 

'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says.

 

He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free.

 

He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun.

 

Paddy watches as half way down,

 

Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot.

 

Seamus continues to plummet down and down

 

until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

 

Paddy shakes his head and says,

 

'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!'

 

 

 

 

 

IT IS NOT OVER YET...

 

 

 

Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends

 

when Sean appears.

 

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of

 

 

which he pulls a chicken.

 

Sean then takes the chicken by its legs

 

and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears

 

down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

 

Once more Paddy shakes his head.

 

'Fook dat, lads.

 

First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping,

 

den Seamus parrotshooting....

 

And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'

 

 

Ahhhhhhhhhh.

 

Time for a lynchin'

 

:P

[MrsSeverusSnape]

You Know You're Portuguese When....

 

 

Your mother or grandmother has Maria in her name.

 

You have a rooster napkin holder.

 

Your father or grandfather is called Manuel, José, António, or João.

 

You have crocheted doilies on your kitchen counters, dining room, living room, bedroom--on all your tables.

 

You decorate your walls with plates.

 

Your house is a mini church with just as may statues of saints and Jesus as your church itself.

 

You're 25 and still living with your parents. (Extra points if you're married and living with your spouse in your parent's house)

 

You warn other drivers of police on the highway by flashing your lights, even though one of the drivers might have just robbed a bank.

 

You baptize your child and send him to catechism even though you might never go to church except for weddings and funerals.

 

You think all university graduates should be called "Doutor" and like to be called so if you are one of the chosen few who have managed to finish college.

 

You park on the sidewalk when necessary, even asking the person standing there to please move away.

 

You have a mobile phone and spend a small fortune on it, but think twice about going to the dentist.

 

You have a mother or grandmother who wears black.

 

You spend your holidays in Spain instead of in Portugal because it is cheaper.

 

If you are a woman, you have been to see a "curandeiro" (healer) or have had your fortune told.

 

You insist you wouldn't be caught dead buying Spanish olive oil even though most of the olive oil consumed in Portugal comes from Spain.

 

You laugh at jokes about the Alentejanos but get angry to know that the same jokes are told in Brazil about the Portuguese.

 

You think that you can catch a cold with a draft or by sitting in the spring sun. Cold drinks are also thought to bring on the dreadful "gripe". And don't let anyone have a shower after eating as something terrible could happen to them.

 

You get a letter from your doctor saying you can't work because of an "unspecified, ongoing medical condition" and then go on a two-week holiday.

 

Your child's teacher misses two weeks (because of a letter from his or her doctor) and you don't complain because you also will use the same doctor when you have to miss two weeks from your work.

 

If you are from Porto you don't like people from Lisbon and call them Moors. The reverse is also true but they don't call you a nice word like "Moor".

 

You think Brazilians speak incorrect Portuguese and will not read a book written in Brazilian Portuguese.

 

The last major military victory you can remember your country having was the Battle of Aljubarrota in 1385.

 

You say that the Portuguese, unlike the Spanish, are good at learning foreign languages.

 

Your parents own like 9 houses in Portugal but complain about the lack of money in the States.

 

Going to Portugal involves buying gifts for all 500 members of your family

 

You go crazy for the World Cup

 

You refer to Portugal as "O Continente"

 

You've walked in "as paradas" longer than you can remember

 

You have grape vines in your backyard

 

You earned over $10,000 for your first communion.

 

To hell with the Turkey and Roast Beef! X-mas dinner was bacalhau au braz, baby!

 

A barbeque does not consist of burgers on the grill... Hello! Can you say sardinhas?

 

You've had your license for a month, but your $20,000 car has been "hooked up" for a year. I'm talking rims, tints, a system...

 

A wooden spoon equals discipline, or if you ever had to duck so you wouldn't get hit with flying shoes.

 

Your parents anticipate that you'll marry your first long-term boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

When you hear the word "Sagres" you think Beer, not historical marine school.

