Viva La Vida or Death and All of His Friends

 

 

 

This is a poem I wrote inspired (and half-stolen) from a specific album. I think the title gives away exactly which one that is:P

 

 

 

Creeping up on me, it begins,

Slowly building, the wind beneath my wings,

I want to be lost and never found,

Now my feet won’t touch the ground.

 

Through the dark streets they go searching,

To see God in their own way,

On arches they are perching,

Where Victorian ghosts pray.

 

Every river that I tried to cross,

Every corner, I feel the loss,

Every gun you ever held went off,

I’ll just wait until the firing stops.

 

Those who are dead are not dead,

They merely live in my head,

Haunting me, taunting me,

I run away instead.

 

Sometimes even the right is wrong,

Lovers, keep on the road you’re on,

I dream of the Osaka sun,

You and I; our lives have begun.

 

If you’d only say yes,

Is your will anybody’s guess?

Only God knows you won’t let me rest,

I became so tired of this loneliness.

 

We used to rule the world,

Owning everything, knowing everything,

Lost all to a fist that curled,

The strongest type of envying.

 

From the rooftops I remember,

That long and dark December,

Last I heard, you coughed,

When the cross was held aloft,

I took you, love down to Violet Hill,

I don’t want to swallow such a bitter pill.

 

We were sitting in the swing,

Remembering everything,

Every moment was so precious,

I wouldn’t want to change a thing.

 

All winter, we got carried,

Way over on the rooftops, we’ll be married!

All summer, we just hurried,

Come on over, be patient; just don’t be worried.

 

I don’t want a battle from beginning to end,

Without you, I can’t defend,

I don’t want a cycle of recycled revenge,

Though my loss, I ought to avenge,

I don’t want to follow Death and all of His Friends!

 

But, in the end-

I lie awake,

The ring on my finger I take,

No lives are at stake,

My mind’s no longer agape,

Peace begins to take shape;

As I dream of making my escape.

 

 

 

 

 

The Waterfall in the Sky

 

 

 

The air was cool, the mist spraying him as it ricocheted off the nearby rocks. The sound of rushing water filled his ears. His favorite sound in the world, in his favorite place to be.

 

The waterfall was so brilliant, especially in the light of the rising sun. It was transparent until it met the stream below, where it all meshed into a rich blue that sucked in its color from the sky. When the sun was at the right angle its rays gave the water an orange tint. It was absolutely beautiful.

 

His legs swung over the rough surface of the rock he was sitting on, his feet just skimming the top of the water. It was pretty warm considering the morning had just barely begun. Careful not to bump into anything, he stretched and laid back on the rock, staring up at the few clouds scattered in the otherwise bright blue sky.

 

He'd been there for years now, all by himself. He survived off the land, which was not a hard thing to do. It seemed that whatever he had need for appeared without question, and there were no real signs of life apart from himself. A part of him hated that.

 

The silence and serenity was wonderful. Everyday he could be alone with his thoughts, and that was actually how he lived. But sometimes his thoughts reminded him of how lonely he was. He would close his eyes and see that image, the one single image from his past that he missed. The rest he had left behind and he didn't care about that, but this one thing, this one person had meant everything to him, and he wanted that back.

 

He told himself it wouldn't be much longer now. One day they would meet up again, and he could finally be completely happy. And it must be coming up soon, because his dreams about it had been more frequent as of late...

 

Before long his eyes closed, and he drifted off into a mid-morning nap. His greatest fantasy played in his mind once more, the missing half of his soul laying beside him in a patch of grass not far from where he actually lay, the cool breeze gliding past them. They held hands for a while, then stared at each other for a while, then went swimming in the beautiful stream for a while.

 

It was at the perfect temperature. The water was not so deep that their feet wouldn't touch the bottom, and so they were standing with their arms wrapped around each other, their unclad bodies pressed together...

 

And just like that he was awake again, but the feeling in his gut gave him the impression that his waiting was done. Before the sun went down that day, they would be reunited.

 

He climbed off the rock with a smile on his face. The happiness had already set in, and if he was still living the life he had lived before he would have been apprehensive about being so hopeful, but he knew that here there could be no disappointments. Here, things only happened for a reason.

 

Here, he would meet up with Chris again.

 

He walked around for a long time, zigzagging through the trees that surrounded the area. He tried to take in the awe-inspiring beauty of it all as quickly as he could, because he knew that once Chris came to him he would never find any of this as amazing as he did now.

 

When the sun was directly above him, he stood by the water's edge. He rather fancied some fish for lunch, so he was on the lookout for movement in the water. He thought he saw something flash by, and he went to move, but he soon realized that what he had seen was not anything in the water.

 

“JONNY!”

 

He recognized the voice instantly, and the feeling of Chris's arms wrapped around him was exactly how he had remembered. He tried to breathe, reached his arm up and grabbed one of Chris's hands. They stood like that for what seemed like ages, but it didn't matter; time didn't really exist in this place.

 

Then Chris finally removed his arms and Jonny turned around.

 

“Wow,” Chris breathed, lifting his hand and brushing it against Jonny's cheek, “Jonny, you look so young.”

 

“So do you,” Jonny replied. Chris looked down at his own hands, his eyebrows drawn together.

 

“I haven't seen myself yet.” Jonny placed his hand on Chris's back and brought him closer to the water so he could see his reflection. Chris knelt down and leaned over the stream, and what he saw shocked him.

 

His face was smooth, wrinkle and blemish free, and the bags under his eyes had disappeared completely. His eyes had even regained the color they lost when Jonny left. After a while he grew tired of seeing himself, and so he stood and turned back to Jonny.

 

“It's like when we first met, huh?” he asked, and Jonny nodded.

 

“I think so, yeah.” Chris smiled and stepped forward, draping his arms around Jonny's shoulders. He looked around for a little bit, just as astonished by the natural beauty as Jonny had first been.

 

“This place is so beautiful,” Chris said in awe.

 

“No, it's not.” Chris looked to Jonny in confusion, though he was still smiling a little. “You're beautiful.”

 

Chris blushed and his smile grew wider. “You're beautiful, too. Jonny, I've missed you so much.”

 

“We won't have to miss each other anymore,” Jonny said, and he rested his forehead against Chris's. He brushed his fingers through Chris's hair, tucking back some of his curls behind his ear. “It's just you and me now. Forever.”

 

Chris leaned into Jonny and placed a soft kiss on his lips. They both felt the overwhelming sense of joy rush over them as their souls finally became whole, one entity that reigned over them both.

 

The sun began to set as they laid in the patch of grass Jonny had dreamed about. Jonny laid his head on Chris's chest, his hand on Chris's stomach. Chris had his one arm wrapped around Jonny, his other arm at his side and holding Jonny's hand in his own.

 

“Jonny, did it hurt when you left?” Chris suddenly asked. “Physically, I mean.”

 

“A little,” Jonny answered. “But I knew it was going to be worth it in the end, so it didn't bother me much.” Jonny tried his best to look up at Chris, his green eyes bright even in the diminishing light. “What about you?”

 

“No,” Chris said, shaking his head. “I think I was asleep.”

 

“Good. You don't deserve to be in pain.”

 

“Neither do you.” Jonny repositioned his head again and looked up to the sky. Chris ran his hand over Jonny's hair and smoothed it down. “I kept that picture of you, you know. Everyday I looked at it. And everyday I cried. I didn't want to be there, but I knew that people needed me to be there, so I stayed for as long as I could for them. Because I also knew that we would never be separated again once I left, and so a few more years with them seemed like nothing.”

 

“Chris, you are the most wonderful person I have ever met, and probably the sweetest person to ever have existed,” Jonny told him. “It was so lonely here without you, but I'm actually really glad that you stayed behind for those people. It only reinforces what I always thought of you.”

 

“Which is?”

 

“That you're much more selfless than everyone thinks you are. Of course, that's not much good anymore, is it, seeing as no one else is around?” Jonny said with a small laugh.

 

“Remember how you always said that I spent too much time trying to take care of you?” Chris asked, and Jonny could tell from his tone that he was smiling. “Well, now it's going to be worse since I don't have anyone else to steal my time away. From now on everything I do will be solely for you.”

 

“Fine,” Jonny said, “but everything I do will only be for you. So we're even.”

 

Jonny felt Chris lean his cheek into the top of his head, and he heard Chris sigh complacently. “I think I'm gonna like this place.”

 

 

Shall I Compare

 

 

 

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

No way, you're far more lovely.

Shall I compare the light of the starry skies

to that of your eyes? The former is not as bright.

Shall I compare my love to that which I see

them act out on TV? I swear, mine is far above.

Shall I compare this poem whose worth's elastic

to those set in stone as classic? This feels more like home.

There is no comparison, it's true,

and the only color that matters is blue.

And when your self-esteem is down

please, love, don't frown.

I'm here to love you, that's my meaning,

that love which is never weaning

but every second grows stronger than it's ever been.

You hate yourself and that is when

I wish you too could have seen

you, yourself, through eyes of green.

It would all make sense from then on.

Your beauty is greater than the sun at dawn,

or even at dusk when the sky is red,

all you have to do is lie down in your bed

with your eyes shut and you'll still glow

with more radiance than anything I know.

You can look at me, say that it's a lie,

but the day I mislead you is the day that I die,

and since I'm still here, I'd say that it's true;

Everything good has nothing on blue.

 

Arrow & Bow

 

Chapter 2

 

 

Twenty minutes later the doorbell rang. Or so I was told. I didn't hear it. I was blow drying my hair. But according to the screams of my sister through my cell phone, she had indeed rung the bell.

 

I was lucky I had brought my phone in to the bathroom with me. I am terrified to know what would have happened if I had not heard either the bell nor the phone.

 

I hurried out and threw open the door. My sister raised her eyebrow at me as she led Madison inside. I then remembered that I hadn't put on a shirt yet. I also hadn't had the time to clean the place up properly, like I had wanted.

 

There was an enormous pile of dishes in the sink, magazines scattered all over every table, and crumbs on the floor. She looked around and narrowed her eyes. This was a warning sign for all nearby to steer clear. Like I said before, I loved my sister, but she could be a real terror when she was angry.

 

I hastily spoke to avoid an explosion. "I'm sorry Sarah. This was a last minute thing and I didn't have time to clean up." She was clearly not satisfied with this response, but she decided to let it go, maybe considering the current situation.

 

She looked into my eyes. "I will be back as soon as I can." She turned to Madison and leaned down to meet her eyes as well. "Be good honey, okay?"

 

'I will mommy," she replied in her sweet little voice. She waved goodbye with one tiny hand and tightly gripped her favorite stuffed animal in the other. It was a gray bunny with long floppy ears. Thus it was named Floppy.

 

"I am going to go play with Floppy Uncle Jonny. You can play too, but you have to be nice. Miss Kim says that we always have to play nice."

 

Miss Kim was Madison's preschool teacher. I had only met her a couple of times before, when picking Madison up from school if Sarah couldn't. For some reason I got strange vibes form her, but Madison seemed to love her, so I didn't think much of it.

 

"No, that's okay sweetie. I have to clean this place up!" I gestured towards the giant mess that was my apartment.

 

"And put clothes on!" she giggled, pointed to my bare chest.

 

I leaned down and ruffled her hair. "Yes, that too," I said with a laugh. "Now why don't you go into the guest room and play?"

 

"Okay!" she replied exuberantly. I smiled as she ran out of the main room and down the hall. She was full of more life than anyone else I knew.

 

An hour later the place actually looked decent. You could see the bottom of the sink, and the tops of the tables, and the floor was crumb free. Then it was time to find myself a shirt.

 

I made my way down the hall to my bedroom, the last door. I grabbed the first shirt I could find and put it on. The clothing situation resolved, I went to check on Madison. She ran up to me, carrying the worn rabbit.

 

"Uncle Jonny!" she yelled excitedly, running up to me. "I fixed Floppy! I made him all better!"

 

I noticed then that Floppy's arms and legs had some sort of bandages covering them. I feigned a look of shock. "I didn't know Floppy was sick!"

 

"Oh yes," she replied in a serious voice. "He was sick like daddy is sick. But I healed him, so he is all better now. So daddy is going to be healed, too." Her face was so sweet and innocent.

 

I smiled, filled with love. "Of course he will be, sweetie. In no time at all."

 

"How long is no time at all?"

 

I chuckled. Then I thought for a moment. I had to get her mind off of her father. There was no reason for her to have to worry, she was too young for that.

 

"I have an idea. Why don't we go to the park today, huh? Would you like that? It's a warm and sunny day."

 

"How would you know?" she questioned boldly. "You never leave the apartment."

 

"What?" I said, trying to contain my laughter. "Who told you that?"

 

"Mommy did."

 

I rolled my eyes. "I should've known. But does this mean you don't want to go to the park?"

 

Her eyes widened. "No, no! I wanna go!" she cried.

 

"Then come on. We should go right away. The more fun you have, the sooner your mom will be back to pick you up. In fact, she might even be at the door waiting by the time we return!"

 

"Yay!" she yelled, jumping up and down. "But can I bring Floppy?"

 

"Of course. Now come on." I grabbed the hand that wasn't holding the stuffed animal and together we went down the stairs and out the door to the city streets below. I

 

had been right. Well, partially right anyways. It was a very sunny day. The sky was a deep, clear blue. But it was chilly. There was a crisp breeze that blew strongly every now and then.

 

I remembered that it was no longer summer anymore. It was so easy to forget these things, without any trees around to demonstrate the time of year with the state of their leaves.

 

We made our way precariously through the endless city crowds. Madison skipped beside me, to keep up with my long strides. She sung a little nonsensical tune to herself and sung the rabbit back and forth. Her long, fair blonde hair seemed to dance behind her, and it took flight whenever the next gust of wind hit.

 

Everyone in my family liked to say that she looked like me, but I begged to differ. She was the spitting image of Sarah. I had blonde hair as well, but it was curly and not nearly so fine.

 

But maybe it was the eyes that made people think this. She had the same bright green eyes that I did, the only feature that I had ever really cherished in myself. But they were far more expressive than mine were.

 

Her personality was all Sarah. She was audacious and outgoing. She was also very intelligent. Her eyes clearly showed that. It was not easy to pull one over on her. This worried me, at least then. There was a limit to how long I could continue to keep her in the dark about Jackson, if things came to that.

 

I hoped with all my strength that whatever was wrong was easily curable. I was thinking so hard that I didn't notice we had reached the park until I felt a pull on my left arm. Madison had stopped walking.

 

"Aren't we here?" she asked. She said it with confidence that she was right. This made me smile.

 

"Yes, it is. I don't know what I was thinking."

 

"You are so silly Uncle Jonny. I am going to go play now."

 

"Alright," I said. "Be careful!" I called out. I hoped my words of warning had not been lost on her, as she was already running towards the playground.

 

I shook my head. I had no idea where this energy came from. I admired it. I sat down on a nearby bench to keep an eye on her. It was difficult though, because the park was crowded. I ended up just hoping that nothing would happen to her.

 

A few minutes passed and I finally spotted her.. She was running again. I realized she was running towards me. Her eyes were wide. Once she got closer, I recognized with relief that they looked more interested than fearful.

 

"Uncle Jonny, come quick!" She screeched excitedly. She grabbed my hand and began trying to drag me off the bench.

 

I laughed heartily. "Hold on a minute Maddie, what is it?"

 

"I had to hide from some kids, 'cuz we were playin' hide and seek. And I tried to hide in that tunnel." She pointed to it. "But there was a strange man inside of it!"

 

Her eyes widened further and she looked as though it was the most astounding thing ever. I frowned, and thoughts of creeps immediately came to mind. I quickly got up and followed her to the tunnel.

 

 

Arrow & Bow

 

Chapter 3

 

 

She ran right up to it. I was close behind. I gently took her by the arm.

 

"Wait here," I instructed. I stepped in front of her protectively. Cautiously, I peered inside the piece of equipment. It was dark, but I saw the silhouette of a man inside.

 

He was sitting with his knees close to his chest, and he was hugging them. My first thoughts were that he looked like more like a scared child than a grown man.

 

"Hey," I said quietly. He didn't respond, or even do anything that showed he recognized my presence. For a brief moment I wondered if he was even alive.

 

I hesitantly reached out and lightly touched his shoulder. It felt warm enough to belong to a living person. Gently I shook the man. Finally he moved. Actually, moved is an understatement. He jumped.

 

He jumped and hit his head. Then he scooted backwards in a panic. He must have been asleep and thus disoriented, because he fell right out of the tunnel and onto the ground.

 

I walked around to the other side. Finally I got a good look at him. The first thing noticed were his eyes. They were large and blue. Although the largeness of them surely had something to do with the terrified look his face expressed.

 

His face was dirty. His clothes looked dirty too. I couldn't tell if he was too thin or if his clothing was simply too baggy. His shoes looked like they had been on the feet of a person who had run about a thousand marathons. I realized with a pang of sympathy that he was probably homeless.

 

It was naive of me, but after this once over of him I just could not picture him as being any kind of pervert. Of course, in time, I realized that my then crazy assumption had been correct-he was no pervert. But let's stick with the past for now.

 

There was one thing that kept me from fully believing he was a homeless man. He was strangely clean shaven. There was not a trace of stubble on his chin, and his hair was cut to a short length. Not at all what you would expect in a person who could not even afford a place to live.

 

I kindly reached my hand out to him, to pull him off the ground. He didn't take it though. He just started at it like it was a foreign object. I tried a different

approach.

 

"It's alright, I do not want to harm you. I just want to help you," I spoke soothingly.

 

He just shook his head at me. "I don't need any assistance, no indeed. I am fine, yes, perfectly fine, I am."

 

He spoke so quickly that I could barely make out the words. I saw his fingers tap ferociously on the ground every time he uttered a syllable. With a good deal of pity, I realized he was probably crazy. But yet, all the while his eyes stared at me straight on, and I detected a good deal of intelligence in them.

 

"Mr. you are crazy!" Madison exclaimed, suddenly popping up by my side. I quickly tried to shush her. But there was never any way to reign in her childlike brashness.

 

To my great surprise, the man just laughed, in a quiet yet friendly manner. "I am not crazy," he remarked with a twinkle in his eye. His speech was much slower and more relaxed as he spoke to her, and his eyes showed no trace of fear.

 

"Oh but you are!" she argued. "You were living in this tunnel. A tunnel is not a place for a man to live, silly! It is a place for children to play, like me!" She smiled a smug little kid's smile to let this man know that she was right.

 

The man just winked. "I do not live in this tunnel. I do not live anywhere. I just am."

"You're crazy!" she exclaimed. She laughed, clearly thrilled by the strangeness of this man.

 

"What's your name?" he asked.

 

He spoke as if he were speaking to someone with a prominent position in society. That was something I liked immediately. Most adults treated Madison like they would treat any other child; like she was an insignificant being with no real thoughts or opinions.

 

"My name is Madison," she stated proudly. "But sometimes it is Maddie."

 

"Ahh, a lovely name. You could be the first woman president, with a name like that."

 

His eyes sparkled and he smiled genuinely. Madison was positively glowing after hearing this. She was too stunned to even speak, which was quite a rarity.

 

The man looked towards the sky. "You should go and play, Maddie. Don't waste your time with me, the sun will be setting soon.

 

"Okay," she replied happily. She looked to me for approval. I nodded, and off she ran. As soon as she left, I saw the man return to his former state of anxiety. He looked up at me with true fear. I gave him a small smile.

 

"You seem to have a real way with kids," I noted.

 

"Yes, yes I do, I do," he stuttered.

 

"Listen," I told him. "I am her uncle. I appreciate the way you treated her. Not many adults would have treated a child with that much respect. At the word adults he looked forlornly up to the sky.

 

"Most adults are horrid," he stated sadly.

 

"That is true," I admitted. "But I can assure you, I am not one of them. There is no need to be afraid."

 

"I didn't mean to give you that impression. Adults have always made me nervous."

 

"That's alright," I said with a friendly laugh. "They make me nervous sometimes too."

 

The man finally allowed himself a smile in my direction. He stood and began to crawl back into the tunnel.

 

"Hey," I said softly. "Why don't you come stay with me for tonight? I am sure you would love a nice bed and a shower."

 

"No, no," he said, shaking his head viciously. "No home is my home."

 

I had no idea what he could mean. But I didn't have the time for him right then, as awful as that sounds. It was getting late, and I thought Sarah would surely be back to pick Madison up by now.

 

So I just shrugged in reply, letting him go back to his odd position inside the playground equipment. I called Madison over and we made our way back to the apartment.

 

However, Sarah was not there when we arrived. But the answering machine on my phone was blinking. I hurried to check it. The message was less than encouraging, and did nothing to ease my worries. If anything, it increased them.

 

 

 

Cake.

 

 

"Chris, pick up the damn phone..." Will hummed to himself. He crossed his small kitchen in a few strides, then stopped at the window and crossed it again.

 

"Will!"

 

"Chris."

 

"What?"

 

"I think you know what, mate," he stressed the last word as if he were talking about a skunk.

 

"Um...no, no...I don't follow. What?" Chris's voice was thick with confusion.

 

"You stole my cake."

 

"Cake? What cake?"

 

"The cake I put in the fridge for Marianne's birthday, you &!@$, that cake!"

 

"I did not steal that cake, Champion!" Chris snapped defensively. "Just because I'm the one with the food stealing record, it doesn't mean that you can simply accuse me with no evidence..."

 

"Hi, Will!" called Guy, who had just walked in.

 

"Take your boots off, you're tracking snow!" hissed Will in reply.

 

Guy recoiled and slunk away, mumbling.

 

"Don't think you can get away with this, Chris. Chris? Chris!"

No answer.

 

"Damned effing son of a--"

 

"What the hell are you going on about?" Guy whined.

 

"Chris ate my cake!"

 

"What cake?"

 

"The one I left in the fridge for Marianne's birthday."

 

"Oh..." Guy's voice was weak. "Really? What kind of cake was it?"

 

"Red velvet."

 

Will thought he heard a strangled squeak in the other room. When he strode in to investigate, it was empty.

 

 

 

Waves

Part ONE.

 

 

 

Chris screamed, clutching his chest as he tried to push the beam off of his chest. The fire continued to burn through the house. Chris cried out again.

"Moses" he shouted, tears streaming down his face as he gained the strength to push the beam off of himself. Standing up tall, Chris screamed his son's name once more. His bedroom wall was now falling down. "No!" Chris screamed, repeating the word several times before collapsing to the floor. His eyes closed.

 

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

 

"Daddy!" Moses said, poking his fathers eye. Chris's eyes opened, he smiled as he stared at his son.

 

"Moses" he said, raising his hand to clasp his son's

 

"I love you Daddy"

 

"I love you too. Where is Mummy?" Chris asked, squirming.

 

"Cofifee"

 

Chris laughed before laying back down and thinking.

 

"Moses, can you go and get your Mum for me, please?"

 

Moses ran out of the room, Chris sighed, clutching his chest and beginning to cough. A few minutes later Gwyneth walked into the room.

 

"You idiot!" Gwyneth exclaimed, throwing a pillow at Chris before bursting into tears and giving Chris a hug. "Why the hell didn't you tell me that you were staying in Guy's house? Does he even know?"

 

"No he doesn't. I'm sorry"

 

"So...did you have surgery or something?"

 

"Yeah. Last night"

 

"I'm guessing that it went well...

 

"Yeah. Yes It did" Chris said, pausing to think. "Gwyneth. I'm leaving you"

 

 

 

ahhh, remember good old A Bright Spark?

well...

A Heavy Heart

Chapter One

 

 

Devon stood frozen with the note in his hand. It was morning, but early morning, and Franky was still laying in his bed, dead asleep. A single beam of sunlight fell through the otherwise blocked window and rested neatly on Franky's peacefully unconscious face. Devon watched him silently for a short time, completely in disbelief that this was actually happening.

 

Every ten seconds a nurse would pester Devon to hurry, because his father was waiting for him outside. The last reminder he received was the most urgent, almost to a frightening point, and so he took one more look at the note. He didn't have time to write another one, especially not with the impatient nurse on his back. Nearly absentmindedly, Devon slipped the paper under Franky's pillow.

 

“See you later, man,” Devon whispered before he left. But he looked back before he was totally gone, and he knew that would be the last time he ever saw Franky.

 

Devon's father was indeed waiting for him outside, though he didn't seem bothered by the length of time his son had taken to meet him. Devon slid into the car, his bags already packed in the trunk, and just stared at his father. His father stared back, too, and it was almost as if he they were finally reuniting through silence. Devon could tell by the harsh line his father's drawn eyebrows created that his father wasn't all too sure what to make of Devon's new personality. It even seemed as though he thought Devon hadn't changed at all.

 

Nevertheless, he wasn't in any mood to argue with medical professionals, so after his evaluation of Devon he started up the car and drove off from the hospital. Neither man said a word the entire trip home. The silence was awkward at some points; for Devon it was the most awkward, though for his father it was more displeasing than anything else.

 

Three hours later, the sun was much higher in the sky- though not quite halfway just yet- as the car slowly pulled into the driveway of a big, blue house. Sitting on the porch was a dark-haired girl, who Devon immediately identified as Kirsten. She was holding a baby in her arms, and Devon guessed that it was probably his nephew. He had heard through letters received from his family and friends that Kirsten had delivered without any severe problems, and that she had also decided to keep the baby and raise it herself, with the help of her parents, of course. Devon hadn't been informed of much else, not even the gender of the baby, but its all-blue wardrobe basically confirmed it to be a boy.

 

“Hey, look, Ty,” Devon heard Kirsten whisper as he walked up the stairs. “It's your Uncle Devon.”

 

“Please, don't start calling me that,” Devon groaned. Kirsten looked up and laughed, and it was then that Devon noticed how much she had changed in a year. She looked so much older, and he suspected that it could have been because she was a mother now, though he didn't really know if that meant anything at all.

 

“Fine, I won't. Don't you want to see your nephew?” She held out her arms and carefully transferred the baby over to Devon. He was oddly surprised at how light the baby was, even though it wasn't surprising considering the baby was only a few months old. “His name is Ty.”

 

“Like Tyler?”

 

Kirsten shook her head a little, and in a diffident voice said, “Like Tyrone.” Devon's face immediately cleared of any and all expressions as he tried to process this information. It took a while, but eventually he returned with a slightly dissatisfied look.

 

“Oh. Well, at least Ty's not so bad.” He looked down at the cute little baby resting in his arms. Ty had a tiny, round nose, big, blue eyes, and jet black curls. Though his analysis was hardly worth anything, Devon guessed that the nose and black hair were Kirsten's, and the eyes and curls were Chris's. Though he wholeheartedly disapproved of Chris's involvement in the creation of the human in his arms, Devon had to admit that the combination of Chris and Kirsten seemed to produce a rather adorable little creature.

 

As soon as Ty started crying, Devon gave him back to Kirsten, then finally walked inside his house. For the first time in a whole year- a little over a year, technically- he was finally coming home. Once he was standing in front of the doorway, he stopped to breathe in everything that he'd been missing. Every single thing about the place seemed so different and distant to him, and he reasoned that it was probably because he was looking at everything as a different person. He really had changed in the past year, and he sincerely believed it was for the better.

 

His room was much cleaner than he remembered it being. He suspected that his mother might have one day cleaned it, probably for no real reason other than maybe out of boredom. But he was certainly glad.

 

It was at this time that Devon felt he was much too excited to be back to even try to get some rest, as he had planned to do, and instead decided that he would go visit Jonathan. He had promised to meet up with Jonathan as soon as he got home, anyway. And he was even more enthusiastic, as Jonathan had informed Devon of some sort of surprise that he had.

 

When Devon knocked on the door, he didn't really expect Jonathan to answer so quickly. But he did, and for a while they were both speechless. So many memories passed of the last time they had seen each other, the last time they had talked in person, and once the recollections began to die down, Devon and Jonathan shared the hug of old wartime buddies.

 

“What's the surprise?” Devon asked in his straight-forward manner after he and Jonathan had finished with their big reuniting. Jonathan's face lit up at this, almost as if he had forgotten about it until just now.

 

“Just a minute, you'll see.” It was actually a bit longer than a minute, but as neither of the boys were wearing a watch and they both new it was just a figure of speech, the reality of the amount of time passed was relative.

 

The door opened, and Devon honestly expected that it would be Penny. But he was deeply let down to find that it wasn't Penny at all. Not even close. It was Chris.

 

“Hi, Devon,” he nervously said. He watched Devon for just a second, then gave a fake smile. “Good to see you're doing well.”

 

“This is the surprise?” Devon asked, unmoved by Chris's appearance. Jonathan nodded.

 

“Chris lives with us now.”

 

“He lives with you?”

 

Chris held up his hand to interrupt. “My parents don't like me anymore,” he said. “They kicked me out.” Devon didn't really care, but he was confused by the smile plastered on Chris's face. Generally, people aren't happy about things like that.

 

“...Why?” Chris opened his mouth in surprise- actually, like he'd forgotten something, and then he looked to Jonathan, cleared his throat, and puffed up his chest. Devon was growing a little impatient, as he just wanted a plain answer.

 

“Devon,” Chris started, still smiling and sounding rather excited, “I'm gay.”

 

Devon's eyebrows raised further than he thought they ever could, almost buried in his hair, and his eyes widened a lot. Sure, he had known about Chris and Jonathan's past, but he had always sort of thought- or hoped- that they had just been lying or yanking his chain.

 

“Chris likes coming out to people,” Jonathan said. Chris nodded his head in agreement.

 

“It's fun to see their reactions. Like, I get this,” he pointed his finger in Devon's face, “a lot. Actually, most people respond that way. But some people laugh.” His mouth twitched a little as he continued, “My parents laughed.”

 

“Are you two still...” Devon trailed off, as he figured they would know what he was talking about. Jonathan shook his head. “So, you have, like, some other... boyfriend or something.”

 

“Uh, not at the moment,” Chris said, slightly disappointed. Then there was a short silence, which Jonathan decided to fill in.

 

“You're not gonna get much else out of him,” he said. “He won't even tell me who he likes.”

 

“Because I don't want to jinx it!” Chris exclaimed.

 

“Yeah, whatever. It's not like I don't already know who.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Chris raised his eyebrows, expecting a lame answer, and Jonathan mocked him.

 

“James.”

 

Chris bugged his eyes out and shrieked, “Shut up!” His face was turning a bit red, which Devon could see when Chris looked back at him. “Anyway, Jonathan has a girlfriend now.”

 

There was something remarkably similar to relief in Devon's voice as he asked, “Really?”

 

“Yeah, her name's Angelica,” Jonathan replied.

 

“Is she hot?” Jonathan laughed and shrugged his shoulders.

 

“I guess.” Devon felt it only fair that he should laugh now.

 

“What do you mean, 'I guess?' Either she's hot or she's not,” he said. “Do you think she's hot?”

 

“I think she's pretty,” Jonathan answered. “What does it matter, anyway? It's her personality that I like.”

 

“If you ask me,” Chris, who had been practically daydreaming, discreetly said, “she looks quite a bit like Kirsten.”

 

“Chris,” Jonathan snapped, as if to say that Chris was being ridiculous. Chris just shrugged and mumbled something about truth.

 

“Speaking of Kirsten, I assume you saw her at some point?” Chris asked, and Devon nodded. “How's Ty doing?”

 

“Fine, I guess... why do you care, again?”

 

“Oh, well, when Kirsten decided she wanted to keep the baby, she also decided that she wanted him to know his dad, so... yeah,” Chris replied. “Is she coming over, do you know?”

 

“No, I don't know.”

 

Suddenly, the door opened, and Penny quickly said, “Chris,” and held her hand out, which was holding onto a phone. “It's for you.”

 

Chris grabbed the phone, held it up to his ear, and answered, “Hello?” Then he smiled like mad and chirped, “Hi, James!... No, why?... Yeah, of course... OK, I'll just be waiting outside...Bye!” He turned off the phone, and Jonathan and Devon looked at him expectantly. “James is picking me up and we're going to the mall,” he coolly said.

 

“So, James is gay, too?” Devon asked. Chris nodded. “Interesting.”

 

“Listen, Devon, I know you don't approve,” he honestly said. “But I don't care what you think, because this is who I am. Besides, I get teased enough, anyway. I've kinda become immune to it.”

 

“Oh, yeah, a lot of people know about you, huh?”

 

“Mm-hmm. Oh, but we,” he motioned to Jonny, “don't go to ECS anymore. We're going to public school now.” He leaned forward a bit and whispered, “It's got a lot better looking guys.”

 

“Well, thank you for letting me know,” Devon sarcastically replied. “I was worried.”

 

Chris narrowed his eyes at Devon and Jonathan asked, “Are you going back to ECS?”

 

Devon gave a dry laugh and said, “I don't think they'll want me back there.”

 

“Good point,” Jonathan laughed. “You could come to our school, then.”

 

“Ha! Yeah, and walk around seeing pretty boy here making out with that James kid all the time?” Jonathan twisted up his mouth and Devon's offensiveness. Devon didn't think he was being offensive, though, at least not to Jonathan. He was merely trying to insult Chris. “It'll probably happen, though.”

 

Chris, who'd been staring at the ground, shot his head up. “What, you coming to school with us? Or-” Chris soon realized how embarrassingly dumb he sounded, and his face turned red as he went back to watching his shoes. “I should go get ready.”

 

He abruptly spun around and marched back inside. A silence was left to hang in the air between Devon and Jonathan, but there was nothing weird or awkward about it. In fact, they had encountered many of these types of silences during their friendship, so it was more than normal to both of them.

 

Instead, Devon silently vented to Jonathan, who seemed to nod every now and then. It was possible that Devon was just imagining this, but it made him feel better, like Jonathan was actually listening.

 

“So, why don't you two go to ECS anymore?” Devon asked to break the silence.

 

“Well, my mum can't afford to send me now that my father's gone. She got a job, but it doesn't pay nearly enough,” he replied, sighing a bit. “And Chris's parents are off pretending he doesn't exist, so.”

 

Much to his dismay, Devon felt a little bad hearing Jonathan talk about Chris, and he even considered referring to his emotion as sympathy. “It's tough for him?”

 

“Yeah. He doesn't like to show it, but I know he doesn't have it easy, and he takes a lot of crap for being so open about it.”

 

“Then why is he? So open about it, I mean. He doesn't have to tell people.”

 

Jonathan shrugged. “But he hates hiding it. More than he hates people disliking him.”

 

The door opened again, and Chris returned his presence to the other two boys. In the amount of time that he had been missing, he'd managed to change his outfit into something he found more suitable- a nice, plain black shirt that was skin-tight. Devon cringed a little at the sight of it.

 

“So,” Chris said. “Anything interesting happen while I was gone?”

“Yeah,” Devon sneered, “Jon decided that he was going to convert to Hinduism, and then a giant meteor fell from the sky and killed us all.”

 

Chris didn't say anything to Devon, but he turned to Jonathan and said, “Jay, you killed us with your religion.”

 

“I'm sorry,” Jonathan laughed. There was suddenly an engine sounding behind the boys, and Chris craned his neck to see past Devon.

 

“Bye, guys!” he spewed before sprinting to the car that was in the driveway. Along the way, he nearly lost his balance and tripped over one of the loose rocks lining the grass, but was luckily spared of any physically damaging embarrassment.

 

He was in the car so quickly that it almost looked like he slid right through the door. James blinked at the solid phantom, who was beaming and spilling enthusiasm all over the interior of the car. Then he flashed a smile of his own, and casually said, “Hey.”

 

“Hey!” Chris excitedly repeated. He quickly looked around, searching for the perfect thing to say out of a long list of potential candidates. “Thanks for inviting me.”

 

“Well, thank you for coming along.” Chris nodded happily, and within seconds they were bustling down the road in James's dirty old car. It was a hand-me-down from his parents, but it still worked fine, even if it didn't look so appealing on the outside.

 

The mall was filled with people, as expected, but not filled to the point of suffocation. There were enough people in there that it was certainly not empty, but also enough that Chris was able to skip and spin around without hitting anyone. James walked behind him, laughing at Chris's ridiculous bubbliness, all the while being thoroughly entertained.

 

They stopped in one of the stores nearby, a clothes store meant specifically for teens who tried to look much cooler than they actually were. They mostly went in there to ridicule the place.

 

“Wait,” James said, raising his hand to stop Chris from taking off the hat he was wearing. “That actually doesn't look half-bad.”

 

“Seriously?” Chris laughed, blushing a little.

 

“Yeah...” James turned to his side, where a rack of scarves was resting. He picked out a long, black one and carefully examined it. Chris watched him, and was somehow surprised when James moved forward and wrapped the scarf around Chris's neck. He tried to control his breathing while James was so close, but he was having immense difficulty doing so.

 

Once the scarf was securely around Chris, James moved and steered Chris over to the nearest mirror. “What do you think?” he quietly asked.

 

Chris tried his hardest to focus on his own reflection and not James's. “Ehh, I don't know,” he indecisively replied. He turned his head to the side, as if that would better his view of the hat, and couldn't help noticing that his cheeks were rather red.

 

“You should get 'em,” James said. Chris made an uninterested noise, and James tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. “I'll buy them for you.”

 

“No, you don't have to do that.” Chris turned and realized just how close James was standing. “Really, I'm just not sure that I like it.”

 

“Nonsense.” James yanked the hat off Chris's head, and in one swift motion took the scarf, too. Chris protested frantically as James made his way to the back, where the checkout counter was, but to no avail. In a matter of minutes they were standing outside the store again, James shoving a plastic bag into Chris's hands.

 

“I can't believe you did that,” Chris said as he reluctantly grabbed the handles of the bag. The two boys began walking down towards some of the other stores. “I didn't even really want them.”

 

“Shut up! They looked good on you.” Chris sighed hopelessly and shook his head a little, his heart already pounding in his chest.

 

“I have to repay you, I hope you know that,” he said.

 

“You wanna repay me? Fine...” James paused for a moment to think. “OK. Friday night, go out with me.”

 

Chris nearly stopped walking; he could hardly believe what he was hearing. His eyes widened and he stuttered a bit as he replied, “Go out- like a date?”

 

James laughed and gave a tiny smile. “Yeah.”

 

“OK!” Chris grinned breathlessly. “Wow, I've never actually been on a real date before... uh, with a guy.”

 

“You've been on dates with girls?” James asked with no other reply to use.

 

“Yeah... too many. Of course, my parents forced me to,” Chris added. “They didn't know... Well, I mean, I didn't even know then.”

 

“My mum still doesn't know. I feel like I should tell her.” James narrowed his eyes for a bit, then shrugged. “I guess she'll find out eventually.”

 

“Do you want her to know?” Chris politely asked. He started to absentmindedly twirl around the bag in his hand.

 

“Well... yeah.”

 

“Then maybe you should tell her.”

 

James waited for quite a while before speaking again. When he finally did, he started off by heaving a great sigh and decisively saying, “I will.” Then he looked at Chris and his face lit up. “I'll tell her, and I'll tell her about you.”

 

“Good luck,” Chris said, trying so hard to hide his overwhelming flush. He took a look down at the bag swinging from his arm and thought that maybe he would wear the hat and scarf every once in a while. And Friday night seemed like a great opportunity to do so.

 

 

For Rachel, who's enthusiasm is greatly appreciated:kiss:

 

Arrow & Bow

 

Chapter 4

 

 

I sat down in my only kitchen chair and rubbed my face. It was just like my sister to leave me without so much information, yet at the same time manage to worry me further.

 

All the message had said was that Jackson needed to get some more tests, because the doctors weren't sure about something or other, and something was off, and could I please watch Madison for the night? She promised to be back in the morning to pick her up for preschool.

 

Not in the mood to talk, I texted her on her cell phone, letting her know that of course I would watch Madison for the night. I snapped my phone shut and sighed. Now I had a real problem on my hands. I had no idea what I was going to tell Madison. She was so clever, and already I knew she suspected something was amiss. I considered a few options.

 

I could refrain from telling her anything at all. Immediately after thinking this I rolled my eyes at myself. There was no way in hell that would ever work on Madison. She was far too inquisitive. I thought some more.

 

I could tell her that things were fine, and that Sarah only needed to stay while Jackson got a few more tests. She might buy that, I thought.

 

Or I could tell her the truth. I thought of her sweet face. No, that was definitely out. I would not hurt her that way. I decided on option two.

 

I approached her quietly. She was watching tv. "Maddie?"

 

"What Uncle Jonny?" She sounded so happy and so innocent. It killed me to lie to her almost as much as it would to tell her the truth.

 

"Your mom had to stay at the hospital a little bit longer. They are doing some more tests on your dad. She will pick you up in the morning for school."

 

"Okay," she responded quietly. She hugged her stuffed animal close. "Uncle Jonny, is daddy really going to be okay?"

 

"Yes, of course," I replied instantly. I gave her a large, confident smile. I wished I had felt as confident as I had acted. But something the tone in Sarah's voice on the phone had really worried me. I could only hope that what I had told Madison was the truth.

 

She smiled back at me. It seems she was still young enough to be fooled by my words. But just to make sure she didn't dwell on things, I came up with a distraction. "I think it's time for some dinner, huh? What do you think?"

 

"That depends," she responded craftily. "Will it be pizza?"

 

I laughed. "I think that can be arranged."

 

Twenty minutes later we kneeled around my living room table, surrounding a box of pizza. A slice was in each of our hands, and we enjoyed the numbing affects of television as we ate.

 

Well, Madison looked sincerely entertained by the program. I was the one who was being numbed. I tried my hardest no to think, not to worry. It was difficult at first, but the smiles and giggles of my only niece worked their magic on me as well and I had soon all but forgotten my problems for the time being.

 

Once we were filled with pizza, Madison decided she wanted to play a game. I searched my cluttered closet and managed to pull out some old board games. We must have played all of them at least six times until Madison finally fell asleep, sprawled on the floor.

 

I gently picked her up and carried her to the spare bedroom. I covered her with blankets and rubbed her head. I desperately hoped that there would be nothing but good news tomorrow, for her sake.

 

I then retired to my own bedroom. It was still early for me, but there was nothing to do. And sleep seemed like an ideal option for forgetting my worries. I laid on my bed and sooner than I thought I would, I drifted into slumber.

 

But it didn't last long. A little past midnight the ring of the telephone woke me. I stumbled blindly out of bed to answer it before it woke up Madison as well.

