||The OFFICIAL Coldplay FanFic Thread 1||

[Cobalt]

Well....it's awards season! (kinda!) So I thought it would be great to have some 'FanFiction Awards' to celebrate the brilliant fanfics on here! So thanks to the great archive made by Cobalt (Link is in first post), it is easier than ever before to read the great fanfics! So ger reading and vote in the following catagories:

 

 

Best FanFic

Funniest FanFic

Best Chris Centered FanFic

Best Guy Centered FanFic

Best Will Centered FanFic

Best Jonny Centered FanFic

Best Phil Centered FanFic

Best Crossover

Best Reference to 'Coldplaying.com'

Most Pervy FanFic

Most Exciting FanFic

Saddest FanFic

Most Gripping FanFic

Best Author

Best Series

 

 

SO GET VOTING! Send me a PM with your choice by 1ST APRIL 2009 Thanks!

 

RULES:

The FanFics MUST Be from 2008 or 2009 and can only be a fanfic which is in the archive!, Also you don't HAVE to vote in every catagory ;)

Thanks! AND GOOD LUCK!

 

My other post about this sucked, thus, a new one!

 

Okay this is kinda rushed. Where's Best Comedy? Where's Best Couple? Since WHEN has there been a Phil-centric or Jonny-centric fic in 2008 or 2009? Or a crossover?

 

My suggestion? Don't go through with this just yet. Get ideas for categories from the community. Additions, exclusions. Because from the looks of it it seems pretty rushed and only from your thoughts and suggestions, not the community's.

[Cobalt]

Also, list updated and MartinFan yours didn't make it in there because it doesn't have a title, so you mind giving it one?

[MartinFan]

I believe I shall call it CROSSEDWIRES Thanks Cobalt!!!

 

I have read them all and say they are really good. I did a Gywneth/Chris cause I didn't see really anything about them together, didn't realize this was more about Chris and Jonny, how about one with the 3 of them? I think I can come up with one like that, LOL. Thanks for reading it tho.

[Cobalt]

"CROSSEDWIRES"? All caps or would you prefer "Crossedwires"? (Thought I'd ask, I know I like to be picky with details)

 

Yeah, there's not that much Chris/Gwyn, the whole thing started with Chris/Jonny slash. I'm not too sure there was anything with the three of them although there was a mention of Gwyneth in Careful Where You Stand as Chris' girlfriend.

[MartinFan]

Small caps, will do just fine. Thanks off to write my new one.:)

[MartinFan]

Title: Moonlight over Mexico Part One

 

Wow, what a great tour! The band now are going off for a well rested vacation. They have 2 weeks to get their heads cleared before heading back on the road. Chris wants to take Gwyn to Mexico for some surfing and decided since Jonny had broken up with his girlfriend they would ask him to come along. Jonny wasn't much of a surfer, but did like those drinks with the umbrellas. They arrived on their jet and decided to get a bite to eat before going to the hotel. Chris and Jonny new Gwyn was so excited to show off her surfing skills that they were quite turned on. Chris also knew Jonny and him had been very close over the years to the point they kept each other company sometimes on the long stretches of the tour, where their families were not with them, and I mean close as in they had secrets. They loved each others like brothers, but sometimes the rigors of the road and the loneliness set in and they gave into a lifestyle on the road that would kill their families if found out." So they thought".

 

They arrived at the hotel and the front desk clerk told them their reservation wasn't on the books, and their was a guy named Bono and his huge group that were staying in the rooms.

 

Chris: What a fucking wanker!!! What do you mean there are no rooms?

Clerk: I am sorry Mr. Martin, I do have one suite avalible if you would like it.

Chris: Well what the fuck, we have no choice.. This is a shit day, Man!!

 

They proceed to the suite, when the elevator doors opened, BAM, Bono the wanker

was walking out. Chris rolled his eyes and turned to the side, maybe he won't notice him

behind the sunglasses.

 

Bono: Hey Gywnnie nice to see you, what are you doing here, where's Chris?

Gywn: Chris.. Look who's here, it's Bono

 

Chris turns around and smirks, "Hey Bono"

Bono: Well, we are performing in Cabo tommorrow night, great hotel Huh?

How are your rooms?

 

Embarrassed at the fact U2 had booked all the rooms except one, and once again is

getting put behind the scenes of this rival band, say's "Oh they are great, nice to see you."

Hurrying into the elevator, Jonny raises his hand as the door is closing and at the last minute flips Bono off. Chris replies" Shit day!!!!"

