November 23, 2012 - submitted by Francy, Italy

 

Q. Q. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #97

I have been together with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now, and I'm in a strange situation. I no longer know what feelings I have for him. This has never happened to me before but, I always try to find times to stay away from him, and when I don't see him for a few days, I don't miss him.

If I do miss him I feel like it might be out of boredom. Now, my boyfriend has terrible anxiety issues and panic attacks, which make him unable to leave the house alone, however he is finally (after 1 year) starting to get better. I am scared that my leaving him will just worsen his situation and he will once more have a nervous break down.

I no longer know what the right thing to do is; wait for him to get better or just leave him and not worry about the consequences of my actions?

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

A short answer from me on this subject. You can't stay with someone for fear of what will happen to them if you do leave. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but you're likely to do more damage to you both if you prolong a relationship that you're unsure of.

You don't "need" to worry about the consequences but that doesn't mean you can't be mindful of his fragility. I'd be amazed if you didn't think about how he deals with the situation but he will in his own way. That said, break ups aren't the easiest of things for most people so I'm sure you'll do it gently.

Over to you.

 

It really makes me sad to hear about the circumstances that have been placed upon you. And even thinking back on my own relationship I've seen to have grown too comfortable, and may have lost some feelings as well. If you still love your boyfriend as a good friend then treat him as such. I know you'll find a way to let him down gently. Also, don't feel like it's you're fault if anything happens. You could've led him on and no-one would be happy. Atleast this way you're preventing something more harmful to you both. This also might be a challenge because of his anxiety, but help him though it. Be there for him when he needs you and eventually it'll skin in that you're a great friend. Also, and I learned this the hard way, let him know that it's ok if he moves on. I hope it all goes well Francy. Billy N.

 

Sometimes we have to break something before it breaks us, sometimes we pass an accepted challenge stronger as we have ever been before.

I would try to distinguish: on the one hand your relationship, on the other hand your boyfriend’s disease and his cure.

Worries about his health should not be your only reason for staying. In the long run this could not be a solid relationship, which would be necessary to go through such a tough situation.

That last year was stress for you both and you might be just tired, but maybe close to the point before it turns much better. Obviously your relationship was not so very bad, when he is getting better now.

Still it sounds more like he needs professional help, a partner probably cannot handle this alone, or in the end both of you would need a therapy.

Anyway you should check up your own capacity and all eventually reasons for staying or leaving.

If you really decide to leave, it must be explicit for him too that a parting is the better decision for both.

Try to make your position clear with all help you can get, before there starts a vicious circle of waiting and trying to go. Best wishes. L.Q.

 

Love is complicated. When you love someone you can do anything just for keeping a smile upon his/her face. But, when the feelings are all gone or are not there anymore, it’s time to ask yourself… Are you happy? I had always thought that passion it’s the motor of life. What you do must be for your own good. Nobody’s more important than you. That doesn’t mean that you should be selfish, that means that your feelings, you opinions, your word and your heart come first. It’s true, it’s very difficult when the decisions you make for your own good hurts someone else that is important to you. It’s all a mess and you don’t even know what to do. But, after all there is always an answer. Maybe, your relationship isn’t working, but you don’t have to cut it off. You can still be by his side. Friends are always important. They support you, help you, understand you and more than anything, love you. So, I think that you should think about you as much as him. So, this way you will be free of finding love again and you’ll have one friend that you will support and that will support you. Hope everything turns up fine.

Love, Lyssete, Peru.

 

A friend of mine has been trough a similar situation with his boyfriend. The only thing I could recomend you is that you should think about your self for once, even if you love or loved him, so by anytime you have to leave him. Maybe in the future you can help him, as a friend. I know it's a difficult situation, but you are getting troubles due to other's problems. Do what makes you happier! greeting from Agustin, Argentina.

 

If you can find a way to communicate with honesty about your feelings it will save so much pain later. I don`t think many people want someone to stay out of pity, if they are honest about it. If you behave in a way which is respectful and sincere you can know that you have done your best in a painful situation. Julie.

 

Francy, I think in the long run you won't regret helping your boyfriend to get through his illness. I think you will be happier if you did what you could to help him rather than regretting sending him back deeper into his illness and putting your own interests first. If you're not sure of your feelings, there is the possibility that it's a phase your relationship is going through. Even if you were completely sure you don't want to together anymore, I think this guy would appreciate any form of support in his life and that you would therefore be a large part of this. If you were to hear that he had suffered a nervous breakdown after your relationship ends, I think the consequences would be worse than if you were bored of him occasionally while helping him to get better for a while longer. It sounds like a really tough situation to be going through. Good luck. Beth.

