How do you forgive someone who really hurt you? And do you think you have to forgive them to be able to move on with your life?

 

I recently talked to someone who did some really bad stuff to me. Despite everything they've done I tried to be calm and polite but somehow, emotions took over. It's weird I always thought that I'd feel stronger after confronting them but the opposite seems to be the case. I don't think I said anything hurtful other than what this person did to me and how I feel about. Still I feel really guilty and much worse than before. In spite of everything they have put me through, I didn't mean to hurt them but I just couldn't help it.

 

Anyone ever felt this way? I'm trying to be stronger but it's so difficult. :embarrassed:

I think someone asked the Oracle this? Maybe try checking over there. (If you don't already know... http://www.coldplay.com/oracle.php)

It's so damn hard. Trust me. I've been forgiven for things, that's why I try to pass it on. Plus I feel guilty if I don't. So that's probably not the answer you're looking for. God forgave me, I can do it for others too.

 

I know exactly how you feel. It is so very hard.

I think someone asked the Oracle this? Maybe try checking over there. (If you don't already know... http://www.coldplay.com/oracle.php)

 

What?

It's so damn hard. Trust me. I've been forgiven for things, that's why I try to pass it on. Plus I feel guilty if I don't. So that's probably not the answer you're looking for. God forgave me, I can do it for others too.

 

I know exactly how you feel. It is so very hard.

 

Same, I feel guilty for not forgiving him. I know this person has been through a lot and I wanted to treat him nicely despite everything that happened but I ended up hurting him. I really need to be stronger and learn to move on and forgive people.

How do you forgive someone who really hurt you? And do you think you have to forgive them to be able to move on with your life?

 

I recently talked to someone who did some really bad stuff to me. Despite everything they've done I tried to be calm and polite but somehow, emotions took over. It's weird I always thought that I'd feel stronger after confronting them but the opposite seems to be the case. I don't think I said anything hurtful other than what this person did to me and how I feel about. Still I feel really guilty and much worse than before. In spite of everything they have put me through, I didn't mean to hurt them but I just couldn't help it.

 

Anyone ever felt this way? I'm trying to be stronger but it's so difficult. :embarrassed:

i felt this way recently, some people were doing me bad for long time, i complained now and i still feel :\ for my reaction cause is not that the usual calmy me, althought they needed to know the harm they've done to me. is their problem how they'll take it not mine. if someone has done you bad and it hurted you they should know that.

 

so i guess it depends how they hurted you and your character.

I know how you feel, I wanted them to know but somehow I feel bad now.

 

is their problem how they'll take it not mine. if someone has done you bad and it hurted you they should know that.

 

See I kind of feel responsible for how they take it, I don't want them to suffer the same way I did.

 

Despite everything this person has put me through, I still like them in a way. He also helped me in some ways but the negative feelings always seem to take over.

Same, I feel guilty for not forgiving him. I know this person has been through a lot and I wanted to treat him nicely despite everything that happened but I ended up hurting him. I really need to be stronger and learn to move on and forgive people.

 

This is exactly how I feel whenever I'm in your situation.

 

I honestly don't know how to help you, except give it time? :shrug: Luckily the only bad things that have happened to me (being made fun of, pushed into walls in school, etc) are actually really petty and unimportant. . .

 

The thing that I've always thought that has helped me is "Will I even remember this when I'm 100 years old?".

 

I hope it all works out for you :hug:

When "really bad stuff" is done, I think it's better to move away for some time.

Time usually heals this kind of things... And you'll eventually decide whether its best to be friends with this person again or not.

This is exactly how I feel whenever I'm in your situation.

 

I honestly don't know how to help you, except give it time? :shrug: Luckily the only bad things that have happened to me (being made fun of, pushed into walls in school, etc) are actually really petty and unimportant. . .

 

The thing that I've always thought that has helped me is "Will I even remember this when I'm 100 years old?".

 

I hope it all works out for you :hug:

 

Thanks *hugsback*

 

I guess so. I've already given it some time, in the sense that I avoided this person for a while. They contacted me saying that we needed to talk and I was hoping this could improve the situation but I feel like I hurt them and things are worse than before now. Sadly, this person was/ is rather close to me so I won't forget about it for a very long time. However, I will need to move on from it and try to see the positive things that came out of the situation.

Same, I feel guilty for not forgiving him. I know this person has been through a lot and I wanted to treat him nicely despite everything that happened but I ended up hurting him. I really need to be stronger and learn to move on and forgive people.

 

He feels bad for what he did to you... So it's not really your fault.

But you shouldn't force yourself to forgive him until you're actually ready to do-so. :thinking: It usually needs some time to forgive and move on... And imo it could be a hurtful process if you stay together during this time. Well, that is just my opinion.

What?

 

Let me rephrase that statement, I think I heard a story like this on the Oracle. Am I making sense now?

To be honest, i forgive but i never forget what people did to me.