 

After they get settled in the room, Chris and Jonny head downstairs while Gwyn shaves her legs and gets her suit on for surfing.

 

Chris: hey Jonny, you did notice there is only one King bed ?

Jonny: well there is a nice large couch, so I will be fine there.

 

Chris puts his hand over Jonny Shoulder and say's "Well we can make room"

Jonny: Gywn won't want that, besides you haven't been with your wife for the past 6 weeks

Chris: Well it's time I had a talk with her about things, at least I am not keeping company with another girl.

 

Jonny feeling a bit awkward walks with his head down wondering what Gwyn would think of all this, and the fact that Chris has NO idea that he himself has "spent time" with Gwyn.

Oh I failed to let you in on this, last year Gwyn and Jonny had alittle freak in a hotel once, just a sex romp, didn't last long, but nevertheless they had sex.

 

The afternoon is winding down, Johnny has had a lot of his umbrella drinks sitting under the shade watching Chris and Gwyn surf, he also saw Chris holding Gwyn in the water hugging, and having sex, it turned him on. "yep" he's drunk....

 

As night is falling they return to the hotel, fans have now started lining the walkway with U2

fans, waiting for a glimpse. Chris and Jonny and Gwyn get out of their SUV and the crowd see's them and starts after them, they managed to slip into the hotel before they were held back by the fans.

 

Jonny goes in to relieve himself in the bathroom, Gwyn walks in naked ready for a shower, the stream of pee stops and Jonny hurrys to zip up his pant's.

 

Gwyn: That's ok Jonny, I am sorry, I just want to get a shower, cause Chris say's he needs sex, ya know how that is, he's like a teenager in that department. Jonny in his head "yeah I know all about that"

 

 

Jonny emerges from the bathroom, and Chris is naked trying to use the remote to find a tv show. " Fucking TV" says Chris, "There is nothing on" Jonny notices Chris's semi hard on decides he better go out and find something to do. "Where ya going mate?" Chris say's,

 

Jonny: Well you need some time with your wife.

Chris: I would like some time with you as well, (eyes wide open)

 

Gwyn is in the bathroom drying her hair thinking, Chris has no idea of my time last year with

Jonny, and They have No idea I know of their time together, turns out Gwyn actually walked into a dressing room 7 months prior and saw Jonny giving head to Chris, Jonny and Chris never new this. This was like "A Rush of Blood to the Head" for Gwyn, not knowing what to think of this she kept it quiet as well as her Jonny Quest. Now how does she get the both of them in bed with her tonight.........

To be continued.

[iPsy]

My other post about this sucked, thus, a new one!

 

Okay this is kinda rushed. Where's Best Comedy? Where's Best Couple? Since WHEN has there been a Phil-centric or Jonny-centric fic in 2008 or 2009? Or a crossover?

 

My suggestion? Don't go through with this just yet. Get ideas for categories from the community. Additions, exclusions. Because from the looks of it it seems pretty rushed and only from your thoughts and suggestions, not the community's.

 

Yeah I get what you mean, sorry :), Best Comedy is funniest fanfic though really!, Yeah, sorry, I will ask at a later date. :)

[Corkus]

Oh dear, so many more fanfics to read! :stunned:

 

Kittens [Part 4] - alyssabells, I'm currently infatuated with this girl named Alyssa, so as a result, for some reason I read yours incredibly carefully. :lol: POOR KITTY! :sad:

 

Lovers in Japan - Keep it up! People ought to use song names to inspire fanfics more often. For instance, I've always wanted to know about "The Scientist".

 

Crossedwires - Thank goodness, a straight and canon romance story! :lol: That mere change of pace alone makes it not "stupid".

 

I'll read the next two a bit later and maybe post Chapter 5 of Coldfellas.

[MartinFan]

Oh dear, so many more fanfics to read! :stunned:

 

Kittens [Part 4] - alyssabells, I'm currently infatuated with this girl named Alyssa, so as a result, for some reason I read yours incredibly carefully. :lol: POOR KITTY! :sad:

 

Lovers in Japan - Keep it up! People ought to use song names to inspire fanfics more often. For instance, I've always wanted to know about "The Scientist".

 

Crossedwires - Thank goodness, a straight and canon romance story! :lol: That mere change of pace alone makes it not "stupid".

 

I'll read the next two a bit later and maybe post Chapter 5 of Coldfellas.

 

Regarding Crossedwires, Thank-You, I have so many straight thoughts about Chris and Gwyn, but I thought some actually wanted the gay route. The next one I did has a bit of both, trying to please the wide spectrum, LOL:D I alos liked The Kitty story and Lovers in Japan, more Coldfellas too please.

