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⭐️DISCUSS COLDPLAY'S RUMOURED UPCOMING ALBUM!🪐
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Coldplay Jokes / Puns / Memes!

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From Twitter:

 

Coldplayer 1: So what's your favorite Coldplay song?

Coldplayer 2: "A Rush of Blood to the Hardest Part"

Coldplayer 1: Yeah, that's a good one. Mine is...oh.

Coldplayer 2: :cool:

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Coldplayer 1: So what's your favorite Coldplay song?

Coldplayer 2: "A Rush of Blood to the Hardest Part"

Coldplayer 1: Yeah, that's a good one. Mine is...oh.

Coldplayer 2: :cool:

*That moment when you realize what "A Rush of Blood to the Head" really means*

[ATTACH=full]4010[/ATTACH]

"Ah crap" ;-;

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I realize this is less like a joke and more like the incoherent ravings of a hoary mountain hermit who may or may not be a powerful conjurer of mystical forces beyond the understanding of mortal men but in my defense I'd been awake for 26 hours so

 

-

 

Metlife Stadium, NJ - 17th of July - 8:42 pm

--

Chris: Well Jonny I've got to say at this point in the concert I am thoroughly confused and exhilarated which means there's at least an 83 percent chance that I'll gazelle off the stage at any moment and run through the aisles thus inciting panic and mayhem and suddenly I get the feeling there was something I was going to say but now I can't remember and that troubles me and I never meant to cause me trouble. Haha, do you get it? I did a thing. Did you- What's that, Will? Oh shit, he's flaring his nostrils and pointing at me with his beard...ohhhh, of course, yeah I knew that. Okay, so I think it's about time we take some requests from the audience. You've all been so lovely and I think it's only fair that after 46 years we finally ask the greatest fans in the world what they'd like to hear. So tell us - what should we play? Shout it out, loud as you can!

Audience: *cacophony*

Chris: I can't hear you...louder, louder, louder!

Elephant Mask Girl: Play The Hardest Part! THE HARDEST PART!

Chris: What? My father's smart? Well, naturally - where do you think I get it from? Haha, made myself laugh...honestly, I can't understand a word you're saying. Hmm, how about - you! Yeah, you. In the OK Computer t-shirt, yeah. Nice sunglasses, boy! Are they getting him a mic? Ah, perfect. That's great. Now don't go easy on us. Name a song, any song, and we'll give it a go. Put a coin in the old Coldplay jukebox and watch us spin! That works as a metaphor, right Will? Pretty sure...

Sunglasses Boy: Wow, okay! This is crazy, wow. I love you guys so much, like you have no idea, you mean so much to me, I can't even- sorry, sorry! Well, uh...the song I'd really like to hear is *clears throat* God Put a Style Upon Your Bass. *winks at Guy*

Guy: *blushes* I...I'm afraid I don't know that one...

Chris: OH THAT'S MY FAVORITE! HAHA GUY KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT! *winks at Guy*

Guy: *screaming internally*

Chris: Ah yes, there he is, the handsomest member of Coldplay. He sells all our calendars with his devilish good looks. *winks furiously at Guy*

Jonny: I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT, CHRIS

Chris: *obnoxiously exaggerated gasp* Jonathan Mark Buckland! I have never heard such talk from you! Although there was that one time back in '04...

Phil: What in the name of - what is this? What the hell is going on out there? That's it, I'm calling Eno. The Guru will know what to do...

Rookie Roadie: What this experience has taught me, if it's taught me anything, is that this band is inscrutably complex and moderately terrifying. And that's on a good day.

Roadie 42: Well, you can bet I won't be blogging about this travesty.

Will: *inner monologue* What they all fail to realize is that I am, in fact, a dragon in the guise of a man. These wretched creatures should be cowering in fear, prostrating themselves before me, wailing and self-flagellating as I laugh at their desperate pleas for mercy...and yet I'm sat here on a stage in NEW JERSEY, of ALL places, with nothing to show for it but a frustratingly ineffective fan blowing hot air up the back of my shirt. Where did it all go wrong...