When "really bad stuff" is done, I think it's better to move away for some time.

Time usually heals this kind of things... And you'll eventually decide whether its best to be friends with this person again or not.

 

He feels bad for what he did to you... So it's not really your fault.

But you shouldn't force yourself to forgive him until you're actually ready to do-so. :thinking: It usually needs some time to forgive and move on... And imo it could be a hurtful process if you stay together during this time. Well, that is just my opinion.

 

I'm moving away soon. I'm quite nervous but I also see it as a new beginning. I won't be seeing this person for a while because they're in a different country, which might make things a bit easier.

 

Still it's eating me up and I feel like I mightn't be able to move on unless I forgive them. Maybe I just need some time, I don't know.

I'm the sorry sap who forgives everybody. But its better to let go of a grudge and end things peacefully. I seriously want to be friends with my ex but she doesnt need me anymore.

Sometimes it is easy to feel guilty for not forgiving people who've done lots of good things to us, but we ought to feel angry too if they really hurt us, especially if it is intentional (was it?). If they did something really bad (like you said they did) then it would definitely take time to forget the anger you have towards them. Don't be too hard on yourself. Time does heal :hug:

Still it's eating me up and I feel like I mightn't be able to move on unless I forgive them. Maybe I just need some time, I don't know.

 

That is great... Just tell them that you want to forgive them, but you need some time. They'll have to understand and accept that... And you shouldn't feel bad about it... Maybe trying not to think much about that anymore will be a good thing to start with. :smiley:

To be honest, i forgive but i never forget what people did to me.

 

Same.

 

Sometimes it is easy to feel guilty for not forgiving people who've done lots of good things to us, but we ought to feel angry too if they really hurt us, especially if it is intentional (was it?). If they did something really bad (like you said they did) then it would definitely take time to forget the anger you have towards them. Don't be too hard on yourself. Time does heal :hug:

 

Thanks! I think some of it was intentional, not sure what to think really. He says it wasn't but I'm finding it hard to believe. Either way, hating someone is only gonna put me down because they might have moved on with their life for all I know. You're probably right though, I takes time to forgive someone who's really hurt you.

 

That is great... Just tell them that you want to forgive them, but you need some time. They'll have to understand and accept that... And you shouldn't feel bad about it... Maybe trying not to think much about that anymore will be a good thing to start with. :smiley:

 

Well I sent them a message saying that I was sorry if came across as too aggressive and they said that we should talk again in two week's time. Might say that I need more time, they've hopefully understand after all that happened.

 

Let me rephrase that statement, I think I heard a story like this on the Oracle. Am I making sense now?

 

Yeah. Thanks! Was more hoping to hear how other people deal with those type of situations to be honest. :)

Same, I feel guilty for not forgiving him. I know this person has been through a lot and I wanted to treat him nicely despite everything that happened but I ended up hurting him. I really need to be stronger and learn to move on and forgive people.

 

 

is forgiveness not like grief though? it takes time for you to be in a place where you are able to deal with it. if the person you're talking about has done something particularly bad, then maybe you need time to work through your emotions before you're ready to forgive.

 

there's a person in my life who did some stuff which I don't know if I can forgive. but that person is also someone I can't turn my back on. so I'm currently living with my head in the sand like an ostrich. I see that person, spend time with them, and things are mostly like they were. but there's a whole big area of conversation which we don't talk about. on my side because I'm scared of how angry i might become and that things would be said which would damage the relationship. it also helps that i've been able to deflect my anger from that person to someone else involved who I don't really know.

is forgiveness not like grief though? it takes time for you to be in a place where you are able to deal with it. if the person you're talking about has done something particularly bad, then maybe you need time to work through your emotions before you're ready to forgive.

 

there's a person in my life who did some stuff which I don't know if I can forgive. but that person is also someone I can't turn my back on. so I'm currently living with my head in the sand like an ostrich. I see that person, spend time with them, and things are mostly like they were. but there's a whole big area of conversation which we don't talk about. on my side because I'm scared of how angry i might become and that things would be said which would damage the relationship. it also helps that i've been able to deflect my anger from that person to someone else involved who I don't really know.

 

You're making some very good points here. I talked to this person about what happened (for the first time ever) last week and I got very emotional and aggressive. I'm normally a very quiet and shy person and I was quite shocked by my own reaction. However, they've hurt me on several occasions and I hadn't been able to speak up for myself until we had this conversation so it's probably normal to react that way. I felt guilty afterwards though because I hurt them with what I said (which I shouldn't have done despite everything that happened.)

 

It sounds like your situation might be quite similar to mine. I think my main problem is that this person is going to be a part of my life for a very long time and there isn't much I can do about. They're thankfully in a different country so I don't have to see them that often but a text message from this person can ruin my day and I can't function normally if I know that I'm going to see them. I feel like I need to be able come to terms with with what happened (and eventually forgive them) to be able to move on properly because I can't go on like this. It's probably gonna take a lot of time though.