[SimpleBlur]

You mean why did it have to be Guy who turned out to be a psycho-jealous person?

 

 

yep,

lol :D

Although no one else would have been to gret being a physco jealous person

In the first couple chapters I was trying to think everything through...

And then when your done reading it all makes sense and all...

The confusion in the beginning clears up in the end...

[Corkus]

I just found out I'm leaving for San Diego from tonight until Sunday night. :confused: So I may as well greenlight Chapter 5 since I won't be able to over the weekend. Here we have the confrontation after quite literally killing off Joe Satriani! Note for some reason, Guy becomes a punching bag for every joke here on out. :lol:

 

COLDFELLAS

 

CHAPTER 5: CEMETERIES OF LONDON

Rating: PG13

 

 

 

After a solid five minutes of staring at one another without saying a word, Gwyneth Paltrow finally breaks the silence.

 

Gwyneth: “CHRIS!? What the hell are you doing here? And who’s taking care of the kids?”

 

Chris: “I thought Guy was going to babysit!”

 

Gwyneth: “Guy is right here! Would you seriously trust his clumsy self with children?”

 

Guy: “Hey, I resent that! I kissed a baby once and it didn’t die! Rather, the mother killed it because she was so jealous that it got a kiss from me!”

 

Will: “That is so messed up, dude.”

 

Jonny: “Yeah, way too far.”

 

Gwyneth: “Anyways, why are you and all these other men here? And give me one reason I shouldn’t kill them.”

 

Phil steps forward in front of Chris.

 

Phil: “You must be the Don of one infamous Green Eyes, Inc., I presume?”

 

Gwyneth: “How has such information fallen in to your foul hands, Mr. Harvey?”

 

Phil: “I have my sources, Ms. Paltrow. Allow me to introduce you to the fine gentlemen of Politik, Inc.”

 

Gwyneth: “So it’s YOU fellows who I have been hearing about who’s threatening our business. Chris, what the flying frick are you doing with these despicable people?”

 

Chris: “I could ask the same of you, sweetheart.”

 

Will: “Chris is one of us. He’s been working with our mafia for years, and neither you nor Jonny nor Guy have known about it. Unfortunately, since the cat’s out of the bag, you must all be dealt with.”

 

Chris: “I must say, it feels pretty badass to be married to the ruthless leader of my mafia’s rival organization.”

 

Gwyneth: “Enough nonsense. How did you hear of our devious plot to kill Joe Satriani?”

 

Chris: “YOUR devious plot? My darling, it was OUR nasty concoction.”

 

Jonny: “But you weren’t the one who actually killed him, now, were you?”

 

Chris: “Jonny, look into my heart and tell me if you really mean that.”

 

Jonny: “It’s over, Chris. That’s behind us now. We both know it is.”

 

Phil: “Well, Team Gwyneth, it doesn’t seem as if London is big enough for the both of us, does it?”

 

Gwyneth: “But we have Guy Berryman. That automatically makes us the better-looking mob.”

 

Guy: “Hooray, I’m useful!”

 

Chris: “Honey, you only have that advantage because Will won’t jump into that skimpy outfit I suggested.”

 

Will: “Upon observation, this is quickly turning into mob warfare, which will then turn into even more corpses. Speaking of corpses, holy hell does Joe Satriani stink. And I’m not just talking about his music.”

 

Chris: “So what is it, love? We can return to being a happy family where I can continue being a secret mobster while you go back to making out with Robert Downey Jr., or we can do things the hard way and tear our family apart, thereby validating those retarded marriage crisis rumors. A spider web and you’re caught in the middle.”

 

Gwyneth: *clenching teeth* “You play hard ball, sexy. Very well. My boys play hard ball, too.”

 

The members of Green Eyes, Inc. ready their weapons and take a step forward. Phil signals to his men to stand by. As things begin escalating further, a faint voice can be heard cracking through the chaos.

 

Voice: “Stoooooopppp…thiiiiiiiiiiisssss….maaaaaaadddneeeeeeesssss…”

 

Chris: “A whisper! A whisper! A whisper! A whisper!”

 

The voice’s echo grows louder until a familiar, old, balding figure suddenly emerges from the trees.

 

Jonny: “Ah, Brian Eno, good to see you back. Unfortunately, this is not the best time.”

 

Brian: “SILENCE! I am…The Godfather!”

 

Will: “Weren’t you also the wise, magical, lonely coot in the previous fanfic?”

 

Brian: “I can be lots of things, damn it.”

