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Coldplay Jokes / Puns / Memes!

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Who plays SuperBowl 50 ?

 

[spoiler=Answer]

Well, the Broncos play

and the Panthers play

and Cold play

 

 

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[ATTACH=full]3796[/ATTACH]

Haha found this the other day [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

I have no creativity for jokes or puns :(

 

I CAN'T DEAL WITH CHRIS' FACE

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I CAN'T DEAL WITH CHRIS' FACE

Same bahahaha!!

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[ATTACH=full]3796[/ATTACH]

Haha found this the other day [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

I have no creativity for jokes or puns :(

 

Bahahahahhah

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Off topic for a moment, pardon me - is everybody here comfortable with profanity? Should I censor the occasional f-bomb, that sort of thing? I'm a baby here so I feel I should ask. Better Safety than sorry...

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So all these "Chris Martin is the 2016 left shark" trends...

[ATTACH=full]3991[/ATTACH]

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So all these "Chris Martin is the 2016 left shark" trends...

[ATTACH=full]3991[/ATTACH]

I thought Coldplay in general was the left shark lol

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So all these "Chris Martin is the 2016 left shark" trends...

[ATTACH=full]3991[/ATTACH]

What an adorable card :)

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So all these "Chris Martin is the 2016 left shark" trends...

[ATTACH=full]3991[/ATTACH]

 

I'm not sorry and neither is he

 

HwyUYSu.png

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That picture of Chris though. God damn it, it would have been great to have been a Coldplayer during those days.

it was fancy as fuck back in the days :charming:

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it was fancy as fuck back in the days :charming:

It would have been so cool if they had rode horses and carried swords and shit in a music video. Fits it with the revolution theme. Or if one of them turned into a centaur (I'm thinkin the "dark horse" of Coldplay)

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Both VLV videos did not live up to the greatness of the song...you could have done so much better a cinematic video that corresponded to the song. Especially the first (official) one is awful; when I first saw it I thought the singer is mad, and everytime I rewatch it it still makes me doubt his sanity.

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It would have been so cool if they had rode horses and carried swords and shit in a music video. Fits it with the revolution theme. Or if one of them turned into a centaur (I'm thinkin the "dark horse" of Coldplay)

 

HOly shit yes that sounds incredible....but only if Will is the centaur. That beast man was born to be a centaur or a dragon or something equally cool ok MY CHAMPION IS A CREATURE OF LEGEND

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It would have been so cool if they had rode horses and carried swords and shit in a music video. Fits it with the revolution theme. Or if one of them turned into a centaur (I'm thinkin the "dark horse" of Coldplay)

 

HOly shit yes that sounds incredible....but only if Will is the centaur. That beast man was born to be a centaur or a dragon or something equally cool ok MY CHAMPION IS A CREATURE OF LEGEND

Bv2ZyiJ.gif

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I realize this is less like a joke and more like the incoherent ravings of a hoary mountain hermit who may or may not be a powerful conjurer of mystical forces beyond the understanding of mortal men but in my defense I'd been awake for 26 hours so

 

-

 

Metlife Stadium, NJ - 17th of July - 8:42 pm

--

Chris: Well Jonny I've got to say at this point in the concert I am thoroughly confused and exhilarated which means there's at least an 83 percent chance that I'll gazelle off the stage at any moment and run through the aisles thus inciting panic and mayhem and suddenly I get the feeling there was something I was going to say but now I can't remember and that troubles me and I never meant to cause me trouble. Haha, do you get it? I did a thing. Did you- What's that, Will? Oh shit, he's flaring his nostrils and pointing at me with his beard...ohhhh, of course, yeah I knew that. Okay, so I think it's about time we take some requests from the audience. You've all been so lovely and I think it's only fair that after 46 years we finally ask the greatest fans in the world what they'd like to hear. So tell us - what should we play? Shout it out, loud as you can!

Audience: *cacophony*

Chris: I can't hear you...louder, louder, louder!

Elephant Mask Girl: Play The Hardest Part! THE HARDEST PART!

Chris: What? My father's smart? Well, naturally - where do you think I get it from? Haha, made myself laugh...honestly, I can't understand a word you're saying. Hmm, how about - you! Yeah, you. In the OK Computer t-shirt, yeah. Nice sunglasses, boy! Are they getting him a mic? Ah, perfect. That's great. Now don't go easy on us. Name a song, any song, and we'll give it a go. Put a coin in the old Coldplay jukebox and watch us spin! That works as a metaphor, right Will? Pretty sure...

Sunglasses Boy: Wow, okay! This is crazy, wow. I love you guys so much, like you have no idea, you mean so much to me, I can't even- sorry, sorry! Well, uh...the song I'd really like to hear is *clears throat* God Put a Style Upon Your Bass. *winks at Guy*

Guy: *blushes* I...I'm afraid I don't know that one...

