St. Rezzy's Night In

[Texas Rez]

Yeah. So happy St. Patrick's Day. Whatever...

 

St. Rezzy's Night In

By Anthony Romero

 

Chapter 1: “Eating Fish with Graham Crackers? Huh?”

Once upon a time in a far, far, far, far, far, okay, maybe too far. It’s too far away in some land that no one really cares about. If I recall, it’s in some land to where we enjoy Two-Piece Tuesday, Wings Day Wednesday, Three-Piece Thursday, and Four-Piece Friday. Okay, I went off-topic there, but you get my point. Right? I hope you do. Well, listen, I’m only telling this story all because I have nothing else to do to kill time. This story has been lying around in my head all day, and now is a great time to where I can share it before I forget.

 

Where was I? Oh yes. Two-Piece Tuesday. Oh wait, no, never mind, I was getting off-topic again. Crap… Why must I always do that? Oh well. Anyways, it was in a far away land that no one really cares about. There was this guy, right? His name was Rezzy Leon. He lived in a trailer, therefore, makes him trailer trash. He was always troubled and in sometimes, depressed. I remember hearing one story about him in the Q Store. I feel bad for him, really, mainly because Mary once shouted at him in a very girly manner, "Hey, sailor!" It was really awkward, honestly. It was awkward in the story, it was even awkward to ME, and I'm just some random dude!

 

During a busy day at school of doing absolutely nothing, Rezzy was sitting alone at the lunch table, finishing his turkey sandwich. Well, he was alone for a few minutes there. Ten minutes to be exact… Yeah. Ten minutes. Mylo and Tim then joins Rezzy at the lunch table, ten minutes later than usual. Mylo then sets his binder on the desk as Tim begins to eat his fish sticks.

“Where the hell were the two of you?!” Rezzy asks as he throws a napkin on his tray. “You guys are ten minutes late and I already finished my food!”

“Hey, calm down, will you?” Tim says. “It’s not like we’ve been gone for a whole week, you know. We were just finishing Mr. Willis’ test. Actually, I think the test was harder than these fish sticks!”

Tim then pulls out a bag of graham crackers to which Rezzy begins to stare at. “You eat fish sticks with graham crackers?” Rezzy asks. “Who the hell even does that?” “Apparently Tim,” Mylo says. “He’s been doing it since kindergarten. Of course, I don’t blame you for not knowing this before. After all, you just recently met us during our freshman year. Speaking of fish…” Mylo then pulls out his test review for Spanish class from his binder.

“How do you say “catfish” in Spanish? I have Mr. Rodriguez’s test in about ten minutes, and I have to get this review finished right now.”

“I don’t know,” Rezzy answers. “Pescado gato? Does it look like I know how to speak Spanish to you?!”

“Oh ha-ha, very funny. All of a sudden you think you’re a fucking comedian?”

“I actually want to be a psychiatrist ‘cause I need to handle mental people like you.”

“Hey!” Tim interrupts. “Both of you cut it out right now! I’m serious! Get some scissors so that you can cut it out of the review. That way, you won’t have to worry about it in the review anymore!

“I’m surrounded by dumbasses…,” Mylo complains.

A member from the high school student council then walked up to the table, and was holding a few green flyers in one of his hands.

"Hey guys," he said. "All three of you are seniors, right?"

Rezzy, Tim and Mylo then looked at each other as if something was wrong with the student. I mean, it's pretty obvious!

"Yes," Rezzy said. "We're all seniors. Does that make us important all of a sudden?"

"No," the student responded in a seductive voice, even licking his lips as if they were dry or something. "I was just wondering if any of you would be interested in purchasing a ticket to attend tomorrow night's St. Patrick's Day lock-in that's only for seniors.

"What's the catch?" Mylo asks in a seductive voice, licking his lips as well. The awkward conversation between Mylo and the student lead Rezzy and Tim to look at each other, questioning why the seductive attitude is necessary. Even I don't know...

"You all gotta wear green," the student council member replies. "Otherwise, you'll get showered in shaving cream."

After he said that, he walked away without saying his farewells or anything of that nature.

"Riiight," Rezzy says as he stands up, grabbing his backpack. "Guys, let's go buy our tickets and head on to class."

"I like that idea," Tim said, following suit as the three began to leave the cafeteria, entering the hallway.

Rezzy, Mylo and Tim then entered the hallway, walking up to Mary, who was sitting at the student council table, alone, selling tickets for the lock-in.