 

Guy: “But you can’t be irresistible like me! So hah!”

 

Phil: “The Godfather! Oh, merciful heavens, show us the path to mafia righteousness! Tell us who to whack, and they shall be whacked!”

 

Gwyneth: “Your every desire shall be fulfilled, my Godfather.”

 

Brian: “Hmm…when two mob organizations collide, there is only one feasible solution, and unfortunately, it’s really bloody. But I’m not going to sit on the sidelines and watch you two groups squabble mindlessly.”

 

Chris: “So you’re going to merely spare the most handsome?”

 

Brian: “Certainly not, Chris. After all, Guy Berryman would be spared before you. And he’s useless otherwise!”

 

Chris: “Oh, so that means you’re gonna tell Will to become a flamboyant, homosexual drummer who wears outrageous clothes and says outrageous things, lest he be murdered? Because that’s totally what I’d do.”

 

Gwyneth: “Please, sexy stuff, do shut up and let The Godfather speak.”

 

Brian: “I assume you are all familiar with the classic party game ‘Mafia’, where stupid teenagers simulate mob killings by assigning secret roles like cops and murderers?”

 

Phil: “So we’re going to play an innocent party game? With all due respect, are you serious?”

 

Brian: “Not without its share of twists, Mr. Harvey. For you see, anybody who gets whacked in this game gets whacked in real life. Being the Angel of Death among many other things, I shall have the honor of whacking whoever is unfortunate enough to be chosen.”

 

Jonny: “Wouldn’t it be easier for us to have all-out mob warfare, and the last man standing prevails?”

 

Guy: “Jonny, you need to stop watching those movies. After all, I still haven’t seen them.”

 

Brian: “I have a pack of cards with me. Everybody, form a giant circle around me and sit down. I have two Aces, two Kings, a Joker, and seven number cards which I will be holding face-down. Each person must select one card at random. Keep it to yourself, and I will tell you what your cards mean.”

 

All twelve mobsters form a circle, while Joe Satriani’s still-bleeding body is shoved into a ditch. Brian Eno walks around inside the circle, with each mobster selecting a random card from his hand.

 

Brian: “I trust you all know how this works? Depending on the face value of your card, you will be assigned a specific role with different abilities. That is, unless you have one of the seven number cards. That means you are a puny villager without any powers whatsoever. You are at the mercy of the mafia.”

 

Gwyneth: “Just as a suggestion, Brian, shouldn’t we move this game to somewhere less…public?”

 

Brian: “Nonsense. Where was I? Oh yes, if you are holding one of the Aces, that means that you are a murderer. During every round, you two must consult each other over who you wish to kill off. Everyone’s eyes must be closed during this process, or you will be whacked. Trust me, I’ve been itching to try out this sexy new blade.”

 

Chris: “Will could also look sexy…in a homosexual way.”

 

Will: “Damn it, Chris, stop improvising for your own fruity losses. Especially since Jonny’s right here!”

 

Jonny: “Huh? Who’s where now?”

 

Brian: “Quiet, pawns. If you are holding one of the Kings, you are a cop. You can question who you suspect is a murderer each round, and I will answer affirmative or negative. And if you have the Joker…well, you are the Angel of Light. You have the power to rescue someone you suspect is about to be killed. Any questions so far?”

 

Chris raises his hand.

 

Brian: “I’m going to decline that question, Chris, for fear that it involves putting make-up on Will Champion.”

 

Chris sulks and puts his hand down.

 

Brian: “Every round, each person will participate in a vote of who they think is a murderer. That victim chosen, whether a murderer or not, will also be whacked. And I, being the grand force of fate, will be narrating each event and mafia killing while all eyes are closed. The final six will be spared. Let us begin.”

 

Brian stands up, ready to narrate the beginning of the real-life game of Mafia.

 

Brian: “The town of London sleeps. But two mafia members are rumored to be on the loose, with two cops investigating their actions. The Angel of Light looms over the city while its residents settle down for the night. Gentlemen, and Gwyneth, please close your eyes and put your heads down.”

 

Each person quickly glares menacingly at one another before shutting their eyes. No one knows who to trust in this game, and everyone is considered a suspect.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

[SimpleBlur]

 

Will: “Chris is one of us. He’s been working with our mafia for years, and neither you nor Jonny nor Guy have known about it. Unfortunately, since the cat’s out of the bag, you must all be dealt with.”

 

AHA!

Cat out of the bag :D

[Miss Lestrade]

MartinFan... it's JONNY, because his name is actually Jonathan, not John. I just had to point that out. :nice:

 

Chris raises his hand.

 

Brian: “I’m going to decline that question, Chris, for fear that it involves putting make-up on Will Champion.”

 

Chris sulks and puts his hand down.

 

I laughed a lot at that line. :D

[MartinFan]

Thanks, I changed it.:kiss:

[Miss Lestrade]

You're welcome. :D

[SimpleBlur]

Part 6 to kittens...

 

------------------------------

 

Kittens [Part 6]

 

Kitten is still running off towards the Bakery as Guy, Will, Jonny and Chris are hanging up posters around town trying to get help finding Kitty...

 

Chris (putting poster up): So Guy...

 

Guy: So Chris...

 

Chris: What do you think of Kitty?

 

Guy: Its a nice Kat.

 

Will; It's 'cat'.

 

Guy: Oh sorry this script spelt it wrong.

 

Jonny: What?

 

Guy: Never mind.

 

Will: Chris, why don't we spread ou a 'lil more I mean, we've been putting these on the same wall for the past 45 minutes.

 

Chris: Well Will, this is the longest wall I've ever seen.

 

Will: Ok then...

 

Suddenly Chris falls to the ground being tripped by something...

 

Chris: Ouch, what the fu-.

 

Jonny: Chris...

 

Chris : Omg... Will give me two damn inches of room!

 

Will (scoots over): Sorry chris.

 

Guy: I'm bored...

 

Chris: He probally can't stand not watching iCarly until Saturday...

 

Jonny: It must be the sassy teen chick-ness getting to his head,

 

Guy: Hey... you can't fight the power of iCarly.

 

Will: And where'de the power of Guy go?

 

Chris: Yes Guy, where did the power of Guy go?

 

Jonny: Somewhere inside an insane TV show staring maranda Cosgrove .

 

Chris, Will, and Jonny laugh. Guy frowns...

 

Chris: Sorry, we'll stop insulting you and iCarly.

 

Will: making no promises but I'll try to hold it back.

 

Jonny: Will...

 

Will: Fine.

 

Chris, Jonny, Will and Guy finish up posting up all the posters scattering them around in London...

 

Chris: Let's head back to the bakery to see if anyone called Phil yet.

 

Jonny: Phil?

 

Chris: we left his cell phone number on the poster didn't we?

 

Jonny: I don't know did we?

 

Chris: yep.

 

Will: He would probally be calling the bakery first thing.

 

Back with Kitty...

 

Kitty: Meow.

 

Kitty sees the Bakery up ahead she's so close she just knows it... She walks up to the building waiting for someone to come out and let her in... She then hears voices coming from behind her outside of the building...

 

voice 1: I feel like we've been walking for 9 hours.

 

voice 2: Well don't give up now we're only about 10 feet away.

 

voice: I didn't say I was giving up.

 

Kitty then clearly recognized the voices. It was Will and Chris following them along was Jonny and Guy...

 

Kitty: Meow! Meow! Meow!

 

Chris: Guy shut up.

 

Guy: I didn't say anything.

 

Will: Whatever.

 

Kitty Meoooowww!

 

Jonny: Look it's a cat!

 

Chris (looks over): Kitty!

 

Kitty (jumping into Chris's arms): Meow!

 

Chris: Oh Kitty I have missed you ever so much!

 

Kitty: Meow!

 

Jonny: Let's get her upsatirs quickly, who knows what could happen!

 

Will: Yeah the last thing we want happening is Chris swining her around and throwing her into her tragic end...

 

Kitty: ...

 

Chris: Let's just get you upstairs!

 

The boys and Kitty walk upsatirs into the Bakery...

 

Unknown: Bursting through bakery door): No one move!

 

----------------------------------------

 

Dun..dun..dun...

[cold_love23]

I just found out I'm leaving for San Diego from tonight until Sunday night. :confused: So I may as well greenlight Chapter 5 since I won't be able to over the weekend. Here we have the confrontation after quite literally killing off Joe Satriani! Note for some reason, Guy becomes a punching bag for every joke here on out. :lol:

 

COLDFELLAS

 

CHAPTER 5: CEMETERIES OF LONDON

Rating: PG13

 

 

 

After a solid five minutes of staring at one another without saying a word, Gwyneth Paltrow finally breaks the silence.

 

Gwyneth: “CHRIS!? What the hell are you doing here? And who’s taking care of the kids?”

 

Chris: “I thought Guy was going to babysit!”

 

Gwyneth: “Guy is right here! Would you seriously trust his clumsy self with children?”