Chris: OH THAT'S MY FAVORITE! HAHA GUY KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT! *winks at Guy*

Guy: *screaming internally*

Chris: Ah yes, there he is, the handsomest member of Coldplay. He sells all our calendars with his devilish good looks. *winks furiously at Guy*

Jonny: I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT, CHRIS

Chris: *obnoxiously exaggerated gasp* Jonathan Mark Buckland! I have never heard such talk from you! Although there was that one time back in '04...

Phil: What in the name of - what is this? What the hell is going on out there? That's it, I'm calling Eno. The Guru will know what to do...

Rookie Roadie: What this experience has taught me, if it's taught me anything, is that this band is inscrutably complex and moderately terrifying. And that's on a good day.

Roadie 42: Well, you can bet I won't be blogging about this travesty.

Will: *inner monologue* What they all fail to realize is that I am, in fact, a dragon in the guise of a man. These wretched creatures should be cowering in fear, prostrating themselves before me, wailing and self-flagellating as I laugh at their desperate pleas for mercy...and yet I'm sat here on a stage in NEW JERSEY, of ALL places, with nothing to show for it but a frustratingly ineffective fan blowing hot air up the back of my shirt. Where did it all go wrong...

Chris: Will, have you got the beat? Have you got it? Hey, Will. WILL! Okay, here we go. Now we ask you please to welcome the drumming AND singing abilities of Mr. William Champ-

Will: FUCK YOU I'M A DRAGON *transforms into the grisly yet awe-inspiring beast of ancient myth and ascends triumphantly into the night sky while Queen's We Are the Champions blasts over the sound system*

Rookie Roadie: Aaaaaand this is why I'll be touring with Maroon 5.

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I realize this is less like a joke and more like the incoherent ravings of a hoary mountain hermit who may or may not be a powerful conjurer of mystical forces beyond the understanding of mortal men but in my defense I'd been awake for 26 hours so

 

-

 

Metlife Stadium, NJ - 17th of July - 8:42 pm

--

Chris: Well Jonny I've got to say at this point in the concert I am thoroughly confused and exhilarated which means there's at least an 83 percent chance that I'll gazelle off the stage at any moment and run through the aisles thus inciting panic and mayhem and suddenly I get the feeling there was something I was going to say but now I can't remember and that troubles me and I never meant to cause me trouble. Haha, do you get it? I did a thing. Did you- What's that, Will? Oh shit, he's flaring his nostrils and pointing at me with his beard...ohhhh, of course, yeah I knew that. Okay, so I think it's about time we take some requests from the audience. You've all been so lovely and I think it's only fair that after 46 years we finally ask the greatest fans in the world what they'd like to hear. So tell us - what should we play? Shout it out, loud as you can!

Audience: *cacophony*

Chris: I can't hear you...louder, louder, louder!

Elephant Mask Girl: Play The Hardest Part! THE HARDEST PART!

Chris: What? My father's smart? Well, naturally - where do you think I get it from? Haha, made myself laugh...honestly, I can't understand a word you're saying. Hmm, how about - you! Yeah, you. In the OK Computer t-shirt, yeah. Nice sunglasses, boy! Are they getting him a mic? Ah, perfect. That's great. Now don't go easy on us. Name a song, any song, and we'll give it a go. Put a coin in the old Coldplay jukebox and watch us spin! That works as a metaphor, right Will? Pretty sure...

Sunglasses Boy: Wow, okay! This is crazy, wow. I love you guys so much, like you have no idea, you mean so much to me, I can't even- sorry, sorry! Well, uh...the song I'd really like to hear is *clears throat* God Put a Style Upon Your Bass. *winks at Guy*

Guy: *blushes* I...I'm afraid I don't know that one...

Chris: OH THAT'S MY FAVORITE! HAHA GUY KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT! *winks at Guy*

Guy: *screaming internally*

Chris: Ah yes, there he is, the handsomest member of Coldplay. He sells all our calendars with his devilish good looks. *winks furiously at Guy*

Jonny: I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT, CHRIS

Chris: *obnoxiously exaggerated gasp* Jonathan Mark Buckland! I have never heard such talk from you! Although there was that one time back in '04...

Phil: What in the name of - what is this? What the hell is going on out there? That's it, I'm calling Eno. The Guru will know what to do...

Rookie Roadie: What this experience has taught me, if it's taught me anything, is that this band is inscrutably complex and moderately terrifying. And that's on a good day.

Roadie 42: Well, you can bet I won't be blogging about this travesty.

