Help me: need some advices about a guy

[Jonny and the cake]

Last time i dated a guy it was two years ago.

 

Since then i changed group of friends, at first (from september to december of last year) i liked a guy, but mostly for how he looked like, not so much for his personality, which by the way was really immature, then i got over him because fortunately i opened up my eyes in time to see that he was an asshole and furthermore he changed group of friends so i don't see him anymore.

 

Meanwhile for the first time in my life i formed a true friendship with a male, and it's not that clichè relationship that starts with being best friends and you end up marring him, this is not the case, we both made it clear that we are not attracted to each other, not even a little bit, and it feel fantastic because it's one of my purest relationships ever. Our friends at the beginning felt like we were going to date but now they know too that that is not going to happen (he has a girlfriend now so that makes it even more clear)

 

The problem starts now, in this new group of friends i'm experiencing for the first time how it feels to have real male friends, who make me laugh and are nice to me just because they want to, but there's this guy now, he acts with me like the other guys do, and so do I, but there's something about it, that keeps me from thinking this is just a friendship. The problem is that i'm not attracted by him, like, i don't like him, being completely honest with myself, i think he's one of the ugliest guy i've even seen in my life, yet, when my friends joke about us getting together in annoys me. I can't understand what's happening to me.

 

The thing is that, two years ago when i started dating that guy i felt it was wrong, because i really never liked him, but put up with him because it was the very first guy to like me and think of me in that way, but now that i'm 18 years old i don't want to repeat that mistake, i don't want to start dating this guy, because i don't feel like kissing him, or even hugging him, when i see his face the only thing that comes to my mind is "yeah he makes me laugh but damn, that face is ugly". But why i'm feeling this way? Plase help me :bigcry:

[The Philosopher]

Honestly, I think that poor guy was just friendzoned by you from the beginning.

 

"Our friends at the beginning felt like we were going to date but now they know too that that is not going to happen (he has a girlfriend now so that makes it even more clear)". This is exactly the same that happened with my best female friend and me.

 

My female friend just see me as a friend and she always tells me that nothing else is gonna happen never. And it's even worst, because she thinks that I'm cute and I also make her laugh, but I don't know, it's just that she doesn't see me as her boyfriend or anything else... And that case is not the first, it has happened to me other times too.

 

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so unfortunately you have to find the perfect person in both aspects, the physic and the personality. I think that the best we can do, is just forget that person and start meeting some others, because sometimes it goes anywhere.

 

I hope it helps!

[Jonny and the cake]

I just hope he doesn't ask me if we can start dating, because "no" is going to be my response

[The Philosopher]

He has to understand it, just like me, even if it is frustrating... 'cause you girls always have the last word to decide who are you gonna be with! Anyways, I hope that although you are not choosing that guy, you are not gonna choose some other guy like the other asshole just because of his physic. Remember: the person you choose has to be balanced in all aspects, if there's something you don't like about him, don't play with his feelings.

[Cobalt]

i liked a guy, but mostly for how he looked like, not so much for his personality, which by the way was really immature

 

better go enroll myself in kindergarten classes for my immature attraction style WOOO-EEEEE

 

erm yeah im confused basically you're worried you're going to magically without any self control ask this guy out and end up dating him and marrying him and being with him forever ???????

 

is there more to it or am i just being a bit blind here

[Jonny and the cake]

better go enroll myself in kindergarten classes for my immature attraction style WOOO-EEEEE

 

erm yeah im confused basically you're worried you're going to magically without any self control ask this guy out and end up dating him and marrying him and being with him forever ???????

 

is there more to it or am i just being a bit blind here

 

ehm, you read it wrong

[Cobalt]

ehm, you read it wrong

 

can you possibly elaborate?

[Jonny and the cake]

can you possibly elaborate?

 

in my first posto i made three examples of how i react differently when it comes to guys

 

Example A: There was this guy, i liked him just for his looks, he was sort of a nice guy, but turned out as a fake asshole, so i let him go.

 

Example B: Ive met this guy, now he's my best friend, and its NOT like the movies where in the end we get together and we get married and have beautiful kids, we are just friends and we both know that we don't like each other as girlfriend or boyfriend

 

Example C: That's where the problems starts. There's this other guy, i only like him for his personality, but i find him very very ugly, and that keeps me from having any physical attraction towards him. The problem is that with this guy i fail to have a relationship just like example B, because everytime i'm with him i feel weird, like its wrong for us to be just friends, but at the same time i also know that it would be wrong for us to be more than friends too

 

i hope now you understand my situation

[Batman]

 

Example C: That's where the problems starts. There's this other guy, i only like him for his personality, but i find him very very ugly, and that keeps me from having any physical attraction towards him. The problem is that with this guy i fail to have a relationship just like example B, because everytime i'm with him i feel weird, like its wrong for us to be just friends, but at the same time i also know that it would be wrong for us to be more than friends too

 

Do you feel like you own him or something? I mean, you stated that you both had made it clear that there will be nothing more than a simple friendship (or was that another guy? THERE'S TOO MANY GUYS IN YOUR POST)

So the main problem is not how he behaves but that your brain doing stupid inapprehensible things that shouldn't be happening because they don't make any sense?