 

Guy: “Hey, I resent that! I kissed a baby once and it didn’t die! Rather, the mother killed it because she was so jealous that it got a kiss from me!”

 

Will: “That is so messed up, dude.”

 

Jonny: “Yeah, way too far.”

 

Gwyneth: “Anyways, why are you and all these other men here? And give me one reason I shouldn’t kill them.”

 

Phil steps forward in front of Chris.

 

Phil: “You must be the Don of one infamous Green Eyes, Inc., I presume?”

 

Gwyneth: “How has such information fallen in to your foul hands, Mr. Harvey?”

 

Phil: “I have my sources, Ms. Paltrow. Allow me to introduce you to the fine gentlemen of Politik, Inc.”

 

Gwyneth: “So it’s YOU fellows who I have been hearing about who’s threatening our business. Chris, what the flying frick are you doing with these despicable people?”

 

Chris: “I could ask the same of you, sweetheart.”

 

Will: “Chris is one of us. He’s been working with our mafia for years, and neither you nor Jonny nor Guy have known about it. Unfortunately, since the cat’s out of the bag, you must all be dealt with.”

 

Chris: “I must say, it feels pretty badass to be married to the ruthless leader of my mafia’s rival organization.”

 

Gwyneth: “Enough nonsense. How did you hear of our devious plot to kill Joe Satriani?”

 

Chris: “YOUR devious plot? My darling, it was OUR nasty concoction.”

 

Jonny: “But you weren’t the one who actually killed him, now, were you?”

 

Chris: “Jonny, look into my heart and tell me if you really mean that.”

 

Jonny: “It’s over, Chris. That’s behind us now. We both know it is.”

 

Phil: “Well, Team Gwyneth, it doesn’t seem as if London is big enough for the both of us, does it?”

 

Gwyneth: “But we have Guy Berryman. That automatically makes us the better-looking mob.”

 

Guy: “Hooray, I’m useful!”

 

Chris: “Honey, you only have that advantage because Will won’t jump into that skimpy outfit I suggested.”

 

Will: “Upon observation, this is quickly turning into mob warfare, which will then turn into even more corpses. Speaking of corpses, holy hell does Joe Satriani stink. And I’m not just talking about his music.”

 

Chris: “So what is it, love? We can return to being a happy family where I can continue being a secret mobster while you go back to making out with Robert Downey Jr., or we can do things the hard way and tear our family apart, thereby validating those retarded marriage crisis rumors. A spider web and you’re caught in the middle.”

 

Gwyneth: *clenching teeth* “You play hard ball, sexy. Very well. My boys play hard ball, too.”

 

The members of Green Eyes, Inc. ready their weapons and take a step forward. Phil signals to his men to stand by. As things begin escalating further, a faint voice can be heard cracking through the chaos.

 

Voice: “Stoooooopppp…thiiiiiiiiiiisssss….maaaaaaadddneeeeeeesssss…”

 

Chris: “A whisper! A whisper! A whisper! A whisper!”

 

The voice’s echo grows louder until a familiar, old, balding figure suddenly emerges from the trees.

 

Jonny: “Ah, Brian Eno, good to see you back. Unfortunately, this is not the best time.”

 

Brian: “SILENCE! I am…The Godfather!”

 

Will: “Weren’t you also the wise, magical, lonely coot in the previous fanfic?”

 

Brian: “I can be lots of things, damn it.”

 

Guy: “But you can’t be irresistible like me! So hah!”

 

Phil: “The Godfather! Oh, merciful heavens, show us the path to mafia righteousness! Tell us who to whack, and they shall be whacked!”

 

Gwyneth: “Your every desire shall be fulfilled, my Godfather.”

 

Brian: “Hmm…when two mob organizations collide, there is only one feasible solution, and unfortunately, it’s really bloody. But I’m not going to sit on the sidelines and watch you two groups squabble mindlessly.”

 

Chris: “So you’re going to merely spare the most handsome?”

 

Brian: “Certainly not, Chris. After all, Guy Berryman would be spared before you. And he’s useless otherwise!”

 

Chris: “Oh, so that means you’re gonna tell Will to become a flamboyant, homosexual drummer who wears outrageous clothes and says outrageous things, lest he be murdered? Because that’s totally what I’d do.”

 

Gwyneth: “Please, sexy stuff, do shut up and let The Godfather speak.”

 

Brian: “I assume you are all familiar with the classic party game ‘Mafia’, where stupid teenagers simulate mob killings by assigning secret roles like cops and murderers?”

 

Phil: “So we’re going to play an innocent party game? With all due respect, are you serious?”