 

It was the call I had been anxiously awaiting and yet dreading at the same time. Sarah was finally calling to inform me of the situation. I sighed with relief as I heard her voice, but it was short lived. She didn't even say hello.

 

"Jonny," she said with a rush, "it's bad news."

 

She needn't have told me, it was obvious. She never hurried through her conversations, and she never called me Jonny. Clearly something was wrong. I remember feeling my stomach sink. "What is it?" I asked shakily.

 

It was a reflex response; I didn't actually want to know. I wanted to hang up the phone and pretend like this brief conversation had never happened. But wants and needs are entirely different things altogether, and I knew that needed to know what was going on.

 

"The doctors...they're still running tests, but they say he might have cancer." She choked on the last word and I almost dropped the phone. I resisted the urge to stupidly repeat the awful word.

 

For a while both ends of the line were silent. Not even my talkative sister had anything else to say. But what was there to say, really? That everything was going to be fine? That wasn't true, and we both knew it. Not if Jackson did indeed have cancer. We didn't have the will to try and fool each other.

 

"What kind of cancer?" I finally asked. I am sure that my tone must have resembled a man being strangled to Sarah; it certainly did to me.

 

"Brain," she whispered. "I have to go now. The doctors will be here to explain the results soon." Her tone was emotionless and distant. "Tomorrow morning I will be there to pick up Maddie." Then she hung up the phone.

 

I hung up too and stared at nothing in particular. I walked slowly back to my room, not allowing myself to think anything about what might happen. I just replayed one thing in my mind over and over.

 

I couldn't tell Madison anything. I could tell that Sarah didn't want her to know, and frankly I didn't want her to know either. Not until the doctors had a positive cancer diagnosis. And if they did? I asked myself. If they did, I thought, we would have to decide the best way to shatter a little girl's happiness.

 

 

 

What Does It Mean Falling In Love

 

Chapter 4 : The date

 

 

If you think that Guy looks like Barney from How I met your mother, it's what I wanted to do. I really love this show and imagine Guy exclaiming "suit up" make me laugh... So, I let you read :)

 

Chapter 4 « The Date"»

 

Guy didn’t just help Chris for his request to Jonny. Indeed, he decided to help Chris preparing himself for his date. Consequently, he came to Chris’ house around 11AM on the next friday.

 

« I’m feeling as I am a girl. » Chris noticed while Guy was looking at his clothes.

 

« That’s you asked me to help. » Guy reminded him. « And even it sounds girly, you have nothing to wear. »

 

« What ? Is it so desperate ? » Chris exclaimed.

 

« Not desperate. Pathetic. » Guy admitted.

 

Chris stared at him with big suprised eyes. Guy was right, he didn’t had good clothes… Maybe he had never thought about it before. Chris looked at Guy searching something in the deep of his cupboard but he didn’t get anything. Guy sighed and turned back to his friend, looking pensive. Suddenly, he grinned, as he had found the best idea ever.

 

« That’s it ! » he exclaimed « I’m gonna back home and bring the most beautiful cloth in the world. »

 

« Tell me more Guy, I’m afraid. » Chris confessed.

 

« Don’t worry, you’ll be wonderful ! »

 

Guy kept smiling while Chris was looking at him, curiously. Guy’s idea could be really scary.

 

« I won’t let you go before you tell me your idea. » Chris warned.

 

« Ok ok, keep calm ! » Guy said. « But you should love my idea… It’s gonna be legendary ! »

 

« Guy ! »

 

« Well… Suit up ! » Guy exclaimed, proud of him.

 

Chris looked at him with big surprised eyes again. A… Suit ? For his date with Jonny ? But it sounded weird… Totally weird and inappropriate !

 

« Are you serious ? » Chris asked.

 

« For sure ! I’ve never joked about suits you know. »

 

« Oh I know, I know. »

 

Indeed, Chris already noticed that Guy loved wearing a suit for special events. Suit was like a religion for him and he would never joked about it.

 

« But I can’t wear a suit ! » Chris said. « I remind you that I’m gonna walk through London’s streets. »

 

« Hey, that’s not because you’re gonna walk that you shoudn’t be chic and sexy ! » Guy told.

 

« Oh my God Guy, you’re turning into a girl ! » Chris warned.

 

« You’re an idiot, suit is the best thing ever. You’ve gotta wear it. »

 

« Maybe for another date but it’s the first one and I don’t want my date to think I’m a presumptuous guy who wears a suit… That’s not my style. »

 

Guy looked at Chris for a long time and he resigned himself. He saw his friend was determined and he couldn’t change his point of view.

 

« Well… Let’s look for something else. »

 

« Thanks. » Chris said, relieved.

 

During the next hour, Guy helped Chris to find a cloth They choose black jeans and blue shirts, something classical but, as for Guy, chic as well. Around 1PM, Guy left Chris to join another unknown girl and his friend decided to go to Covent Garden in advance. He took the Underground and sat in a bench when he reached the date’s place. Near to him, a band was playing a Madonna’s cover, a jazz version of « Like a virgin » which sounded very nice.

 

Chris was loosing his thoughts away when he heard someone calling him. He looked up and see Jonny walking to him. He smiled and got up of the bench to great him.

 

« How are you doing ? » Jonny asked. « Have you been waiting for a long time ? »

 

« A few minutes. » Chris replied. « But luckily, it’s a sunny day and the band’s playing is really good. »

 

Jonny turned back to the band and was silent for a while, listening to their song.

 

« You’re right, they’re pretty good. »

 

« Do you wanna stay here for a little while and listen to them ? » Chris proposed « We could take a walk later. »

 

« It seems like a good idea. » Jonny approved.

 

Chris nodded and they both sat down on the bench, listening to the band. They started talking about music, again and their discussion went on during almost two hours.

 

Then, they left Covent Garden’s place and decided to took a walk around. They couldn’t do anything than talking and talking again. Any subject had been forgotten.

 

Chris had never spent such a great time with someone else. Sure he knew Guy and Phil for a long time now but that was not the same thing. His feelings were different but he loved them. Jonny was a really sweet person and he enjoyed their time together.

 

They were wlaking near to the Thames while the sun was disappearing behind the rooftops. Both had a smile stucked upon their faces, they seemed to be really happy and relaxed. They was hands in hands for a while and this movement became usual between them.

 

« I would like to tell you something. » Jonny said. « It could sound strange but I was relieved when you invited me for this great time. »

 

« Really ? » Chris questionned, surprised.

 

« Indeed. » Jonny nodded. « Well… » he hesitated before going on. « I had already noticed you when you went to the pub with your friends but I’ve never gone to talk to you… Maybe because I’m shy or something like that but I didn’t dare to come to you. »

 

 

Chris remained speachless after Jonny’s words. He thought that he was the only one of them who had hesitated to fix this date. He thought that Jonny was more confident in himself than him but he wasn't. Chris thought that it would be hard for Jonny to talk with another man when he didn’t know that his man loved others men. He understood more clearly and he thought it was sweet.

 

They were looking at each other, eye to eye, when the nearest church's bells interrupted them, announcing 7PM. Bells gave Jonny a start when he realized what time it was.

 

"Oh no, I've gotta work !" he exclaimed.

 

"But I thought it was your day off." Chris reminded.

 

"Yes my day off but not my night off." Jonny replied, embarrased. "I'd like staying with you but I have to go anyway."

 

Chris nodded, sadly. He knew that Jonny hadn'ta choice.

 

"So, I come with you to the tube station." Chris proposed.

 

"Fine." Jonny said.

 

They left the Thames for the nearest tube station and stopped walking for a while.

 

"Thanks for this great day." Jonny said, looking sincere.

 

"You're welcome." Chris replied, embarrased.

 

He didn't know what he should do and Jonny noticed that. So he took the initiative in saying goodbye to Chris. He came close to him and faltered before kissing him lightly. He didn't want to rush things, they had all their life now.

 

"I'll call you back." Jonny said, smiling.

 

"It's okay." Chris approved.

 

"See you soon."

 

Chris smiled and Jonny took one's leave him. Chris looked at him going away and head to the tube station to come back in Bloomsbury. He couldn't do anything than smiling. It was such a long time that he didn't feel so light. It was surely because of the love and Chris was convinced for something.

 

He wouldn't fought against this growing love.

 

 

The End.

 

Arrow & Bow

 

Chapter 5

 

 

As promised, Sarah was at my door bright and early to take Madison to preschool. Normally I wouldn’t have even bothered to get up, but I had been wide awake for the remainder of the night and there was really no point trying to get a few minutes of sleep when I would just have to get up for work soon afterwards.

 

Madison was perky that morning, even for her. She must have been excited and even a bit relieved to see her mother’s face. I often wondered just how much she picked up on.

 

I felt like she knew that something must be up once she learned that she would be staying overnight at my place. She skipped to the door when she heard the bell and was all smiles as Sarah pulled her in close for a hug.

 

As she did so, she glanced up at me. Our eyes locked for only a moment, but in that brief length of time I knew. Jackson had received his diagnosis. And it was definitely positive. I quickly averted my eyes from her gaze.

 

I couldn’t look at Madison either, for fear I would begin to tear up. This innocent, happy, sweet little girl was going to grow up without a father. And someone had to tell her about it.

 

“Thank you for watching her for me Jonathon.” I could tell she was being careful with her tone, trying to sound as normal as possible for Madison’s sake.

 

“Of course. You know I am always willing.”

 

“Yes, yes. Now I have to be off, the traffic this morning is terrible.”

 

I nodded. “Goodbye Maddie,” I said with as big of a smile as I could manage.

 

She waved in that endearing manner of hers. “Bye Uncle Jonny!” she exclaimed.

 

I waved back and closed the door in a hurry. I didn’t want her to see me cry. It was little things like that wave that made this new situation almost unbearable. But somehow I managed to hold it together and not a single tear fell from my eyes. I inhaled deeply and began to prepare for work.

 

Work. The word hung all around me like a bad omen. There was nothing I despised more than the mundane duties I performed at my endlessly dreary job. Some people fairly enjoy what they do for a living. But I must point out that the only reason I trudge the five blocks to the office I work in and sit in the uncomfortable chair within my cubicle is so that I can pay the bills and have something to eat once in a while.

 

Just as I had feared, work was even worse than usual that day. I couldn’t focus on anything. I didn’t stand out in any way at that office; I was no outstanding performer or a bright spark of life in an otherwise dreary building, or anything like that. But on that day people noticed me.

 

Even those people, who I have never spoken more than a few words to at any given time, recognized that I was not acting in my usually manner. My boss actually came up to me and suggested I take the rest of the day off. I didn’t have any objections to that.

 

I eagerly ended the day early and decided that I would take a walk. The sun was intense that afternoon but I didn’t care. I probably wandered something like five miles around the city.

 

Then I looked up from the sidewalk which I had been intensely staring at for some time and found that I had arrived at the park. I considered walking the short distance that spanned between the park and my apartment. But I was overheated and incredibly tired. I decided to take a short rest on one of the benches.

 

Not long after I sat down I noticed a strange figure on the far side of the park. The figure was crouched under a tree, and it appeared to be holding something. I decided to investigate. To this day I don’t know why I did. Maybe I was curious. Maybe I just wanted to see if the trees could provide me with any real protection from the unnatural autumn heat. Whatever the reason, I approached the figure.

 

When I got closer the figure gave off a vague familiarity. And from a few feet away I recognized it, and it was a him. It was the homeless man from the day before. Except now he was cradling some kind of instrument in his arms.

 

I cautiously walked closer, not wanting to startle him as I approached. He didn’t even glance up as I stood in front of him, blocking the sun’s rays from shining down on him and thus causing a shadow to be cast across his face.

 

It was a guitar. It looked old and was quite beaten up; a string or two was even missing from it. But it was a guitar all the same. And from the expression on the man’s face it was clear to me that the instrument was his one love in the world.

 

He wasn’t playing it. He was just holding it, occasionally stroking it with his fingertips. Never before had I seen anyone show so much affection for something, and even now I cannot think of any instance where I have.

 

“That is a fine looking guitar you have there,” I said with quiet admiration. He looked up at me and was startled; it seemed he didn’t recognize me right then. But I gave him a small smile and his eyes showed that he remembered me. I was surprised though; I hadn’t expected him to. I was pleased that he did.

 

“What brings you to these parts?” he asked in a quirky tone. It sounded like he was trying to imitate some kind of American accent, perhaps from one of those old Western movies. He was doing a horrible job of it. But he was funny, and I felt my weak smile transform into a grin.

 

“I was just taking a walk.”

 

“Walks are good for the soul,” he remarked. “Is that your profession?”

 

“What?”

 

“Is it your job to walk around? Like, do you get paid for it?”

 

“Erm….no, it’s not my job to walk.”

 

“Don’t most people work on Mondays?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then why aren’t you?”

 

Coming from most people I would have taken all those questions as being rude and nosy. But this man struck me as someone who was as innocently curious as Madison was. I decided to humor him.

 

“My boss let me leave early.”

 

He must have seen the relief on my features. “You don’t like your job do you?”

 

I was amazed by his powers of perception. “No, not really,” I admitted.

 

“This is my job,” he stated, gesturing towards the beat up guitar.

 

“You play guitar for a living?”

 

“Yes, yes, oh yes,” he answered enthusiastically.

 

“Where do you play?”

 

He ignored that question and instead decided to give me some advice. “You should get a job you like. It will help distract you next time something bad happens in your life.”

 

My eyes widened. I wondered how he could possibly tell that I had a terrible thing to deal with. But I didn’t ask that. Truthfully I was afraid of what the answer might be.

 

Instead, I asked “Will you play me something on the guitar?”

 

“No,” he replied firmly.

 

“Why not?”

 

He was adamant. “No, no, no! Nope, not a chance,” he replied with fervor. “You are not ready yet.”

 

“I’m not?”

 

“Come back when you are ready.”

 

But he didn’t wait for me to leave. He jumped up, cradled the guitar to his chest, and ran off. That is when I knew I had stumbled upon quite a unique personality. It was then that I was struck with the odd feeling that I had been given a gift. And I wondered what could be inside.

 

 

 

A Heavy Heart

Chapter Two

 

In the last few days of their winter break, Chris and Jonathan found themselves running out of things to be entertained by. It was too cold outside to do much of anything, at least for them, and movies became dull after the first five views. Ever since Jonathan had turned eight years old, every single board game in the house was missing at least half of the pieces, if not mostly all of them.

 

But playing video games never grew old. They stowed themselves away in Jonathan's room all of Wednesday and most of Thursday. Racing games, football games, and even one wrestling game, which Jonathan insisted was a gift from his grandmother. Chris rolled his eyes, then made a joke about men rolling around on the floor together. Jonathan laughed, but he was a little apprehensive about it.

 

“We're gonna have to find something better to do tomorrow, I think,” Jonathan said after beating Chris for the third time in a row on one of the tracks in the racing game. “I never thought I'd say this, but I don't know if I can handle playing games anymore.”

 

“Yeah... Oh! But tomorrow night you're gonna have to entertain yourself, because I,” Chris pointed to himself, “have a date.”

 

“Seriously? Why didn't you say anything earlier? And who?”

 

Chris grinned so widely that Jonathan was frightened a little. “James.”

 

“Well, why the hell didn't you say anything earlier?” Jonathan asked again. “Geez, with the way you drool over him I'd have thought you'd have plastered it on a billboard or something.”

 

Chris shrugged. “I don't know, I just... Hm, I have to keep reminding myself that he asked me- and that's another thing! He asked me, which is insanity and so much more unbelievable.”

 

“I don't think it's unbelievable,” Jonathan sincerely replied, and Chris shot him a briefly bewildered look. “Listen, I'm happy for you. On the other hand, I think since you waited so long to tell me, you now have to help me think of what to do tomorrow night when I'm all by my lonesome.”

 

“You could, um... write a book.” Chris furrowed his eyebrows and stared at some unseen obstruction in the middle of the room. “That's a ridiculous idea.”

 

“It's at least a start.”

 

“What would you write about?” Chris interestedly asked, twisting around in his bean-bag chair and crossing his legs. Jonny paused for a while, trying to think, but came up short in the end.

 

“No clue,” he sighed. “OK, next idea.”

 

“Tap dancing.” Chris immediately said, surprising even himself with his quick response. Then he once again gave a questioning look to the monster. “I don't think you're going to get any good ideas any time soon.”

 

“I don't think so, either,” Jonathan laughed. He stretched his legs out and over the edge of his bed, lightly gripping his mattress. “Is there anything for us to do in your room? Even sitting, whatever, I'm just tired of being in here.”

 

“Hmm...” Chris stood up and paced around the bean-bag chair for a bit. Jonathan patiently observed his movements. Then Chris stopped and snapped his fingers. “Ah!”

 

Without any further explanation, he left the room, and Jonathan decided to follow him. Down the hallway they traveled, until they reached Chris's room at the end. Jonathan was always surprised at how clean Chris kept his room, even though there was really nothing surprising about it. Jonathan still kept his room clean without constantly being forced to, he didn't really see how it should be different for Chris.

 

In any case, Jonathan had little time for pondering; within seconds of entering the room he was hit with a rather large piece of fabric. He caught it just in time and realized it was a plain white sheet. After making this ascertainment, he looked up to find Chris holding a similar sheet and smiling vaguely.

 

“Can you explain this to me?” Jonathan asked as he held the sheet up.

 

“Jay,” Chris began in a most serious tone, “this is going to sound... completely and utterly wacko, but... well, something I've always wanted to do... You see, since I'm the youngest, my brothers were all older- duh- and since they were older, they never wanted to do anything with me. And with my parents being the boring, stiff people they are, I never really got to do much of the fun little kid stuff that... well, little kids do. You know?”

 

“And how does this tie in with the sheet?”

 

“One of the things I've always wanted to do was...” Chris lowered his head and sheepishly continued, “build a fort.” Chris briefly glanced at Jonny a few times, but he kept his head down. “Is that stupid?”

 

“I don't think that's stupid at all,” Jonathan excitedly replied. “In fact, I think it's kinda cool. I never really did much of that stuff either, since I don't have any siblings, and Devon was never into stuff like this. He always wanted to play cops and robbers.”

 

“Cops and robbers?” Chris laughed. “That sounds brilliant, can we play that too?”

 

“Listen, you're laughing now, but if you want to, I would seriously consider it.” Jonny looked down at the sheet of his hands and thought for a moment. “We need chairs.”

 

Chris froze for a second, temporarily in disbelief that Jonathan was going along with the whole thing. He quickly snapped out of it, though, and brightly exclaimed, “Right!” He swooped past Jonathan and down the hall. When he returned a few minutes later, his arms were clad with even more sheets.

 

“Those aren't chairs,” Jonathan plainly stated.

“I know, we're going downstairs,” Chris replied. “Come on.”

 

Chris turned and left again, and Jonathan grabbed the sheet he'd thrown on Chris's bed then exited the room. In the kitchen he once again met up with Chris, who had taken the liberty of pushing the table up against the far wall and positioning the leftover chairs in various locations around the room.

 

“Wow... you work pretty quickly,” Jonathan said, announcing his presence to Chris.

 

“I'm a man on a mission, Jay.” Chris didn't stop, he didn't even look up; the path he was set on was a thousand times more important that truly acknowledging Jonathan. “I don't slow down for anything.”

 

“Do you need some help?”

 

“That would be greatly appreciated, yes. Thank you.” Chris moved the last chair into position and walked over to the pile of sheets on the table. Jonny was soon next to him, and together they stretched out one of the sheets over four of the chairs. “Ahh, looking good already!” Chris remarked as he stepped back and admired their progress.

 

It only took a few more minutes for them to spread out the other sheets over the rest of the chairs, though it would have taken significantly less time if Jonathan hadn't bumped into and knocked over a chair halfway through their task, causing them to basically start over. But it wasn't so hard for them to redo their past work, and there were only a total of six chairs that needed to be covered, thus they finished in a relatively decent amount of time.

 

“Chris,” Jonny cooed as they slid underneath the newly built fort. “We are so awesome at making forts.”

 

There wasn't much room for them to fit, but they managed. Jonathan folded his legs against his chest, while Chris sat cross-legged beside him.

“We certainly are. I can't believe it's taken me sixteen years to do this.” He moved his head around and admired the fabric architecture for a while, then suddenly his eyes lit up and he turned to Jonathan. “Oh man, next time Ty comes over I am so doing this again!”

 

“Aw, that's a great idea,” Jonathan politely smiled. “I'm sure he'd love it... you know, even though he's too young to really do much of anything.”

 

“Hey, it will be a great father-son bonding experience,” Chris said, completely making it up as he went. “And you can join, too, if you want.”

 

“Well, thank you for the invite, but I don't think I'll be joining you. This was fun, sure, but I think once is enough for me.”

 

“Oh, Jay, you're such a boring person.” Chris stuck his tongue out when Jonathan opened his mouth in shock. Jonathan resisted the urge to roll his eyes, when suddenly Chris shot up into the air and flung his arms out, sending the sheets flying across the room, except for the one that landed on Jonathan's head. He gave a satisfied sigh and said, “Yeah. Good times.”

 

“Great,” Jonathan said through the sheet with faux eagerness, “now we get to look for something else to do.”

 

“Well, Jay, we can start by cleaning up.” Chris grabbed a handful of the sheet and freed Jonathan of his temporary prison. “I wonder what your mum would think if she knew we did this?”