"Oh!" Mary exclaimed, noticing the three of them. "Did you come here to see me? How sweet."

"Um, no," Rezzy replied. "Actually, Mylo, Tim and I just want to buy our tickets for tomorrow night's senior lock-in."

"Oh...," Mary moped. "So you just want three tickets? You don't even want to say "hi" to me or anything?"

"You just read my mind. I just want three tickets, and then I'll be on my way to class."

"Fine. That'll be fifteen dollars."

"Well, my mom only allows me to spend five, so Mylo and Tim, LET'S MAKE IT RAIN FIVES!"

Rezzy, Mylo and Tim then pull five dollar bills out of their pockets and began to throw them all over Mary. They then took their tickets and carried on to class.

"You guys forgot your change and receipts!" Mary yelled to their backs as they were walking away.

"FUCK THOSE RECEIPTS!" Tim yelled. "YOU CAN KEEP THE CHANGE!"

Mary then folded her arms, shaking her head. "Jerks," she said to herself.

 

Chapter 2: “(Doritos Locos) Tacos?”

Friday night came along, and Mylo, Rezzy and Tim were all dressed in green clothing. Mylo then informs the two that he has to find a parking space for his car, dropping Rezzy and Tim off in the front of the school. Rezzy and Tim then enter the cafeteria, where all seniors have been told to first report to for the student council president to give a rundown of the lock-in activities.

“Hello seniors!” he said into a microphone, standing in front of a podium to which was located at the front of the cafeteria. “Welcome to thy holy lock-in! Just kidding, it’s not holy… Anyways, you guys can do whatever the hell you want here at the lock-in, but I’ll need to inform you of the restrictions that’ll be in effect until 7 AM. First and foremost, there will be no sex, drugs and violence.”

“Awww!” complained some seniors.

“Yeah, yeah,” the president continued. “Don’t blame me, alright? I don’t make the rules, I just follow them. With that being said, every senior is only allowed to get crunk up in the senior hall. All other grade level halls are off limits, and the entire second story, or in this case, upstairs, of the school are off limits as well.”

Rezzy then turned his attention to Tim, who was sitting directly to his right.

"Tim," he whispered. "We're only 25 minutes into this, and Mylo isn't even back. It doesn't take him this long just to park a damn car!"

"Don't worry about him," Tim replied. "He's probably just twerking it on the hood or something, I don't know!"

After the rundown meeting, Rezzy and Mylo then went into one of the senior hallways to see what’s there to do. Rezzy, however, wanted to go look for Mylo. Don’t ask me why, he just wanted to.

“Let’s go look for Mylo,” Rezzy said. See? I told you Rezzy wanted to look for Mylo!

“Really?” Tim responded. “Right now? Ain’t nobody got time for that! Let’s just enjoy ourselves and have fun!”

“Ugh… I’ll go look for him myself if I have to,” Rezzy says as he begins to walk away from Tim.

“Wait!” Tim raised his voice as he ran to Rezzy. “I was only kidding! Let me go with you!”

“I find it interesting how you change your mind so suddenly.”

“Oh shut up, you. Let’s just start looking for him upstairs, okay?”

“But isn’t going upstairs against the rules of the lock-in?”

“Psh, no one will notice!”

“Fine,” Rezzy nervously responds. “Let’s go.”

Rezzy and Tim then go upstairs to being their search for Mylo. Strange sounds were coming from the first classroom they walked past on their right. It sounded like desks moving, rocking back and forth, if even. The lights were off, which makes things even stranger… What do you think is in the room? Could it be a raccoon digging through the trash can? Could it be Casper doing back flips on desks? Could it even be ghosts doing the Harlem Shake in the dark? I have no idea…

Anyways, Rezzy and Tim were curious to find out what’s causing all the strange sounds in the room. Rezzy then places his hand on the doorknob, turning it. Oh! Guess what? The door was unlocked! Coincidence? I think not! Rezzy then opened the door with Tim following behind him… no homo.

“Let there be light,” Rezzy said as he flicked the switch. “And we were blessed with li… WOAH! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!”

Mylo and Johnny were found, sitting on the floor, making out, thankfully, still clothed.

“Mylo,” Tim said as he placed a hand over his mouth. “This is not how I thought you’d rebound after your break up with Suzy!”

 

Mylo and Johnny then both stopped their shenanigans, standing up and acting as if nothing happened.

“I thought I was the only gay one!” Rezzy said.

“What?” Mylo said, applying Chap Stick to his lips. “No, I don’t drive on a one-way street. I go both ways.”

