I don't know if this is already a thread or not. But here we go.

Post your favourite awful jokes.

I'll start.

 

What's blue and not heavy?

 

Light Blue

How does the astronaut cut his hair in space?

 

Eclipse it

Why did a mushroom go to a party?

 

because he was a fungi

why did the fungi leave the party?

 

because there wasn't mushroom.

A catholic priest, a pedophile and a rapist go into a pub.

He orders a beer.

Jeez I guess my joke was really bad :uhoh:

^It actually made me laugh :lol:

But then I remembered I'm catholic, I stopped 2 seconds, like :uhoh::|...and then I laughed again :lol::laugh3::laugh3:

Did you here about the guy who lost his whole left side?

 

He's alright now!

What is a Jehovah's witness favorite band?

 

The Doors

What is a Jehovah's witness favorite band?

 

The Doors

HAHAH! :lol:

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

Just Juan.

^ I just giggle snorted. :embarrassed:

^ I just giggle snorted. :embarrassed:

 

Hehe aw :)

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

 

How many communists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

NONE! The light bulb contains the seeds of it's own revolution!

 

--

 

How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Oh? You don't already know?...

 

--

 

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

 

That's offensive. And it's not funny.

 

--

 

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

2. One to screw the lightbulb in and one to steady the penis--I mean the ladder!

 

--

 

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

You wouldn't know man. You weren't there man!

 

--

 

How many Coldplayers does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

1 to screw it in.

 

2 to laugh about it.

 

1 to write a crappy parody of Paradise about it.

 

4 to hate on it.

 

40 to claim the lightbulb has sold out

 

20 to claim Radiohead does it better.

 

100 to post sexually themed pictures of Chris Martin about it.

 

and 150 to post mindless speculation about it.

 

--

omg. the coldplay one. XD

I have hiccups. please make it stop.

:lol::lol::lol::laugh3::laugh3:

This is a song that my father's father passed down to my father, who passed it down to me...

And it requires a banjo..

 

DUM-dum-DUM-dum

DUM-dum

DUM-dumdumdum

 

Country girls are pretty

You ought to see them dance

They cock their legs right over their heads

and whistle through THEIR..

Ask Old Brown to tea

And all his family..

And if he doesn't come

You can tickle his bum

With a lump, of, celery

OI!!!

 

haha, bit cheeky that one :)

whistle through their pants?

'Ask Old' is a hint.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

 

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.

What's red and smells like blue paint?

 

 

red paint :surprised:

 

Can we post rude jokes in here? I am very fond of them. And here's one.

 

Two old maids were discussing the merits of pantyhose. "I don't like them at all," one of them said. "Every time I fart, it blows my slippers off."

^:laugh3:

What do African elephants use for tampons?

 

Sheep.

 

The moral of the story is don't buy red sweaters in Africa.