The Coldplay concert is what pushed me over the edge - standing in the middle of a 70,000-strong crowd who were all singing Yellow while giant sun-coloured balloons bounced on their heads.

 

It was at that point I had something of a life crisis. If there's one thing that annoys me about Coldplay, it's not their dodgy lyrics, their maddening worthiness, or their homemade clothes - it's their success.

 

Their bona fide hanging out with world leaders and marrying Hollywood starlets success.

 

 

You see, it could have been me. Well, not the whole musical genius, rock god stuff, but the high-achieving, general greatness.

 

For once upon a time Coldplay and I were at college together. We started our adult lives knowing the same people, hanging out in the same grim Camden pubs and stalking the same library corridors.

We were never friends, but we had friends in common and I have half a memory of Chris Martin fancying my flatmate. We were the same.

 

Fast-forward 13 years, however, and things couldn't be more different. Chris is in one of the biggest bands in the world, married to Gwyny and building mansions, while I'm, well, more overdrawn than I was as a student and looking for yet another flatshare at the age of 32.

 

As for my movie-star lover, well, he's been awfully slow to turn up. I know I should be pleased for Coldplay, they were and still seem to be such nice guys, but the truth is their success has put my own achievements - or lack of - into sharp focus.

 

Lucky man: Chris Martin has a successful band and a beautiful wife

 

It's hard to kid yourself that you're doing well when your peer's success slaps you in the face every time you pick up a newspaper or switch on the TV.

 

But at least I'm not alone. Peer envy has become so rife in today's 'Anything's possible' society that it's even got a name: Failed Potential Syndrome.

 

This syndrome gets more acute with age, can be disastrous for your mental health and is everywhere.

 

It's that feeling that somehow life has not quite blossomed for you in the way you thought it would, while your peers (usually the seemingly unambitious ones) soar to great heights.

 

Several of my friends, now in their mid-30s, spend evenings bemoaning the success of old school and college friends while wondering why it hasn't happened for them.

 

Kate, a solicitor, can beat herself up about a girl she went to school with. 'When I knew Lucy, she was so shy she could hardly look you in the eye,' she says. 'Now, she's dividing her time between LA and New York as a fashion photographer, spending her days hanging out with A-listers.

 

'She even has an agent, for God's sake. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. If I'm honest, I always thought that I'd be one of the high fliers, not Lucy.'

 

Phillip Hodson, fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, says no section of society is immune to this sort of envy.

 

'You only need to look at David Cameron and Boris Johnson,' he adds. 'Boris got a second at university, David got a first. Boris wanted to be leader of the Tory Party while David got the job.'

 

Mr Hodson continues: 'We will always make comparisons with our peers. For years I'd hear about other people's success and think: "Why isn't this me?" You can get eaten up with envy when you see others succeed.'

 

But why? Why can't we just be pleased for people when they are doing well? 'We are competitive creatures,' he says. 'Other people's success makes us question our own place in the pecking order.'

 

Even when we're happy with our achievements, other people's promotions and accomplishments can still rile us, particularly if they don't match up with the judgments we made about that person.

 

'Being content with yourself takes the edge off. But even if you were a Pulitzer Prize winner, finding that the thicko at the back of class 3B is now the President of Europe is still going to bother you because it makes you question your judgment - about them and yourself.'

What makes it worse is that these days it's so easy to keep track of our friends' successes, thanks to wretched Facebook updates informing us of their latest promotion and new pictures showing them having a high old time in Bali.

In the back of my mind, I always thought I'd write a piece of Chick Lit gold. Overnight it would spark a bidding war, be made into a film and then my life would begin.

 

Have I started said book? Not a word. Do I even know what it's going to be about? Not a clue.

 

 

Leadership battle: Boris Johnson, left, did better than David Cameron at university but it is the latter who rose to the top job of Conservative leader

 

Meanwhile, I heard last week that a girl from my school has just sold the rights to her first book to Hollywood. For six figures. Her second book comes out in November. She is living my life - or at least the life I'd like to be leading by now.

 

Why her and not me? Why is it that some people, given the same start in life, are more successful than others? Is it that they have more talent? Or is it just luck? Or do they want it more?

Fiona Harrold, life coach and author of Seven Rules Of Success, says it's very simple: the likes of Lucy and Chris Martin get off their butts and actually do something. The rest of us don't.

 

'Successful people apply themselves and do what they say they're going to do,' she says. 'It's as simple as that. The majority of people are too busy thinking of why it's not going to work and making excuses.'

 

But surely we're not all blessed with the kind of confidence that makes us want to take over the world?

 

'There is this misconception that one day you'll find confidence and your life will begin,' says Ms Harrold. 'It doesn't work that way - the only way you're going to get confidence is by going out there and doing things. If you just stopped all the worrying and got on with it, you'd have half a chance.

 

Unlikely success: TV character Ugly Betty becomes a high flier despite being unpopular at school

 

'The world is full of writers who don't write, painters who don't paint and entrepreneurs who never start a business - the only thing holding them back is themselves.'

 

Psychologist Judith Leary-Joyce agrees. She says that most of us don't chase our dreams because we're afraid we'll find out we're not talented enough.

'My daughter dreamt of being an actress since she was a child,' she says. 'It was all she ever talked about. But when she got to drama college she realised the brutal truth was that she wasn't good enough.

'It took huge courage for her to acknowledge that and move on to other things. Most of us don't find that courage - we'd rather keep our dreams on a shelf and never try, in case we fail.'

 

So, what makes some people get over their fears and take on the world, and the rest of us sit on the sidelines?

 

Leary-Joyce started to write The Psychology Of Success: Secrets Of Serial Achievement after her husband returned from a school reunion.

 

'He came home scratching his head,' she says. 'Those people who had shown promise at school had gone nowhere while those who were bottom of the class had gone on to do all sorts of things.

 

'I wanted to find out what it is that makes some people go on to do great things.'

 

In the book, she interviews 31 high achievers - from businessmen to musicians - and concluded that there was one thing they all had in common.

 

'They had all had a major failure or trauma in their lives and used that as a spur. They all failed at various points in their careers, but they always kept going on to the next thing. Failure primes you, while continued success often breeds complacency.'

 

Mr Hodson believes that some people are just more determined and driven.

'People who succeed are risk-takers and have great drive,' he says. 'But this can also make them the most fragile people - they need success to survive, which makes them vulnerable and full of deficiencies.'

 

So perhaps a life of muddling along, spending time with friends and not quite doing as much as you could is a sign that you are content?

 

'Quite often, as much as we moan and groan, we're actually very happy with where we are - if we were miserable, we'd change,' says Ms Leary-Joyce.

 

'These days, with the likes of The X Factor and Big Brother, we all have the mindset that success has to mean money, applause and limousines, when, of course, it doesn't.

 

'Very few people are going to reach the levels of Coldplay, but you can still be happy with what you've got.'

 

Mr Hodson agrees: 'There will always be people above you in terms of money, status or achievement - the trick is not to spend your life looking up at them.

 

'Conrad Black was hugely talented and wealthy, but he is in jail because instead of looking down the ladder at the rest of us, and realising how well he had done, he looked up, compared himself with billionaires and said: "I must have more."'

 

He continues: 'Success is what we make of the opportunities that come our way. Are you doing your best? Are you seizing every opportunity? Striving and trying is the mark of success, not winning and getting results.'

 

That said, there's no reason why any of us shouldn't get off our sofas and become high achievers if we wanted to, according to Ms Harrold:

 

'Everyone can be successful. Everybody has a talent. Figure out what you can do and get on with it - don't sit around moaning.'

 

And there's the rub - this whole 'getting on with it' thing. It all sounds a bit tiring, doesn't it? And no moaning? That would be harder to give up than coffee.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1222961/It-Peer-envy-rife-got--Failed-Potential-Syndrome--got-it.html#ixzz0V1Y5DCKJ

Seems like someone might be a closet Daily Mail reader.................................... :rolleyes:

Fast-forward 13 years, however, and things couldn't be more different. Chris is in one of the biggest bands in the world, married to Gwyny and building mansions, while I'm, well, more overdrawn than I was as a student and looking for yet another flatshare at the age of 32.

 

As for my movie-star lover, well, he's been awfully slow to turn up. I know I should be pleased for Coldplay, they were and still seem to be such nice guys, but the truth is their success has put my own achievements - or lack of - into sharp focus.

sounds like the author is suffering from sour grapes!

sounds like the author is suffering from sour grapes!

 

Sounds like the author needs to get a life instead of writing "whinge" articles.:rolleyes:

Interesting read in general...

Just seems jealous... :shifty:

Very interesting article, not because of CP mention but in general. We've had this topic in english class reading an article about the 'Tall Poppy Syndrom' which is somehow similar to this.

 

Honestly I don't see it that much as whinging but more like reflecting :\

 

It's how you want to see things, I guess ... ;)

at least this person's willing to admit that she only hates them because they're so successful. :P

Seems like someone might be a closet Daily Mail reader.................................... :rolleyes:

 

Nope, you type Coldplay into google news, articles come up, it's very clever :cheesy:

Nope, you type Coldplay into google news, articles come up, it's very clever :cheesy:

 

It's still a Mail article, though.............................. :rolleyes:

So? Not everything they write is fascist drivel...just most of it :nice:

So? Not everything they write is fascist drivel...just most of it :nice:

 

All newspapers and news programmes have "agendas", whatever way you look at it.

The Mail is no better or worse than any of them. Their articles do provoke good discussion, though, as proven by this article, otherwise I'm sure you wouldn't have posted it.

All I'm saying is, it's rather hypocritical to keep slagging off a particular newspaper, yet still post articles from it.;)

No it's not. I'm not going to censor it :lol:

 

I don't like the paper, I'd never ever chose to buy it, but I'm not gonna refuse to copy and paste articles other people might be interested in, that's just ridiculous.

 

I know you love to pick a fight Mark, but I'm not interested in fighting. So let's just let you have the final word so we can get this thread back on track :)

 

I don't like the paper, I'd never ever chose to buy it, but I'm not gonna refuse to copy and paste articles other people might be interested in

 

Which is exactly what I do. Just making the point, that's all. I have no problem with this article being posted.;)

 

However, if the Mail is "fascist", what does that make The Sun, The Star, The Mirror and the News of the World?:rolleyes:

 

The Mail just happens to be very "post"-friendly.;)

someone's obviously jelous :laugh3:

He's bit of a " loser "

in the sense that he's comparing himself to what he would call a rockstar.

You won't get far in life,

especially if you were thinking I am i not as famous as a guy i saw around college once or twice.

 

 

 

As you probably can read by my comment,

i gave up on the article about half way through.

 

*edit*

jesus, i seem very angry from that comment :lol:

Lets add in a Lol to make it light hearted and fun

 

 

LOL

:)

Which is exactly what I do. Just making the point, that's all. I have no problem with this article being posted.;)

 

However, if the Mail is "fascist", what does that make The Sun, The Star, The Mirror and the News of the World?:rolleyes:

 

The Mail just happens to be very "post"-friendly.;)

 

Oh I know, similarly I have no issues with the articles you post from it as most of them are lighthearted :) Just don't like beliefs of the paper itself :)

:surprised: interesting article....:thinking:

The Mail is no better or worse than any of them.

 

That's not true - When it comes to fascist drivel, The Mail is number one! ;)

I LOVE when the Mail criticises Griffin and the BNP!

 

For once a good article from the Daily Mail. Reading it seems slightly heartbreaking and sad. I don't think I will suffer from such a thing because at the end of the day do we really want to be in their positions? As long as we are happy with our jobs, our lives, then what could be better than that?

Oh I know, similarly I have no issues with the articles you post from it as most of them are lighthearted :)

 

I'm glad you've at least noticed that. I deliberately avoided that Jane Moir piece about Stephen Gately as it was clearly disgraceful.;)

 

Just don't like beliefs of the paper itself :)

 

Fair enough.

That's not true - When it comes to fascist drivel, The Mail is number one! ;)

 

I think you might be just a little bit obsessed.:dozey:

Life isn't about being famous and having tons of money. I always remind myself of that, and that I don't have to achieve something as big as Coldplay to be happy :D Just let your life build itself up and make the best of it, instead of crying over it because it's not as shiney and glamorous as the life of other people. :)

Generaly speaking that's an interesting article, I like this analysis . It's well-structured and quite locical . Now that's psychology and I'm not really into it :/ .

Still, I find it amazing how jaleousy can push you to write such a deep and detailed article . The person really wanted to explain that with facts and figures ! That's impressive :stunned:

if i had known chris before he was famous, instead of being jelous i would show off to other people and let the whole world know that i knew him before he was famous. and then maybe i would try to get in contact with him and he'll be my best buddy!

 

you just gotta make the best with what you got and see the glass..."neither half full nor empty"... sorry coldplay song in my head. =)

interesting article(im going to major in Psychology)

Very interesting article, not because of CP mention but in general. We've had this topic in english class reading an article about the 'Tall Poppy Syndrom' which is somehow similar to this.

 

Honestly I don't see it that much as whinging but more like reflecting

 

It's how you want to see things, I guess ...

 

Totally agree.