Post some if you got em :awesome:

 

 

Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

 

 

 

 

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

 

 

 

 

How do you drown a blonde?

Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.

 

 

 

 

A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. THe employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

 

 

Man 1: Knock, Knock

Man 2: Who's there?

Man 1: It's me Johnny.

Man 2: Oh, hey man! Come on in, and have a beer.

The sad part is that I actually laughed at these. :disappointed:

What do you call 5 mexicans in quicksand?

A dangerous situation that could soon turn tragic.

 

 

What's the difference between a duck?

I'm sorry, I was typing too quickly and missed off the end of my sentence. I meant to say "What's the difference between a duck and a goose?" and the answer is that they are entirely different species of waterfowl.

:lol:

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, ''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars.''

The bear replies, ''I guess I will have a soda instead.''

So the bear and the bartender talk over nonalcoholic drinks all night about the reality of interspecies communication.

A kid is riding down the street when his chain pops off his bicycle. The kid yells "God damm!" as he begins to fix it. A priest walking nearby overhears the boy taking god's name in vein and says "Don't say 'God damm' say 'God help us'".

The kid says, "I am an atheist, get away from me".

A guy walks into a doctors office.

 

The doctor tells him, "You need an operation".

 

The guy says, "I want a second opinion."

 

The doctor says*, "Okay, my colleague, Dr. Saknussem, would be happy to provide you with the appropriate consultation. Here's his address, and I'll have my receptionist call him and schedule an appointment. Please try to see him soon, though. At the moment, I'm concerned about the size and location of this tumor, and I think we should move quickly if we're going to get our best results."

A guy walks into a doctors office.

 

The doctor tells him, "You need an operation".

 

The guy says, "I want a second opinion."

 

The doctor says*, "Okay, my colleague, Dr. Saknussem, would be happy to provide you with the appropriate consultation. Here's his address, and I'll have my receptionist call him and schedule an appointment. Please try to see him soon, though. At the moment, I'm concerned about the size and location of this tumor, and I think we should move quickly if we're going to get our best results."

 

Now that's a joke.

:awesome:

What's the deal with airline peanuts?

The packaging is generally poorly designed and cheaply made, as a method of cutting distribution costs. After all, most passengers wouldn't want a "Peanut Fee" attached to their already costly ticket prices in order to cover the expenses of higher quality wrappers. What are you complaining about, anyway? It's free food, and it's a nice snack. If you're really that bent on not enjoying the peanuts the airline so graciously provided you with, just save them and give them to the next homeless person you see. People these days are really selfish.

I'll admit this thread is really great at making you read until the end of jokes that arent actually jokes, and make you wonder why you bother reading until the end, each and every time.

Very true. I just find it amusing the way they turn around such predictable and cliched jokes.

what did the clock say to the man?

only Salvador Dali knows

 

 

wait...is that realistic? i dont think so. whatever

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow?

A mutated animal and a bunch of questions of the ethics of genetic tampering.

:laugh4:

I love jokes like these.

if you would even call them jokes.

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

 

"Would you like an ice pack?"

A man walks into a bar and says "OUCH"

He had stubbed his toe on a bar stool and it stung very much.

I only know a german one:wacky:

 

and I am SO bad at telling jokes even in german

How do you kill a blond?

Shoot her in the heart.

I hate jokes about blonds

A man walks into a bar.

He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.

 

Why do Mexicans not like going out in the rain?

It's wet.

 

A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life.

When asked if he could see the humor in the situation, the child replied "No. No I don't."

 

 

...?

there was that guy who met his girlfriend, didn't use condom and she got pregnant.

what did the sheep say to the man?

 

BAAAAA. It was just sheep.

so there was this fan that asked chris martin if he could sign an autograph in her boobs and he did.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

To get to the other side....

 

 

 

 

rofl!