This may be a stupid question, but I've been thinking about this the whole day...

 

 

So, this weekend there is an event in our village, it's a quite big event for such a small village...last night there were 3 Ska Bands...I was so much looking forward to this evening, because these events are rare here and I just love ska-music...I already asked my friends 3 weeks ago if they will go there with me....they said yes..

 

Yesterday finally the day had come and I was waiting for their call the whole evening until 10:30pm...so we reached the venue at 11:00pm...quite late..the bands were already playing and we even missed the first two bands,.,

 

I really liked it there...the music was great, the people were great...my friends were complaining all the time..they didn't like the music....one said discos are perfect for her ...ewww definitely not my world...the other one said she hates the fact that she doesn't know any song.,...so we went home quite early...the last band hadn't even finished playing...

 

 

 

Actually what I want to say now is that I realise more and more that I don't really share any interests with my friends.. usually I go with them everywhere....so if I ask them once in a while they start complaining...it really sucks..I'd love to go to concerts but nobody wants to go with me,...sure we have fun if we go out (ok a bar is the only place all of us love...)...but oh well there are so many things I'm interested in and they're not...and usually I'm the one who takes the disadvantage...so, right now I'm not really happy because it really sucks that we didn't stay longer yesterday...and it's not only about yesterday,,,it has happened several times before...

it even goes that far that we don't have things we can talk about because the interests are too different...this goes from music to news,.,.(they are interested in crappy celebrity news....)....

 

So, my question is now:

 

What are friends for?(how stupid haha)...only to get along well with and to talk about problems...or is it necessary to share the same interests?

 

Right now I'm at a point where I say I have the wrong friends, I can't get happy with and I'm looking forward to enter uni and to live at another place to get to know new people...

 

 

my friends are nice and great and all....but something important seems to be missing there:thinking:

 

 

 

(sorry that was long)

Sometimes it's best to have friends which share the same interests as you so you can do stuff together and enjoy it, however it's also good to have general friends.

Yeah general friends are ok.-...the only problem is that I'm talking about my best-friends here....

Yesterday I was out with a big group of my closest friends and we were doing things like sitting around in the kids park and playing football and being immature, basically.

 

I'm a VERY sporty person. I need sport to operate. 2 of my close friends, one of them arguably my best friend, is not sporty in the slightest. So these 2 sat at the side with the girls while we all played football.

 

It annoyed the hell outta me. I have 2 people I call best friends, and one of them is mentioned above, and the other is a football fan and likes playing basketball too, so if I'm honest, without intention, I consider him my best friend overall because we have this important thing in common that I don't share with my other.

 

I still consider this other person to be a best friend of mine, but it's very hard to keep that thought when we have so many differences.

argh. i could write a whole novel about this subject.

so i have those two best friends. we've known each other for more than 10 years now.

the thing is that we have NOTHING in common.

absolutely nothing.

we're three different individuals.

it already starts with our backgrounds. we have different origins, culture and basically three different familiy types.

lol. it's actually quite funny to see how we do not fit together.

we don't share ANY interests.

one of them is very much into hip hop and that kind of trashy music. she's quite naive and well...let's say a bit confused sometimes. heehhe. and she dances in a hip hop group and does several other activities i just laugh at.

the other one is the shiest person on earth. she's rather quite. she does not have any hobbies. lol.

and there's me.

being interested in good music and sports (only on tv of course :P).

me being the ambitious one with huge goals and aims.

but we do get along with each other. that's so weird.

like ... months ago one of them asked me to go to a Killers concert. i agreed right away. why not? and i said yes before i've even listened to a single song of theirs. and when the other chick has to perform with her dance group we're always there to watch her and support her.

so yeah... it's hard sometimes... not long ago i wrote both an email claiming they weren't interested in the stuff i told them... yeah, that feeling justwon't go away. and ever since i realised they don't give a damn about the things i tell them i think about it twice.

but then again we laugh about the same things, we share the same opinions.. i lvoe them both. eventhough it's tough. but the thing is that i usually don't get along with girls and therefore i've gotta accept them. hahaha.

but to be honest i cannot wait to finally make friends with girls that share my interests.

sounds kinda harsh what you told us about your friends, Julia.

i mean... even if they didn't like it they at least could've pretended to like it to make you happy. that's at least what i would've done for my friends. since you always join them when they wanna go out to their places. you should talk to them and tell them how important it was for you and that they actually hurt you when they behaved the way they did. of course you're being separated now because school's over, right? and now you're going your own ways, but still-.... you shall not forget what you experienced together.

I am a GENERAL friend

Extremely important!!! Otherwise what will you do/talk about?

Is really important to have commons interests with your friends.

I think that you and your friends have to yield a little in the interests.let me explain myself:

 

They need to try new things,the same way you need try new things once in a while.

sounds kinda harsh what you told us about your friends, Julia.

i mean... even if they didn't like it they at least could've pretended to like it to make you happy. that's at least what i would've done for my friends. since you always join them when they wanna go out to their places. you should talk to them and tell them how important it was for you and that they actually hurt you when they behaved the way they did. of course you're being separated now because school's over, right? and now you're going your own ways, but still-.... you shall not forget what you experienced together.