Will: *inner monologue* What they all fail to realize is that I am, in fact, a dragon in the guise of a man. These wretched creatures should be cowering in fear, prostrating themselves before me, wailing and self-flagellating as I laugh at their desperate pleas for mercy...and yet I'm sat here on a stage in NEW JERSEY, of ALL places, with nothing to show for it but a frustratingly ineffective fan blowing hot air up the back of my shirt. Where did it all go wrong...

Chris: Will, have you got the beat? Have you got it? Hey, Will. WILL! Okay, here we go. Now we ask you please to welcome the drumming AND singing abilities of Mr. William Champ-

Will: FUCK YOU I'M A DRAGON *transforms into the grisly yet awe-inspiring beast of ancient myth and ascends triumphantly into the night sky while Queen's We Are the Champions blasts over the sound system*

Rookie Roadie: Aaaaaand this is why I'll be touring with Maroon 5.

I LOVE YOU

(In a Coldplayer to Coldplayer way of course)

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So Will becomes a Dragon centaur, Guy becomes a black stallion centaur, Chris becomes a Vivamancer and Jonny becomes a dark gaseous specter within Chris's floating glass orb.

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Guest diogo_sg
I realize this is less like a joke and more like the incoherent ravings of a hoary mountain hermit who may or may not be a powerful conjurer of mystical forces beyond the understanding of mortal men but in my defense I'd been awake for 26 hours so

 

-

 

Metlife Stadium, NJ - 17th of July - 8:42 pm

--

Chris: Well Jonny I've got to say at this point in the concert I am thoroughly confused and exhilarated which means there's at least an 83 percent chance that I'll gazelle off the stage at any moment and run through the aisles thus inciting panic and mayhem and suddenly I get the feeling there was something I was going to say but now I can't remember and that troubles me and I never meant to cause me trouble. Haha, do you get it? I did a thing. Did you- What's that, Will? Oh shit, he's flaring his nostrils and pointing at me with his beard...ohhhh, of course, yeah I knew that. Okay, so I think it's about time we take some requests from the audience. You've all been so lovely and I think it's only fair that after 46 years we finally ask the greatest fans in the world what they'd like to hear. So tell us - what should we play? Shout it out, loud as you can!

Audience: *cacophony*

Chris: I can't hear you...louder, louder, louder!

Elephant Mask Girl: Play The Hardest Part! THE HARDEST PART!

Chris: What? My father's smart? Well, naturally - where do you think I get it from? Haha, made myself laugh...honestly, I can't understand a word you're saying. Hmm, how about - you! Yeah, you. In the OK Computer t-shirt, yeah. Nice sunglasses, boy! Are they getting him a mic? Ah, perfect. That's great. Now don't go easy on us. Name a song, any song, and we'll give it a go. Put a coin in the old Coldplay jukebox and watch us spin! That works as a metaphor, right Will? Pretty sure...

Sunglasses Boy: Wow, okay! This is crazy, wow. I love you guys so much, like you have no idea, you mean so much to me, I can't even- sorry, sorry! Well, uh...the song I'd really like to hear is *clears throat* God Put a Style Upon Your Bass. *winks at Guy*

Guy: *blushes* I...I'm afraid I don't know that one...

Chris: OH THAT'S MY FAVORITE! HAHA GUY KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT! *winks at Guy*

Guy: *screaming internally*

Chris: Ah yes, there he is, the handsomest member of Coldplay. He sells all our calendars with his devilish good looks. *winks furiously at Guy*

Jonny: I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT, CHRIS

Chris: *obnoxiously exaggerated gasp* Jonathan Mark Buckland! I have never heard such talk from you! Although there was that one time back in '04...

Phil: What in the name of - what is this? What the hell is going on out there? That's it, I'm calling Eno. The Guru will know what to do...

Rookie Roadie: What this experience has taught me, if it's taught me anything, is that this band is inscrutably complex and moderately terrifying. And that's on a good day.

Roadie 42: Well, you can bet I won't be blogging about this travesty.

Will: *inner monologue* What they all fail to realize is that I am, in fact, a dragon in the guise of a man. These wretched creatures should be cowering in fear, prostrating themselves before me, wailing and self-flagellating as I laugh at their desperate pleas for mercy...and yet I'm sat here on a stage in NEW JERSEY, of ALL places, with nothing to show for it but a frustratingly ineffective fan blowing hot air up the back of my shirt. Where did it all go wrong...

Chris: Will, have you got the beat? Have you got it? Hey, Will. WILL! Okay, here we go. Now we ask you please to welcome the drumming AND singing abilities of Mr. William Champ-

Will: FUCK YOU I'M A DRAGON *transforms into the grisly yet awe-inspiring beast of ancient myth and ascends triumphantly into the night sky while Queen's We Are the Champions blasts over the sound system*

Rookie Roadie: Aaaaaand this is why I'll be touring with Maroon 5.

tumblr_inline_nz4431Oe751r34t0l_500.gif

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So Will becomes a Dragon centaur, Guy becomes a black stallion centaur, Chris becomes a Vivamancer and Jonny becomes a dark gaseous specter within Chris's floating glass orb.