 

This is a strange situation indeed. The feelings you describe are really more about pity than love so if he had another illness would you stay with him? If he had cancer or something? This is not the basis for a lasting union. He had this problem before he knew you, he will have it after, be honest and cut yourself loose . You are not his therapist or a drug , you cannot cure him and it would be wrong of him or you to expect that . The fact that you don't miss him after being away from him suggests you need a change , it can be a mental drain to live with a person who has these issues , even if you love them deeply . You are thinking of the consequence of your actions but its not just his feelings you need to consider ...if you are not up to this it will begin to wear on you and you will end up resenting him. Not leaving him is not being honest with him. I wish you all the best as you wrestle with this dilemma, Laurie.

 

A hard decision. Sounds like you are at the end of this relationship. Guilt is making you stay with him. If you stay because of his problems you will start to resent him for this and it won't last anyway. Maybe you can stay long enough to get him some help for his problems, but eventually he will have to work through them himself. You can't do it, only he can. Good luck.

Jaxster.

 

It sounds like you are both at a crossroad and journeying down separate paths at this point in your life. It is unfair on each of you if you stay with your boyfriend because you feel he is emotionally fragile and won't survive the break-up. Remember, happy relationships are based on honesty, and it appears to me that you aren't being honest with yourself. As difficult as it may be, you must remember that few people want to be in a relationship out of pity. Talk to your boyfriend and assure him that you will continue to support and encourage him as a friend, however, you need to rediscover who you really are as an individual so that you can be the best (platonic) companion to him as possible. You both need to be respectful of each other's life decisions. I wish you luck and send my warm wishes! Belinda.

 

Isn’t it funny how things seem to become so tricky when we care about people and don’t want to hurt them or their feelings! Sometimes by trying not to hurt people we can make even more of a mess of things! So I guess my advice to you is to be honest. I think when we aren’t honest with ourselves, or with others, or with our own feelings, it usually shows somehow anyway, and people can usually tell! Your boyfriend might already sense that something has changed in you and he might already be stressing over what it is, or what he has done to cause it etc! I would tell him the truth, and perhaps you need some time-out or away (without feeling guilty!) so that you can properly search your own heart and feelings. And, as much as you care about him and his welfare, you actually are not responsible for his actions/anxiety, but, you can support him as either his girlfriend or as his friend. (And besides, your boyfriend should have a good support network in place – a team of people, family, friends, professional doctors etc, and not just you!) all the best! love, Cali.

 

Thanks to all those who replied to this week’s question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.

^ here you go :)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzBtFa3WB0o

 

Why they didn't include this on MX is beyond me.

November 26, 2012 - submitted by Ridho, Indonesia

 

Q. Dear Mighty Oracle,

 

I'm a huge fan of Coldplay, huge, HUGE fan and recently there was something bugging me. So, yesterday when I was searching Green Eyes lyric on Google and decided to open lyric007.com

And then when I looked at the section where there was Coldplay's other song, something really confused me.

There was a song titled Nobody Said It Was Easy, and I was instantly thinking "I never heard this song before", so I clicked it and then I was quite surprised when it's actually The Scientist lyric, but it showed Nobody Said it Was Easy.

 

So my question is: does Nobody Said It Was Easy an alias for The Scientist, or people just too dumb to knows the actual title from the wiki?

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

You've answered it yourself in the final part of that last sentence. The Scientist was never known as an alias.

If you want to know the lyrics, why not use our Recordings section?

There are plenty of lyric sites on the web and some are really good (not 007 who do not, as they claim, do it better than bond - "nurse me your questions" - ridiculous!) but you can't get better than our official ones.

November 26, 2012 - submitted by Andres, Mexico

 

Q. Hi Oracle! I was reading Live 2012's booklet and I found a rather interesting name under the Special Thanks section, Dave the cat. Who is Dave the cat?

 

Thanks!

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

Dave is producer Rik Simpson's cat. Dave is in fact a female feline who sometimes hangs around the studio. Miaow.

November 26, 2012 - submitted by Sarah, United Kingdom

 

Q. Dear Oracle

I clicked the link to see the photo's R42 took for his blogs and where it says

"Signed by Roadie #42 Matthew Miller"

 

My question is, is Matthew Miller Roadie 42?????????????????????????????????? If you've already answered this, sorry for being behind everyone else.

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

Ta-dah! Yes. You're not behind; you're the first to ask after yesterday's first public revelation of that fact here on this website.

He's affectionately known as Miller round these parts and finally you get to see the man behind all those amazing photos and insightful blogs that keep us going when starved of all things Coldplay. High five Miller!

November 26, 2012 - submitted by Andres, Mexico[/color][/b]

 

Q. Hi Oracle! I was reading Live 2012's booklet and I found a rather interesting name under the Special Thanks section, Dave the cat. Who is Dave the cat?

