I haven't been here in ages, but I really need help, and you guys are always very helpful. :nice:

Ok, so I have a friend, she's my best friend, and she's going through some stuff that she won't tell me about. I have no idea what's going on with her, but she's begging me to help her all the time. But I can't help her if she won't tell me what's wrong, right? I'm trying to respect her privacy, but every time I try to be optomistic and supportive she's always pushing me away and making me feel stupid for even trying. I can't explain it. When she's having an off day, I end up having a bad day too because she takes her shit out on me.I've always been there for her, and she's constantly asking me to help her, but I don't know if I can or want to anymore.

 

Someone help ME, please. If you understand what I just said.

Sorry.

ok ok ok, what you need to say to this girl is 'I care about you a great deal and It upsets me to see you down like this, but I can't fucking help you if you won't tell me what's wrong?'

 

Because you can't.

She needs to tell you what's wrong, or stop complaining.

Honestly, if she doesn't tell you what's up, then you can't do anything.

she needs to pluck up the courage to talk about it.

Well, she told me she basically hates herself.

...the fuck?

Ok. So I can help now that I know, but how?

I hate this. :(

hmmm, it's a toughie.

 

I constantly find myself down about things and always find a reason to hate myself.

She just needs to realise that we live in a beautiful world (excuse the coldplay pun) and that there is a whole world of oppourtunity out there if she wants it.

Ask her why. First off tell her that you are listening and you are there for her, but in order to further help her you need t know what is going on. Maybe not full details, but she needs to be a bit mroe open. Like why does she hate herself? Her looks, her attitude, etc etc. Also, ask her whats happening in her life so far with family and school and other friends. If she keeps pushing you away, give her time for a bit, thats what I would do, if she really needs you she will come to you, but some people just need space. But for now just be supportive, if she says she needs space, give her al ittle space, but keep your eye on her, make sure she is doing alright. Sometimes, I feel that people jsut need someone to listen to them, and not always give advice.

 

and i hope that helps, it may not.. im not the best.lol

Thanks for being so helpful. :nice:

It's hard to be sympathetic when her self pity turns me off a little. But I'll try to be supportive as always. I'll tell her what you guys said. :)

In the words of James Welsh:

 

'Some of us laugh, Some of cry, Some of us smoke, Some of us lie; but it's all just a way that we cope with our life'

hey, Jenika! How you've been? Sorry to hear about your friend. Hopefully things will turn around for her & be supportive and yes.. sometimes people just need someone to listen to them :wink:

HI! I'm Ok, heading off to college this year. How have you been? I've missed you all! :nice:

Yes yes, I will try to be a good listener to my friend.

That's good! I've been allright also a bit tired but heh that's always the case hahaha I'm actually about to log off but it was nice to see you online though! Take care :D

You too! It's always great to see you online as well. :nice:

Everybody has a love/hate relationship with themselves. Just tell her that whatever the reason, she needs to try her best to have perspective. Take her to the mall or some place crowded and sit on a bench and watch people as they walk by... and try to comprehend that each of them has their own battles to fight.

or save the bus fare and just stay home in front of the mirror- same results.

tell her to listen to "let it be"

 

on a more helpful note, remind her of all the reasons she has NOT to hate herself. see if you can get her to have more fun.

^^ That's probably a good way forward. Our moods can be affected by so many things, and the expectation we and other have of ourselves can also be hard to live up to at times as well; so the best is to just do something fun, and forget about life for a while! (for her as well!). A refreshing walk in the park, bike ride, swim, a good night's rest, and some fun with others cures most blues. Mostly, it's the tiddly pom principle - if you can get her interested in having fun, and out of the things that are dragging her down, or getting her to see what's the matter (it can be as little as some organizing stuff, or getting a better set of routines - often that's all that's needed).

But I haven't a clue where to start, except encouragement. Buy her some flowers, or something you know will instantly change her mood, and then perhaps the blues will go away.. (spring can be rough for some people I hear, so maybe it's the change of seasons as well? I always think more positive in spring, but statistics go the other way, and I haven't a clue as to why! Maybe there's less social needs (fewer holidays)??

LOL!

tell her to listen to "let it be"

 

Noooo, noooo. This does not help and is useless. Personal experience.