 

Brian: “Not without its share of twists, Mr. Harvey. For you see, anybody who gets whacked in this game gets whacked in real life. Being the Angel of Death among many other things, I shall have the honor of whacking whoever is unfortunate enough to be chosen.”

 

Jonny: “Wouldn’t it be easier for us to have all-out mob warfare, and the last man standing prevails?”

 

Guy: “Jonny, you need to stop watching those movies. After all, I still haven’t seen them.”

 

Brian: “I have a pack of cards with me. Everybody, form a giant circle around me and sit down. I have two Aces, two Kings, a Joker, and seven number cards which I will be holding face-down. Each person must select one card at random. Keep it to yourself, and I will tell you what your cards mean.”

 

All twelve mobsters form a circle, while Joe Satriani’s still-bleeding body is shoved into a ditch. Brian Eno walks around inside the circle, with each mobster selecting a random card from his hand.

 

Brian: “I trust you all know how this works? Depending on the face value of your card, you will be assigned a specific role with different abilities. That is, unless you have one of the seven number cards. That means you are a puny villager without any powers whatsoever. You are at the mercy of the mafia.”

 

Gwyneth: “Just as a suggestion, Brian, shouldn’t we move this game to somewhere less…public?”

 

Brian: “Nonsense. Where was I? Oh yes, if you are holding one of the Aces, that means that you are a murderer. During every round, you two must consult each other over who you wish to kill off. Everyone’s eyes must be closed during this process, or you will be whacked. Trust me, I’ve been itching to try out this sexy new blade.”

 

Chris: “Will could also look sexy…in a homosexual way.”

 

Will: “Damn it, Chris, stop improvising for your own fruity losses. Especially since Jonny’s right here!”

 

Jonny: “Huh? Who’s where now?”

 

Brian: “Quiet, pawns. If you are holding one of the Kings, you are a cop. You can question who you suspect is a murderer each round, and I will answer affirmative or negative. And if you have the Joker…well, you are the Angel of Light. You have the power to rescue someone you suspect is about to be killed. Any questions so far?”

 

Chris raises his hand.

 

Brian: “I’m going to decline that question, Chris, for fear that it involves putting make-up on Will Champion.”

 

Chris sulks and puts his hand down.

 

Brian: “Every round, each person will participate in a vote of who they think is a murderer. That victim chosen, whether a murderer or not, will also be whacked. And I, being the grand force of fate, will be narrating each event and mafia killing while all eyes are closed. The final six will be spared. Let us begin.”

 

Brian stands up, ready to narrate the beginning of the real-life game of Mafia.

 

Brian: “The town of London sleeps. But two mafia members are rumored to be on the loose, with two cops investigating their actions. The Angel of Light looms over the city while its residents settle down for the night. Gentlemen, and Gwyneth, please close your eyes and put your heads down.”

 

Each person quickly glares menacingly at one another before shutting their eyes. No one knows who to trust in this game, and everyone is considered a suspect.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

:laugh3: amazing as usual. I love Chris' obsession with Will. :lol:

[Cobalt]

Yeah I get what you mean, sorry :), Best Comedy is funniest fanfic though really!, Yeah, sorry, I will ask at a later date. :)

 

What, so you're still taking votes anyway? Dude, ask now... if you seem to not have that much time with organizing it I have plenty to help.

[Cobalt]

Crossedwires - Thank goodness, a straight and canon romance story! :lol: That mere change of pace alone makes it not "stupid".

 

*stabs*

 

If everything were straight and canon it'd be hella boring :P

[MartinLover]

ok here's a wierd play that me and my friend wrote it's called "The Amatuer Stalker" about Chris and this wierd, dumb person who stalks him. OKAY here we go.

"THE AMATUER STALKER"

PART 1: Chris's House

setting: at chris's house when gwyneth and the kids are on vacation somewhere and he is there alone.

 

*phone rings and chris picks it up*

Chris: Hello?

Stalker: hello is this Chris?

Chris: OH MY GOD!!! Who are you and what have you done with my mother???

Stalker: I don't have your mother! But I do have your cat....

cat: Meow...

Chris: NO! Not little Chloe.

Stalker: Silence! Follow my insructions or you'll never see Mr. Fluffykins again.

Chris: *walks over to Mr. Fluffykins, the teddy bear, and hugs him tightly* NOOO! NOT MR. FLUFFYKINS!!!! Take my piano instead!

Stalker: I thought you were a grown man.

Chris: Uhhh.... yeah... let's talk buisiness.