 

Thanks!

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

Dave is producer Rik Simpson's cat. Dave is in fact a female feline who sometimes hangs around the studio. Miaow.

 

dave the cat :lol: :lol: :lol:

November 26, 2012 - submitted by Sarah, United Kingdom[/color][/b]

 

Q. Dear Oracle

I clicked the link to see the photo's R42 took for his blogs and where it says

"Signed by Roadie #42 Matthew Miller"

 

My question is, is Matthew Miller Roadie 42?????????????????????????????????? If you've already answered this, sorry for being behind everyone else.

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

Ta-dah! Yes. You're not behind; you're the first to ask after yesterday's first public revelation of that fact here on this website.

He's affectionately known as Miller round these parts and finally you get to see the man behind all those amazing photos and insightful blogs that keep us going when starved of all things Coldplay. High five Miller!

:cheesy: Ohmygod she made it official

November 26, 2012 - submitted by Andres, Mexico[/color][/b]

 

Q. Hi Oracle! I was reading Live 2012's booklet and I found a rather interesting name under the Special Thanks section, Dave the cat. Who is Dave the cat?

 

Thanks!

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

Dave is producer Rik Simpson's cat. Dave is in fact a female feline who sometimes hangs around the studio. Miaow.

90% of Rik Simpson's tweets are related to his cat :nod::lol:

I loved the mention of Dave in the Special Thanks section :wacky::lol:

November 27, 2012 - submitted by Ryan, United Kingdom

 

Q. This is my first question to the famous Oracle because I was wondering, is there any chance of a Christmas single this year? I just saw the photos of the band in the studio around this time of the year and put two and two together really, would be great to get a reply! Thanks, Ryan.

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

Two and two sometimes makes five, Ryan. I can tell you the band are DEFINITELY NOT recording a Christmas single. Obviously I can't really talk about what they were doing in the studio but remember, this is all very usual so it's better to wait and see rather than speculate. Sorry to be less than helpful!

November 27, 2012 - submitted by Ed, United States of America

 

Q. Would you ever consider having a contest for different bands to get the chance to open for Coldplay?

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

We actually did do something like this a few years ago. It was U.S based and in conjunction with radio stations. There were some good entries but not sure that we'd repeat it - though who knows? Never say never.

November 27, 2012 - submitted by Brian B, Malaysia

 

Q. O wise Oracle! At the end of the Coldplay Live 2012 I noticed that the track The Escapist is included in the credits, right after Up With The Birds. What is that supposed to mean? A hidden track?? Thanks.

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

There are no hidden tracks - though there are a couple of songs in the Extras section. I am pretty sure I heard The Escapist during one of the film's documentary bits...

November 27, 2012 - submitted by Ed, United States of America[/color][/b]

 

Q. Would you ever consider having a contest for different bands to get the chance to open for Coldplay?

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

We actually did do something like this a few years ago. It was U.S based and in conjunction with radio stations. There were some good entries but not sure that we'd repeat it - though who knows? Never say never.

 

My choir teacher's friend actually won it and opened for them once. I forget his name though :thinking: My teacher keeps telling me because I'm the only Coldplayer in the whole music department :P

:cheesy: Ohmygod she made it official

90% of Rik Simpson's tweets are related to his cat :nod::lol:

I loved the mention of Dave in the Special Thanks section :wacky::lol:

 

Remember when Rik retweeted my Xylocat?:D

November 21, 2012 - submitted by Tyler, United States of America

 

Q. Hello Almighty One,

I just purchased the Live 2012 CD/DVD and it is fantastic. While looking through the included art booklet, I noticed something. On the last page, underneath the song symbols, it reads 'YMCVJMAJRNKGAM'.

What do these letters stand for?

I hope that you and the band have a great Thanksgiving!

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

The band have published similar before and I know many fans worked it out. Those letters are the initials of the band's nearest & dearest. From left to right they are the significant other & children of Phil, Jonny, Will, Guy & Chris.

 

Well, I guess all the people wondering how serious Guy is about his relationship can stop guessing, since he included her in the list.

I wonder how many questions The Oracle will get about the postponed tour...

 

Lots I'm guessing, especially in light of the "hiatus" :thinking:

 

She usually waits awhile to address rumors and then rubbishes them in a post if they're persistent.

November 27, 2012 - submitted by Ryan, United Kingdom[/color][/b]

 

Q. This is my first question to the famous Oracle because I was wondering, is there any chance of a Christmas single this year? I just saw the photos of the band in the studio around this time of the year and put two and two together really, would be great to get a reply! Thanks, Ryan.