 

Jonathan stood up and began to move the nearest chair out of the way to make room for the table. “She'd probably think we'd gone mad.”

 

“I think we may have,” Chris voiced. He joined Jonathan in the quest to return the kitchen back to its former state, and once they were finished they collapsed in the living room and began to formulate ideas for other entertainment.

 

They ended up silently staring into space for a good twenty minutes or so. Jonny nearly dozed off during that time, but Chris was wide awake, his mind racing with thoughts of the next evening and his body tingling with nervous anticipation.

 

What would he wear? What could he wear? Mostly he only owned plain t-shirts, nothing really fancy. He'd left all that stuff behind when he moved in with Jonathan and Penny. Then there was the question of what to do with his mop of hair. He couldn't keep it, certainly, because it was just too much hair. And maybe, by some ridiculous set of standards, that would be the deciding factor for James.

 

“Jay, wake up,” Chris urged as he shook Jonathan's arm. Jonathan hadn't actually been asleep, but if he had been, Chris's rough movements would have more than woken him up.

 

“What is it?” Jonathan groggily replied.

“I need your help!”

 

“With what?” Chris pointed one of his slender fingers at the curls laying on his scalp. “Well, what do you want me to do about it?”

 

“Could you, like, help me cut my hair?” Chris asked with big, pleading eyes. “Please, Jay? Please?”

 

Jonathan rolled his eyes, but ultimately agreed. He had to search for ten minutes in the bathroom before he finally found the scissors, though. Once he did, he told Chris to stand over the sink, but Chris didn't think that was such a good idea.

 

“It'll all get stuck in the drain,” he reasoned, “and there is quite a lot of it to get stuck, too.”

 

“Fine, then what do you suggest we do?” Chris swirled his eyes around the room for a while, looking for some sort of idea. He seemed briefly to find one in the general direction of the trash can, but quickly shook his head.

 

“Maybe I should just leave it,” he sighed. “Do you think James will care?”

 

Jonathan went to move his hand and place it on Chris's shoulder, but he stopped himself from doing so, as it would have resulted in Chris being stabbed by the scissors. He chose instead to lift his other hand and rest it reassuringly on Chris. “Chris, if he asked you out when your hair looked like this, I don't think he minds it.”

 

Chris crinkled his nose and twisted his mouth to the side. “What if he changes his mind?”

 

“Then do you really want to be with someone who'll leave you because your hair is too much?”

 

“I guess not,” Chris quietly replied, his head lowered and eyes pointed at the ground. He felt some movement of air, but didn't bother to look up as Jonathan reached out and grabbed a small chunk of Chris's hair. Moments later, the hair was being shoved into Chris's face, held up by Jonathan's hand.

 

“Come on, then, you very well can't go out missing a big lock, can you?” Jonathan said. Chris looked up at him with hopeful and thankful eyes and smiled. “But, well... you know, maybe he won't like you without all that hair.”

 

Chris's face immediately fell, the smile wiped off as quickly as if some windshield wiper had glided over his face. “Oh, I never thought about that,” he said in a gravely voice.

 

“And now it's too late,” Jonathan unhelpfully added. He rubbed his fingers together, Chris's hair still between them, and pondered what to do next. He decided just to toss it into the trash, and the trash can seemed satisfied with that. It was looking a little hungry for garbage.

 

“Yeah...” Chris took a slow and deep breath, and Jonathan wasn't sure for a moment if he was going to ever stop inhaling and just let the damn air out. But he did soon enough, then continued, “Oh, well. At least... I don't know. Hmm, I guess at least it'll be easier to maintain.”

 

“That's the spirit!” Jonathan exclaimed, clapping Chris on the back with his sans-scissors hand.

 

Chris smiled wistfully and waved a hand over his head. “Let's get the rest of it off, then.”

 

Ten minutes later, Chris looked like an entirely new person. Jonathan ran a hand through Chris's now one inch-long hair to make sure he'd gotten all the loose strands out. Then Chris ran up to the mirror and turned his head to each side, admiring the fine work Jonathan had done.

 

Silent at first, he spun around and threw himself at Jonathan, wrapping him into a tight embrace. “Oh, thank you so much, Jay!!”

 

Jonathan returned the hug and said, “Ah, you're welcome. I could be a barber, don't you think?”

 

“You would make a fantastic barber, my coiffeur man,” Chris said into Jonathan's ear. “Do you think James will like it?”

 

“If he doesn't, he's crazy. I did an amazing job.”

 

Chris backed away a little and stared at Jonathan, smiling as a wave of excitement rushed over him. He slowly brought his arms back to his side and let out a nervous laugh. “Is it tomorrow night yet?”

 

“Soon enough,” Jonathan replied.

 

“I'm holding you to that,” Chris warned, wagging a finger at Jonathan. There were a few long seconds of silence proceeding, then Chris fidgeted a little and said, “I think I'm gonna go back to my room now.”

 

“Would you mind if I joined you?” Jonathan asked. “There's not much else to do.”

 

Chris waited a moment before answering, looking a little taken aback and conflicted. But in the end he agreed, and the pair made their way into Chris's room for the second time within a few hours. Chris cautiously sat down on his bed after closing the door behind them.

 

“There's not really much to do in here,” Chris said as he noticed Jonathan having a look around.

 

“I see that,” Jonathan replied. “What do you do in here? You seem to be up here quite a lot.”

 

“Um...” Chris thoughtfully paused. He ran his eyes over his walls for a bit, then gestured to one of them. “I just kinda sit here... and read.”

 

Jonathan turned his head to see the wall Chris had referenced. It was almost completely blocked by an oversized bookshelf, which was crammed with numerous books. Jonathan's eyes involuntarily widened and his jaw even dropped a little.

 

“That's a lot of books,” he quietly remarked. To himself he wondered how he could have never noticed the enormous shelves before, considering that he'd been in Chris's room quite a number of times in the past.

 

“Yeah... I like to read,” Chris said in an almost ashamed tone.

 

“How come you never mentioned it before? You have, like, a million books, geez.” Jonathan stood over by the bookshelf and scanned the titles. There were so many there, some that he'd actually read, but most he had never even heard of before. “I would say that I'd let you borrow some of mine, but it looks like you already have all the ones I own.”

 

“It is a pretty big collection, yeah. And... I don't know,” he shrugged, “I guess I just never really felt the need to mention it.”

 

“Well, now I know what I can get you for your birthday.” Jonathan turned away from the shelf and headed towards Chris's bed. He sat down on the edge and watched as Chris stared longingly at his nightstand. “Is something wrong?”

 

“Huh?” Chris quickly looked up at Jonathan, his eyes appearing rather sad and empty. “Oh, no... everything's OK. I'm just... a little nervous still, I think, for tomorrow.”

 

“Oh. Well, don't be, you'll do fine.” Jonathan smiled reassuringly, and even though Chris acted like it helped, he still looked like he was missing something. But Jonathan thought he figured it out once Chris spoke again.

 

“Those aren't even all the books I own,” he muttered. “I have more in my locker at school, I think some are under my bed...” His voice grew even softer as he continued, “and the ones I left at... my parent's house.”

 

“Wow. That's impressive.”

 

Chris gave an unenthusiastic shrug. “It's something to pass the time.” He looked down at his hands and frowned. Jonathan felt extremely sympathetic, but he wasn't sure what he could say, if there even was anything for him to say. But he wanted to somehow assure Chris that not everything in life was bad, so he settled on moving over to Chris and giving him a warm hug. Chris wasn't expecting it, but he gladly accepted Jonathan's kind gesture, even though he found that there was a tiny portion of him that wished Jonathan wouldn't act like he was part of Chris's family now.

 

 

A Heavy Heart

Chapter Three

 

Chris had left hours ago, stuttering goodbyes in his crazy nervousness and even shaking a little. Despite the numerous times that Jonathan told him to calm down, Chris just couldn't help freaking out. It was a really important night for him.

 

So now, five minutes to eleven, Jonathan was laying in his bed and trying to go to sleep. He thought he nearly got there once, then his body kindly jerked him into consciousness again. His eyes flew open and he looked around for a bit before his mind cleared and he realized what was going on. Then he closed his eyes again and tried once more for sleep.

 

He thought he sensed a presence standing in his doorway, and he could hear faint sobs emerging from the same direction. Just as he peeked over, a tall, shadowy figure began to leave.

 

“Chris?” Jonathan called out. The shadow stopped and backtracked a little.

 

“Yeah?” Chris tried to inconspicuously reply, but his voice cracked.

 

“What happened?” A moment of silence passed before Chris decided to fully walk into Jonathan's room, and even go as far as to lay down next to Jonathan. He brought with him a sort of cold air, which seemed to be emanating from the jacket he was wearing. And now, having obviously been caught, he was no longer trying to hide his tears.

 

“Jay, it was awful.”

 

“I'm sure you're exaggerating-”

 

“No,” Chris forcefully said. “I know I get paranoid sometimes and make things sound a thousand times worse than they actually are, but I swear to you that this is not one of those times. It was awful.”

 

“OK,” Jonathan replied in defeat. “Well, why was it awful?”

 

Chris sniffed and tried to steady his breathing, quite successfully. “OK,” he began, “so everything was going all right... then James suggested we go to a bar. I didn't really want to, but he insisted and... I just couldn't say no. I mean, I didn't think it would be that bad.”

 

“A bar?” Jonathan quietly repeated.

 

“Yeah, but I didn't drink or anything,” Chris insisted. “That stuff's nasty.”

 

“Well, OK, but how did you guys even get in?”

 

“James convinced them we were old enough. Anyway, it was fine at first. We sat up at the actual bar... there were quite a lot of people there. But it was fine, and James and I talked a lot. And I thought we were getting along great.”

 

Chris went silent for a while. Jonathan listened to his uneven breaths, waiting for him to go on. But when he didn't, Jonathan asked, “What happened?” Through the darkness he saw Chris turn his head, his usually bright blue eyes just barely visible.

 

“I left to go to the bathroom- which, by the way, is an entirely different story- and when I came back out, I was just really tired and I wanted to go home. So I walked back to James, and he was talking to some other guy who was sitting next to him, so I waited a while and just kinda sat around. Then I finally got to ask him if he'd take me home, but he said he wasn't ready to leave yet. But I was getting really uncomfortable being there, and he was drinking quite a lot, and, I mean, I don't know how to drive and if he's too intoxicated... but I didn't want to say that, so I just asked him again to please bring me home. And then he,” Chris's voice was overcome with sobbing, but he still tried to finish his story, “then he told me I was ruining his night and he called me a stupid c*nt and said that if I wanted to go home, I'd have to find my own way because he didn't want to deal with me anymore.”

 

Jonathan was temporarily speechless, but he eventually mustered up some words. “Chris, wh.... How did you get home?”

 

Chris gave a small shrug and in a quiet voice answered, “I walked.”

 

“You walked??” Jonathan incredulously iterated. “How long did that take you?”

 

“I don't know, like an hour and a half.”

 

“Weren't you, like, freezing?” Chris nodded his head in response, and Jonathan sat up. “Chris, why didn't you call? My mum could have gone and picked you up-”

 

“No,” Chris interrupted, leveling himself with Jonathan, “Jay, your mum already does enough for me just letting me stay here with you guys. I couldn't call her up at nine-thirty at night and ask her to pick me up from some bar!”

 

“But what if something had happened to you out there? It's dark, and cold, and who knows what sort of people wander around at this time of night?”

 

“I wasn't thinking about that, Jay, I was a little upset,” Chris slowly replied. “Besides, it's all over now. Everything's over. Tomorrow... I'll wake up, and it'll be like none of it happened.”

 

“Can you really do that?” Chris looked up at Jonathan and stared. “Just forget about it?” Jonathan clarified.

 

“It's what I always do when bad things happen,” Chris innocently replied. “You can't focus on the bad stuff, Jay, or else you won't ever get anywhere in life.”

 

Jonathan subconsciously nodded along. “Well, you're a much stronger person than I am, then. I wouldn't be able to get over something like that so easily.”

Chris gave a tiny and slightly unenthusiastic smile. Then he yawned and rubbed his eyes. “I'm gonna go to bed now, Jay. Goodnight, and thank you for... listening. But in the morning, none of it happened, remember that.”

 

“All right,” Jonathan agreed, and he watched Chris leave before he laid down and closed his eyes again.

 

His dream was a blurry swirl of visions: he vaguely recalled a horse- or perhaps a unicorn, who knows?- something having to do with the Italian mafia, and he thought he even saw Chris in there at one point. But none of that was entirely unusual; at any given time he could easily rattle off at least three dreams he'd had in the past year, all involving those three things.

 

There was the first one, where he was riding a horse through what he assumed were uninhabited woods. But as he rode deeper and deeper in, he began to hear voices. At first he thought he was just going crazy, since the voices grew louder, but never amounted to anything. Then he finally ran into the source of the noise. Hidden among the trees was a small gang of people, gathered around one man laying on the ground. They were all laughing at him. Jonathan came closer, and soon identified the man as Chris, but he didn't know who the others were. Somehow he had made the connection in his conscious state the next morning that it was a group of mobsters. In any case, he felt the need to save Chris from this unfortunate scene, but before he could he either woke up, switched to a different dream, or he just couldn't remember the rest.

 

The second one was similar, except that he wasn't the one riding the horse. He was one of the mobsters, and Chris was riding the horse. In the dead of night, Chris traveled to Jonathan's small apartment in the middle of New York City, all the while carrying an intensely important document. But somehow during the trip, the document had been destroyed or lost, and while Jonathan wasn't so upset about it, he knew the others would be. And he knew they'd go after Chris, even if they went for Jonathan first. Jonathan realized that the mistake had been Chris's fault, but he still felt this urge to protect him. The dream never really concluded in any manner other than abrupt, though.

 

The third one was probably the oddest one. He and Chris were both the horses, as were the mobsters. They had just been two innocent colts who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. But the mobsters didn't care, and soon there was a contract out for both of their lives. They ran and ran, but their hooves never moved them fast enough to escape their awful fate. Jonathan woke up in a panicked sweat after that one.

 

Once the sun rose and decided that it was going to be a new day- a Saturday, in fact- so Jonathan rose and decided that he needed to stop having such weird dreams. Of course, this was not something he could really control, and he knew that, but regardless he decided it needed changing.

 

Downstairs, Chris was already awake and perky as usual, despite that which Jonathan had been told to forget regarding the previous night. Jonathan observed Chris's seeming carelessness as he poured himself a cup of tea, feeling just a little jealous that Chris could so skillfully move on with his life.

 

Minutes later Penny joined the boys, still donning her light pink bathrobe and matching pink hair curlers. She had long ago stopped caring about her early morning appearance, as Jonathan had always been her son, and as of late Chris had become part of their family. If they were to ever have another guest stay overnight, then things would be different, but with the boys Penny felt comfortable enough.

 

“Morning, dears!” Penny cheerfully sang as she glided across the tiled floor to the counter to grab a cup of tea.

 

“Morning, Penny,” Chris replied in the same chipper tone. “Sleep well?”

“Yes, I did, thank you.” Penny quickly took the seat next to Jonathan and gently set down her cup. “I think I only woke once during the night. I can't remember if I had any dreams, either. You know, I've heard that if you don't recall dreaming, it means that you've had yourself a deep sleep. Of course, I'm not sure how true that it, you know how people are nowadays.” Penny gave a small laugh, then tilted her head slightly. “How was your date last night, hmm?”

 

“Oh,” Chris instantly said, and Jonathan held his breath. He expected Chris to break down at any moment. “It was... well, I mean, I really liked him, but... sometimes two people just aren't meant to be together. It happens.”

 

Chris shrugged a little and Penny nodded her head sadly. “I'm sorry to hear that, but you're right. It'll probably happen more times than you'd like, but I will tell you one thing: that doesn't mean you should give up, because one day you will find that person who you're meant to be with. I can promise you that. And when you do find that person... well, you'll just know.”

 

“Thank you,” Chris sincerely said, then turned to Jonathan, who was in a state of total disbelief at Chris's nonchalance. “Hi, Jay,” Chris awkwardly said.

 

“Hi, Chris,” Jonathan returned, coming to his senses and turning his focus to his cup of tea. But he was still shocked that Chris could act like that when less than twelve hours before he'd been spilling tears onto Jonathan's pillow. “Do you have any plans for today?”

 

“Nope.”

 

Jonathan looked up at his mother and squinted. “Do you have any plans for today?”

 

“Are you kidding me?” she laughed. “After the week I've had, there's no way I'm doing anything except laying on the sofa and watching TV all day. You boys should go out and do something, though. Make use of your youth while it's still there.”

 

“Well, then, what do you say, Chris? Should I haul out the old game console, or is that not a youthful way of spending our time?”

 

Chris crinkled his nose, trying to stifle his laughter, and rolled his head around as if he was searching for the answer in the air. He looked a little like a slowed-down bobblehead. “Eh, I think I've had enough of video games to last me another... month or so.” He returned his head to its normal position and stared down at his hands resting on the table. “I... um, I think I'm gonna go up to my room. I probably have some homework to do.”

 

“On a Saturday?” Penny asked. Then she quickly changed her mind and waved her hand. “Never mind. Enjoy your homework, then.”

 

“Yeah, I'll try,” Chris said in a slightly sarcastic tone. But he smiled at Penny and Jonathan as he left, anxiously climbing the stairs and flying down the hall to his room.

 

He closed the door and hopped onto his bed, pulling open the only drawer his nightstand contained and reaching inside for a large stack of papers. He also grabbed the pen that was floating solo under the papers, then sat back against his pillows. Of course, at that exact moment, a knock sounded through his door.

 

“Come in!” he shouted as he stashed the papers under his pillow and quickly shut the drawer. He returned to his former position as fast as he could, trying to not raise any suspicion. Jonathan inched into the room, and the instant image of Chris smiling at him, hands clasped and resting on his lap, did nothing to assure him that everything was normal.

 

“I hope you don't mind... I wanted to talk to you.” Jonathan stood at the foot of Chris's bed, scratched the back of his neck with a burning nervousness, and looked down at his feet.

 

“About what?” There was a hint of fear in Chris's voice. Jonathan sighed and let his hand fall to his side.

 

“Uh...” He tried to find the exact words, and while doing so he raised his eyes to Chris. It was almost as if Chris knew what Jonathan wanted to say without him even needing to vocalize it, which seemed to be happening an awful lot as of late. Jonathan was nearly glad for this, since he found that he just couldn't say what he was going to and risk making Chris feel bad. “Forget it. Is it all right if I stay in here?”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Chris replied with a smile. “Jay, are you sure there's nothing bothering you?”

“It's nothing, don't worry.”

 

“All right,” Chris said after a few moments of silence, his tone wrought with disbelief, “but if you need to talk, I'm always here to listen.”

 

“Thanks.” Jonathan thought it very strange that Chris would be so willing to help other people with their problems when he had problems of his own that were what Jonathan estimated to be ten thousand times worse than any he'd ever faced. But he never brought it up to Chris, because he didn't want to interfere with the way Chris handled his own life. After all, he wouldn't like people prying into his affairs all that much.

 

“Well, I think we should at least talk about something, then, if you're going to be staying in here.” Chris patted down the mattress, beckoning Jonathan to sit next to him. Then he reached over to his nightstand and grabbed the book that was laying on the top of a large stack. “I know, I will read to you.”

 

“Works for me,” Jonathan said as he made himself comfortable. He watched as Chris tried to locate his spot in the book.

 

“Ah!” he exclaimed when he finally found the page he was looking for. Then, after clearing his throat, he continued, “OK... Winthrop placed his hat carefully on the coat rack. All was silent in the hall, but in the distance he heard the faint sound of Rosalia shuffling about the kitchen. Rosalia is his wife,” Chris explained, and Jonathan nodded his head. “She must be preparing dinner, he thought, because it is nearly five o'clock. I should tell her to make enough for three. Emilio should be here any moment. He glanced back at the door, hoping that it would suddenly burst open with Emilio's bright image...” Chris paused for a while, then looked up at Jonathan. “He's in love with Emilio.”

 

“I probably could have guessed that,” Jonathan replied. A silence hung between the two boys, and Chris looked back at the book in his hands, the enthusiasm to read to Jonathan beginning to die.

 

“I remember when I first read this book. It was... strange... Jay, can I tell you something?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“I got this book when I was twelve. It was one of the ones that I bought by myself- I think it's obvious that my parents didn't buy it.” He laughed, but Jonathan thought he saw a tiny wince as well. “I didn't know what it was about when I got it, but anyway, I read it, and... I just felt this really, really deep connection to it. I thought it was the best piece of literature I'd ever read. Of course, I was twelve, and what did I really know about literature?” Chris flipped the book over and ran a finger down its spine. “Last summer I reread it, and I realized that it's actually not written as well as I had thought.”

 

“That's happened to me before,” Jonathan said to fill in the sudden gap in conversation. “I've read books that I thought were great when I was younger, and then it turns out their awful. Kids like to praise bad things, I think. It makes for a terrible world.”

 

Chris watched Jonathan with thoughtful and polite eyes, but it was obvious that he had meant something more. “Jay, I knew when I was twelve. Twelve. My parents started setting me up with all those girls when I was thirteen.” He set the book down beside him, rested his chin in his hands, and just stared at it.