 

well of course I'll never forget what we've experienced together.....we really had fun...but as I've said before...there is something missing-...I know some "cliques" where I sometimes think I want to belong to because of the things they do together....and eventhough I sometimes do things with them that I'm not really interested in we have fun...but that cannot be it...

 

I think I'm going to talk about it with them...last week I told my best friend that I think nobody knows how I really am...and I think one main reason for this is that we don't share the same interests...I cannot talk to them about the things I'm interested in....and then they say to me I do not talk a lot about myself-.---well how can I?....Somehow there is a special connection missing...one of them sometimes tries to talk to me about music...but oh well that always fails...(like on friday....she told me something about her internship...that she has to do with music there...with music from all over the world...so I asked: "Oh you mean world music?"...and she said:"No, with music from Cuba!"...I was like WTF?)

 

I think another problem is that I can't show my stengths in front of them...they don't seem to understand it and this makes me feel a bit reduced in rank sometimes...because ( as I've said before) I can't show how I really am...sometimes I get the impression that they are not even interested in that...

 

I could write so much more....but in the end it would always be the same---

^ I used to have that with some girls I used to be friends with. Sometimes it's just like your trapped because you feel like you can't be yourself around them, especially if they are more similar to each other. That's how it was for me anyway.

 

Personally, I think it's important to have common interests because it makes the relationship stronger and have more substance. It just makes things easier and less strained. I have three people that I consider to be my best friends and one of them I just have this connection with - she lives in New Zealand and has done for more than two years now yet we still stay in contact and I think I'll always consider her one of my best friends, even though I haven't seen her in such a long time. Another is someone that I have been friends with for a few years now and we get along really well but sometimes I feel like different interests and opinions are an issue, although it can also just be that we're both stubborn and that I haven't really hung out with her lately, since we've both kinda got our own things going on, but hopefully that will change soon. The third one I get along with easier and even though we have some different interests they never become an issue.

 

So I think that although common interests and hobbies can be important, at the end of the day personality is something that overrides it.

but yea, if any of you need a general friend, im here for you

u want them to have some stuff in common, but you also want some variety

but yea, if any of you need a general friend, im here for you

 

I will bare that in mind...

It's not extremely important, but it's good to have friends with similar interests, that way you can enjoy those things together and share your opinions and stuff like that.

It's not extremely important, but it's good to have friends with similar interests, that way you can enjoy those things together and share your opinions and stuff like that.

yeah, I agree with you ... your friends and you should have at least similar interests, otherwise you might getting to feel lonely, even though you don't have any concrete reason for that.

Good thread Julia and well yeah for me its important to have something in common with my friends and now that i think about it ,my best friends were into the same things i was like music guitars and stuff like that and we always had something to talk about but when i dont share anything in common with a general friend , its more hmm weird? Like i never have something to talk about and there's this uncomfortable silence :uhoh:

 

I'm gonna write more about this later cos im feeling a bit lazy now :P

I get the uncomfortable silence with some general friends as well. I kinda spend the silent period desperately thinking of something to say and I end up with "It's so cold today!" or something equally silly and pointless, or I just talk about random things to try to make the conversation more interesting.

 

So, my question is now:

 

What are friends for?(how stupid haha)...only to get along well with and to talk about problems...or is it necessary to share the same interests?

 

I have also thought about this a lot recently. I have this friend and I've known her about 8 years now. We've been really close, but we don't really share any interests. She dislikes all the music I love and doesn't really care about music at all, for example. Of course it's great that people are different and unique and all, but still, are different interests the reason why we are "growing apart"? Nowadays, when I'm with her and there are other people around too, I'm always the one who feels herself outsider and not-welcomed. It feels like we don't even have much to talk about anymore. I think it's a really sad situation :(.

 

 

Ooops that was a lot of complaining :laugh3: But I do think it's important that friends have common interests. Even if you have many other things to talk about, it still is a thing that can keep you together.

Common interests are good for when you have to fill time with useless chitter-chatter.

 

 

But I think even if you don't share many interests you can still be good friends with that person because maybe you can both share your interests and become interested in new things. I just said the word interest to many times, isn't that interesting?

Good thread Julia and well yeah for me its important to have something in common with my friends and now that i think about it ' date='my best friends were into the same things i was like music guitars and stuff like that and we always had something to talk about but when i dont share anything in common with a general friend , its more hmm weird? Like i never have something to talk about and there's this uncomfortable silence [/quote']

 

Oh how I know this uncomfortable silence...it happens so often (too often) with one of my "best"-friends....when we are together and nobody else is with us I always feel uncomfortable....we (I) never know what we should talk about...so she keeps talking and talking about the most uninteresting things (like the sex with her boyfriend..erm....:thinking:)...so this is definitely not a best friend to me actually...the only thing we have in common that we can party a lot together when we're in the right mood...but in general we are far too different...I'd even say she's the opposite of mine...that's why I rather talk bad about her than good..a thing I actually don't want to do...