 

A DRAGON CENTAUR!! Lol I don't think my heart could handle that...wow. Guy would make a great centaur, black stallion seems like the clear choice. I literally screamed at "Vivamancer" omg. AND JONNY IS A NON-CORPOREAL CREATURE OF PURE MAGIC

 

THE DREAD VIVAMANCER

 

7r1n1qY.jpg

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I LOVE YOU

(In a Coldplayer to Coldplayer way of course)

 

Aww, same! And since it's Valentine's Day...

 

8TbEtlV.png

 

If anyone knows who made this monstrosity please let me know so I can personally thank them for the nightmares

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I realize this is less like a joke and more like the incoherent ravings of a hoary mountain hermit who may or may not be a powerful conjurer of mystical forces beyond the understanding of mortal men but in my defense I'd been awake for 26 hours so

 

-

 

Metlife Stadium, NJ - 17th of July - 8:42 pm

--

Chris: Well Jonny I've got to say at this point in the concert I am thoroughly confused and exhilarated which means there's at least an 83 percent chance that I'll gazelle off the stage at any moment and run through the aisles thus inciting panic and mayhem and suddenly I get the feeling there was something I was going to say but now I can't remember and that troubles me and I never meant to cause me trouble. Haha, do you get it? I did a thing. Did you- What's that, Will? Oh shit, he's flaring his nostrils and pointing at me with his beard...ohhhh, of course, yeah I knew that. Okay, so I think it's about time we take some requests from the audience. You've all been so lovely and I think it's only fair that after 46 years we finally ask the greatest fans in the world what they'd like to hear. So tell us - what should we play? Shout it out, loud as you can!

Audience: *cacophony*

Chris: I can't hear you...louder, louder, louder!

Elephant Mask Girl: Play The Hardest Part! THE HARDEST PART!

Chris: What? My father's smart? Well, naturally - where do you think I get it from? Haha, made myself laugh...honestly, I can't understand a word you're saying. Hmm, how about - you! Yeah, you. In the OK Computer t-shirt, yeah. Nice sunglasses, boy! Are they getting him a mic? Ah, perfect. That's great. Now don't go easy on us. Name a song, any song, and we'll give it a go. Put a coin in the old Coldplay jukebox and watch us spin! That works as a metaphor, right Will? Pretty sure...

Sunglasses Boy: Wow, okay! This is crazy, wow. I love you guys so much, like you have no idea, you mean so much to me, I can't even- sorry, sorry! Well, uh...the song I'd really like to hear is *clears throat* God Put a Style Upon Your Bass. *winks at Guy*

Guy: *blushes* I...I'm afraid I don't know that one...

Chris: OH THAT'S MY FAVORITE! HAHA GUY KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT! *winks at Guy*

Guy: *screaming internally*

Chris: Ah yes, there he is, the handsomest member of Coldplay. He sells all our calendars with his devilish good looks. *winks furiously at Guy*

Jonny: I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT, CHRIS

Chris: *obnoxiously exaggerated gasp* Jonathan Mark Buckland! I have never heard such talk from you! Although there was that one time back in '04...

Phil: What in the name of - what is this? What the hell is going on out there? That's it, I'm calling Eno. The Guru will know what to do...

Rookie Roadie: What this experience has taught me, if it's taught me anything, is that this band is inscrutably complex and moderately terrifying. And that's on a good day.

Roadie 42: Well, you can bet I won't be blogging about this travesty.

Will: *inner monologue* What they all fail to realize is that I am, in fact, a dragon in the guise of a man. These wretched creatures should be cowering in fear, prostrating themselves before me, wailing and self-flagellating as I laugh at their desperate pleas for mercy...and yet I'm sat here on a stage in NEW JERSEY, of ALL places, with nothing to show for it but a frustratingly ineffective fan blowing hot air up the back of my shirt. Where did it all go wrong...

Chris: Will, have you got the beat? Have you got it? Hey, Will. WILL! Okay, here we go. Now we ask you please to welcome the drumming AND singing abilities of Mr. William Champ-

Will: FUCK YOU I'M A DRAGON *transforms into the grisly yet awe-inspiring beast of ancient myth and ascends triumphantly into the night sky while Queen's We Are the Champions blasts over the sound system*

Rookie Roadie: Aaaaaand this is why I'll be touring with Maroon 5.

That roadie's ears will blow because of Adam Levine's obnoxiously high voice.

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Aww, same! And since it's Valentine's Day...

 

8TbEtlV.png

 

If anyone knows who made this monstrosity please let me know so I can personally thank them for the nightmares

Thanks a bunch

LOLOLOL

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