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

Two and two sometimes makes five, Ryan. I can tell you the band are DEFINITELY NOT recording a Christmas single. Obviously I can't really talk about what they were doing in the studio but remember, this is all very usual so it's better to wait and see rather than speculate. Sorry to be less than helpful!

 

 

 

:surprised:

November 28, 2012 - submitted by Valentina, Colombia

 

Q. Why Viva La Vida? Why in Spanish? I know that it can be called Death and All his friends too, but why the alternative name?

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

Viva la Vida's title was inspired by Frida Kahlo's painting of the same name hence it being in Spanish. There is no alternative title; Death & All Of His Friends is a separate song that is tagged on to VLV.

November 28, 2012 - submitted by MF, United States of America

 

Q. Would the band ever feature one of the other guys as the lead singer in a song?

 

What's your favorite word?

 

xo

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

So far, Will has taken lead vocals on Death Will Never Conquer (at live shows) & Jonny's voice is the lead on the second verse of Don't Panic but Chris is the lead singer on all tracks - well, he is the lead singer so that sort of makes sense.

They can all sing - as you know - so I'm not ruling out it being different in the future. My favourite saying at the moment is never say never.

November 28, 2012 - submitted by Mailo, Malaysia

 

Q. Do Chris and the boys listen to their own music? Cause they're only the best.

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

Only during the recording process. I'm quite sure that playing their songs live every night on tour is quite enough, They LOVE that of course but I'm not sure any artist listen to themselves for pleasure. It would be slightly strange. A bit like reading a book you wrote over and over...

November 28, 2012 - submitted by Adam, United Kingdom

 

Q. When I seen Coldplay in Manchester this year, they came on in broad daylight, so why in Paris is it dark when they come on? Did they do this to make the lighting better? I LOVE COLDPLAY LIVE 2012!

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

It seems strange because France is an hour ahead of the UK so when the band came on there at 9pm, it was 8pm here. Was it dark in the UK at 8pm on 2nd September? I don't know because er, I was in Paris watching the show. In the dark!

The Manchester gig was in June (Summer) and the Paris gig was in September (Autumn) and as the year goes on the nights get darker.

Q. Do Chris and the boys listen to their own music?

 

The boys? They also have names! :|

November 29, 2012 - submitted by Justine, United Kingdom

 

Q. Hey, Oracle! I've been wondering, is it just me, or does Will seem to REALLY love wearing scarves? It seems that so many of his pictures are of him with a snazzy scarf to along with the outfit - are they like a go-to accessory for him? Thank you!

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

Ha! This made me giggle but you're right, Will does like scarves. The band as a whole do tend to wear scarves during the tour even if the weather doesn't seem to require one - good tip for singers.

November 29, 2012 - submitted by Sage, United States of America

 

Q. Important question, does Chris use auto-tune?

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

NEVER!

November 29, 2012 - submitted by Victoria , United Kingdom

 

Q. Dear Oracle,

 

I've always wondered this: On the album X&Y, the lyric for Fix You reads "When you're too in love to let it go," yet every time I've heard Chris sing it live (I've seen them 5 times in concert) he says "...to let it show" instead. Is there a reason he does this? Does he actually prefer the word show to go? I know this is nit-picky, but I've always been curious. Thank you! I hope you answer this!

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

It's not a word preference but it is a lyric preference - he wouldn't do it otherwise. Once something is recorded you can't go back and change it but playing live gives the opportunity to make changes musically & lyrically.

November 29, 2012 - submitted by Thomas, United Kingdom

 

Q. Hi Oracle did Rihanna only come to Paris with Coldplay. If she did why? Hope you can reply. Thomas.

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

Rihanna travelled to Paris to perform Princess of China with the band because that is where the majority of concert footage for the Live 2012 DVD was being recorded. They performed it twice there and then again at the Paralympics Closing Ceremony a week later.

November 29, 2012 - submitted by Justine, United Kingdom[/color][/b]

 

Q. Hey, Oracle! I've been wondering, is it just me, or does Will seem to REALLY love wearing scarves? It seems that so many of his pictures are of him with a snazzy scarf to along with the outfit - are they like a go-to accessory for him? Thank you!

 

 

The Oracle replies:

 

Ha! This made me giggle but you're right, Will does like scarves. The band as a whole do tend to wear scarves during the tour even if the weather doesn't seem to require one - good tip for singers.

:lol: Okay this reminded me of the flowery shirt. Can you imagine ? :awesome:

 

Q. Hey, Oracle! I've been wondering, is it just me, or does Chris seem to REALLY love wearing that blue shirt with flowers on it ? It seems that so many of his pictures are of him with this particular shirt - is it his favourite ?

Thank you!