 

Jonathan wasn't really sure how to respond. He didn't even know if he should respond, or if he should just keep quiet and sit still. It saddened him much more than he'd expected that he couldn't help Chris. What made it worse was knowing that it was nothing compared to the pain he knew Chris felt, even if Chris never showed it.

 

 

-What-

 

 

 

 

“What? What are you not telling me?” Guy questioned. He tightened his grip on to the tiny baby to prevent him from lunging forward and ringing both men’s necks.

 

Jonny sighed and asked Guy to follow him upstairs.

 

Guy hesitated; he had only just met this man and was already being told to follow him upstairs? Away from the rest of the group? But there was just a hint of sorrow and understanding illuminating in Jonny’s eyes that he couldn’t help, but traipse after him.

 

Jonny lead him into a tiny bedroom at the top of the stairs. It was simple and quaint, but it had the feeling of home, where love was abundant and fruitful. He beckoned to the bed and had Guy sit down. He then walked over to a small hutch that held clothes. Behind the clothes hidden under sweaters was a small brown bottle. Jonny grasped the bottle and brought it out to Guy.

 

“She has to take two of these pills.” Jonny whispered as he looked down at his feet.

 

“Excuse me? Are you serious?” Guy retorted. “You’re probably poisoning her! No way will I give her those! I would rather face a Nazi then kill her!” Guy stood up and began to back towards the door.

 

“They aren’t poison. They are simply going to knock her out for a couple of hours so that she doesn’t give the group away.” Jonny whispered.

 

Guy’s hand was hovering over the door handle. He was debating whether this was true or false. Jonny didn’t seem like the kind of man who would lie.

 

“The man who organized this escape gave them to us, he told us of failed attempts in the past because infants stirred and cried and then entire groups of Jews were murdered.” Jonny exclaimed. “Please just have her take them, for the group downstairs, for her, and for the people we love.” He pleaded.

 

It was the last line that Jonny had said that changed Guy’s mind, his love would be waiting. Taking a look at the tiny infant in his arms with the dark brown curls, he saw his sister in her and he would do it for her too, for his people. “Alright, I will have her take them.” Guy said in almost a whisper as he crossed the room and stuck his hand out before Jonny’s.

 

Jonny rolled the pills around in the palm of his hand and then let them tumble into to Guy’s. He glanced up and felt his body tense as he watch Guy crumble the pills into almost a fine powder.

 

“I need some water to help it go down her throat.” Guy said flatly.

 

Jonny quickly nodded and went out of the room and then returned with a glass of water.

 

Guy poured a little water into Lisle’s mouth along with the pill dust and then some more water. The little girl swallowed and then Jonny’s body relaxed. He knew that what he had just given the girl was the same thing that was given to injured solders to shut them up after being injured. It was a high dose, but was very effective and if it helped get these Jews to safety then so be it.

 

“What was it? What did I just give her?” Guy mumbled under his breath, his body was slumped over the tiny girl in a protective manor.

 

“In essence a heavy dose of Benadryl.” Jonny said.

 

Guy acknowledged the answer and then tucked a few strands of curls behind Lisle’s ear. He looked up at Jonny, softly thanked him and left the room.

 

 

----------------------

 

“That is the plan, we must move quickly and silently or else.. Well we all know what else.”

There was a low mumble of agreements from the group.

 

“Okay last few minutes before we set out, do as you need, then watch for my signal.” Jonny told the group. He then turned and found Chris near the back wall.

 

Jonny took Chris and pulled him into the next room. Then he leaned his head forward so that their foreheads were touching and they were both looking into each other’s eyes.

 

Chris was searching Jonny’s deep mysterious green eyes, he was looking for that spark that often hid. It was all he needed, no kiss, no hug, nothing ,but the spark would give him the reassurance he needed while Jonny was gone.

 

Jonny was also gazing deeply into Chris melting pot of blue eyes. Chris’ eyes were always full of emotion, but today they looked as flat as a spare wheel.

 

“Where are you Chris? Where has your mind led you to that I can’t see anything in your eyes?”

 

“Don’t go, please don’t. I wont be able to go on without you if you don’t return.” Chris said.

 

Jonny took Chris hand and kissed it and placed it on his heart. “I will only beat for you, so you better beat for me too.”

 

Chris smiled; he saw the spark in the Jonny’s eyes. Everything would be all right, at least he hoped so.

 

----------------------------

 

The group had been moving through the woods for just under an hour and no snags had been met thus far. Jonny knew these woods like he did his home in the dark. He was extremely cautious to avoid the branches that were scattered on the ground like he was dodging bullets. To step on one was to send out an instant siren to anyone lurking in the woods. He had stressed to the group about watching where they stepped.

 

It was quiet all around, the animals that remained in the woods had gone to sleep, the wind didn’t blow. All there was was the dark of the night and the fog. No stars glimmered or shined and the moon was hidden behind thick clouds. It was as if the elements of the earth knew they were trying to escape the terror of the Nazi’s. And just on cue a stark crackle rang out in the night. Someone in the group had tripped. Jonny gave the silent symbol to duck and hide.

 

Guy clutched Lisle to his chest and skittered under a bush and into a semi crevice. He was holding his breath and straining his ears to hear something. Jonny was next to him clutching a tiny pistol he had brought along with them. He squinted his eyes in effort to see past the fog for any sign of Nazi’s. After a bit of time had passed, Guy thought it must be safe to crawl out and continue on. Other members of the group were doing the same, when he felt a hand grab his shin and another cover his mouth and pull him back under the shrub. It was at the exact moment that a black boots began to emerge from the fog. They came like angels of death.

 

Thanks Dianna, you know why ;)

 

 

 

A Heavy Heart

Chapter Four

 

 

Chris pushed open the big door leading into the locker room. Before he stepped inside, he heard a familiar voice calling his name. He spun around to see none other than Jonathan bustling down the hallway towards him.

 

“Jay, what are you doing here?” he asked, still holding the door open.

 

“My gym and lunch got switched,” Jonathan explained as he stopped in front of Chris. “So I guess we're in the same class.”

 

“You have lunch next?” Jonathan nodded, and Chris grinned the cheesiest grin he possible could have. “This is so awesome!!!” He almost jumped up and down and smothered Jonathan with a hug, but he decided against it when he remembered that his hand had continued to be attached to the door of the locker room. So instead, he walked in and past a large group of boys gathered by a wall of lockers. Jonathan was close behind, watching his feet as he made his way through.

 

“Better cover up, boys, don't want Queer checking out your junk.”

 

Jonathan was so shocked when he heard it that he nearly dropped dead of a heart attack. But he looked up, and saw that Chris merely shot a condescending smile in their direction and kept going. Jonathan quickened his pace a bit to catch up to Chris as they walked towards the stalls in the back.

 

“Chris, you're just gonna let them talk to you like that?” Chris stopped and turned, not looking fazed in the least.

 

“Oh, please, Jay,” he said, “have you seen these guys? They're a bunch of stupid jocks, who cares what they say?”

 

“If you're sure,” Jonathan unhappily muttered. He walked into the stall beside Chris's and began to change into his gym clothes. He of course never really believed that Chris could deal with everything on his own, and he wondered if there was a specific reason then that Chris chose to change in the stall.

 

But he didn't dare ask, and he didn't even say another word to Chris until they were in the gymnasium itself. They stood to the side nearly up against the wall, waiting for the coach to finish roll call.

 

“So, I was thinking that maybe I'd stop by Kirsten's after school today and see Ty,” Chris said to Jonathan, restlessly swinging his arms about. “Since I haven't seen him in, like, a week. No, it's been longer than a week, hasn't it?”

 

“You haven't seen him since Devon came back, at least, and that was nearly a week ago,” Jonathan replied.

 

“Yeah, so it's been a while.”

 

“Everyone gather up here, please,” the coach called, gesturing to the center of the room. The students all moved and sat down as directed. “Because it's the first day back from break, we're just going to be playing kickball. I think you all know how to do that. What we need is for two volunteers to be captains. Anyone?”

 

Naturally, the hands that raised were those of the more athletic kids. The coach picked the most predictable two, and they stood in front of the rest as they began to pick their teams.

 

“Uh... Jonathan,” the one kid said, about two minutes in. Jonathan was a tad surprised that anyone would pick him; he figured that he'd just be part of those left to be assigned a team by the coach. As he stood up and walked over to the line, he and Chris exchanged glances, and Chris shrugged and gave him a smile.

 

The other captain was conversing with one of his teammates, trying to reach a decision on who to pick next. Their eyes scanned the group before them, and as they stopped on one kid they smirked and laughed.

 

The kid who was captain started to motion with his hand as he said, “Come on, Queer, you're on our team.”

 

“Thomas,” the coach warned, and in turn Thomas shot an apologetic look in his direction. Chris quickly joined them, waving at Jonathan as he stopped behind the last person in the line. Jonathan waved back, rather disappointed that they weren't on the same team. It didn't help, either, that he knew no one else in the class besides Chris.

 

Slowly, the rest of the students were put onto teams until there were none left and that was when the game finally began. Jonathan's team was up to kick first, so he basically was able to stand there until enough of the people ahead of him got out.

 

The teams switched sides, and Chris ran past Jonathan, tapping him on the arm and smiling. Jonathan stopped near one of the bases, which he quickly realized was probably a bad idea. He continued on towards the back of the gym, where he figured that he wouldn't have to participate much.

 

Chris's turn had come relatively quickly, and when his foot collided with the ball, it was sent flying all the way to the back wall. Chris sprinted through the bases, making it back to home before anyone even got the chance to grab the ball. He jogged past his fellow teammates, who were all eager to try to high-five him, though even from the other side of the gym Jonathan thought he detected quite a bit of mocking.

 

The game and class in general went on for much longer than anyone would have liked. It surprisingly ended in a tie, as Jonathan's team had just snatched a run as the coach told them it was time to change. Of course, Jonathan's lack of athleticism did nothing to contribute to his team's success, but it was not as if he didn't at least try.

 

“I'm obviously just not as skilled as you are,” he said to Chris as they left the locker room, talking specifically about how he managed to kick the ball in the direction where there was only one kid standing- the ideal situation, really- yet he sent the ball right into the kid's arms.

 

“No, no, Jay. Anyone can run around bases. What you did- that takes skill.”

 

“Oh, well, if you say so,” Jonathan laughed. “I don't think it's a good skill to have, though.”

 

“Yeah, you'd be right in thinking that.” Chris stopped at a locker right on the corner near the end of the hallway, presumably a locker that was his. He threw his gym bag in and took out a few books, then continued to walk with Jonathan to the cafeteria. “Any idea what's for lunch today?”

 

“Food, probably,” Jonathan helpfully replied.

 

Chris shrugged and said, “Eh, good enough for me.”

 

Chris led the two as they walked into the cafeteria. Jonathan watched in passing as a large group of girls seated at a round table giggled in their direction. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, and as he and Chris finally settled at a table he saw one of the girls stand and walk towards them.

 

“Do you wanna go up there with me?” Chris asked Jonathan, gesturing to the lunch line.

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

Jonathan placed his stuff down on the table as Chris dug in his pocket for money. Out of the corner of his eyes, Jonathan saw the girl stop in front of them, heard her clear her throat.

 

“Excuse me, Chris?” Chris raised his eyes and saw her smiling face, her eyelashes batting like there was something stuck in her eye. “I was wondering if you finished the chemistry homework?”

 

A look of disappointment swept across Chris's face as he replied, “I didn't, sorry.”

 

“Oh. Well, thanks anyway.” The girl gave a little wave and walked away. Chris went back to looking for his money, which he found with relative ease. He walked around the table and grabbed Jonny's arm, dragging him through the crowds of people across the cafeteria.

 

“Who was that girl?” Jonathan asked as they stopped at the end of the line. For some reason, he suddenly felt as though his strange dreams were now reality, and he felt like he should be shielding Chris from something.

 

“Her name is M... hmm... shit.” Chris shook his head a little. “She sits next to me in Chemistry.”

 

Jonathan felt a little relieved, though he didn't know why. He tried to hold back his next words, but they wriggled free of his hold with a powerful force. “I think she likes you. It's nice to meet you.”

 

“It's nice to meet you, too,” Jonathan unenthusiastically replied, “Damien, is it? I don't think I've heard Chris mention you before.”

 

“Ah, what a shame. Well, I better get back to my table. See you later, man,” he said to Chris, tapping his arm lightly as he stood up.

 

“See you,” Chris brightly replied. He watched as Damien walked away, and Jonathan watched Chris. “Right, what were we talking about before?”

 

“Uh... the food?” Jonathan replied.

 

“Oh, yeah. Well, after eating half of it, I'm not entirely convinced it actually is food.” Chris twisted his mouth at the tray and moved his fork around a bit. Then, almost out of nowhere, he suddenly asked, “Jay, will you come with me after school? To see Ty, I mean.”

 

“Sure,” Jonathan automatically replied. “Wait, is it because of Devon?”

Chris glanced up at Jonathan. “He still scares me,” he quietly said.

 

Jonathan smiled a little and nodded. “Sure, I'll come with you.”

 

As promised, Jonathan did indeed accompany Chris to the familiar blue house. Jonathan had planned on returning home first, but Chris was so eager that he pulled Jonathan down the sidewalk as soon as they descended from the bus.

 

The cold winter air pushed the boys to nearly run to their destination. When Chris knocked on the door, he thought his hand might fall off. Then they waited on the porch for a few minutes longer before the door was finally answered.

 

“Oh, boys!” beamed Kirsten and Devon's mother. “It's so nice to see you!”

 

“It's nice to see you, too, Lorraine,” Chris cheerfully replied.

 

“Which one are you here for?”

 

“Ty.”

 

“Right-o! Come on in.” She held the door open as Chris and Jonathan walked in. They entered the well-kept living room where Ty was resting peacefully in his carriage. Chris immediately walked over and greeted his son with a big smile.

 

“Tyyyy, my main man!” Chris reached into the carriage and lifted Ty out, carrying him over to the couch where they both sat down. “We have so much to discuss.”

 

“Are you aware that it has been well over a week since I last saw you?” he asked. Of course, he didn't receive an actual answer, but that didn't matter. “In fact, I'm not even sure where I should begin with my storytelling.”

 

“It's not really going to matter, is it? It's not like he understands a single word you're saying,” a voice sneered. Chris looked up to find that Devon was standing behind him.

 

“I think he does,” Chris said. “I think he understands everything. Ty is a very smart boy, I can tell.”

 

“You'd think differently, I'm sure, if you actually had to live with him.” Devon swung around to the front of the couch. “Without the pleasure of being able to ignore him for weeks at a time, you'd find that he's far less tolerable than you make him out to be.”

 

“It's not like I purposely avoid seeing him,” Chris bitterly replied. “And, personally, I think you're just being testy.”

 

“Testy?” Devon incredulously repeated. Chris drew into himself a little, but he nodded. Noticing the near-angry look on Devon's face, Jonathan decided it was time to intervene.

 

“Devon,” he called. Devon looked up, for a moment with disgust, then changed his expression to a more pleased one. “We still have a lot to catch up on, man.”

 

“Right,” Devon agreed. He walked away from Chris and began to lead Jonathan out of the room. Before he left, Jonathan glanced back at Chris, who was staring at him with a most thankful countenance.

 

“All right, Ty, looks like it's just you and me again. No scary Uncle Devon,” Chris said. “Uh, but you shouldn't be afraid of him, though. I think he's only mean to me. He seems like he's always nice to Jay... then again, they have been friends since... forever. And I did kinda have a baby with his sister...” Chris smiled and bent his head down closer to Ty, and poked Ty's nose with his index finger. “But that baby is you, and I wouldn't trade you for the world.”

 

Ty cooed in return, drawing a small laugh from Chris. “Aw, how cute!” Lorraine said from behind the couch. “You know, Chris, I think you're a great father.”

 

Chris turned around, made speechless by the nicest compliment he had ever received. “Well, thank you.”

 

“And I know Mitch agrees with me,” Lorraine said, directing her voice in the vague location of the kitchen. “Isn't that right, Mitch?”

 

Mitch popped his head into the room and looked over at his wife. “Huh?”

 

“Don't you agree that Chris is a great father?” Lorraine asked.

 

“Oh. You are certainly a great father,” he said to Chris. “You know what would make you a better father? When you're old enough, you marry my daughter.”

 

“Mitch!”

 

“What?” Mitch innocently replied. Lorraine tilted her head towards Chris and made a face, trying to convey why she felt his statement was inappropriate. Then he suddenly realized the error of his ways. “Ohhhhh. Duh. I am so sorry.”

 

“Uh... it's OK,” Chris laughed. “I'm not, like, offended or anything. And I'm definitely not surprised that you would want me to marry her.”

 

“But you won't,” Mitch finished. Chris looked up at him apologetically and shrugged his agreement. “Well, I suppose as long as you two can raise him well enough, then there's no harm... Still, it would be nice for him to have a family that wasn't so messed up. No offense,” he quickly added.

 

“No, I agree,” Chris replied. He raised his arm and gently smoothed down some of Ty's dark curls. “It probably would be better for him to grow up in a stable family. But I don't think that's really possible. Ty's a strong kid, though, I think. He'll be able to handle it.”

 

 

Keep Calm and Carry On

 

 

 

The Nazi’s were quick, they swooped in silently and performed their awful task and found those in the group who had been careless and shot them on the spot. Those in the group had begged for the life in the little German they knew, but the men with the cold hard metal in the their hands didn’t even blink an eye, they just pulled a trigger. They did a lackluster job of searching for any more Jews, a quick thrust of the nose of their rifle into a few bushes and they felt satisfied. They left the bodies and crept away into the dark of the night as if nothing had happened.

 

Jonny could feel Guy quivering underneath his hands grasp. He pulled him close to his torso and wrapped his arms around him. They sat like that until Guy stopped shaking.

 

“I’m sorry you had to witness that.” Jonny whispered into Guy’s ears.

Guy turned around so that he was facing Jonny. In a shaky voice he said “ you.. you should go home to him. I’m not worth never seeing your love again.”

Jonny was touched he knew that Guy was being raw and open and he wanted nothing, but to turn around and return to Chris, but he had promised that he would do this and he had promised the love of the man before him that he would safely deliver him.

 

“I will not leave you, I am here to get you to safety and I will complete that task or I will die trying.” Jonny said in a strong tone.

 

A single tear rolled down Guy’s check. He knew that this man was a man of great integrity and an unbreakable heart.

 

“Guy we need to keep clam and carry on.”

 

And so Jonny, Guy, Lisle, and three others remained out of their group. They once again took off into the woods and continued on.

 

--------------------------

 

Will glanced down at his watch; the time was showing 4:40. The package should have been here 10 minutes ago. Panic was starting to creep in and he was not a fan. Will was usually a levelheaded calm individual, but today was an entirely different case.

 

Out on the open sea a buoy bell could be heard, the waves were picking up and the mood of the sea was rapidly changing. If he were going to make it across he would have to leave soon.

 

Jonny saw the clearing and a tiny flicker of hope started burning. He beckoned his group gather close. A slight breeze was starting to pick up and was moving the fog out and bringing in the salty air of the sea. Guy had always felt a deep connection with the sea, it brought back many happy memories of earlier times when everyone was happy and people could live peacefully together. That was no long the case. Jews were considered vermin and a disgrace to the Germans and were now being hunted like a prized bird.

 

The group was clear of the woods and was now out on the open beaches. They were sticking to the backside so that at least they had the safety of the woods on one side. The group moved quickly now, they didn’t have to be as cautious about where they stepped, but they were more exposed.

 

Finally Jonny saw the pier; it grew out of the darkness and became the beacon of freedom to the group.

 

Will saw the group emerge and gave his signal that it was all clear. Jonny answered his signal and then lead the group to the boat.

 

“I thought there would be more.” Will said to Jonny.

 

“We had a uh incident.” Jonny whispered back.

 

“Oh.. well you lot go down in and I will show you where you will be hiding.” Will told the group.

 

The group including Jonny began to make it’s way down into the hull of the ship, with Guy being the last.

 

Will stopped him and let the rest go down. He then pulled him into a deep embrace. “Hi there stranger.” He whispered into his ear.

 

Guy felt the strength leave his legs, he was quickly caught by Will in his strong arms. “Hi” was all he was able to manage to whisper back to Will.

 

Will smiled and kissed Guy on the lips, slowly at first with tenderness and then he rapidly changed his kiss into one of fiery passion. Guy returned the kiss with the same passion. He had missed Will so much, he was the reason why he was still here and still living. Will was he solid rock foundation, no storm could uproot him, and no Nazi could even touch him. Will was his true love and the reason he breathed.

 

“I was so afraid, I didn’t think I would ever see you again. It was horrible Will.” Guy said as he broke down.

 

“I had to give Lisle pills to knock her out and then the Nazi’s shot half of our group and I almost died and.”

 

“Shh, it’s okay, you’re here now, I am taking you to safety.” Will said as he stroked Guys back and whipped away the tears.

 

“Lets go love, lets go.”

 

------------------

 

Will lead the Jews across the sea, they were hidden in a secret room on his boat and then fish was placed around to cover up their scent. Before he set sail the Nazi’s and their dogs searched the boat. The dogs came close to the hiding place, but never found them allowing the Jews to travel safely across the sea to Sweden. There were families there who were willing to take them in and care for them.

 

Jonny had been able to safely return home to Chris. They continued to help Jews escape the reign of terror. They carried on until a day when the Nazi’s came and there hearts no longer beat as one.

 

Will told Guy one thing before he left him and had to return to Denmark. “ I’ll fix the stars for you, I make them shine on you where ever you are. And when they shine that will be me, a light in the dark.”

 

The End.

 

 

 

I wrote this a long time ago, but never posted it! oops!

It Can't be Undone

Letters

 

 

Good Morning Sweetheart,

 

I hope you are still in bed, wrapped up in the covers feeling warm. It is important that you do as I tell you to in these letters. First I want you to stretch your body. Lay deep in the comfort of the bed and stretch; relieve the tension in your shoulders that have been built up over these past few weeks. Yes I know how you are, you have probably gone off somewhere to be alone, well good, but now you are all tense and I hate that and it won’t do you any good. Have you done that yet? Alright now I want you to go about your morning tasks, shower, eat breakfast and once you have done that then you can continue to read.

 

Now I want you to feel me. I know you are sitting there with an amused face and your thinking how the fuck can I do that? Well here is how. I want you to go outside and go into the woods and find a clearing where the sun shines and the grass grows lush and is a deep green. Are you there yet? Okay take off your shoes. Yes take them off you baby. Now squish your toes in the dirt feel the earth. Take in deep breaths of the fresh air. Dance, dance all around and feel the beauty of the earth. I love it when you dance, you always know how to make me smile even if you are making a fool of yourself. Okay now lie down put your ear to the ground and listen. Shh don’t be a fool and say you can’t hear anything, just be patient and listen. Do you hear it? That is the pulse of the earth and the heartbeat of everything. That is me. I am still with you, everywhere you go I am all around you. I love you very much! Don’t open the next letter until you feel you need it.

 

Love, Your Andi!

 

Guy,

 

You must be ready if you’re reading this. Today I want you to be free. To feel the wind and feel your heart race like mine does when I see you. I want you to do something reckless, something I always wanted us to do together. I have already paid for you to go skydiving so you can’ say no. Go jump and let your body feel weightless and live, I will be there right alongside with you. I will feel the air rip through your hair and see your smile emerge from hiding. I can’t wait Guy. As always the next letter is ready for when you are.

 

Andrew

 

Dear you,

 

I hope you are happy, how are you really? Today you are going to write how you felt after my accident. In this package there is a black sharpie and paper, take them out and write your emotions, thoughts, and desires on the paper. I know you had a lot of feelings that day. Have you gotten them all out? I don’t want anything left unturned. Okay gather all of the papers up and go outside. Walk to a cliff that overlooks the sea. Now take one of the papers, read the words that you wrote. Now shout them at the top of your lungs while tearing the paper up and letting it fall. It feels good doesn’t it? Just letting it all go. Repeat the process for all the pieces of paper. Thank you for being brave Guy. I know it hurts and you are missing me, I am missing you too. There is only one letter left. This is the most important letter I have written you. Like in the past only when you are ready do I want you to read it?

Me

 

Dearest Guy,

 

I hope these letters have helped you know that I am still here with you. I have never left you and will always be her with you. Today you need to leave this place. I know you are not near friends and it is time that you go back. You need to forgive and forget. I want you to find the people who you feel did you wrong. I don’t care if it was there fault or yours, you will never heal if you feel any kind of angst toward anyone. I’m sure they feel just as awful as you do. So for me and for you, please let it go and be free and be able to be a human again. We all make mistakes, were not perfect, and it’s never easy. I love you and I want you to be happy, I want you to love again. Don’t feel tied down because of me, I know you love me, but you can love others beside me. Forgive, and move on. But remember I love you and will always be here for you!

 

Missing you and waiting to see you again, Andrew

 

 

 

Square One

 

 

Guy packed what little he wanted to take back with him in the rusty truck. He took one last look at the house he built. He was right; it would never be a home, just a house to him. But he would leave the key in the door for someone else to come upon it and make it his or her home.

 

With the box of letters on the seat next to him, he took off down the mountain back to London. He was quick with the drive only stopping for gas and the bathroom. He drove and drove until he reached his destination. It was his and Andrews’s apartment they had shared. He hadn’t been there in year and it showed. There was dust and a pile of post that blocked the door. Guy pushed his way into the apartment and stood in the doorway and looked around. It was just as he had left it, dishes in the sink, shoes tossed by the door, bass leaning against the couch, and constant reminders of Andrew everywhere. Guy took a deep breath and began the purge of his past life. He was doing what Andrew wanted and starting over. He cleaned and cleared the reminders until it was just a shell of what use to be there.

 

Satisfied he grabbed his bass and tuned it. It buzzed with a brilliant sound as he played. He played Andrews favorite song, Stand by Me, for the last time. He let the last note ring out and then placed the bass down. He walked over to the fireplace and lit a fire. Guy watched it burn for a little while before he walked over to the counter and took the box of letters and returned to the fire.

 

“Goodbye Love, you have helped me overcome mountains, and I will always be grateful for you. You stood by me through the thick and thin and never faltered like I did. I am going to try and move on. I know it will be difficult, but I need to do it. I wont be afraid because you will always stand by me. I love you Andrew, I always will.” Guy stood still and then tossed the box into the fire. He watched it burn until it was completely gone. That part of his life was done and he was back to square one.

 

Guy had one more thing to do. He got back into the old truck and drove until he reached the familiar sight. Taking a deep breath he got out of the truck and walked up the steps. Piano could be heard from the steps of the porch; Guy listened for a bit and then gathered his courage and rang the bell.

 

The door opened and there stood a bewildered Chris. Guy looked up at him and threw his arms around him. “I’m sorry.” Was all Guy was able to whisper out and it was all that was needed. Guy knew that Andrew was smiling somewhere and he knew that he would all right. What happened happened. It’s in the past and it can’t be undone. All that can be done is to move forward, to live, love and be.

 

The End.

 

 

 

inspired by "Amsterdam."

sorta.

 

All About You

 

 

 

It's all about you

 

trees green, sky blue

 

The things I notice you do

 

one and one, two and two

 

Hearing only what you say

 

slow stop to time and space

 

You've come along and gone away

 

moon sun, night day

 

Writing the words that you choose

 

drum sounds, street shoes

 

Forget about the time you lose

 

something old, something new

 

Whether you care or not

 

It's all for you

 

 

Arrow & Bow

 

Chapter 6

 

 

The sun's light was already beginning to fade as I climbed the stairs to my apartment. Sarah was leaning on the door when I arrived. She saw me and instantly her posture became alert.

 

"Jonny!" she exclaimed with relief. "I have been waiting here for over an hour! Where have you been?"

 

I shrugged and tried to hide my irritation. "I took a little walk."

 

"A little walk?" she questioned skeptically.

 

I threw up my hands with frustration. "Alright fine, maybe it was a long walk! What does it matter?"

 

"It matters because I have been waiting to talk to you! Mom is watching Madison so I don't have much time."

 

I unlocked the door and gestured for her to follow me inside. "Okay, so talk," I said between clenched teeth. I was hot, tired, and hungry. I had a lot on my mind already. I wasn't in the mood for this.

 

"It's about Madison, you know." She gave me a good, long stare. She knew she had me now.

 

I sighed and my faced relaxed involuntarily. "What is it?" I asked softly.

 

"I need...your help," she admitted. "There is no way Jackson would ever have the strength to tell Madison that he is dying. And I can't do it alone."

 

I was struck by her tone. It was quiet and pleading. I had never heard her sound so vulnerable. I had no idea where to begin with Madison, but of course I agreed anyways.

 

"Of course I will help."

 

The relief was evident on Sarah's features. She released a breath I didn't know she had been holding and sat down on my couch. I sat beside her and folded my hands in my lap.

 

"We will need to do this gently," I advised.

 

"I don't know what to do! She is so young, and death is so....horrible. She is only four years old!"

 

"We will have to explain it in the gentlest way possible."

 

"How do you propose we do that Jonathon? How do you expect to explain death to a four year old girl?"

 

She glared at me, but I paid no mind to it. Stress had always made Sarah rather irate. I was actually surprised she hadn't hit me yet.

 

"Listen to me Sarah. She might only be four, but she understand a great deal for her age. She is quite intelligent, and she is perceptive too. I could tell that she knew something was very wrong yesterday. Perhaps this won't come as big of a surprise to her as you think it might. You know, she asked me yesterday if he was going to be alright. I told her yes of course, but I could see in her eyes that she knew the reality."

 

"She asked that? Oh this is impossible!" she cried, collapsing back against the couch with a sigh of defeat.

 

"You're over thinking this. We just need to sit down with her, and in the most loving way we can, explain to her that Jackson is very sick and will likely not get better. If she screams, we hug her, if she cries we hold her tight. If she asks any questions we answer them as best as we can. But we must always tell her the truth."

 

"What if...what if she asks whether or not he will die?"

 

"Then we must tell her 'yes'."

 

"But we don't know that for certain!" she exclaimed, suddenly in a panic.

 

I grabbed her wrist and looked into her eyes. "It's brain cancer Sarah. You and I both know that Jackson is going to die from this. Maybe he will live longer than expected, but at some point this is going to kill him."

 

"I know," she whispered. "I know Jonny."

 

She began to cry. She tried to stop herself, but clearly she did not have enough strength left to keep up her defenses. I hugged her and let her cry on me for a long time. It was good for her to get this out now. It would make telling Madison easier, if only in a small way.

 

Finally she was done and she pulled away from me. Immediately she stood to leave. But first she turned to me again. "Thank you Jonathon. You were the only one I could come to with this."

 

"You're welcome."

 

Her eyes darted nervously around the room. She clasped then unclasped her hands. She rocked back and forth on her heels. Then she spoke again. "You are the best brother anyone could have. I am so thankful that to have me, really. Even when I don't act like it, I-"

 

I cut her off. "Don't mention it. You are a great sister. I am happy to help you whenever I can. Now go home and get some sleep. I am sure you'll want to visit Jackson in the morning."

 

She nodded and left. Then it was my turn to collapse. I sprawled out on the couch and stared at the ceiling. Never in my life had anything been so hard for me.

 

I almost laughed out loud, recalling how I used to think that my job was so difficult to handle. This was a thousand times worse. I would have gladly worked every day, ten hours a day, for the rest of my life if it meant avoiding this.

 

This evening had been emotionally draining on me. I was exhausted. Sarah had cried for more than an hour. But I hadn't shed a single tear. As a matter of fact, I hadn't expressed much emotion at all.

 

I hadn't intended to repress all my feelings, but I guess it was my natural reaction. My sister had needed me, and I had to remain strong for her sake.

 

But now it was just me alone in my apartment. Me against the world. A debilitating wave of exhaustion swept through me. Holding back emotions left me feeling far more worn down than expressing them would have.

 

I considered finally allowing myself to cry. But I held back. I might as well take advantage of my fatigue and call it a day. I closed my still dry eyes and allowed the exhaustion to have its way with me.

 

That night I dreamed. I dreamed I was a tree. Hanging from my branches were Sarah and Madison. They stayed there for what I think was a long while, but it's hard to tell the passage of time while dreaming. However long it was, eventually they climbed down and thanked me.

 

A strong wind began to blow then. I tried to call out for help. The gusts were beginning to uproot me form the ground. But neither Sarah nor Madison were anywhere to be seen.

 

I could still hear thank yous being whispered. But the words came from all directions and I saw no one. The wind continued to blow, stronger all the time. I continued to call out for help, but to no avail.

 

I felt myself tip over. I heard the crash as I toppled to the ground. That was when I awoke, with a start. So much for a good night's sleep, I thought.

 

 

A Heavy Heart

Chapter Five

 

It was a rough week back from vacation, as expected, and even the week after didn't go too well. Every morning Jonathan woke up to the sound of Chris screaming at him, seconds away from tossing a pillow at his head.

 

“Come on, Jay, if you don't get up we're gonna be late,” Chris would say from the doorway, even though it wasn't entirely true. Jonathan would lift his head with laboring fatigue and look over at Chris, then fall back on his pillow and groan loudly.

 

“Is it summer yet?”

 

“I wish.”

 

Then, just for good measure, Chris would throw the pillow at Jonathan's head.

 

Jonathan got his payback, though, once they ate breakfast. Every morning it was something different, so that Chris expected something to go wrong, but he had no clue what Jonathan had planned. One morning his tea was ice cold; another morning he discovered that Jonathan had messed with the dial on the toaster, and his toast was burnt to a crisp. Chris was keen on continuing the cycle, and so Jonathan was forced to change his shirt one morning after having cold tea dumped on him, then another morning he kept finding bits of burnt toast hidden throughout his hair.

 

They were no less mischievous around each other during school. Bits of clothing would go temporarily missing in the locker room, food would be stolen whilst attention was directed elsewhere; Jonathan especially liked to steal Chris's backpack and hide it in one of the other stalls, then wait and snicker as he watched Chris search the locker room almost entirely before finding it again.

 

But one day Chris took too long to change into his regular clothes, and so Jonathan, growing bored, left without him. Along with Jonathan, most of the others boys exited the locker room before Chris did, the lack of chatter in the air hinting at him to hurry. But, as he stuffed his shorts into his bag, he thought he heard footsteps drawing nearer.

 

“Uh... Chris?” Chris looked up to see a rather anxious blond-haired boy standing in front of him, mouth twitching and eyes a little bit frightened. “Hi. Um, I don't know if you really know who I am- I'm Nolan.”

 

“Hi, Nolan,” Chris replied in a friendly tone. He recognized the boy as one of those who stood by the door and relentlessly poked fun at him, but he decided to give this boy a chance. He looked innocent enough, and even a little cute. Not that Chris was big on judging people by their looks.

 

Nolan smiled nervously and fidgeted, staring down at his hands. He didn't really find anything helpful there, though he honestly didn't expect to. “I was just wondering... if you're not busy after school or anything... maybe we could hang out?”

 

Chris noticed a faint flush appear on the blond boy's cheeks, which he found rather endearing. “Yeah, OK.”

 

“Really?” Nolan replied in a small voice.

 

“Uh huh,” Chris nodded, “sounds great.”

 

“Cool. But, uh... is it OK if we meet somewhere... not on campus? Because... I mean, no one knows...”

 

Chris wasn't sure what it was exactly, but he felt a wave of emotion wash over him instantly. It was almost like some sort of weird disappointment. “Oh. Right, sure.” He looked down at his bag and tried to think. “How about the shop in town? It's only, like, a five-minute walk from here, I think.”

 

“That works.” Nolan stood around for another few moments and exhaled a shaky breath. “So... I'll see you then.”

 

He turned around and whisked away before Chris really had a chance to say anything else. He waited until Nolan had left the room to grab his things and leave himself. Slowly, he walked down the hallway, stopping at his locker to retrieve his books.

 

But as he closed the locker door he had a thought: Don't go to lunch. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Jonathan, because he did want to see Jonathan. Even though they lived together, and even though some other prank was most likely to be pulled if he did go, he still liked spending as much time with Jonathan as he could. What he really wanted to do, though, was go to the library. It felt like ages since he'd had the chance to be alone with his thoughts.

 

So he walked right past the cafeteria and towards the library. There were a few people in there, as he had expected, all studying or reading various books. One dark-haired boy stared at him viciously as he walked in, but Chris ignored the kid. He sat down at one of the empty tables and pulled out a dark purple folder from his backpack. Inside were pages upon pages of things sloppily written in his barely legible handwriting.

 

He flipped to the last page, words only resting on half of its front. He reread what he had previously put down, then began to write more. The ink flowed easily from his pen, the lines they wrote seeping from his mind with the same quickness. It was as though he knew what he wanted to say, and had known for so long, but since he hadn't had the chance to get it out, it built up, only now to be released onto paper.

 

The bell rang a while later, and Chris became aware of the beginning of hunger pains building in his abdomen. He'd sacrificed food for his alone time, but in the end he thought it was worth it. Even though he wouldn't be able to go home straight after school and make some sort of snack, he figured that since he would be there, he could buy something from the store later.

 

Then he remembered that he had plans that afternoon, and a tiny skip slid its way into his step. He only wished he had someone he could tell; Jonathan- apart from being the only person Chris thought would even be interested- was the only person Chris thought he could trust, even with classified information such as this, but he had no other classes with Jonathan for the rest of the day. Nevertheless, Chris remained unalterably happy throughout the duration of his proceeding classes.

 

As he stood outside of the shop in town, waiting to see Nolan's blond hair walking down the sidewalk or coming through the door of the building– he wasn't sure if Nolan had made it there before him or not- his smile stayed strong, and he even began to hum to himself a little.

 

“Sorry about the wait,” Nolan said as he walked up along the sidewalk. He brushed a hand through his hair, almost looking as if he was trying to hide from someone across the street. “I had to get rid of my friends before I could come here. You know, I don't want them to get suspicious.”

 

“Come on,” Chris excitedly said, basically ignoring everything Nolan had just told him. “Let's go for a walk.”

 

Chris linked his arm with Nolan's and pulled him down the street and around the corner. As they walked, he briefly recalled a time when he and Jonathan had walked nearly the same path. It felt like ages ago.

 

“So, Nolan,” Chris casually began, “tell me... your hopes and dreams.”

 

“My hopes and dreams?” Nolan uneasily replied, and Chris laughed.

 

“OK, it doesn't have to be your hopes and dreams. But tell me something, I hardly know anything about you except your name.”

 

“Well...” Nolan paused for a really long time, staring at his feet as they moved down the street. “I don't know, what do you want to know?”

 

“Hmm... one dream you have, then. Like,” Chris waved his free hand through the air, “what do you want to do with your life, that sort of thing.”

 

“I kinda want to be some sort of engineer. My dad's a mechanic, so I've learned a lot from him about that sort of thing. I think I could do it pretty well.” Nolan shrugged. “What about you?”

 

“Oh, you know,” Chris droned with a sudden boredom, “a... doctor or lawyer or something like that.”

 

Nolan laughed a little, “So, you're just in it for the money?”

 

“Yep,” Chris grinned. Then, with the strong desire to shift the focus off him, he continued, “Tell me something else.”

 

Nolan thought for a few moments. “When I was younger I wanted to be a model. My mum kindly told me I wasn't attractive enough.”

 

Chris laughed a bit, but replied, “I think you are.”

 

Nolan ducked his head and tried not to grin. “Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. But you do have to have a six-pack. 'Cause if you're not ripped, then it's just not gonna work.”

 

“Right. I think I'll stick to being an engineer.”

 

“You would certainly make an attractive engineer,” Chris honestly said. “Of course, I don't know any engineers, so I'm not sure how big of an accomplishment that would be.”

 

Nolan laughed, finally beginning to feel a little more at ease. “Where are we walking to, exactly?” he asked, scrunching his eyebrows.

 

“I hadn't actually thought of that. I do know a place...” Chris thought about the abandoned building not far from where they were at the moment, though he felt a little strange thinking about it. “It's hidden, so you won't have to worry,” he added with a tiny bit of bitterness.

 

“Sorry,” Nolan quietly said.

 

Chris brightened up almost instantly and tugged at Nolan's arm. “Come on.” His hand slid down to Nolan's and he started to run in what he was pretty sure was the correct direction. Nolan could just barely keep up with Chris, and when they finally stopped by the building he was panting like there was no tomorrow.

 

“Holy... geez, you run fast,” he breathed, clutching at his side. “And that means something, coming from me.”

 

“Yeah, aren't you one of those jocks? I thought you were, like, really sporty,” Chris said without faltering at all.

 

“I thought so, too.”

 

They walked around the building a little, and found a ramp leading up to the side of the building. They sat there for a few hours, talking about everything and nothing all at once. Nolan told stories about his- in Chris's opinion- awfully judgmental friends, and Chris told stories about Jonathan and Penny. It was a pleasant afternoon overall.

 

“And so I told him that if he was going to keep taking my food, then I was going to have to retaliate,” Chris said.

 

“Did you?”

 

“Oh yeah,” Chris deviously grinned. “I'm fairly certain he still doesn't know it yet, but I slipped a rather gigantic picture of a sheep into his math book. So, whenever he finally gets to the chapter on... sine graphs or whatever, he'll be pleasantly surprised. Or he'll have a heart attack. He hates sheep.”

 

Nolan laughed as he shook his head a little. “You're hilarious.”

 

“I don't believe you, but thanks.”

 

“You should believe me, I wouldn't lie to you.” Nolan turned his head to stare off into the open air, and he winced a bit before he spoke again. “I have to ask you something.”

 

“What?”

 

“Do you like... that Jonathan kid? I mean, I know you're friends with him, but sometimes in gym class I see you guys talking, and it just seems like maybe...” Nolan lowered his head and lowered his voice, “Or I could just be jealous.”

 

The corners of Chris's lips turned up a bit. He was rather touched by Nolan's interest, and so he decided to lay his hand along Nolan's jaw and place a soft kiss on his lips. “I think I should be getting home soon.”

 

“Me too... but you didn't answer my question.”

 

Chris made a strained expression and sighed. “It doesn't really matter either way, does it? He has a girlfriend.”

 

Nolan narrowed his eyes. “Who, Angelica? I thought she broke up with him last week.”

 

“She did? Well, he never told me...” Chris trailed off into his own thoughts, staring down at the ground with a look of confusion. After a minute or so of wondering why Jonathan wouldn't have told him if it was true, he looked back up at Nolan. “I would say that we should do this again some time...”

