Sweet One Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 OK! My brain might explode. My friend who is going through a rough time with his girlfriend (he can't decide if he should end it or give it another go) won't leave me alone!! He always asks for my advice and he over analyzes EVERYTHING!! and he literally drags me out at night so we could have "a chat session about our relationships" when all we do is sit around and talk about how he's fucked up his life. I mean, I know that i'm his friend and that I should be supportive and stuff, but my gosh, when he calls me at midnight on the night before a paper is due (a paper which he knows i've been struggling to finish), and won't let me get back to it, now that's just frustrating!! He's driving me crazy. I might die. End of rant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professor Peedston Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 well... just keep in mind that he probably feels terrible about doing that to you. i've been on both sides of situations like that, and neither is easy. i guess what i've learned is that it's best to just be open and honest about it, even though he might not like it at first. but if you don't say anything about it you're just going to start harboring resentment toward him for it and it's all downhill from there. :/ (Prof. Peed thinks he has the answers again :rolleyes: ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet One Posted November 10, 2004 Author Share Posted November 10, 2004 The thing is, i've told him already that he can't just expect me to drop everything to sit and listen to him ramble about his problems, but then he tries to guilt trip me by saying "But i can't tell anyone else about this!", "You're the only one I trust with this information!". He knows how i feel about it, but it just doesn't matter at this point. He's just so sad about his relationship! :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professor Peedston Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 i don't know how either of you woud feel about this, but has he thought about therapy or counseling at all? most universities have it free for students. i went through something similar awhile ago when i realized that i had things i really needed to talk about that were way too deep to lay on the shoulders of my friends. it would probably be better for both of you if he at least considered that, i guess... and of course, it depends on the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet One Posted November 10, 2004 Author Share Posted November 10, 2004 He actually has mentioned seeing a therapist. I told him that if that's what he felt he needed that he should, but then he said something that pretty much drove me crazy. He said, "But i got you to listen to me, and you know me!". That was when i realized that I'm in it for the long run. I don't know. I just don't know what to do. I find myself screening my calls, or never being online so he won't bombard me with new revelations. I feel bad, but i might be going insane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professor Peedston Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 Well, if that's the case, you need to tell him to see the therapist. You need to look out for you own mental health too. I know I sound like Dear Abby, and I generally don't like giving people advice, but this sounds like a serious situation that obviously needs to change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet One Posted November 10, 2004 Author Share Posted November 10, 2004 Yeah, i think so too Thomas. Merci beaucoup for your insight. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedBalloon Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 I think friend/family members are much important than what, study..I mean, think about it, how many friends you have that will call you at midnight for "emergency"...or how many friends you have that you will call them in the same situation. Not so much, at least for me. I think that' the most important time that they need support/love. Maybe they are kind of insane even, but your listening/accompany is soo important...well, use some method too , like how to make him calm or maybe they both need a time to be stable, esp. for relationship... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet One Posted November 10, 2004 Author Share Posted November 10, 2004 I think friend/family members are much important than what, study..I mean, think about it, how many friends you have that will call you at midnight for "emergency"... While that is true, I think it really depends on the person. I mean, for me, my education is BEYOND important to me. I mean, I worked my ass off just to get into the program I'm in, and they only accept a select few each year. If my grades fall under a C, I can be kicked out. He is my friend and I do care about him, but lately I've been spreading myself waay too thin. I've got some issues with my family that have been bugging me and I guess the only real reason I was getting upset was b/c the entire time he's talking about his girlfriend and how pretty she is and he doesnt' want to let her go, I could be telling him something that i'm going through. I mean he wants it to be a discussion, but it's not. It's one-sided and I'm just taking in his problems and loading them up on my own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GenesisIIJourney Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 Friends are important, but only when that friendship is mutual. If one person feeds off the other too much, It's ceases to be a quality relationship. True, when your friends need someone to lean on, you should be there, that's part of being a good friend. But you should not have to hold them up all the time. I think you should level with your friend. It's obviously upsetting you, and if he knew how heavy the burden is for you, maybe he'd realize what a bad friend and a jerk he's being. Education should definatly come first. If he's getting in the way with that, you have got to make him stop. When he comes back with a goofy or funny rhetoric, be firmer. Let him know in no uncertain terms that what he's doing is damaging to you. Be mean about it, if he is your friend, I mean a real and true friend, he won't get offended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet One Posted November 10, 2004 Author Share Posted November 10, 2004 Thanks GenesisIIJourney. That was really helpful. I think I will have to sit him down and really get it through to him. Thanks again. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAFE Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 I know he's your friend and he needs a bit of advice! but please! tell to him that he must resolve his own problems! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albie Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 helllo :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet One Posted November 10, 2004 Author Share Posted November 10, 2004 hello. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albie Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 hello. How are you today ? :confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet One Posted November 10, 2004 Author Share Posted November 10, 2004 Not so dandy. FUCK!! he just called me. He said that his girlfriend is making him jealous because he's hanging out with one of her guy friends. I told him that I couldn't talk b/c I'm waiting for someone to call me back about a story that i'm having difficulty finishing for my editor and he said, "i hear ya...........i really miss her". :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albie Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 Not so dandy. FUCK!! he just called me. He said that his girlfriend is making him jealous because he's hanging out with one of her guy friends. I told him that I couldn't talk b/c I'm waiting for someone to call me back about a story that i'm having difficulty finishing for my editor and he said, "i hear ya...........i really miss her". :rolleyes: Well, I'm in a situation, that's really killing my brain and has me obsessed I think I'm in love with my best friend, she's so much fun what should I do ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet One Posted November 10, 2004 Author Share Posted November 10, 2004 I don't know Albie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albie Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 ^ oh :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimixxx Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 Just what you need Laura. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet One Posted November 10, 2004 Author Share Posted November 10, 2004 Just what you need Laura. hahaah! i know mimi!! geeeez. :rolleyes: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albie Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedBalloon Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 I think friend/family members are much important than what, study..I mean, think about it, how many friends you have that will call you at midnight for "emergency"... While that is true, I think it really depends on the person. I mean, for me, my education is BEYOND important to me. I mean, I worked my ass off just to get into the program I'm in, and they only accept a select few each year. If my grades fall under a C, I can be kicked out. He is my friend and I do care about him, but lately I've been spreading myself waay too thin. I've got some issues with my family that have been bugging me and I guess the only real reason I was getting upset was b/c the entire time he's talking about his girlfriend and how pretty she is and he doesnt' want to let her go, I could be telling him something that i'm going through. I mean he wants it to be a discussion, but it's not. It's one-sided and I'm just taking in his problems and loading them up on my own. I got it..if just for "she is pretty and I don't want let her go", which is bullshit...then you can save your time wisely... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet One Posted November 11, 2004 Author Share Posted November 11, 2004 :cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bart Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 I am alone.... and fed up of it ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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