bart Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 Some has just sent me this :P WOMEN'S ENGLISH > > 1. Yes = No > 2. No = Yes > 3. Maybe = No > 4. We need = I want... > 5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry > 6. We need to talk = I need to complain > 7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to > 8. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later > 9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron > 10. Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead > 11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me > 12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs > 13. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive > 14. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now > 15. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? > 16. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game > on TV > > > MEN'S ENGLISH > > 1. I am hungry = I am hungry > 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy > 3. I am tired = I am tired > 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! > 5. I love you = Let's have sex now > 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? > 7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question > 8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you > 9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you > 10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you > 11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you > 12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have > sex with you > 13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with > you within the next 3 minutes > 14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep > person and then I'd like to have sex with you > 15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay > > NAMES > > If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will > call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. > > If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer > to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. > > EATING OUT > > When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in > £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have > anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. > > When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. > > > MONEY > > A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a > £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.. > > > > BATHROOMS > > A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, > razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Travelodge. > > The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. > > A man would not be able to identify most of these items. > > > > ARGUMENTS > > A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says > after that is the beginning of a new argument. > > > FUTURE > > A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man > never worries about the future until he gets a wife. > > > SUCCESS > > A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can > spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. > > > MARRIAGE > > A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A > man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. > > > DRESSING UP > > A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the > dustbin, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. > > A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. > > NATURAL > > Men wake up as good! -looking as they went to bed. > > Women somehow deteriorate during the night. > > > OFFSPRING > > Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about > dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, > secret fears and hopes and dreams. > > A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. > > THOUGHT FOR THE DAY > > Any married man should forget his mistakes. > > There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. > Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyce Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: true!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kettercat Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 So true indeed :P This cracked me up though -- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. :lol: :lol: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBerry Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 :lol: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blangy Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 i've read this but in spanish :lol: so true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoogieJ Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 MONEY > > A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a > £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.. hahaha soooooooo true... Other famous female lines.. "If you don't know what's wrong I'm not gonna tell you" "Does my bum look big in this?" (btw there is no answer, just pretend you never heard her) "Am I fat?" (see above) "Fine!" (You're an idiot, what you're doing is wrong, go ahead and do it, when it all falls apart don't expect me to still be here) Things aren't fine when she says they are.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweet One Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 "If you don't know what's wrong I'm not gonna tell you" My mother says that to my dad almost everyday! They're a strange couple. :dozey: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel at his table Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 I have to agree with you Daryl :lol: It's cool :cool: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hicksy Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 :lol: class post :cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoogieJ Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 Found some more :) Men's rules for women: 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down. 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 1. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!! Strong hints do not work!! Obvious hints do not work!! Just say it!! 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out o f thirty, would look good with your dress? 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. Check your oil!! Please!! 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commerc ials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. No NO you really do have too many shoes. 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the qu iz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. 1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that. It's like camping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Justine* Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 I make my boyfriend put the toilet seat back down. And I make him go shopping with me. Hehe. That list is very true however. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gvargas Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 should I read this? It's pretty long...maybe later Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah here Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 Mens English Hi = (actually means) would you like to have sex later on (well i don't know if that's true outside but as for here, it most certainly is) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bart Posted September 16, 2005 Author Share Posted September 16, 2005 bump ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kekita Posted September 16, 2005 Share Posted September 16, 2005 *totally off the topic OMG ! blangy is that mouse avatar u got a children's cartoon character on TV. does he sing a song that goes: porque mana sera otro dia, hay que vivirlo con alegria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bart Posted September 16, 2005 Author Share Posted September 16, 2005 We dont see blangy anymore ! :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*andrea* Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 Some has just sent me this :P WOMEN'S ENGLISH > > 1. Yes = No > 2. No = Yes > 3. Maybe = No > 4. We need = I want... > 5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry > 6. We need to talk = I need to complain > 7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to > 8. Do what you want = You'll pay for this later > 9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron > 10. Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead > 11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me > 12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs > 13. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive > 14. It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now > 15. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? > 16. I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game > on TV > > > MEN'S ENGLISH > > 1. I am hungry = I am hungry > 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy > 3. I am tired = I am tired > 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! > 5. I love you = Let's have sex now > 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? > 7. What's wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question > 8. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you > 9. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you > 10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you > 11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you > 12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to have > sex with you > 13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with > you within the next 3 minutes > 14. Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep > person and then I'd like to have sex with you > 15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay > > NAMES > > If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will > call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. > > If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer > to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. > > EATING OUT > > When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in > £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have > anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. > > When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. > > > MONEY > > A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a > £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.. > > > > BATHROOMS > > A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, > razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Travelodge. > > The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. > > A man would not be able to identify most of these items. > > > > ARGUMENTS > > A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says > after that is the beginning of a new argument. > > > FUTURE > > A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man > never worries about the future until he gets a wife. > > > SUCCESS > > A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can > spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. > > > MARRIAGE > > A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A > man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. > > > DRESSING UP > > A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the > dustbin, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. > > A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. > > NATURAL > > Men wake up as good! -looking as they went to bed. > > Women somehow deteriorate during the night. > > > OFFSPRING > > Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about > dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, > secret fears and hopes and dreams. > > A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. > > THOUGHT FOR THE DAY > > Any married man should forget his mistakes. > > There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. > true, true :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAFE Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 pppfttt.....i have recieved that mail like 10000000000 times in spanish with "Mujeres colombianas! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimixxx Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 Awww I thought this topic was new at first and Maya was back :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lore Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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