(The Frisky) -- It's no secret that people are getting married later these days than in previous generations, and in this culture of hook-ups and "modern female dating anxiety," we're at no loss for theories that explain why.

 

Some people say today's twentysomethings are delaying marriage to focus on careers and build close friendships instead, but another explanation paints a less flattering picture of young people.

 

Apparently, they're all just a bunch of narcissists. In an article on The Daily Beast this week, writer Hannah Seligson, explores this theory, writing: "narcissism, even in small doses, has shifted courtship into a high-stakes relationship culture.

 

Now that people think more highly of themselves, expectations of what a relationship should be like have skyrocketed into the realm of superlatives.

 

Twentysomethings not only expect to waltz into high-level career positions right out of college, they also expect partners who have the moral fortitude of Nelson Mandela, the comedic timing of Stephen Colbert, the abs of Hugh Jackman, and the hair of Patrick Dempsey." The Frisky: Does hooking up make us lonely?

 

But is it true that twentysomethings think more highly of themselves and have greater expectations for their lives than older generations did at their age? And, if so, is that such a bad thing? Seligson cites psychology professors W. Keith Campbell and Jean Twenge, authors of the book, The Narcissism Epidemic, who "chart the dramatic rise in the number of Americans who have a clinical narcissist personality disorder." The Frisky: Nine signs you're dating a narcissist

 

Surveying a wide representation of 35,000 Americans, they discovered that "nearly 10 percent of twentysomethings reported symptoms of narcissism, compared to just over 3 percent of those over 65." And in an age of confessional blogging, and constant Facebook and Twitter updates, that figure isn't hard to believe.

 

Some believe this blatant self-regard is a product of the "Oprah school of thought," or the idea that you have to love yourself before anyone else will.

 

While Twenge says there's no evidence that people with higher self-esteem have better relationships, Terry Real, a therapist and relationship expert, adds: "There is a national obsession with feeling good about yourself. We have done a good job teaching people to come up from shame, but have ignored the issue of having people come down from grandiosity.

 

The result seems to be a generation of young people who view everything -- especially relationships -- in terms of the happiness it brings them and how good it makes them feel about themselves.

 

This is a problem, the experts say, because relationships are about compromise, about sometimes sacrificing what makes you happy for what makes your partner happy. The Frisky: Do you suffer from modern female dating anxiety?

 

So if focusing so intently on one's personal happiness and gratification is a bad thing, how should today's twentysomethings examine the merits of a potential mate? If their own good feelings are a narcisstic lens through which to view a relationship, what's the appropriate way to examine it?

 

My hunch is we're not giving twentysomethings enough credit. They're a smart, well-educated bunch, if a tad self-involved. But come on, it's not like it's some new phenomenon for twentysomethings to act narcissistic. The Frisky: Why I'm happy to be single (for now)

 

The experts say today's crop is three times more narcissistic that their grandparents, but they don't reveal how narcissistic those grandparents were when they were in their twenties.

 

I suspect today's youth, just like the generations before, will mature and become less self-involved over time. They'll begin seeing potential mates in terms of not only how happy they make them feel, but how much better they are when they're with them: better friends, better employees, better contributing members of society.

 

But don't expect it to happen overnight -- twentysomethings today are busy enjoying their "me" time (and tweeting about every minute of it).

 

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/07/01/tf.narcissim.keeping.you.single/index.html

Yeah I don't think this is unique to today's young culture. It's human nature in general to be narcissistic when you're dating. But you should try to overcome your pride, that's the best way to make lasting friendships - be honest with people and call yourself out.

 

Now that people think more highly of themselves, expectations of what a relationship should be like have skyrocketed into the realm of superlatives.

 

Expectation is the biggest problem. If you go into any situation with too many expectations, you're setting yourself up for a fall.

People expect way too much from relationships/partners nowadays, so the statistics are no surprise whatsoever.;)

I think young people are increasingly polarized between self love and self loathing, and neither is necessarily healthy for a successful relationship.

 

I freely admit that I am somewhat narcissistic, but the main reason for my being single is likely down to time constraints. I work 9-5+ commuting to central London, while studying for an ACCA qualification. More often than not, relationships are hard work and a successful one hinges on mutual understanding and acceptance. But to reach this shangri-la requires considerable time investment.

 

I would postulate that twentysomethings lead significantly busier lives than ever before and, like myself, are less able to fit a relationship around their schedule, nevermind make it work.

I think young people are increasingly polarized between self love and self loathing, and neither is necessarily healthy for a successful relationship.

 

I freely admit that I am somewhat narcissistic, but the main reason for my being single is likely down to time constraints. I work 9-5+ commuting to central London, while studying for an ACCA qualification. More often than not, relationships are hard work and a successful one hinges on mutual understanding and acceptance. But to reach this shangri-la requires considerable time investment.

 

I would postulate that twentysomethings lead significantly busier lives than ever before and, like myself, are less able to fit a relationship around their schedule, nevermind make it work.

 

Which just goes to show you can't have everything, and life management is extremely important.;)

This is enormously true; what I want out of a guy is someone who would be completely dedicated to my every whim. :\ It's kind of scary.

 

Hopefully I will get less picky as I mature....

Same here Sara :lol:

This is enormously true; what I want out of a guy is someone who would be completely dedicated to my every whim. :\ It's kind of scary.

 

Hopefully I will get less picky as I mature....

 

What a coincidence! This is exactly what I was looking for when I was at the slave market in Charleston in 1788! Unfortunately most of them don't know the language of civil discourse, all they understand is the bullwhip, degrading laughter, and nakedness.

But atleast I'm not hung up on appearances, that would make it hard to find a guy.

What a coincidence! This is exactly what I was looking for when I was at the slave market in Charleston in 1788! Unfortunately most of them don't know the language of civil discourse, all they understand is the bullwhip, degrading laughter, and nakedness.

 

Are you sure you weren't at a Max Moseley party??:rolleyes:

But atleast I'm not hung up on appearances, that would make it hard to find a guy.

 

Oh my God.

 

I swear, ladies...

 

Please quit while you're ahead. Just stop commenting in this thread. Now.

I think young people are increasingly polarized between self love and self loathing, and neither is necessarily healthy for a successful relationship.

 

I agree because I'm that way.

Nope, the fact that I have no situation to meet people and wouldn't "make a move" even if I was is what's keeping me single

Nope, the fact that I have no situation to meet people and wouldn't "make a move" even if I was is what's keeping me single

 

Well I guess it must be difficult to meet people when you're locked in a padded cell all day.................... :rolleyes:

I am actually not narcissistic almost at all when it comes to relationships. To me, the joy of the relationship lies just as much with making the other person happy as it does with your own needs/wants. Perhaps that's because I've seen so many people abuse relationships and I've experienced the most selfish people in relationships, so I can see that, and know I do not want to be any part of it.

I am actually not narcissistic almost at all when it comes to relationships. To me, the joy of the relationship lies just as much with making the other person happy as it does with your own needs/wants. Perhaps that's because I've seen so many people abuse relationships and I've experienced the most selfish people in relationships, so I can see that, and know I do not want to be any part of it.

 

So you're going to remain a "singleton", then??:rolleyes: