Can I still be their friend truly…

 

I have been reading on another forum about this exact same question.

Can you be someone's friend of the other sex that you may have strong feelings for.

 

I met someone in the old place whereas I used to live, as I was leaving we became friends, and went out for drinks, we even took a short break and stayed with some friends whom were like a family to me. "We had the best of times" We talked a lot, me being the person I am could only talk, up to a point, but not show how I felt.

 

Now we have come back, up to a point we have been strangers. For me that has been extemley difficult and could be the writing on the wall to signify nothing will ever happen and you will only be ever friends, however now she has informed me reasons why I have not seen her, and now she needs some help. These problems are such as one of her close family may be very ill and has to go for a operation, one of which they may not make it though, and she has asked for help, of which I am willing to give in the form of support and being there for her.

 

However for me to see her go though this, with the feelings I have its going to be even harder as I know, I really want to be there for her, but at the state our friendship/relation stands it can only be up to a certain point, in addition I can not really tell her much whilst she is going though this.

 

What do I do, I am really being a true friend to her ?

I feel I can not abandon her in anyway as she has asked for my support. In her time of need.

However what about my own needs and well being.. for me this has been the biggest thing that has happened to me for sometime, and I have been struggling to deal with it.

 

 

 

 

Yet again the song of the " the hardest part" plays though my head "

I think you can be friends but it's really difficult...

 

I i've been in that position for a while... my best guy friend he's pretty much the greatest guy...and i really fell hard for him...and it was like that for a long time... what sucked is that he only liked me as a really good friend... :\

So... it's hard to have feelings for a really good friend... you can get really jealous and screw everything up...

Nothing happened and i think i'm finally over him...but who knows...maybe it's because i havn't seen him in a while because of summer vacation and all...

 

But yeah... i know how you feel...

 

 

i'm not one to give advice... :(

if you clearly know that nothing will happen, and if you still consider her as a good friend of yours, i think is good you be with her now that she needs it.

 

but it may be, will bring things back or you may think that something between you both could happen and if not you may end hurt and she angry with you or something :\

I think you can be friends, but remember that your heart should tell you your decision, not your mind.

 

But, I am not one for giving advice....

yes, you can try being "just a good friend"to her. but do you know when it's not gonna work no more? when she starts fancying someone, and that someone not being you. then it's going to be quite tough for you. however, i am not encouraging you to quash your feelings. the best thing right now would just be there for her. trying to stay away from her is not gonna do any good, cause she probably needs someone who really cares for her. even if it's just a shoulder to cry on.

maybe tell her how you feel.

don't let her play you or use her.

if those sort of things keep happening you're just going to end up getting hurt over and over again.

^Yes, don't keep anything from her, because you never know how it could slip out. If she found out some other way that could hurt you or confuse her or whatever. It's best just to tell her your feelings and see how that works.

Thanks guys, for understanding and your support !

 

MAybee, she has had a lot of clues already. Maybee I should but this week, I have to wait for her news before anything. In the mean time I will be there for her.

OH, I think it's alright.

Infact, that's whats happening with me right now. 3 years ago we hated eachother, like we were horrible enemys. And just last year we started having better conversations and this year we've always been hanging around eachother. Right now he's in my 'Top 5' closest friends. So that's the good part.

THe bad part is that everyone in your grade will think you like him, except for him (in my case atleast). So now I'm stuck with 'Alyyyyyysssa you like Dylllllan.' and recently in a friend's Hobo Essay, Dylan and I are married Hoboes with a daughter named Hope.

So if your falling for your guy friend, please don't fall too hard because when you fall too hard, sometimes you cant get up (hey, reminds me of myself!). Or you'll get the 'You like him treatment' for atleast a couple years. :laugh3:

Yes, Bart... I think you can.... It's a state of mind, where you identify yourself as someone who would never WANT to be with that person. If you feel like you want to be with her at all..... it might not work......

 

I think you're a person who knows a lot more about this than I do, though. But I have had a little experience being with girl friends who I would always stay friends with, no more.

Bart come back to the UK you have better friends here :( :bigcry:

emmm they are all now strange to me. !

But the way I might feel at the end of this one I may want to come back !:D

:cool:

Does she knows how you feel at all, Bart?

 

 

PS: :hug:

to liquid sky

I think she has a idea, considering I took her to Manchester and introduced her to my peoples.

 

I told her she has a part of my heart, (she said the same)

 

And mentioend when I am not with her I miss her a lot. I know that is pretty deep stuff.

 

I also mentioned someone whom is a ex friend of mine said when we first went out I would only have 2 weeks with her to get her to be with me, and If I did not go with her he would take her away.. and I was very unsettled by what he said.. she did not seem to mind and assured me I was her friend in the 1st instance.

 

I thought all had been lost up until recently, maybe I said way too much, until she sent me numerous messages for me to come and see her, so we could have a talk...(maybe about nothing)

 

She has some problem now, though wheras I guess something like this will be the last thing on her mind. However at least she has told me, what has had been happening... and seems to want me to be there for her. There has been many false dawns though.. However I will remain positive.

 

My closer friends here know how much this means too me, and have been solid in there support, despite it might be boring them..

 

I have been down this path before, it never worked out with someone whom I did care about a lot, we remined friends very good friends, and in the end she did love me a great deal, but I had already moved on and was in the process of moving to Barcelona by the time she came round to wanting to be with me. I could not turn back the clock and bring those feelings back... too much time had passed.

 

 

 

BTW long time now see :hug: thanks

Well there has not been much of a change in the past week. I got to hear more about the problem, we spent some nice times together too.

However its seems clear she might not know, or might not give a regard for who I may feel in that way, the more I think though she may not be aware I may like her as much as I do, just a in-cline.

 

I have thought up vairous outcomes,

 

One I be open and honest :

Implications . Negaitive

I lose a friend, and also my friend losses one too. I know by now, she counts me as a good friend as I heard her talking to her family about me even.

Also some of the recent problems she has told me about, its even something I know she has not even shared with some of our mutual friends she has introduced me too.

 

Positive

Well its in the bag ( that’s not gonna happen)

 

I do nothing

Outcomes

negative, this feeling does not go away, and all that happens as happened this week, we become closer friends. In time her finding someone else, of which will be touture to me. A start of this was this week, when I was out with her and friends and I heard them talking about another boy, this hurt. I also was she was really wanting to do it, however this was not for me.

 

Positive outcome..

Time will pass, I will get over it, move on, and in the end be one the best of friends, and never say never. A mutual friend who has been my friend first instance said not for now, but after sometime she might be really needing you.

 

Sorry for sharing all of this with you, but even writing it down helps.

Its hard for me to not even be with her when I am free as there are many things we have got into our day to day lives, where we need to be with each other at times, also if I was to go off the scene for a bit, it would upset her. And leave her with un answerd questions.

ive been in this possition for a while now...

 

you have to be there for your friend, and hold back, yes it sucks... but you will see light at the end of the tunnel... be pacient...

 

and its ok to share things like this to us... we are here to make bonds with other coldplayers :nice:

 

 

[/badEnglish]

Yes coldplayers have always been good to me with this sort of stuff though out the years

Yes coldplayers have always been good to me with this sort of stuff though out the years

:dance:

I know it's hard for you, but try telling her your feelings before you help her, otherwise she might think you've only helped her because you wanted to have some benefits out of it... :\

This one never worked out.. our friendship went away.. it was so hard.