Chris: Will, have you got the beat? Have you got it? Hey, Will. WILL! Okay, here we go. Now we ask you please to welcome the drumming AND singing abilities of Mr. William Champ-

Will: FUCK YOU I'M A DRAGON *transforms into the grisly yet awe-inspiring beast of ancient myth and ascends triumphantly into the night sky while Queen's We Are the Champions blasts over the sound system*

Rookie Roadie: Aaaaaand this is why I'll be touring with Maroon 5.

#

3HerFu9.gif

 

This is it.

 

This is my new religion. I shall pray to it three times a day and bring human sacrifices to please the mighty dragon.

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Okay so maybe this is funny to people with my crappy sense of humor (or rather lack of lol) but the first time I listened to Hymn For The Weekend I almost choked to death because, as I am not a native speaker, I understood the following lyric:

 

now I just can’t get enough

as

now I just can’t get it up

 

and I was like "yO damn this sounds like one depressive weekend aHAHAHAHA" and then I wondered why Chris Martin was singing about his flaccid dick.

 

Well anyways I'm glad I know the official lyrics now. But I still hear it from time to time when I'm not paying attention and even sing it out loud which is only slightly embarrassing now that I think about it.

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Okay so maybe this is funny to people with my crappy sense of humor (or rather lack of lol) but the first time I listened to Hymn For The Weekend I almost choked to death because, as I am not a native speaker, I understood the following lyric:

 

now I just can’t get enough

as

now I just can’t get it up

 

and I was like "yO damn this sounds like one depressive weekend aHAHAHAHA" and then I wondered why Chris Martin was singing about his flaccid dick.

 

Well anyways I'm glad I know the official lyrics now. But I still hear it from time to time when I'm not paying attention and even sing it out loud which is only slightly embarrassing now that I think about it.

hahaa! laughed out a little on that one! reminded me of this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id=VHaAwmfn74k;m=2;s=5

Mobile Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHaAwmfn74k?t=2m5s

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now I just can’t get it up

.....so put your wings on me, wings on me

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I realize this is less like a joke and more like the incoherent ravings of a hoary mountain hermit who may or may not be a powerful conjurer of mystical forces beyond the understanding of mortal men but in my defense I'd been awake for 26 hours so

 

-

 

Metlife Stadium, NJ - 17th of July - 8:42 pm

--

Chris: Well Jonny I've got to say at this point in the concert I am thoroughly confused and exhilarated which means there's at least an 83 percent chance that I'll gazelle off the stage at any moment and run through the aisles thus inciting panic and mayhem and suddenly I get the feeling there was something I was going to say but now I can't remember and that troubles me and I never meant to cause me trouble. Haha, do you get it? I did a thing. Did you- What's that, Will? Oh shit, he's flaring his nostrils and pointing at me with his beard...ohhhh, of course, yeah I knew that. Okay, so I think it's about time we take some requests from the audience. You've all been so lovely and I think it's only fair that after 46 years we finally ask the greatest fans in the world what they'd like to hear. So tell us - what should we play? Shout it out, loud as you can!

Audience: *cacophony*

Chris: I can't hear you...louder, louder, louder!

Elephant Mask Girl: Play The Hardest Part! THE HARDEST PART!

Chris: What? My father's smart? Well, naturally - where do you think I get it from? Haha, made myself laugh...honestly, I can't understand a word you're saying. Hmm, how about - you! Yeah, you. In the OK Computer t-shirt, yeah. Nice sunglasses, boy! Are they getting him a mic? Ah, perfect. That's great. Now don't go easy on us. Name a song, any song, and we'll give it a go. Put a coin in the old Coldplay jukebox and watch us spin! That works as a metaphor, right Will? Pretty sure...

Sunglasses Boy: Wow, okay! This is crazy, wow. I love you guys so much, like you have no idea, you mean so much to me, I can't even- sorry, sorry! Well, uh...the song I'd really like to hear is *clears throat* God Put a Style Upon Your Bass. *winks at Guy*

Guy: *blushes* I...I'm afraid I don't know that one...