“This… is interesting…,” Rezzy replied. He then turned his attention to Johnny. “What about you, Johnny?”

“Um… See, what had happened was, I was just sitting here, minding my own business, and the…”

“And then what?” Constable Amanda questioned as she stands behind Rezzy and Tim, who were standing at the doorway.

“And then…,” Johnny continued. “Uh… Tacos?”

“How did the hell do the four of you even managed to get in here?”

“The door was unlocked when Mylo and I walked up here.”

“Damn you, Mr. Rivera, for leaving your door unlocked!”

“Mr. Rivera isn’t even in here…”

“Oh, right…”

“May you, Tim and Rezzy please just act like none of this ever happened? PLEASE? I haven’t even come out to my parents yet.”

Rezzy began to laugh after Johnny said that.

“You’re a funny man, Johnny, but you can’t expect something as hilarious like this to just be left untold!”

Constable Amanda then began to shake her head.

“I’ll tell you what,” she said. “If all four of you just go back downstairs and try to find something to do that’s not gay, then I’ll cut you guys loose and act like none of this ever happened.”

“Thank you, Amanda,” Johnny said, running over to her, immediately shaking her hand.

“What the hell are you doing?!” she said, pulling her hand out of Johnny’s. “This was not part of the damn plan! Get the fuck back downstairs! All of you! Now!”

 

Chapter 3: “The Moonlight Is Not Serious”

When the four, including Amanda, returned downstairs, they began to notice how most of the seniors were drunk, running down the halls, yelling out stuff like “WOO! Designer jeans!” Amanda became irritated by such a repugnant sight, so she decided to try to deal with the drunken.

“Rezzy!” Mary said as she ran to him. “Where were you? I’ve been looking all over these halls for you!”

“Um…,” Rezzy hesitated as he began to walk away from Mylo, Tim and Johnny. “You guys go on without me. I’ll be with Mary.”

“Okay,” Tim said. “We’ll be over at Mr. Bate’s class, playing Pictionary.”

“What do you want?” Rezzy asked Mary as the two started to walk together.

“Just come with me!” she said, grabbing Rezzy by the wrist as the two walked out of the building and into the parking lot.

When the two entered the parking lot, the two could hardly see, as the lights that were supposed to illuminate the lot were not even turned on. The only light that really was present was the full moon in the starry sky and the lights coming from the inside of the school. Mary was holding a few boxes of tacks and gave Rezzy one box. Rezzy was confused, as he didn’t know what it was for, let alone what to do with it.

“What do you want me to do with this?” he asked her.

“Just put them behind the tires of these teacher’s cars!” she responds, running to a car. “Its part of a senior prank I’m doing!”

Rezzy began to watch Mary from the other side of the parking lot to where he’s been standing all this time. As he was watching Mary, he began to take a look at some of the cars that were in the parking lot. He could barely recognize some of the cars in there because of the lighting, but was still able to make out their shape.

“Strange…,” he said to himself. “I didn’t know a lot of teachers drive sports cars.”

Mary began to grow impatient as she was placing tacks behind car tires.

“COME ON, REZZY!” she yelled from behind a car. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR? THE HARLEM SHAKE MARATHON ON COMEDY CENTRAL?!”

“YOU KNOW WHAT?” Rezzy yelled, throwing down the box of tacks on the ground. “I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS! I QUIT!”

“YOU NEVER STARTED IN THE FIRST PLACE!”

Rezzy then began to walk back into the building to check up on Mylo, Tim and Johnny’s progress on their Pictionary game. As Rezzy was, again, walking down the senior hall, he began to hear them screaming and arguing from Mr. Bate’s classroom.

 

Chapter 4: “It’s a plain bird…”

As Rezzy walked into Mr. Bate’s room, he noticed how there was a drawing on the board... He couldn’t make out what it was, actually… Rezzy thought it was a plus sign drawn by a fourth grader who had just recently drunk a whole can of Monster and is ready for recess.

“IT’S A BIRD!” Tim argued.

“NO IT’S NOT!” Johnny responded. “I DREW IT! IT’S A PLANE, YOU DUMBASS!”

“Guys,” Mylo said. “It’s just a game.”

“SO WHAT IT’S A GAME?!” Johnny continued to argue. “I DREW A PLANE, AND TIMMY TIM-TIM OVER HERE IS CALLING IT A BIRD!”

