Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the

words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the

Testimonials of a few people who did....

 

 

FIRST TESTIMONY:

 

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow

and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow

job?"

I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband

didn't say a word...he knew better.

 

SECOND TESTIMONY:

 

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I

was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing

for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking

gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without

thinking,

I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

 

THIRD TESTIMONY:

 

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a

variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case,

the Boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied,

"No,

I'm just looking at your nuts." My Sister started to laugh

hysterically,

the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day,

my

Sister has never let me forget.

 

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

 

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to

release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab

hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other

patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now"

she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said

in

a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will

tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The

silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the

tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my

dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last

thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

 

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

 

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My

three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was

on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in

between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While

enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked

my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that

Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he

needed to

go, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had

an

accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny,

are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just

KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting

worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an

accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over

and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While

30

people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly

pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better

by

thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

 

 

LAST TESTIMONY:

 

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a

very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely

think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but

don't get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the

day

after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the

weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

 

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they

were laughing so hard!

 

Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs

a laugh!

:lol:

They're Great!

Oh my god! The fourth one is the worst! I would kill myself if I was that woman! :lol: :lol: :lol:

omg the fifth one.. if i saw that happen, i might DIE from laughter.

SEE MOM, IT JUST FARTS.

I thought the fourth was hilarous

I can imagine the little girl telling the mother and the mother's face

that would be quite something :lol:

(I would pretty much hid myself six feet under ground If that happened to me though)

it happens all the time, when i say somthing that sounds really really stupid and i wished i could take it back

one time i was at the bus stop with two of my friends talking about a guy and his girlfriend.we knew he was kind of a jerk,besides being pretty ugly, so we couldn't understand why would a girls want to be with him.I wanted to say 'how does she handle social life with him' as a retorical question.....but it came out just wrong:

'how can anyone be with him??i'm not talking about their sex life, cause with the lights off.....but how does she go out with him??

of course the most memorable part was the lights off stuff...wich made me sound like i can be with anyone or anything......my friends still talk about it, and my awesome metafore comes out every other conversation :confused:

:lol:

Something like this happened to me in math.

 

This kid Shane sits behind me and is always kicking the back of my desk's chair, so it's vibrating all the time. I told him this and he just made a :wink3: face and kept doing it. It wasn't REALLY bugging me, because this kid's really nice and I like him (as a friend, as a friend!), so I didn't mind too much.

 

But finally I just turned around to him, looked him in the eye and said "You know what? Someday I'm gonna get behind you and do to you what you do to me all the time."

 

The entire class heard that shit and I swear, I think I heard my teacher's eyes pop out just a wee bit. Then everyone laughed. I was so embaressed LMFAOOOOO....

join the embarrsing club :lol:

OhMG they are hilarious, I couldnt choose the best one, all of them made me laugh so ahrd, i may have an accident now....

haha this is funny! BUMP!

 

i wish i could remember my embarrasing stuff... actually no i dont... :lol:

 

remembered one!

a few years back i was talking about new years resolutions with friends at school, and i said "i wish id stop having fights about showers with my mum!"

i meant that i hated showers and mum always made me go have one (yes i was young, shuttup :P ) but my friends thought i had showers WITH my mum, and have NEVER let me live this down... :dozey: :lol: