So here it is, folks, the third volume in the Rezzy Leon series! I wrote this story in about 15 minutes. The Valentine's Day story was originally supposed to be the third one, but this story just so happened to be written on a random term. Not only that, it's a single chapter story, (or, SCS, for short). I don't write SCS's often, so enjoy this one in the meantime, while we wait for the February 14th story.

 

“A Walk in the Park?”

by Anthony Romero

 

The birds were singing, the clouds were dancing, and Rezzy was just… well, he was just sitting on a bench in the local city park, pondering the thought of what was to come next week. He had just recently applied to get a job down at The Q Store, as the manager was looking for someone to replace Ashley, who was just recently arrested last December for, well… You know. It was stressing Rezzy out just waiting to hear a phone call from the manager, waiting to be interviewed. The stress was starting to get the best of him, as he began to feel clumsy, trembling around every now and then when he lost balance whenever he walks. However, Rezzy was still sitting down on the bench, looking around as he sees couples walking together, hand in hand, children playing together, laughing while having their fun, and even some joggers getting their daily exercise. One jogger, however, fell onto the hard concrete as his shoelace became untied. Rezzy frantically ran over to see if the jogger was okay. “Are you okay?” Rezzy asked him. See? I told you he ran over to see if he was okay. “Ouch…,” complained the jogger. “I’m obviously… in… in a lot of pain right now, dumbass.” “You shoe became untied.”

“Nah, you think?”

“I was just trying to inform you. Listen, dude, do you need help, or not?”

“I… I think I’ll be fine. Say, what’s your name?” “Rezzy. Rezzy Leon. Yours?”

“My name is Miles Thomas.”

“Hey, my dad’s name is Thomas!”

“No one asked, kid,” Miles snarled as he stood up, attempting to walk out the pain. He was trying to walk away from Rezzy, but Rezzy didn’t want to leave him limping. “Miles, are you sure you don’t need my help?” “Listen, kid,” Miles continued, “I don’t need some teenage queen babysitting me, alright?” “Fine,” Rezzy relented as the two parted ways.         

 

Rezzy then sat back down on the bench, concerned on Miles’ health. About ten minutes later, Miles came back in Rezzy’s sight, finishing another lap of jogging. As he passed through, he gave a mean look at Rezzy, almost to the point of making it awkward between them. Rezzy then decided to head back home, out of fear of not only missing The Q Store manager’s phone call, but out of fear of being beat up by Miles. Rezzy began to walk. After five minutes of walking, Rezzy trembled, losing balance, and fell on the concrete side walk. Miles eventually saw him, only about after five minutes of Rezzy rolling around crying in pain. “Rezzy!” he exclaimed, running over to see if he was okay. “Are you okay?” “What does it look like?! I’M OBVIOUSLY IN A LOT OF PAIN RIGHT NOW, DUMBASS!”

“Do you need help?”

“You can help by walking away from me!”

“I was only trying to help! I just saw you fell, I don’t know if you tripped or what.”

“Tripped?” Rezzy questioned, looking around on the ground, seeing if there was anything that caused him to fall. “Listen, dude,” Rezzy said, “I’ve just been in a lot of stress lately, that’s all. I guess I just lost balance and fell. Stress makes you lose balance, you know.”

“You sure?” Miles asked out of curiosity, helping Rezzy up. “Um…,” Rezzy hesitated. “I’m sure of it.”

Miles then looked down at Rezzy’s feet. “Then why is your right shoe untied?” he asked.“What are you talking about?” Rezzy asked. He then looked down.

 

Ten seconds later…

 

“DAMMIT!”

 

© Anthony Romero, 2013

I think I'm probably the last one to read one of these stories, but careful with your tenses, and maybe try it as a tv script or monologue, as you seem more comfortable inhabiting someone else's voice; the narrator sometimes seems like a third character altogether. Also, what actually happened to Ashley? Did Rezzy get the phone call? I expected him to walk into the interview and see Miles there after he'd tripped him up, or something along those lines; are you gonna tie up the loose thread of the Q store subplot in another story?

Anthony, honestly, I don't think that many people read those stories anymore, I think that people got kinda bored of the whole concept. I suggest you to make some innovations, or add some new things to the story, something to occupy the reader's mind again. Also, what happened with your videos? Why don't you make a Rezzly Leon short film? I think that that could attract more people to your story, but afterall, it's all up to you :)

Also, always write with the end in mind. This doesn't really have much of a conclusion.

I think I'm probably the last one to read one of these stories, but careful with your tenses, and maybe try it as a tv script or monologue, as you seem more comfortable inhabiting someone else's voice; the narrator sometimes seems like a third character altogether. Also, what actually happened to Ashley? Did Rezzy get the phone call? I expected him to walk into the interview and see Miles there after he'd tripped him up, or something along those lines; are you gonna tie up the loose thread of the Q store subplot in another story?

Tenses was always one of those things that I've been trying to improve. Also, Ashley was arrested in the Christmas story. As for the last question, yes.

 

Anthony, honestly, I don't think that many people read those stories anymore, I think that people got kinda bored of the whole concept. I suggest you to make some innovations, or add some new things to the story, something to occupy the reader's mind again. Also, what happened with your videos? Why don't you make a Rezzly Leon short film? I think that that could attract more people to your story, but afterall, it's all up to you :)

Both, shoelaces and The Q Store have been mentioned in all three stories, and I can understand why people can get so bored of such a concept. There's still a reason to why I keep writing Rezzy Leon stories, though.

 

As for my videos, I haven't been able to upload any since my laptop broke. I've been using the school's computers, but, of course, the school network blocked YouTube. A Rezzy Leon short film was in my mind since last year, as a matter of fact.

 

Also, always write with the end in mind. This doesn't really have much of a conclusion.

That's why I have decided to outline the upcoming stories from now on, although I should have been doing that since then.

 

I greatly appreciate the feedback, nonetheless, guys. :)

Hi! Spoiler if you'd like to hear some constructive criticism.

 

 

I understand that these stories are written out of randomness and the novelty of it is that absurd humor, but you have to realize that in the end it's just a novelty and if you write it over and over, it won't be that funny every single time. It will get less and less interesting because you're not adding something new.

 

Maybe it's the time to consider doing more solid plots, that doesn't have to mean less of that humor, but you need to build a real plot too, an interesting story, because when you write people are not gonna read them for the out-of-place swearing and little ramblings about shoelaces, it just wore off after all these chapters.

 

The reason it all worked in the first story is because you introduced a completely new concept and nobody knew what to expect from Rezzy Leon stories. Now it's not the same. I want to read Rezzy Leon but I want it to evolve, because leaving it devolved just because 'it's Rezzy Leon' and it's supposed to be random really gives the whole thing a slow and painful death.

 

I'm sorry if I sound kinda cruel but I think people have been reading the stories less than they did initially so I wanna tell you what I think honestly, rather than leave you wondering why these threads have less replies than they used to.

 

You need to be more avant-garde.

Hi! Spoiler if you'd like to hear some constructive criticism.

 

 

I understand that these stories are written out of randomness and the novelty of it is that absurd humor, but you have to realize that in the end it's just a novelty and if you write it over and over, it won't be that funny every single time. It will get less and less interesting because you're not adding something new.

 

Maybe it's the time to consider doing more solid plots, that doesn't have to mean less of that humor, but you need to build a real plot too, an interesting story, because when you write people are not gonna read them for the out-of-place swearing and little ramblings about shoelaces, it just wore off after all these chapters.

 

The reason it all worked in the first story is because you introduced a completely new concept and nobody knew what to expect from Rezzy Leon stories. Now it's not the same. I want to read Rezzy Leon but I want it to evolve, because leaving it devolved just because 'it's Rezzy Leon' and it's supposed to be random really gives the whole thing a slow and painful death.

 

I'm sorry if I sound kinda cruel but I think people have been reading the stories less than they did initially so I wanna tell you what I think honestly, rather than leave you wondering why these threads have less replies than they used to.

 

That's what I wanted to say with my reply too. Thank you Dee.

Why are all these people such a jerks?

 

Like this Mike says out of the blue "dumbass" to a worried person and then saying "No one asked, kid" when Rezzy says something. Doesn't seem like a nice person at all. But I remember that from the Haloween story as well. Why is that? Is that to 'spice up' the story or is that how you perceive people in general? :huh:

Hi! Spoiler if you'd like to hear some constructive criticism.

 

 

I understand that these stories are written out of randomness and the novelty of it is that absurd humor, but you have to realize that in the end it's just a novelty and if you write it over and over, it won't be that funny every single time. It will get less and less interesting because you're not adding something new.

 

Maybe it's the time to consider doing more solid plots, that doesn't have to mean less of that humor, but you need to build a real plot too, an interesting story, because when you write people are not gonna read them for the out-of-place swearing and little ramblings about shoelaces, it just wore off after all these chapters.

 

The reason it all worked in the first story is because you introduced a completely new concept and nobody knew what to expect from Rezzy Leon stories. Now it's not the same. I want to read Rezzy Leon but I want it to evolve, because leaving it devolved just because 'it's Rezzy Leon' and it's supposed to be random really gives the whole thing a slow and painful death.

 

I'm sorry if I sound kinda cruel but I think people have been reading the stories less than they did initially so I wanna tell you what I think honestly, rather than leave you wondering why these threads have less replies than they used to.

 

You need to be more avant-garde.

 

So to sum it all up, it needs to evolve into a more solid series and to experiment with something new in the process as well.

 

It'll kick in whenever I begin to write the fifth story, as I've already finished the fourth story.

 

Why are all these people such jerks?

 

Is that to 'spice up' the story or is that how you perceive people in general? :huh:

 

I'll answer this question now so that people won't be asking that after they read the fourth story.

 

In society, you'll meet some rude people, and you'll meet some nice people. I just so happen to meet rude people whenever I try to help them.

Rezzy frantically ran over to see if the jogger was okay. “Are you okay?” Rezzy asked him. See? I told you he ran over to see if he was okay.

 

Ughhhghhhghh

 

“I… I think I’ll be fine. Say, what’s your name?” “Rezzy. Rezzy Leon. Yours?”

“My name is Miles Thomas.”

“Hey, my dad’s name is Thomas!”

“No one asked, kid,”

 

I mean the characters are near impossible to imagine, it seems quite un-necessary to ask a stranger their name within seconds of meeting them, even a really friendly person wouldn't do it, nevermind a complete asshole.

 

Why's he asking him his name if he's going to instantly tell him to go away? It doesn't make any sense.

Ughhhghhhghh

I find that to be fairly cute though.

 

Aww I feel bad now, so much criticism and so little praise :sad:

Ah yes, that's maybe where I was getting at. It is not seeing so many rude people in the story, it is perhaps the level of rudeness. It doesn't seem realistic.

 

- About the name asking thing, well, I have too many people asking mine. But then I am the jerk by telling them my name and then trying to say something to make them stop talking to me. Trying, because usually it doesn't even work. YOU MEN :angry:

 

Schredder, does this mean that you've been in a situation like this? (not the shoelace situation obviously) Trying to help a stranger and then having him say dumbass/teenage queen to you? :(

I find that to be fairly cute though.

 

Aww I feel bad now, so much criticism and so little praise :sad:

 

If it wasn't for the constructive criticism and feedback, I wouldn't even be working on the stories anymore. Besides, you shouldn't feel bad unless you're giving destructive criticism.

 

Ah yes, that's maybe where I was getting at. It is not seeing so many rude people in the story, it is perhaps the level of rudeness. It doesn't seem realistic.

Yeah, I've noticed that these stories haven't been realistic in general. :p

 

Schredder, does this mean that you've been in a situation like this? (not the shoelace situation obviously) Trying to help a stranger and then having him say dumbass/teenage queen to you? :(

 

Short answer: No.

 

Long answer: No stranger that I've helped has ever been rude to me; not even name-calling. To my surprise, most strangers I've helped have been really nice, not that it means that their personality is great, but as far as first impressions goes, yeah...

Besides, you shouldn't feel bad unless you're giving destructive criticism.

 

"destructive criticism" sounds awesome

 

but that's probably because it's 5am

 

also i do want to see where you go with what has been said in mind so none of that for today

Would it make sense to have a separate section of the forum for literature/poetry/stories etc. that members write themselves and want to share?

Would it make sense to have a separate section of the forum for literature/poetry/stories etc. that members write themselves and want to share?

 

It would make a lot more sense, rather than having them posted in The Lounge. :nod:

Why's he asking him his name if he's going to instantly tell him to go away? It doesn't make any sense.

 

I've asked questions about similar character flaws in the past and don't really get an answer, it's still annoying me. Maybe I should phrase it in a less aggressive constructive criticism sense.

 

You need to think briefly about how a character is feeling from their perspective and what is realistic, instead of viewing it objectively and what you seem to find comical in the situation. I don't see why the character took an odd interest in knowing what Rezzy's name is, only with the intention of then telling him to go away from him. Y'see?

 

Further from that I thought the odd question of knowing his name would result in tying up some later storyline, in a Curb Your Enthusiasm type way, but that didn't quite work out, it was completely pointless.

 

Oops that was still quite aggressive.

You need to think briefly about how a character is feeling from their perspective and what is realistic...

 

Imagine a day in Rezzy's shoes...

 

I don't see why the character took an odd interest in knowing what Rezzy's name is, only with the intention of then telling him to go away from him. Y'see?

 

I've always wanted to make bi-polar character, thus, came along Miles Thomas. Miles only asked for Rezzy's name out of common courtesy. The only reason why he told him to go away was because he was annoyed when Rezzy said that his father's name is Thomas. Why was he annoyed? He doesn't like it when an A-B conversation is about someone else; it makes him feel uneasy.

 

and I do apologize for the delayed response.

He doesn't like it when an A-B conversation is about someone else; it makes him feel uneasy.

 

That's not all that clear.

That's not all that clear.

 

He doesn't want to feel like a back-stabber, hence "No one asked, kid."

He doesn't want to feel like a back-stabber, hence "No one asked, kid."

 

What would make him feel in any way like a back-stabber?

I also don't get that.

 

and this information might be known to you, but not the reader. We are just not getting it when a conversation gets awkward like that.

Also, but that's just me, I don't believe you sat down and decided to create this bi-polar character. It sounds more like an afterwards-made-up excuse to deal with the criticism.

I also don't get that.

 

and this information might be known to you, but not the reader. We are just not getting it when a conversation gets awkward like that.

Also, but that's just me, I don't believe you sat down and decided to create this bi-polar character. It sounds more like an afterwards-made-up excuse to deal with the criticism.

 

On top of this, if you're going to write a character with such a disorder, you have to firstly make it clear to the audience through their symptoms, but secondly, you have to show respect to people with it; try researching about the disorder, because if you're not careful, you can show your characters as caricatures or parodies of bi-polar people. Which wouldn't go down too well.

 

I'm not having a go, or calling you disrespectful, but if you look at the character of Sherlock Holmes for example, everyone who has written him well has shown his signs of autism realistically. Research is a huge part of being a writer.

I don't believe you sat down and decided to create this bi-polar character. It sounds more like an afterwards-made-up excuse to deal with the criticism.

Yes, I'll admit that that was an excuse.

 

On top of this, if you're going to write a character with such a disorder, you have to firstly make it clear to the audience through their symptoms, but secondly, you have to show respect to people with it; try researching about the disorder, because if you're not careful, you can show your characters as caricatures or parodies of bi-polar people. Which wouldn't go down too well.

 

I'm not having a go, or calling you disrespectful, but if you look at the character of Sherlock Holmes for example, everyone who has written him well has shown his signs of autism realistically. Research is a huge part of being a writer.

 

It really was never my intention to create a character that has a disorder, as I stated above, I just called him bi-polar to get around the criticism.