 

“... but we'd have to sneak around?” Nolan asked, a tiny bit of him hoping that wasn't the correct ending to the sentence. Sadly, he was let down as Chris nodded.

 

“Yeah, and I've done that before and it's not really something I want to do again.”

 

“I understand.” Nolan gave a smile, sad, but empathetic. “I'll see you in school, then.”

 

They hugged goodbye and parted ways, though it wasn't for very long; Chris had walked not five feet before he spun around again.

 

“Nolan?” Nolan slowed down and turned to face him, waiting expectantly. “You're a very nice boy. No one should hate you for being you.”

 

Nolan stared back at Chris and soaked in the words, and while he was doing so, Chris took the opportunity to leave again. This time he continued until he reached home, where he was almost immediately interrogated by Jonathan.

 

“Where were you?” he asked, arms folded and back leaning against the kitchen doorway. “I was waiting for you outside the school for ages, then I thought maybe you were already on the bus, but you weren't. And then I thought maybe you stayed after, but you didn't come home.”

 

“I was hanging out with someone,” Chris said. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't get the chance to-”

 

“That's another thing- I didn't see you in lunch, either. I was starting to worry...”

 

“I went to the library,” Chris explained. “Sorry.”

 

Jonathan noticed the frown on Chris's face and decided that maybe he was being too hard on Chris. He softened a bit, unfolding his arms and breezily walking away from the kitchen.

 

“It's OK,” he said, “I was just afraid that maybe something had happened to you.”

 

“Is Penny home yet?” Chris asked.

 

“Not yet.”

 

Chris stared at Jonathan sadly, and in a low voice he asked, “Jay, how come you didn't tell me about Angelica?”

 

Jonathan froze for a bit, taken aback and searching in his mind for an answer. “I... Well, it was a few weeks ago. I was going to tell you, but that was when you went out with James and you came home and you were crying and I didn't think that I should bother you with it.”

 

“Bother-? No, Jay, you could have told me,” Chris said. “Forget about whatever stupid things are going on in my life, if you have a problem you can talk to me about it. You're much more important than I am.”

 

Jonathan stared down at the ground, watching as he wiggled his toes a bit. “She broke up with me over the phone.”

“Aw, Jay.” Within seconds Chris's feet were by his own, Chris's arms wrapped around his shoulders.

 

“Well, I mean, I'm not completely devastated or anything. It sucks, but I'll get over it.”

 

“There are plenty of fish in the sea, right?” Chris said, looking into Jonathan's eyes and dropping his arms to his side. “For both of us.”

 

“I'm taking it didn't go so well with... whoever?” Jonathan asked.

 

“No, it went great.” Chris smiled, then shrugged. “But he doesn't want people to know, and I don't want that.”

 

“Right...” Jonathan folded his arms again, but not in a threatening way- he merely had nothing better to do with them. “So, what did you go to the library for?”

 

“Oh, uh, I had some homework I needed to finish,” Chris convincingly lied. “I should really start doing more of it at home.”

 

“I would say so, if you need to take an entire lunch period to do it.” Chris panicked for a moment, thinking that Jonathan sounded a little skeptical, but it soon passed. His quizzical expression changed to one most resembling concern. “Man, aren't you starving? When's the last time you ate?”

 

Chris's eyes widened and his mouth fell open a bit as he realized the answer to Jonathan's question. “This morning. Whoa.”

 

He quickly rushed past Jonathan and into the kitchen to find something to eat. He nearly passed right by the table, but something caught his eyes- a bright pink sticky note with his name written in very dark, very bold letters. Chris picked it up, and his eyes laid upon the plate of food beside it. He spun around to see Jonathan waiting in the doorway, smiling at him.

 

Chris turned around again slowly, collapsed in the chair, and started to pick at some of the food. It felt wonderful to eat again, and he suddenly felt incredibly lucky that he only had to go for hours without eating, rather than days like people in other, less fortunate parts of the world.

 

“You're such a good friend,” Chris crooned with his mouth partially full, though careful not to spit chunks across the table.

 

Jonathan gave a small laugh and swiftly walked towards the table. “As are you.”

 

Chris bit his lip and smiled as he held the note between his fingers, the hope rising in his chest as his newly single best friend sat down beside him.

 

 

A Heavy Heart

Chapter Six

 

Chris looked down at the tiny folded piece of paper that was trying to be handed to him. He looked up to the girl whose arm was stretched out. He took a few seconds and blinked at her with slight contempt, though really he was stalling so he could remember her name. He failed, but he felt that he should still speak to her.

 

“You can talk to me, you know,” he said. “It's not like class has started yet.”

 

The girl dejectedly pulled her hand back. “Fine,” she sighed. “Are you going to the dance on Friday?”

 

“There's a dance?” he uninterestedly asked.

 

“Yes, and I think you should go. And, you know, maybe we could go together.” She smiled at him and bat her eyelashes a few times. Chris narrowed his eyes at her.

 

“No,” he slowly replied. When he didn't continue, the girl took great offense.

 

“No? That's it?” she shrieked. “Just no?”

 

“You... You do realize that I'm gay, right?” Chris asked her. “It's nothing personal, I'm sure you're a nice girl.”

 

“You are?” She laughed a bit to cover up her mistake and said, “Well, I mean, I'd heard people say things... but I thought those were just rumors.” Chris shook his head, and the girl sighed and sat back in her seat. “Isn't that a bit unfair?”

 

“What?”

 

“Well, there are plenty of girls in the world, right? Plenty of girls to like boys.” She sat forward once more, enthusiastically trying to make her point to Chris. “If boys like boys, then who's gonna like all those girls?”

 

Chris was, at first, unsure of what to say in response. He stared at her questioningly for a while until he finally thought of something. “There are enough boys who do like girls. I don't think you have anything to worry about.”

 

The girl thought about it, her eyebrows burrowed in deep concentration. “Well, I still don't think it's fair.”

 

“Life's not fair,” Chris said. “Does that make you feel better?”

 

“No-” the girl began, disappointed, before she was cut off by the class beginning. All throughout the rest of the period, Chris thought he saw her shooting nasty and annoyed looks in his direction, but he just ignored it. And when the class ended and the students were terrifically glad to know their school day was over, Chris walked behind her and was nearly hit with the door on his way out.

 

He walked through the hallways like he always did, drifting along and thinking about other things until he finally reached his locker. He heard the people talking around him, but like always he tuned it out until the noise was just a dull roar.

 

As he stood in front of his locker, backpack in one hand and books in the other, he felt something collide with his shoulder. His arm jerked forward and his books were sent tumbling to the ground, where they scattered themselves across the floor. He dropped his backpack, bent down and apathetically gathered the fallen items.

 

Just after he stuffed his books in his bag, his hand reached out for his sacred dark purple folder, but someone else grabbed it before he did. Chris looked up to see Jonathan towering over him, examining the outside of the folder in his hands. Chris stood up and tried to gently pry it away.

 

“Drop your stuff?” Jonathan asked.

 

“Yeah, I guess I shouldn't try to hold more than I physically can,” Chris quickly brushed it off. He tried again to get his folder, this time with more urgency. “Can I have that back? Please?”

 

Jonathan narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but ultimately handed the folder to Chris then leaned against the wall. He lightly sighed. “Angelica is seeing someone else now... apparently,” he mentioned.

 

Chris looked up as he swung his arms through the straps on his backpack. “I'm sorry,” he sincerely said, and reached a hand out and placed it kindly on Jonathan's shoulder.

 

“Thanks man.” Then Jonathan did something strange- at least, Chris thought so. For some reason, he moved his hand over Chris's and kept it there for about two seconds, though it felt like an eternity to Chris.

 

“Yeah,” Chris replied, ignoring the sudden sickness he felt. “Now let's get going. To the buses, away!” he cheered with fake enthusiasm.

 

Jonathan began to walk first, and as Chris followed he rolled his eyes and exhaled in agony. Once they had reached the outside, Chris shuffled over so he was walking beside Jonathan.

 

“So, Jay, how was the rest of your day?”

 

“It was all right,” Jonathan shrugged in reply. “Pretty much the same as always. Yours?”

 

“Same. Oh, but something did happen in Chemistry!” Chris chirped. He stopped talking, though, as they reached the bus. Jonathan allowed Chris to go in front of him, and Chris quickly clamored up the steps. He was scanning the bus for empty seats, walking towards the back, when suddenly Jonathan saw him begin to fall. Luckily, Chris caught himself by grabbing a hold of one of the seats and correcting his balance. He quickly continued on, collapsing down in a nearby seat and waiting for Jonathan.

 

Jonathan slowly walked back to where Chris was, and he noticed two boys laughing to themselves, the one boy's foot hanging out into the aisle just a little bit. As he sat down, he watched them with a look of utter disgust and confusion, and he turned to find Chris smiling at him, acting like nothing happened.

 

“Chris-”

 

“Oh, I know, I'm so clumsy,” Chris airily laughed.

 

“You...” Jonathan was at a total loss for words.

 

“I... should watch where I'm going? Yeah, I know, and I should learn to tie my shoes better, too.” Chris lifted his legs back some, sliding his feet underneath the seat to hide his perfectly tied laces. “It's all good. So anyway, like I was saying before- Chemistry.”

 

“What happened in Chemistry?” Jonathan asked, though his mind was still on the preceding events.

 

“That girl you thought likes me,” Chris began, motioning with his hand, “I can't remember her name, but she asked me to the dance. So I guess you were right.”

 

“Oh. Well, that's good,” Jonny unenthusiastically replied. “Did she... not know... or whatever?”

 

“She knew, but she didn't think it was true.” Chris lowered his eyes thoughtfully and stared off into space. “I don't think she likes me much anymore.”

 

“Good,” Jonathan almost immediately said, with much more interest than before. Chris noticed, of course, and so Jonathan tried to hide it. “I mean, maybe she'll leave you alone now. Girls can be annoying sometimes.”

 

Chris nodded along. “Boys are much better. Except they don't like to admit that.”

 

“I don't think they're that much better,” Jonathan laughed. “They can be total assholes, which is probably way worse than being annoying.”

 

“Some of them are very sweet,” Chris bashfully replied. “But you're right, others are just... jerks.”

 

“Which one am I?”

 

Chris glanced up and made a quick decision. “You, Jay,” he slowly began, “are the biggest jerk I know.”

 

Jonathan stared at him for a few seconds, then pumped his fist in the air. “Yes! Life mission accomplished.”

 

“You deserve some sort of award.” Chris spread his hands out in front of him on some sort of imaginary banner. “Jonathan- he puts the 'Jay' in 'jerk'. Wonderful.”

 

Jonathan just watched Chris and laughed as the bus rolled to a stop outside their house. As he had taken the aisle seat, Jonathan stood up and walked off the bus first, but Chris ran past him and into the house once they were on the ground. Jonathan laughed again; he was always amused by Chris's crazy antics.

 

When he walked through the hallway to the stairs, he passed by the kitchen doorway and noticed that Chris had sat himself down at the table. Jonathan decided his room could wait, and he joined Chris.

 

“Having fun?” Chris quickly shot his head up, revealing a glass of water sitting in front of him.

 

“Having water, Jonathan. You can't drink fun.” Chris scanned his eyes over the air momentarily, then shrugged. “Or you could try to, but I think that would look very awkward.”

 

Chris took a sip of his water as Jonathan sat down. “I'm sure you could do it,” Jonathan said, “you pull off awkward very well.”

 

Chris held his head high and grinned. “Well, thank you.” He began to drum his fingers on the surface of the table for a bit before springing to his feet. “I'll be right back, I have to pee really bad now. I think it's that water, maybe there's too much fun in it...” He stopped for a moment, rethinking what he has just said, then decided it wasn't worth thinking about twice. Instead, he just left.

 

Jonathan saw Chris's backpack just laying on the table, almost asking to be searched. He wasn't sure why he had the desire to do it, he just did. Something about Chris's behavior as of late had him feeling that maybe not everything was as perfect as Chris made it out to be. He was just concerned, that's all.

 

What he really wanted to know more about was the dark purple folder, anyway. Chris had seemed to protect it so dearly that it must have contained some top secret information. Jonathan felt a twinge of guilt as he grabbed the folder, but he kept telling himself that it was for Chris's own good.

 

He let it rest before him for a few moments before opening it, mostly to prepare himself. He didn't know what to expect, really, so he tried to not expect anything.

 

The folder opened with ease, as most folders usually do, and the left side gently fell to the table. Jonathan looked at the papers inside, trying to decipher the messy handwriting.

 

It was a story of some sort, and from what Jonathan gathered it was written by Chris. He knew he didn't have time to read all of it, but he read the first page, then just flipped through and counted the rest. There were around a hundred pages, Jonathan estimated, and he stared at it in awe. He was so captivated by it, in fact, that he forgot to make sure he put the folder back before Chris returned.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Jonathan froze, his heart racing. He snapped the folder shut and pushed it aside.

 

“Nothing,” he brightly said, clasping his hands in front of him. “What- what are you doing?”

 

“You went through my stuff,” Chris said. He was breathing heavily, nearly hyperventilating, and that Jonathan felt the twinge again. “Jay!”

 

“Yeah,” Jonathan admitted, really ashamed. “I'm sorry.”

 

“What did you see?” Chris quietly asked, rushing over to his backpack.

 

“Your story... Chris, why would hide that?”

 

“Because I...” he strongly began, but lost his explanation along the way. He waved his hands around to find it, but he failed in the end. “I don't know.”

 

“So, you wrote a story,” Jonathan said. “Who cares?”

 

“I wrote more than one,” Chris said in a hushed voice.

“You did?”

 

Chris ducked his head and scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, I like to write.”

 

“How come you never mentioned it before?” Jonathan asked, grabbing the folder again and reopening it. “Chris, from what I read, you're really good. You could be a writer or something, if you wanted.”

 

“Really, you think so?” Chris replied with big, dreamy eyes. He sat down beside Jonathan. “I... I guess I just never thought about it that way. I was always... I was always told to become a doctor, or lawyer, or whatever.”

“By who, your parents?” Chris looked up with a sadness that confirmed Jonathan's question. “Chris, this is going to sound really rude and insensitive, and I apologize in advance, but...” Jonathan bit his lip and took a deep breath to lessen the pain, even though he didn't really understand how that would work. “...your parents don't care about you. OK? If they did, you wouldn't be here right now, in this house.”

 

“I guess you're right,” Chris hoarsely replied. He looked down at his hands laying in his lap and he felt a weird jolt as Jonathan placed his hand on Chris's shoulder.

 

“If you don't want to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or on whatever ridiculous pedestal your parents tried to place you, then you don't have to be. Just be you, OK?”

 

Chris said nothing for a while, his mind clouded by thoughts of his parents, his future, and his present; Jonathan's hand still rested on his shoulder.

 

“Mum and I, we care about you now. And- well, I can't speak for her exactly, but all we want is for you to be happy. All I want is for you to be happy.” Jonathan tightened his grip a little, then let go and sat back in his chair. He looked at the folder again. “You wrote more than just this one?”

 

Chris slowly looked at Jonathan. “Wanna see 'em?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Chris stood up, reached across the table, and grabbed his backpack. He led Jonathan up the stairs and down the hall to his room. He threw his bag on the floor by the door and crawled over his bed to his nightstand.

 

The drawer was filled with a multitude of folders similar to the purple one, though differing in color. Chris tried to grab all of them at once, which he eventually did, and he set them down on the bed with a hefty grunt.

 

“There are... ten, I think,” he said as Jonathan sat down, staring in amazement. “Two of them I wrote over the summer.”

 

“Is this what you've been doing in here, then?” Jonathan asked, pointing to the stack of folders. “Writing?”

 

“Yeah. Writing and reading.” Chris followed Jonathan's gaze and glanced down at the folders. “You can look at them, read them, if you want. I... I can't say they're all that great, but... If you want.”

 

Chris pushed the stack towards Jonathan a little. Jonathan reached for one of the folders, logically taking the top one. As he read, Chris watched on, anxious and feeling very vulnerable. He tried to distract himself by examining various random things around his room, but nothing worked.

 

Jonathan flipped a page, and Chris's stomach flipped itself. It was awful, the waiting, and he felt like screaming and throwing something at the wall. But he knew that wouldn't make time go faster.

 

Jonathan must have sensed Chris's worry, because he stopped reading halfway through a page and said, “You're really talented, man. I mean, I'm no expert on literature or anything, but this is fantastic.”

 

Chris smiled, though in truth Jonathan's compliment only made him worry more. He fidgeted as Jonathan continued to read, and suddenly decided that his energy would work best channeled into writing. He snatched his folder out of his bag and took a pen from his drawer. Fervently, he scribbled things down, until he realized that he had written 3 pages worth of story and Jonathan was now looking at him, his attention having been diverted from reading.

 

“You... are amazing,” Jonathan said. “How can you write that fast?”

 

“I don't know,” Chris shrugged, “It just... kinda pours out of me, you know?” Chris looked over the papers and chuckled. “I doubt any of it's good.”

 

“I don't,” Jonathan said, then went back to reading. Chris went through what he had written, crossing things out, adding things in the margins. Then he wrote some more, and edited that. Jonathan sat quietly at his side the entire time, and quickly an hour had passed, then two. Penny came home sometime during the third, and was rather surprised to find the house seemingly empty and eerily quiet.

 

She was not worried as she walked through the house searching for the boys, merely curious as to where they were; she had a few ideas.

 

“What are you boys up to?” she casually asked from Chris's doorway.

 

“Reading-”

 

“Writing.”

 

“Oh.” Penny waited for a few moments, as if expecting further explanation. When she didn't receive any, she cleared her throat and spoke again. “Reading and writing what?”

 

Somehow she knew that the answer would be a vague, “Story,” from the both of them, but she asked it anyway. She nodded her head, accepting that she wasn't going to get much more detail than that, and began to leave.

 

“Penny?” She stopped, turned around and saw Chris looking up at her. “Would you like to read one of my stories?”

 

She didn't know what to say at first, but soon enough she agreed. Chris eagerly handed her a folder with much more confidence than he had with Jonathan. She stood and read, while Chris beamed at her.

 

“Jay said I could be a writer,” he said. “Right, Jay?”

 

Jonathan nodded, too wrapped up in the story to really answer Chris. But Chris was satisfied with that, and Penny seemed to be impressed.

“Well, I think he's right. This is very good.” Her eyes scanned the page. “How long have you been writing?”

“A few years,” Chris answered. “I never told anyone... I didn't think anyone would care. And I didn't think it would matter, anyway.”

 

The room went suddenly silent, Penny and Jonathan both consumed in his writing. Chris lost a tiny bit of his happiness, but it didn't matter much. Watching the two people who he realized actually cared about him, he began to feel like he was much closer to finally being a whole person, finally being exactly who he wanted to be.

 

 

Waves

Part TWO.

 

 

 

 

"What?" Gwyneth exclaimed, sobbing into Chris' pillow.

 

"I'm leaving" Chris replied, getting out of the bed, still clutching his chest. He was still in pain. A nurse walked into the room.

"Excuse me, what are you doing, sir?" she asked.

 

"I'm leaving" Chris said, smiling.

 

"Leaving what?" the nurse asked.

 

"Everything!" Gwyneth screamed, throwing the pillow at Chris. Moses walked into the room.

 

"Son" Chris said, picking up his son. His son was where his attention was drawn right now. Nobody else, he blocked out all the noise other than the words of his only son's.

 

"Daddy, where are you going?" he asked. Chris now began to get emotional.

 

"Son, don't make this harder than it already is, okay kiddo" Chris said, one tear rolling down his face as he began to chuckle. "I'm your father, I always will be. You don't forget that. I love you, your sister and your mum so, so much"

 

Gwyneth collapsed onto the hospital bed, screaming out.

"Goodbye" Chris said, holding back any more tears as he kissed his son's forehead.

 

Trying to pull herself together, Gwyneth approached Chris.

"Are you not even going to say goodbye to your daughter, or are you just leaving now?" Gwyneth said, raising her eyebrows, clearing her tears.

 

"She is too young to understand what is going on" Chris said, smiling and turning towards the exit.

 

"Will I ever see you again?" Gwyneth asked, her voice taking a softer tone.

 

"I don't know" Chris said, walking over to Gwyneth and kissing her. "I just don't know"

 

Chris walked out.

 

"Someone stop that man!" The nurse exclaimed.

 

"You can't stop him when he is like this" Gwyneth said.

 

"But you don't understand, if we don't, he might die"

 

 

All Is Still

 

 

 

I had loved him from the moment I first looked into his gentle, green eyes. He had the nicest face I had ever seen, and when he smiled my stomach flared up with butterflies. He’ll never know that’s why I suggested using butterflies as part of our last album theme. Last album. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that there won’t be any more.

 

The sickly green walls stretch on forever around me. Interrupted only by the paleness of tens of doors in the dimly lit corridor.

 

I’ve never told him how I felt. I was afraid that it might cause some tension in our band. Our little family. My brothers. I look over at Will sitting next to me. Pale and teeth clenched. He notices me looking and suddenly grabs my hands and scoot closer to me.

 

I feel a sob wreck my body and I put up my hand to my face. I’m surprised at the wetness there. I quietly succumb to my own tears. I would rather scream my lungs out and run up and down these hopeless corridors. But I don’t.