 

I have also thought about this a lot recently. I have this friend and I've known her about 8 years now. We've been really close' date=' but we don't really share any interests. She dislikes all the music I love and doesn't really care about music at all, for example. Of course it's great that people are different and unique and all, but still, are different interests the reason why we are "growing apart"? Nowadays, when I'm with her and there are other people around too, I'm always the one who feels herself outsider and not-welcomed. It feels like we don't even have much to talk about anymore. I think it's a really sad situation [/quote']

 

I think that's pretty similar to my situation...although I've also realised (since I've bee thinking about it..) that it's even possible to be great friends if you have not the same interests...in my case I can only see that with me and my real best friend...but I think there is still something missing...e.g. when I think of best friends...I imagine that they go together to a concert,...that they stay at a festival in one tent...and stuff like that...know what I mean? that they just say one weekend before the next what they are going to do next weekend...and not like "Hey we want to go to a bar tonight, wanna go with us?"...That's really "general" somehow....I hope you guys get what I mean...;)

My best friends and I are also have some different interests such in music, books, & sports. But the main reason we all become best friends because we can talk and share things in our life and we can trust each other very well. So do they with me. That's the most important imo. They are the first to know whenever something good or bad happened to me.

 

About the different interest, I actually have different group of close friends for each of my interest. To be honest, I have never arrange a meet up with all of them. I mean I never hang out with all of them at the same time, cause I know there will be this "wall" between them, then I'll be caught in the middle and I don't want that happened. I'm a kind of person who want everyone to feel comfortable. I don't want to "force" them to meet each other if it'll only make an awkward situation. This way works well for me. :)

 

It is important to have friends with common interests, but to be 'best friends' it takes more than just common interests. Comfort, care, and trust are the most important thing for me. If it exists between you and your friend, then any differences will not that matters anymore, imho.

i do think its very important. i mean it can be interesting to have friends with different interests but it is a problem if none of your friends shares your interests. especially if your whole group of friends is interested in the same things...

 

i think its normal that people change and that the people who were close to when you were kids arent necessarily your friends as an adult.

 

as for music you probably should go to gigs on your own when you really feel like going and none of your friends wants to come. i wouldnt have done that either not long ago but you've got to do those things when you move to a city where you dont know anyone. its sometimes better if you just wanna listen to the music and its a chance to get to know people who are more likely to share your interests as well.

 

i'd just continue doing the things you like with your friends and maybe tell them from time to time what actually interests you. i dont know about you but many so-called friends who used to go to school with me didnt know me at all. there were people i didnt feel comfortbale with. therefore i was always the quiet one whenever i was around them which made them think thats the way i am but its not. the topics they usually talked about didnt interest me at all so i didnt really say anything. its weird because i realised that i'm so different when i'm around people i like being with. they were nice and we sometimres did things together but they werent real friends more like people i randomly met at school. the fact that some of them didnt even reply to my emails when i lived in a different country tells you a lot.

 

however i guess going to uni is a good chance to meet new people. what are you gonna study btw?

i do think its very important. i mean it can be interesting to have friends with different interests but it is a problem if none of your friends shares your interests. especially if your whole group of friends is interested in the same things...

 

i think its normal that people change and that the people who were close to when you were kids arent necessarily your friends as an adult.

 

as for music you probably should go to gigs on your own when you really feel like going and none of your friends wants to come. i wouldnt have done that either not long ago but you've got to do those things when you move to a city where you dont know anyone. its sometimes better if you just wanna listen to the music and its a chance to get to know people who are more likely to share your interests as well.

 

i'd just continue doing the things you like with your friends and maybe tell them from time to time what actually interests you. i dont know about you but many so-called friends who used to go to school with me didnt know me at all. there were people i didnt feel comfortbale with. therefore i was always the quiet one whenever i was around them which made them think thats the way i am but its not. the topics they usually talked about didnt interest me at all so i didnt really say anything. its weird because i realised that i'm so different when i'm around people i like being with. they were nice and we sometimres did things together but they werent real friends more like people i randomly met at school. the fact that some of them didnt even reply to my emails when i lived in a different country tells you a lot.

 

however i guess going to uni is a good chance to meet new people. what are you gonna study btw?

 

Oh I know this problem...I think I have enough friends who don't really know me..because they talk about things I'm not interested in...I still believe that there is maybe only 1 friend who knows how I really am...

 

what I am going to study?Good question....I'm going to apply to different unis next week....for musicology, popular music and media, music teacher (maybe), translator...we'll see what happens...

theres always been people like that but most friends i met at school had different interests and i dont think they actually knew me.

 

sounds interesting. good luck! i still dont know what i'm gonna do next year.

Friendship is a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of willful sacrifice of one's own interests or well-being for the sake of something that is non-self. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. They show the tendency to desire what is best for the other, show sympathy and honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth.

 

Anyone else is just an acquaintance.