“JOHNNY,” Tim yelled. “FOR THE LAST TIME, IT’S A FUCKING BIRD! I KNOW I’M RIGHT! GIVE ME MY POINTS ALREADY, DAMMIT!”

Soon enough, Tim and Johnny began to fight like two homeless guys over the last beer in the 6-pack. Nobody even noticed Rezzy walking into the room, surprisingly. Mylo got out of his seat and ran out into the hall, screaming like a girl, begging for someone to break up the fight between Tim and Johnny. Constable Amanda entered the room shortly after and tried to break it up, but another fight occurred in another classroom over who can twerk the best.

About ten minutes later, the two fights caused a riot to break out in the senior hall, as everyone was drunk, except Mylo, Rezzy and Constable Amanda. Apparently, they thought fighting was cool… It’s not cool, really. It’s really not. It breaks my heart to just know that, really. I mean, come on, you think you’re hardcore because you do drugs? Nope. You’re just another juvenile delinquent if you think doing drugs and fighting are cool. I mean, seriously?! How outrageous can this lock-in get? (Sorry, that was a random rant time… I know nobody would care…)

Anyways, the riot caused Mylo to go into a panic attack, grabbing Rezzy after finally noticing him.

“Where’s Tim and Johnny?” he asked him.

“I don’t know!” Rezzy responded. “I can’t seem to find them! Everyone’s wearing too much green!”

Mylo then grabs Rezzy and takes him to his car in an attempt to get away from all of the chaos. Mylo and Rezzy entered the car, with Mylo in the driver’s seat, and Rezzy in the passenger’s. Mylo then started the engine and began to reverse out of his parking space. About after five seconds of reversing, the two heard something deflate…

“I hope it was only you running out of gas…,” Rezzy told Mylo.

“Um…,” Mylo hesitated. “I have a full tank…”

The two then got out of the car to see what had gone wrong to their so-called “getaway plan”. Mylo’s tires were flattened because of the tacks that Mary had placed behind everyone’s cars.

“Please tell me this is the teacher’s parking lot…,” Rezzy said nervously.

“No,” Mylo responded. “This is actually the student parking lot.”

“DAMN YOU MARY!”

 

© Anthony Romero, 2013

[Destrokk]

tl;dr

 

you have star power ©

[fcam]

That was great! :) I really enjoied that, you're a good writer

[chuck kottke]

And just who eats graham crackers and fish sticks without tartar sauce, I ask you Sir Anthony M. Romero? Such vulgarities and vague language, random ranting chanting chortlings and all that.. definitely not suitable for the soundstage of Wayne and Wanda! ;)

Otherwise, a fine piece of American Literature, Pulitzers on the way.:)

[Mark]

Still tense problems there, and I just need to ask, do you have any idea where the story's going when you start writing it? Just the ending seems a few thousand miles away from how the story seemed to start and I'm wondering what the relevance of the fishsticks were. Also, careful of forced exposition; "After all, you just recently met us during our freshman year," is such a bad line because it's not realistic speech and it's just there to give the audience information. Sorry!

 

How long do you spend editing, out of interest?

[Texas Rez]

Still tense problems there, and I just need to ask, do you have any idea where the story's going when you start writing it? Just the ending seems a few thousand miles away from how the story seemed to start and I'm wondering what the relevance of the fishsticks were. Also, careful of forced exposition; "After all, you just recently met us during our freshman year," is such a bad line because it's not realistic speech and it's just there to give the audience information. Sorry!

 

How long do you spend editing, out of interest?

 

Sometimes I don't know what'll exactly happen next in the story, as some parts were improvised into the plot.

 

Also, the fishsticks were never relevant.

 

As for the length of editing, I usually spend about an hour or so, reading and making and editions to it.

[Mark]

Sometimes I don't know what'll exactly happen next in the story, as some parts were improvised into the plot.

 

Also, the fishsticks were never relevant.

 

As for the length of editing, I usually spend about an hour or so, reading and making and editions to it.

 

I'd recommend redrafting a few more times to avoid the silly errors. Also, red herrings are nice, but not too many; try to make everything central to the plot.

 

You're a hit on here, so it's just little things you should work on.

[Texas Rez]

I'd recommend redrafting a few more times to avoid the silly errors. Also, red herrings are nice, but not too many; try to make everything central to the plot.

 

You're a hit on here, so it's just little things you should work on.

 

Yeah, it's usually the little things that I've been criticized for, so it makes sense that I should work on them. :nod:

 

Thanks for the feedback, anyways! :)