 

The door in front of me and Will opens and I sit up straight to see a hollow eyed Guy step out on shaky legs. He clears his throat and wipes at his cheeks.

“It’s…” His words get stuck in his throat and I stand up to embrace him tightly. He desperately clings to me. Both our breaths come out in shaky puffs and Will soon walk over to us and carefully remove Guy’s arms from around me.

 

“Come on, man.” I hear him mutter to Guy as I look through the open door at the man of my dreams.

 

I walk into the room and sit down on an uncomfortable chair, vacated by Guy only minutes ago.

 

I look at the still figure on the bed. I put my hand over his.

“Jon?” I ask quietly, my voice failing me.

 

Then his eyelids flutter open and he focuses his gaze on me with a tired smile that just barely reaches his eyes.

“Hi.” He whispers.

 

I smile. Convincingly, I hope.

 

“How are you?” He continues.

 

“Not too good.” I say and begin to cry again.

 

Jonny sighs and caresses my hair as I put my head down on the bed next to him. I finish crying after a few minutes and I sit up and draw in a shaky breath and sniffle a little.

 

“Christopher Anthony John Martin.” Jonny says my name with such reverence that my stomach begin to flutter again.

 

I nod.

“Yeah?”

 

“You know what?”

I shake my head.

 

“I’m not even afraid.”

 

“Jon, please…” I desperately whisper.

 

“But I’m not.” He smiles a brilliant smile. “They’ve told me that I won’t hurt a bit. And to be frank… I’ve been longing to get out of this fucking bed for so long now that I don’t really care what state I do it in.”

 

I blink. And stand up. And walk out of the room.

 

I can feel Jon’s stare follow me out of the room.

 

I soon return with Guy and Will in tow.

 

“What’s up?” Jonny asks.

 

“We’re getting you out of here.”

 

“What?” Jonny laughs a little, surprised at the intensity in my voice.

 

“We’re kidnapping you.” Will clarifies and Guy goes over to the window and opens up the blinds.

 

It’s a beautiful evening. The sky is low on the horizon and paints the surrounding forest in shades of dark greens and golds.

 

Jonny look up at us and nods as fiercely as he can.

“Let’s do it.”

 

He lets himself be picked up by the strong and gentle arms of Mister William Champion and Guy presses down his cap on Jonny’s head.

 

“Thanks.” He says and looks over at us. The sun is filtered in through the window and the four of us share a sacred moment together. “Thank you.” He says again and somehow I feel it’s not only for the kidnapping he’s thanking us.

 

How we get by the hospital staff is beyond me, but soon we’re standing out in the almost empty parking lot, looking out on the world.

 

Jonny draws in a deep breath of air. He coughs a little but smiles.

 

We slowly make our way down a small hill and walk in through the trees. The air feels holy in here. It’s still and it’s quiet. A gentle breeze ruffle Jonny’s hair poking out from underneath Guy’s cap.

 

He looks purely happy and my heart swells achingly.

 

We arrive in a small clearing, the sun shines clearly through an opening in between the trees.

 

“Here.” Jonny says and Will gently puts him down on the ground. He lies down and motions for us to do the same. I’m on his right, Guy’s on his left and Will is next to Guy.

 

The clouds above us are painted with pinks and gold. The sky peeking through is pale blue.

 

“I wonder if there’s a heaven.” Jonny says quietly and he sounds like a little lost child.

I grab his hand and I know Guy has just done the same.

 

“If there is.” Will says. “You’re definitely going there.” His voice is thick, but sincere.

 

“What would you do if you meet an angel?” I say, trying to make Jonny laugh, just to hear it one more time.

 

I succeed and the sweet sound warms my heart. He’s quiet for a while before he answers.

 

“I’d tell them all about you and make them jealous.”

 

My heart flips and I can hear Guy and Will chuckle.

 

“Way to finally get some balls and tell him.” Guy cheekily teases, but I can hear the tears in his voice.

 

“Oh, shut up.” Jonny says and turns his head towards me. He grabs my head and pulls me to him, kissing me deeply.

 

“There.” He breathes. “One last kiss.”

 

I begin to cry, sobs painfully wrecking my chest. Jonny kisses my temple and lies down again, squeezing my hand.

 

“I love you. I always have and I always will.” He says to me. Then he turns his head and looks at the wild-haired brunette next to him.

 

“And I love you, Guy.” Guy put his head on Jonny’s chest and squeezes his eyes shut to hide his tears.

 

“Will.” Jonny reaches out his free hand to him and Will clasps it tightly, face stoic and eyes shining with un-shed tears. He sniffles.

 

“I love you.” He breathes deeply as Will lies down on his shoulder, eyes gazing up at the sky.

 

I lay down on his chest as well, Guy’s hair tickling my face.

 

“I hate to say this.” He continues. “But I think we have to say goodbye now.”

 

“Goodbye, Jonny.” Will sobs suddenly.

 

“Bye, Jon.” Guy whispers, tears streaming down his pale cheeks.

 

I don’t have it in me to say it. I just can’t.

“Chris?” Jonny whispers. I can feel him leaving us.

 

“I’ll see you soon, love.” I say and break down completely.

 

“Goodbye…” Jonny whispers. “You’ve been the best friends I could have ever asked for.”

 

And then he’s quiet.

 

A breeze ruffle the emerald leaves.

 

The sun sets.

 

All is still.

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry for killing Jonny again. And sorry for being absent from here, I'll better myself, I promise! :heart:

This story was based on a Love Gives Me Hope submission.

 

I've loved him ever since we met, but I was afraid that would cause tension in our band.

 

On his deathbed, I joked, asking him what would happen when he met an angel.

 

He smiled and kissed me. "Well, I'd tell them all about you and make them jealous."

 

He died 2 hours later, with my hand in his. His LGMH

 

LGMH

 

 

 

A Heavy Heart

Chapter Seven

 

Jonathan knew something was wrong. It was Chris's general demeanor that tipped him off; at the moment, he was adamantly frowning at his lunch. In general, Chris would look sad every now and then, but usually for no more than a few moments. It was always just a very quick expression that danced across his face and was gone as soon as it came, almost impossible to catch.

 

Chris hadn't said a word to Jonathan since they sat down. He hadn't eaten anything, either. He just sat and stared. Jonathan wanted to ask what was wrong, but he knew he wasn't going to get a straight answer, so he didn't even bother. But it really upset him to see Chris looking so down.

 

On the bus, Chris sat by the window with his head resting on the pane. Jonathan watched him the whole time. When they got off the bus, Chris walked a little slower and just barely kept up with Jonathan, his feet audibly dragging along the gravel of the driveway.

 

“I'm gonna be in my room,” he quietly said, standing in Jonathan's doorway as Jonathan set his backpack on his bed. “Writing... In case you need me.”

 

“OK.” Jonathan stepped over to his doorway to watch as Chris trudged to his room.

 

He waited downstairs for a few hours until Penny arrived home. He assumed that Chris had been in his room the entire time, though he wasn't entirely convinced that Chris was writing.

 

The door creaked open slowly and Penny entered her home. Exhausted already, she carelessly hung up her coat and began to make her way to the living room.

 

“Mum?” Penny turned to where the sound of her son's voice was coming from, which also happened to be the kitchen. “Can I talk to you about something?”

 

“What is it?” she brightly asked. She was tired, but she could forget about it to focus on her son, and so she walked over to where he stood.

 

“It's about Chris.” Penny raised an eyebrow, silently guessing at what to expect, and Jonathan continued, “Well, he seems really... upset today. And I'm worried about him, because... he doesn't get treated so well in school.”

 

“I'd imagine it's tough for him.”

 

“Yeah, like the other day we were on the bus, and some kid tripped him. And when I was with him at his locker, he was picking up his books, and I'm pretty sure that he didn't just drop them himself.” Jonathan sighed in frustration. “Mum, he just stands there and takes it, and then he acts like the freaking stuff was his fault and pretends it never happened!”

 

Penny nodded a little. “Jonathan, some people deal with things in different ways.”

 

“I know, but you should have seen him today. I've never seen him look so... sad.” Jonathan looked down at his feet and shrugged. “I'm just afraid that maybe it's finally getting to him. But I know he won't say anything on his own.”

 

“Maybe we should have a talk with him, then,” Penny said, then she reached out and tilted Jonathan's head back up. “Would that make you feel better?”

 

“I guess.”

 

“Would what make you feel better?” a small voice asked. Chris was suddenly in their company, still frowning with every syllable he spoke. “Jay, are you having more problems?”

 

Jonathan was slightly touched by Chris's concern, but also a little angry that Chris was obviously trying to avoid his own problems. “No, but I think you are,” he said.

 

“What do you mean?” Chris's eyes were something of a mixture between fear and despair, and Jonathan noticed they looked a little glossy.

 

Jonathan glanced at Penny, and she gave him a nod to tell him to go on. “It's just that you don't really seem like yourself today. You haven't talked so much, and you look kinda depressed.”

 

“I've had kinda an off day,” Chris shrugged. “Everyone gets those.”

 

“You don't want to talk about it? Because, you know...” Jonathan paused, then quickly decided to forget about being gentle and kind. “Ah, hell, Chris, will you let something bother you once in a while? Or, tell people that it bothers you? You can't just let them treat you like garbage and not react at all!”

 

Chris stared for a while. At first his eyes were blank, but slowly the expression rushed to them and it was obvious he'd been holding back a lot.

 

Jonathan silently and patiently waited for Chris to finally speak, which only came after he nearly burst into tears. “Everyone hates me,” he croaked, stepping forward and leaning into Jonathan. Jonathan wrapped his arms around Chris, having not nearly expected such an emotional reaction from him.

 

“No, no,” Jonathan soothed, rubbing his hand across Chris's back. “I don't hate you.”

 

“Everyone else hates me,” Chris sobbed, though muffled a bit by Jonathan's shoulder. “They all hate me, I know they do.”

 

“They're ridiculous. But you shouldn't just let them say or do those things to you. You should stand up for yourself once in a while.”

 

Chris started shaking his head, then he looked up. Jonathan almost felt like crying himself at the sight of teardrops clinging to Chris's eyelashes and sliding down his cheeks. Penny stood off to the side, merely observing the interaction between the two boys.

 

“The names I can handle. They're just names, they don't mean anything to me. The physical... abuse... is.... discouraging... but I can deal with that, too, even if it's not as easy,” he said. He inhaled sharply and his breath shook a little at the end. “This m-morning, I was at my locker, and Devon came up to me-”

 

“Oh God,” Jonathan muttered under his breath.

 

“Well, he was telling me that I have to watch Ty this weekend because Kirsten's going away, and I said OK.” Chris stopped, frowning again with trembling lips and trying to fight back more tears. “Then, like, out of nowhere he told me that I'm d-disgusting and I should j-just go di.... I know they hate me! I hear everything they think they're saying behind my back, but no one's ever wanted me dead.”

 

Chris's voice cracked on the last word, and he back away and buried his face in his hands; Penny was already on the phone with Lorraine.

 

“Hey, Lorraine.... Well, actually, not so well. It seems that there was a rather nasty exchange of words between your son and Chris earlier, and, well, it doesn't seem like Chris was the one saying them... Yeah, that's fine... Yeah, see you soon, then.”

 

Jonathan took a step and tried to get Chris to look at him. “Chris, you know Devon. You know he's not exactly right in the head. Don't-”

 

“Yeah, I do know,” Chris abruptly snapped, his voice still clogged with sadness, “but it doesn't change the fact that he still said it. He just said what everyone else is thinking.”

 

Penny, having just hung up the phone, decided to interject; she felt that she could probably do a better job with the situation than Jonathan, though she meant no offense to him.

 

“Chris, someone saying that to you is definitely not something you should take lightly, and you probably should have mentioned it to someone a lot sooner,” she said, resting her hand on his arm. “But please don't think that because he and other people don't accept who you are, you should change... and especially not taking any... drastic measures to do so.”

 

“Of course not,” he said. “I don't want to change, I just want people to like me the way I am.”

 

“I think most people want that. Unfortunately, given your situation it seems rather unlikely.”

 

Chris nodded sadly, then Penny suggested they all wait in the living room, as Lorraine would soon be arriving with Devon and Ty. Chris sat up against the armrest of the couch, looking as if he were trying to sink into the cushions. Jonathan sat beside him, angry that he could have ever been friends with anyone as awful as Devon- even though Devon had not always been that way- and filled with a strong desire to hug Chris again and make him understand just how much he meant to him.

 

Penny greeted the company at the door, and Chris followed a little reluctantly. He took Ty- fast asleep in his car seat- and all of Ty's things up to his room, and returned downstairs a few minutes later with a baby monitor in his hands. He took his seat beside Jonathan and waited for someone else to speak.

 

It seemed as though the rest of the room was doing the very same, though; Lorraine was merely staring at Devon, who looked thoroughly bored, and Penny and Jonathan each glanced back and forth between Chris and Devon, both seated on either side of Jonathan.

 

“'S anyone gonna say anything?” Devon droned, checking the cleanliness of his fingernails.

 

“It seems like someone already said something,” Lorraine told him. She kept her voice quiet, but her tone was very aggressive.

 

Devon looked up at her with a blank expression. “Oh, right, 'cause it's all my fault.”

 

“Well, then, whose fault is it?”

 

“Oh, I don't know,” he sarcastically remarked, shrugging and looking around the room, “where are we? Who are we here because of?”

 

Lorraine folded her arms, frustrated enough with Devon that she looked like she might blow smoke any second. “Chris did something to... antagonize you? He forced you to say whatever it is you said to him?”

 

“Told me to die,” Chris quietly interrupted, head tilted down so he was speaking to the armrest.

 

In complete disbelief, Lorraine blinked at her son, then took a deep breath and held up her hands. She tried several times to speak, but couldn't find the right words. Finally, she settled on a forced, “Why?”

 

“'Cause... you know.” Devon seemed to find it a suitable answer, but Lorraine was not so pleased. Devon sighed and rolled his eyes. “We were talking about Ty... You know what Chris is like.”

 

Lorraine shook her head. “Devon, you better start making sense if you're trying to worm your way out of this.”

 

“Come on, mum,” Devon practically muttered, “Chris... maybe not the greatest role model...”

 

“Why, because I'm gay?” Chris suddenly shouted at Devon, his voice cracking. “You can say it, you know. You don't think your nephew should be raised by a fag.”

 

Devon looked over at Chris with narrowed eyes, then spitefully replied, “Yeah.”

 

Chris frowned and returned to addressing the armrest; Lorraine's temper flared, and some in the room felt they understood a little more where Devon had inherited his anger issues from, though she certainly had reason to yell.

 

“Devon! First of all, Chris is a fantastic father,” she leaned forward in her seat and towards Devon in an attempt to be threatening, “and second of all, it doesn't matter what you think. If Kirsten is OK with Chris raising Ty, then he'll raise Ty.”

 

“You don't like it either,” Devon retorted. “Oh, but that doesn't matter, everyone always has to single out Devon, he's the crazy one!”

 

Devon laughed and waved his hands around, which really didn't help his case. Lorraine tried her absolute hardest to remain civilized.

 

“Do you even realize the consequence that could have had? Devon, you said that to him, he could have come home today and killed himself. That's what you want?” Devon stared at her, silently, but challengingly. Lorraine took the last of her deep breaths, and quietly continued, “I think at the very least, you own him an apology. The rest we'll talk about at home.”

 

Devon, extremely reluctant, turned his head towards Chris. He leaned forward to see past Jonathan, then monotonously said, “Sorry, Chris.”

 

Chris looked back at him and started to shake his head. “No, you're not,” he said, matter-of-factly. The he sat back and brought his feet up on the couch, knees to his chest.

 

“No one ever believes me,” Devon mumbled crossly to himself.

 

Lorraine temporarily ignored the stupidity of her son to acknowledge the rest of the room. “I'm very sorry for ruining your evening, especially to you, Chris. Please know that Devon doesn't always think things through all the way, even after quite some time has passed. I'm so terribly sorry.”

 

“You don't have anything to be sorry about,” Chris told her. “It's not your fault.”

 

“I think in a tiny way it is.” She halfheartedly smiled, then returned to Devon. “As for you... I'm beginning to think your father was right about you being released too early...” her voice lowered to a grave tone, “or maybe there's just no hope for you.”

 

Everyone around felt the coldness, but Devon didn't appear to be affected by it. Lorraine wished them all a good rest-of-the-evening, and she and Devon left. Penny, Jonathan, and Chris all remained in their seats for a while, completely silent.

 

“What time is it?” Chris asked no one in particular.

 

“Almost nine,” Penny replied as she looked at the clock on the wall. Chris stretched his arms a little and sat up.

 

“I think I'm gonna go to bed now. 'Night, guys.” Chris walked around the couch and towards the doorway as Penny and Jonathan bid him goodnight, but he stopped before he made it all the way. “Thank you both... for... everything.”

 

He tried to smile, then went back to leaving. The stairs seemed long and mountainous as his tired legs climbed them; he would have much rather just fallen asleep right then and there. But he found as he finally did make it up to his room that it was going to be nearly impossible for him to get any rest.

 

Since his eyes refused to close, he just laid down and watched as Ty slept beside him. He tried to think things over, but his mind was racing so fast that every little thought was a complete blur. It seemed like the only thing he could focus on was Ty.

 

“Ty, you're lucky you're just a baby,” Chris quietly said. “A cute, tiny, little baby. 'Cause you don't have to deal with all this horrible stuff that people like to do.”

 

Ty breathed, his tiny chest rising and falling ever so slightly. His curls were nearly covering his ears, and they rustled a little as Chris sighed.

 

“It's not like it's my fault,” Chris continued. “I think I'm a rather likable person. Much more than I was a year ago, that's for sure. But no one likes me, Ty, they all hate me.”

 

Chris never noticed the dark figure of a teenage boy standing nearby and peeking in through the crack the slightly open door made. Jonathan hadn't intended on spying on Chris, he was just passing by on his way to the bathroom when he heard Chris's voice. By this point, though, the bathroom had been forgotten, and Chris's privacy secretly invaded.

 

“What Lorraine said... I would never kill myself. That's just awful. I couldn't do that to you, or... well, I'm sure Penny and Jay would care, right?” he asked, teeming with uncertainty.

 

“Yes,” Jonathan whispered to himself.

 

Chris went on without faltering; it wasn't as if he had suddenly realized Jonathan was standing there. “I don't want to die, anyway. I like being alive.”

 

Ty moved a little in his sleep, and Chris smiled. He reached out and gently smoothed down some of Ty's wild curls. Though now he wished he hadn't done it for the reason he had, Chris was quite glad he'd cut off his own curls. Spring would be arriving soon, and then in the blink of an eye, summer would be upon them; masses of hair combined with sweltering heat did not make for a happy, comfortable person.

 

“People are going to love you, I can tell. Your mum and I already do... that's more than I have.” Chris took his hand back and rested both of his hands under his head. “And they're going to love you even when you're not a cute, tiny, little baby. People love babies. I think they have to. It's just a thing, like it's almost impossible not to. But even when you're not a baby anymore, when you're a kid, or a teenager like me, people will love you.”

 

Jonathan still watched on, deeply trying to suppress the urge to jump in and tell Chris that he was loved, too. It seemed like Chris would never see that not exactly the whole world was against him; his best friend was certainly far from that.

 

“Oh, God, Ty,” Chris began, suddenly sounding very worried, “please don't ever hate me. If you hate me... I don't know what I'd do.”

 

Jonathan decided that it was time for him to leave now; he'd kindly been reminded that he had yet to go to the bathroom, and figured that he should get to it right away. It was a shame, though, that he didn't get to hear the next part of Chris's speech.

 

“You or Jonathan. If Jonathan... He means so much to me, Ty. I don't think he loves me, at least not in that way... but I love him.” Chris felt like he was now telling this to himself rather than Ty. After all this time, he was finally admitting it to himself. “I still love him.”

 

Waves

Part THREE

 

 

 

One week later...

 

"So, you are the new face to grace our town?" the tall, baby faced man said. "You are Chris Martin"

 

"Yes I am, and I thank you and your town for welcoming me like this Paul" Chris replied, grinning. "You don't mind me calling you Paul, do you?"

 

"Not at all! Do you mind me calling you Chris?" Paul asked, chuckling. "Welcome to Padstow, we are so glad to have another celebrity in our midsts! Brad Pitt said no!"

 

Chris laughed. He hadn't laughed for about a week. It was a weird feeling to him.

 

"Oh, and I'm sorry about your wife" Paul said, putting his arm on Chris' back.

 

"It was just such a shock, her, leaving you in that way" Chris said, sipping his drink.

 

"I bet it was, and the children being taken away from you, it must have been hard" Paul replied.

 

"Very. Very, but I think it's time for me to move on. Meet new people, have more children" Chris said.

 

"I like you Chris, I really like you" Paul said. "Well, just between me and you, we have some of the most beautiful women in the country, just in our small town"

 

"You do, eh?" Chris said.

 

"Do you want me to show you?" Paul asked, raising his eyebrows.

 

"Go on!" Chris said. Paul began to grin and led him away from the bar. Chris followed before suddenly stopping and clutching his chest.

 

Paul looked back.

"Are you alright?"

 

"Yes, yes" Chris said, smiling and holding back the pain. "I think I just had a little too much to drink"