Stalker: ok. I'm across the street. i'm crossing the street. I'm at the doorknob...watch the doorknob turn sloooowwlyy... *begins to turn knob*

Chris: uhhh ok I'm..... watching???

Stalker: oh crap it's locked.

Chris: welll...yeah...

Stalker: Darn this. I'll just break through the window. *runs at window and smashes himself into it* oh! OWWWW! Man you must have a plastic cover or something!! OWW!

Chris: oooo :stunned:

Stalker: anyway, forget tonight. I'll be back tommarow. promise you'll have that door unlocked?

Chris: Yeah i guess.......

 

to be continued....

[Cobalt]

Updated the fic archive, but Amateur Stalker didn't make it because I was doing work on it while it was posted. My apologies~.

[cold_love23]

wow people sure do like associating coldplay with cats :lol:

[SimpleBlur]

Sweet...

I started the cat trend! :D

[iPsy]

What, so you're still taking votes anyway? Dude, ask now... if you seem to not have that much time with organizing it I have plenty to help.

 

Nah! I havn't got any!:lol: I will do it if people want me too, I'll revise it later on today....

 

:D

I just want to say aswell, I have got rid of the LATEST STORY: bit in the title because there is such a flurry of FanFics now, lots of people don't get a chance to be in!

[SimpleBlur]

And here is the next part to Kittens!

 

--------------------------------------------

 

Kittens [Part 7]

 

Chris, Jonny, Will and Guy are just getting into the Bakery as Unknown just bursts through the bakery door...

 

Unknown: Uhmmm... Names aren't important!

 

Will: What do you want?

 

UNknown: I want... that... cat...

 

Kitty: Meow!

 

Chris: Never!

 

Unknown (trying to take the cat from Chris): You asked for it!

 

Will (knocked Unknown unconscious with bat): Bah!

 

Unknown: Ouch!

 

Guy: Let's see who this Guy really is!

 

Chris: Guy you say?

 

Guy: I don't care anymore!

 

Guy bends down and very carefully removes the mask...

 

Chris: No way...

 

Jonny: How?

 

Guy: It's Satriani!

 

Will: But why?

 

Chris: Why my cat?

 

Jonny: I see what's going on!

 

Guy: He's doing this because of Viva La Vida?

 

Will (sarcasm): No sir!

 

Kitty: Meow.

 

Jonny: This is awkward.

 

Guy: It is pretty awkward.

 

Chris: This is serious!

 

Will: What are we going to do? We know he's not going stop trying to get the cat!

 

Phone (ringing): Ring ! Ring! Ring! Ring!

 

Will (phone still ringing): It's Phil should we pick it up?

 

Chris: No

 

Phone (leaving message from Phil): Uhmmm... I've been getting a thousand plus calls saying they love Chris and hopes he finds his cat and uhmmm... this is really weird... anyways my new phone number is 555-551 so you need me call me at my new number.

 

Chris: Alright we need to get Satriani to the hospital before he wakes up and realizes Will beat him with a bat!

 

After a long drive to the hospital...

 

Chris: We need help! Our bitter rival is unconscious!

 

Nurse: We'll help you with that in like 5 minutes or something.

 

Person 1: Omg... are you Chris Martin?

 

Chris: Uhmmm... Ill give you two tickets if you don't say anything.

 

Person 1: deal.

 

Chris (whisper to Guy): Get you, your hots, and the other guys out of here before anyone else realizes what's going on...

 

Guy: Uhmmm... There is only 1 g-

 

Chris: I know! Just do it!

 

Guy, Will, and Jonny run out of the hospital as quickly as they can and head back to the car with where Kitty is...

 

Nurse: We're taking him to the emergency room as we speak.

 

Chris: Alright I'm out of here

 

Chris heads back to the car where they are just getting the car started up... Kitty sits in the back on Will's lap... Chris starts driving back to the Bakery...

 

Guy: will someone likes y-.

 

Will: Keep your sassy Chick personality to yourself Guy...

 

Guy: Fine...

 

Jonny: Saturday already is it?

 

Guy: It is?

 

Will: No.

 

Guy: Good.

 

Jonny: But don't you want to watch iCarly?

 

Guy: Yes...

 

Chris: Stop starting this iCarly stuff it's annoying now!

 

Jonny (smiles): Ok...

 

Kitty: Meow...

 

Guy: Chris there is something we need to tell you.

 

Will (to self): I really hope this goes better than I imagine...

 

------------------------------------

 

dun..dun...dun

 

only 1 more part to this crazy story known as Kittens...