Chris: OH THAT'S MY FAVORITE! HAHA GUY KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT! *winks at Guy*

Guy: *screaming internally*

Chris: Ah yes, there he is, the handsomest member of Coldplay. He sells all our calendars with his devilish good looks. *winks furiously at Guy*

Jonny: I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT, CHRIS

Chris: *obnoxiously exaggerated gasp* Jonathan Mark Buckland! I have never heard such talk from you! Although there was that one time back in '04...

Phil: What in the name of - what is this? What the hell is going on out there? That's it, I'm calling Eno. The Guru will know what to do...

Rookie Roadie: What this experience has taught me, if it's taught me anything, is that this band is inscrutably complex and moderately terrifying. And that's on a good day.

Roadie 42: Well, you can bet I won't be blogging about this travesty.

Will: *inner monologue* What they all fail to realize is that I am, in fact, a dragon in the guise of a man. These wretched creatures should be cowering in fear, prostrating themselves before me, wailing and self-flagellating as I laugh at their desperate pleas for mercy...and yet I'm sat here on a stage in NEW JERSEY, of ALL places, with nothing to show for it but a frustratingly ineffective fan blowing hot air up the back of my shirt. Where did it all go wrong...

Chris: Will, have you got the beat? Have you got it? Hey, Will. WILL! Okay, here we go. Now we ask you please to welcome the drumming AND singing abilities of Mr. William Champ-

Will: FUCK YOU I'M A DRAGON *transforms into the grisly yet awe-inspiring beast of ancient myth and ascends triumphantly into the night sky while Queen's We Are the Champions blasts over the sound system*

Rookie Roadie: Aaaaaand this is why I'll be touring with Maroon 5.

That is the most crazy, weird and incoherent thing I've ever read. I LOVE IT.

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So Will becomes a Dragon centaur, Guy becomes a black stallion centaur, Chris becomes a Vivamancer and Jonny becomes a dark gaseous specter within Chris's floating glass orb.

It's embarrassing I even spent time on this:

 

OWmhjOH.jpg

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It's embarrassing I even spent time on this:

 

OWmhjOH.jpg

Will just looks so done haha

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It's embarrassing I even spent time on this:

 

OWmhjOH.jpg

I can't right now this is some good shit right here 1000000/10

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I can't right now this is some good shit right here 1000000/10

thx m9

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This is embarrassing and funny at the same time for me, but I'll share it anyways.

As some of you might know I'm not a native speaker so the first time I heard the lyrics of fun I heard something very different to this:

And fight til it’s over

Fight til it’s done

 

What I heard was

Farting is over

Farting is done

 

Now, I might leave the forums after writing this post!

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This is embarrassing and funny at the same time for me, but I'll share it anyways.

As some of you might know I'm not a native speaker so the first time I heard the lyrics of fun I heard something very different to this:

And fight til it’s over

Fight til it’s done

 

What I heard was

Farting is over

Farting is done

 

Now, I might leave the forums after this writing this post!

 

Nooooooooooo stay !

 

 

Farting is over

Farting is done

But oh....DIDN'T WE HAVE FUN ? :D :D :D :D lol lol lol LMAO LMAO LMAO

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Nooooooooooo stay !

 

 

Farting is over

Farting is done

But oh....DIDN'T WE HAVE FUN ? :D :D :D :D lol lol lol LMAO LMAO LMAO

But then, maybe we could again...

listen to the original lyrics without thinking in my funny and embarrassing mistake lol

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#

3HerFu9.gif

 

This is it.

 

This is my new religion. I shall pray to it three times a day and bring human sacrifices to please the mighty dragon.

OK I JUST HAVE TO SAY THE FACT THAT YOU CLEARLY LOVE SUPERNATURAL AND YOU'RE A COLDPLAYER IS MAKING ME CRY

MY TWO FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WORLD

SUPERCOLD...IF IT WASN'T A THING BEFORE IT TOTALLY IS NOW *caps lock disengaged*

But seriously, thank you. Your religious conversion is much appreciated. As far as offerings go, I hear our glorious dragon overlord has a weakness for lebkuchen...

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It's embarrassing I even spent time on this:

 

OWmhjOH.jpg

THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD OMG I HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES WHAT SORCERY IS THIS??

I honestly can't get over how majestic he is. We live in a beautiful world. Yeah, we do - yeah, we do.

