Ren, they probably just don't know how to act in a situation like this. If you aren't really close, they might feel weird asking about your stuff since they don't really know you. I reckon they care about you in a way, but are unable to express that and maybe afraid they won't be able to help you.

 

But then, it doesn't matter if they're able to give some advice ... all that people need is someone to listen to them when they whine and cry. This is what I usually do, just try to be there for them in case they need somebody to talk to. I try to help, but when I can't I just hug them and hope it'll give them some comfort anyway. :\

 

 

Emma, I'd tell your friend exactly what I felt if I were you. You know, it's good to tell what's bothering you but then you should also do something to make it better (as well as your friend). Things won't mend themselves, it's more likely it'll get worse if you don't react.

I don't want to make this turn into the "friend thread", Ren, because it's your thread, for your problem... so tell me if you want me to get rid of what I'm about to type. :P

 

I seem to have issues with friends too, my best friend of 7 years and I seem to be growing apart, even though we're still closer than anyone I know. It's just a weird feeling, she is starting to hang out with this other girl a bit more, and whenever I try confronting her about it she claims it's because I never spend enough time with her, which is probably true. She doesn't like the fact that I constantly have online friends and stuff, but I don't want to get rid of my online relationships just to make her happy. Is that a bad thing? :confused: I care about how she feels, and I've been trying to be a better friend lately, but there's times when she seems to be focusing on this other person more than me, which is obviously a terrible feeling. :\ For instance, the other night I was hanging out with her after being away for nearly 3 weeks, and by about 11 PM we were out of things to do, and there was a brief awkward period, until she was like, "oh, I know! I'll text message _____ (the other girl) and ask her what we should do!" Maybe I'm overreacting, but that made me uncomfortable and upset... and, I don't know, I just feel like I'm losing my best friend over small things like this. As it is, I don't really have very many other close friends- a lot of aquintances, but only one other friend who I'd trust with certain things.

 

Anyways, sorry to rant in your thread, Ren, and tell me if you want me to delete all of that. ;)

I have a similar situation

 

My best friend of 16 years and I kind of were starting to drift apart, mostly because of differeing interests. But it wasn't until this past year that he betrayed me, put me through hell, and disappointed both my family and his. I still try to be nothing but a friend to him, but it's hard when he has done all this. When it was just awkward moments and other friends involved it wasn't so bad. But after what he's done I don't know if our friendship will ever be what it once was, and that deeply saddens me.

 

 

Emma, I'd tell your friend exactly what I felt if I were you. You know, it's good to tell what's bothering you but then you should also do something to make it better (as well as your friend). Things won't mend themselves, it's more likely it'll get worse if you don't react.

 

I know that's what I should do, but I have major issues with confrontation. This same friend is always telling me to tell her things, because apparently I'm never open enough with her.... and I know it. I just need to get over my fear of talking to her about my feelings I guess, which is really really hard for me to do. The closer I am with someone, the harder it is for me to tell them how I feel. You're right, though. And hopefully I'll force myself to talk with her about it sooner or later.

I know that's what I should do, but I have major issues with confrontation. This same friend is always telling me to tell her things, because apparently I'm never open enough with her.... and I know it. I just need to get over my fear of talking to her about my feelings I guess, which is really really hard for me to do. The closer I am with someone, the harder it is for me to tell them how I feel. You're right, though. And hopefully I'll force myself to talk with her about it sooner or later.

Try doing something you've never done with her or just being somewhere you've never been, that might make it easier. Sometimes if we get used to being closed off from someone, being in all the usual places and doing usual things makes it hard to be more open. If you're doing something else it might be easier cuz you won't be in a mindset of habit.

okay this might sound awkard Ren, but the way you described your self so reminds me of Chandler from friends.. always being funny everywhere, but when he's actually showing his feelngs nobody know how to react because they're just shocked basically.. I hope this is just your friends getting used to the situation and at some point one of them will wake up and realise 'hey Ren needs someone who'll listen' and will be there for you!

 

I recently discovered that just about everybody online is willing to listen, or give their advice (look at this thread) which is very comforting.. my RL friends have really been there for me :nice: I think of myself as a pretty good listener, but sometimes I realise I;m too easily distracted when in a conversation where I really shouldn't be. Or i might answer to someones problems by relating them to my own.. which might not always be the best thing to do.. so to everyone.. sorry if I did that...

 

I really hope your friends will wake up soon Ren!

 

Hahaha you're not the first one comparing me to Chandler( i'm a huge friends maniac btw :P) But yeah maybe i'm a lot like him, and that's a good exaple actually! Maybe it's not that my friends are just cold but are just shocked to see me acting in a different way, that's why i tried to think and be in their shoes or maybe they just don't know how to react to this kind of situations and i have to say i didnt know how to react or comfort anyone before but oh well, i don't wanna think too much about it .

 

And yes, it feels good to talk about it even if its online but i know myself and i can be a pain in the ass and bug everybody online too( ok, especially online more cos i actually say exactly how i feel) But i find it so funny (not to say weird )that some online friends actually react the same way as my rl friends.Don't know how to react cos they're so used to see me joking around 24/7 too. So whenever that happens i just disappear not cos i dont trust anyone but just cos i dont wanna be a bugger and bounce back the way they knew me.