 

Nothing beats a buttered papo-seco.

 

Your 15 year old brother is allowed to have two girls sleep over, but your 19 year old sister can't go out past 7pm.

 

You think that 2am is too early to go to bed and that 11am is to early to get out of bed.

 

Your grandmother tells you look sick because you are too thin.

 

Your parents make you eat 3 servings of dinner at each sitting otherwise they think you don't like the cooking.

[Yellow Hill]

:laugh3:

[larissa CP]

Haha, funny post about portuguese

But, ''You think Brazilians speak incorrect Portuguese and will not read a book written in Brazilian Portuguese''

Really??! :o :shocked2: why?!

:D:P:P

[Black Rose]

A Man walks into a bar

 

He said ouch

[Cobalt]

^ *GROAN*

 

That one is terrible

but delightful!

[MrsSeverusSnape]

Haha, funny post about portuguese

But, ''You think Brazilians speak incorrect Portuguese and will not read a book written in Brazilian Portuguese''

Really??! :o :shocked2: why?!

:D:P:P

 

U see, you're not bad people, i just have this old fashioned idea that brazilian is a lazy way to speak portuguese...dont mean to offend you anyway :embarassed:

[Plug_in_coldplaying]

A man is driving his eighteen wheeler down the road, when he sees a hitch hiker. So the trucker stops and picks up the man. While they are driving down the road, the trucker says "Hey man, you wanna see something pretty cool?" The hitch hiker says sure. So the trucker has this monkey in the back, and he makes it come up with the men, and he smacks the monkey up side his head, and the monkey gives him a blow job. So after that, the trucker says "Hey man, do you want some of that?" And the hitch hiker says "Sure, but just don't smack me so hard."

 

the best were Ians irish jokes

[Rivers of Avalon]

not too bad ..:P

[Plug_in_coldplaying]

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude.

 

He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the

newspaper he was reading.

 

The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper,

mister?"

 

"A bird," the guy replied.

 

The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.

 

When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain.

 

When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know.

 

I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the

next thing I know is I'm here."

 

Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did

you do to that naked fellow?"

 

After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing!

 

I was playing with the bird and it spat on me, so I broke its neck,

cracked it's eggs, and set its nest on fire."

[Rivers of Avalon]

someone already wrote that one here in lounge.... i dont remember its thread...

 

not too bad though :P

[Plug_in_coldplaying]

someone already wrote that one here in lounge.... i dont remember its thread...

 

not too bad though :P

 

well i only randomly post shitty jokes like everyone here especially Ian :rolleyes:

[Rivers of Avalon]

i know man ;)

:D

[MrsSeverusSnape]

:stunned:

 

i had to post that italians joke, i'm so into italy :rolleyes:

[coldplay_is_louve.]

UM.

 

 

WOW. :stunned:

[Black Rose]

A man walks into a pub with a salmon under his arm.

He asks the barman, "Do you do fishcakes?"

The barman shakes his head.

"Shame", says the man, "It's his birthday".

 

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.

It was a turtle disaster.

 

I fancied a game of darts with my mate.

He said, "Nearest the bull goes first"

He went "Baah" and I went "Moo"

He said "You're closest"

 

If two collars had a race, how would it end?

In a tie.

[MrsSeverusSnape]

A man walks into a pub with a salmon under his arm.

He asks the barman, "Do you do fishcakes?"

The barman shakes his head.

"Shame", says the man, "It's his birthday".

 

:laugh3:

[a_face_of_light]

U see, you're not bad people, i just have this old fashioned idea that brazilian is a lazy way to speak portuguese...dont mean to offend you anyway :embarassed:

 

Kind of like American English:P

[The Mad Hatter]

Superman spoke American English, and he was in no way lazy. He flew around and saved the world all the time.

Well, accentless American English.

But anyway, there.

 

lol. It took me a few seconds to remember what a lorry was.

 

Two weeks of preparation for the elementary school Multicultural Festival does almost nothing.