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Okay so maybe this is funny to people with my crappy sense of humor (or rather lack of lol) but the first time I listened to Hymn For The Weekend I almost choked to death because, as I am not a native speaker, I understood the following lyric:

 

now I just can’t get enough

as

now I just can’t get it up

 

and I was like "yO damn this sounds like one depressive weekend aHAHAHAHA" and then I wondered why Chris Martin was singing about his flaccid dick.

 

Well anyways I'm glad I know the official lyrics now. But I still hear it from time to time when I'm not paying attention and even sing it out loud which is only slightly embarrassing now that I think about it.

Dude, you're not the only one, I heard it too. Which is particularly sad as English is my first language. Then again, I am an American lol

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*Waking up*

Chris: Wha- what the fuck just happened?

*looks around confused and sees a giant poppy field* JONNY WILL GUY WHERE ARE YOU?!

Jonny: Chris! Chris!

Chris: Jonny?

Jonny: I'm over here! *voice echoes*

Chris: Jonny! *Runs over to blurry image of Jonny* What the fuck? Jonny wha-

Jonny: What's wrong Chr-

Chris: Why do you look like a fucking cat?

Jonny: You look like a fucking bird! A half bird half human (not a centaur)

Chris: And you look like a house cat! Like an orange tabby or something.

Jonny: I think you're a cockatoo. A very talkative bird.

Chris: Go figure.

Jonny: what about the others?

Guy: CHRIS!!!!!

Chris: Guy?!

Guy: *Runs over on four hooves* Oh thank goodness-

Chris and Jonny: DAFUQ

Guy: I know I know I'm a centaur now! You guys look pretty odd too. Where's Will?

Will: Hey there fellas. [emoji36]

Chris, Jonny and Guy: *slowing turns around* HOLY-

Will: Chris what the fuck did you do??

Chris: AHH-ehh.... *pants* ...dragon....

Will: Did your spell do this? I thought your Vivamancy ability was stable!!! But apparently NO we ended up in a fucking poppy field as HALF BEASTS!!!! *Growls*

Guy: Chill Will! You're overheating! (He's a fire dragon)

Will: And look at you! you all look pretty crappy yourselves!!!

Chris: Jeez Will

Jonny: *whispers to Chris* Must be the dragon rage lol

Will: So now what are going to do?

-------

A few minutes later...

Guy: *trots around* I like this [emoji1]

Will: I don't.

Guy: Come on Will learn to embrace it.

Chris: Until I get this fixed you're gonna have to do that Will.

Will: *growls*

Guy: *neighs*

Chris: *Screeches*

Jonny: *mews*

Guy Will and Chris: AWWWW

Jonny: Shut the fuck up *hisses*

Guy: You know what the best part of being a horse is?

Others: What?

Guy: I'm hung. :p lol

Others: :/ ...

Will: ... Good for you Guy.... *gives sarcastic thumbs up*

Jonny: You know Guy... Usually you remain quiet and you don't say much can we please get back to that.

Guy: *laughs* So we've been walking for five minutes in random directions WHERE THE FUCK IS TOWN.

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OK I JUST HAVE TO SAY THE FACT THAT YOU CLEARLY LOVE SUPERNATURAL AND YOU'RE A COLDPLAYER IS MAKING ME CRY

MY TWO FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WORLD

SUPERCOLD...IF IT WASN'T A THING BEFORE IT TOTALLY IS NOW *caps lock disengaged*

But seriously, thank you. Your religious conversion is much appreciated. As far as offerings go, I hear our glorious dragon overlord has a weakness for lebkuchen...

hOLY FRICK ANOTHER SUPERPLAYER? AAAAAAAAAHHH

 

FkFoCNh.gif

 

lET'S BE FWENDS

 

cCWqJQ7.gif

 

 

 

and lmao about the Lebkuchen reference :lol:

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Will: *growls*

Guy: *neighs*

Chris: *Screeches*

Jonny: *mews*

I can't even

 

Guy: You know what the best part of being a horse is?

Others: What?

Guy: I'm hung. :p lol

Others: :/ ...

 

q3FiZrZ.gif

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I can't even

 

 

q3FiZrZ.gif

I AM SO SORRY *weeps*

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