 

HM

 

HMMM

 

 

Well, I don't really understand why you're thinking this way, but I think it's reassuring to know that your friend isn't doing anything troublesome and that you alone are the problem.

 

Why don't you just treat him like in the beginning when everything went normal? Did anything happen that made your brain switch and think "lolwat" or happened it just like that from one day to the next?

[Jonny and the cake]

Do you feel like you own him or something? I mean, you stated that you both had made it clear that there will be nothing more than a simple friendship (or was that another guy? THERE'S TOO MANY GUYS IN YOUR POST)

So the main problem is not how he behaves but that your brain doing stupid inapprehensible things that shouldn't be happening because they don't make any sense?

 

HM

 

HMMM

 

 

Well, I don't really understand why you're thinking this way, but I think it's reassuring to know that your friend isn't doing anything troublesome and that you alone are the problem.

 

Why don't you just treat him like in the beginning when everything went normal? Did anything happen that made your brain switch and think "lolwat" or happened it just like that from one day to the next?

 

no the guy where we both made clear we didnt like each other that way was the other guy (example B), my problem is example C lol

 

everything went "lolwat" when one of my female friends stated that i liked him, but it wasn't the truth, yet i felt weird about it

[Batman]

no the guy where we both made clear we didnt like each other that way was the other guy (example B), my problem is example C lol

Ah okay.

 

everything went "lolwat" when one of my female friends stated that i liked him, but it wasn't the truth, yet i felt weird about it

 

Kill your female friend, eat a hotdog and feel normal again? :wacko:

 

 

 

No seriously, she was joking or just messing with you, don't take it to your heart, if you didn't like the guy for his looks why the frick should you like him now. DON'T.

[Blue Nails]

So if he was more attractive, would you want to date him?

 

If so, just stay friends and see how he looks in a few years. Some guys need to 'grow into' their features during their twenties, even thirties. How old is he?

Maybe when he's 80 he'll turn out to be your dream guy.

 

If not, tell him the truth if you feel like he wants to be more than friends. Maybe that clears up the weirdness. You can't control who you're attracted to, so there is no reason to feel guilty, even though you still might.

And maybe you should also have an honest conversation if you would date him if he was better looking.

 

Or you could blindfold yourself and date him now.

[Jonny and the cake]

So if he was more attractive, would you want to date him?

 

If so, just stay friends and see how he looks in a few years. Some guys need to 'grow into' their features during their twenties, even thirties. How old is he?

Maybe when he's 80 he'll turn out to be your dream guy.

 

If not, tell him the truth if you feel like he wants to be more than friends. Maybe that clears up the weirdness. You can't control who you're attracted to, so there is no reason to feel guilty, even though you still might.

And maybe you should also have an honest conversation if you would date him if he was better looking.

 

Or you could blindfold yourself and date him now.

 

I don't want to date him now, because i'm 18 years old and he's 19 years old and at this age the action of going to sleep with someone becomes more real, and i don't feel like going to sleep with him, he doesn't turn me on, it's as simple as that.

If he looked like Guy Berryman I wouldn't have any problems ahahha

[Batman]

If he looked like Guy Berryman I wouldn't have any problems ahahha

 

I don't think a lot of people would have any problems with that :charming:

[Cobalt]

I think you need to ask yourself these and figure out the reasoning and thoughts behind them:

 

Why is it wrong to stay just friends? Why is it wrong to be more than friends?

 

Give each of them a few minutes and consider, don't just zoom through them. Maybe that will help a bit

 

There's nothing shameful or shallow about not going out with someone just because you don't feel physically attracted to them. It's fine to just have deep friendships where you care for each other as well

 

ETA: Oh goddamnit I got ninja'd.

[Blue Nails]

I don't want to date him now, because i'm 18 years old and he's 19 years old and at this age the action of going to sleep with someone becomes more real, and i don't feel like going to sleep with him, he doesn't turn me on, it's as simple as that.

If he looked like Guy Berryman I wouldn't have any problems ahahha

 

Yeah, that's kind of what I meant with 'date'... I wouldn't date someone I'm not attracted to/wouldn't want to sleep with.

 

It does sound complicated, because it seems like you have a romantic interest on some level, but for a romantic interest you'd have to be attracted to him (in my book) and you're not so you can't be interested. So that's why it's weird... I guess?

 

I'd say talk to him if you think it's too weird, or give it some time like Cobalt said, or wait until the whole thing blows over, or wait until he changes into Guy Berryman.