 

But hey thanks a lot Carla, you're great! :kiss:

 

I don't want to make this turn into the "friend thread", Ren, because it's your thread, for your problem... so tell me if you want me to get rid of what I'm about to type. :P

 

I seem to have issues with friends too, my best friend of 7 years and I seem to be growing apart, even though we're still closer than anyone I know. It's just a weird feeling, she is starting to hang out with this other girl a bit more, and whenever I try confronting her about it she claims it's because I never spend enough time with her, which is probably true. She doesn't like the fact that I constantly have online friends and stuff, but I don't want to get rid of my online relationships just to make her happy. Is that a bad thing? :confused: I care about how she feels, and I've been trying to be a better friend lately, but there's times when she seems to be focusing on this other person more than me, which is obviously a terrible feeling. :\ For instance, the other night I was hanging out with her after being away for nearly 3 weeks, and by about 11 PM we were out of things to do, and there was a brief awkward period, until she was like, "oh, I know! I'll text message _____ (the other girl) and ask her what we should do!" Maybe I'm overreacting, but that made me uncomfortable and upset... and, I don't know, I just feel like I'm losing my best friend over small things like this. As it is, I don't really have very many other close friends- a lot of aquintances, but only one other friend who I'd trust with certain things.

 

Anyways, sorry to rant in your thread, Ren, and tell me if you want me to delete all of that. ;)

Aww sorry to hear about that but hey i know what you mean, especially if is your best friend. You feel like you're losing her little by little and its an awful feeling and hell no! If you had great friend online you shouldnt cut them off just to please her. I actually care for friends i made online, sometimes i think some know me more than my rl friends and if i had the chance i'd love to meet them someday.

 

Oh and don't worry about it! It's not a thread about me, i just posted my personal experience but its about anyone who had a similar experience so it's all good :D

I haven't read any post except the first one, and well.. when a friend of mine is so happy always (or seems to be happy) it's really akward when I saw that friend sad.... it's just that I don't know what to say and it feels weird :/ .. maybe if you talk with them (or maybe with your closest friend) you will feel better and they will understand you

 

I really hope everything in your life will be allright again, you deserve it Renny :bigcry:

Situations like this make "The Bends" run through my head on repeat.

 

"Who are your real friends...and have they all got the bends...."

 

god, i think that line all the time! :P

 

sometimes i think everyone i know has got the bends.

 

I just have friends who after say they will come with you to concerts pull out, leaving you with spare tickets.

 

oh man, my friends do that all the time! i want to strangle them, because i'm the sort of person that doesn't commit to something until i'm entirely sure, and my entire life is in a calendar and is ruled by plans.

 

 

like emma, i'm a completely non-confrontational person too, and i never ever say how i truly feel about someone. sometimes i think online friends are better than real-life friends, just because you get to bypass a lot of the crap, and i'm much more able to say how i feel in writing rather than in person :P

I went to one of my online friend with boy issues once. lmao.

I "lmao" at that because I really never want to talk about stuff like that with people I know, even if they are really close friends.

And it's also kind of a lamewad type thing to do anyway.

 

They're good because they don't get tired of you talking about yourself since they don't actually see you all the time. That didn't really make sense.

like emma, i'm a completely non-confrontational person too, and i never ever say how i truly feel about someone. sometimes i think online friends are better than real-life friends, just because you get to bypass a lot of the crap, and i'm much more able to say how i feel in writing rather than in person :P

 

Exactly! Everything is just so much easier for me when it comes to writing down my feelings. I'm fully able to tell online friends how I feel about certain private issues, maybe because I feel like they won't judge me, since they don't know me in person. I know that's weird reasoning... but it's really just way easier for me to converse about personal stuff with people that I don't know in real life.

I don't even have "real life" friends.

 

 

 

you have me :P

 

it's better online anyways.

 

They're good because they don't get tired of you talking about yourself since they don't actually see you all the time. That didn't really make sense.

 

i actually think that made a lot of sense. i just don't get so fed up with online friends in the same way that i do with real people a lot of the time. there's something inherently different about it, i think probably because rather than going through real experiences together like real friends do, online friends can really only reflect on past experiences and plan out future ones. there's less space to be aggrivated with the present, which is where i tend to get most annoyed with my friends, personally.

 

now THAT didn't really make sense.

I don't even have "real life" friends.

 

:( maybe if you eased off the insults and negativity just a tad, ill be your "real life"...internet...friend!:D

 

i went through a tough time myself. this may sound ridiculous to some people, but i learned a lesson of hope. and i became i coldplay fan:P. im usually laid back, or completely insane. so, i dont know why but a half year after heath ledger died, i became a fan(i saw the dark knight) and realized exactly who he was. when i metioned this to my mum("lets go to hollywood to see if we can spot heath ledger at the sundance film festival. or maybe he'll come home!")she told me that it was him who had died earlier this year. i still dont know why it hit me so hard. maybe it was just because of his age, or did i become such a diehard fan in a matter of weeks? at first i was just REALLY sad, but it got worse. it was my mates and family who made me kind of start to shut down. a was talking to a mate and she said(this part is TERRIBLE) that she would leave my number at his grave so we could have phonesex. i kind of shut her out of my life, and she got mad at me. then my boyfriend at the time was always joking how i liked a drug attic more than him. that really didnt help. when i walked down my street, kids hissed "january 22nd" just as a terrible joke. and my mum and dad and all the rest of my family just took it as a joke. and then i spent half of my time in my room, i couldny cry anymore because my tear glands shrivleled. i really didnt even like heath ledger's movies alot, but in my head, i forced myself to believe that all of this year's deaths were my fault. my aunt died sometime in october, my mate's cousin died, a kid at my school died, my boyfriend's cat died. i accounted everything, everyone. i also noticed that kurt cobain had died two years after i was born. i even went on through this terrible stage after i got over heath ledger. when i went on walks and stared at the cars flying by, i thought about whether or not heaven existed, i was alreadly in hell. but one day i went to the theatre to see the dark knight, again. it was all a daze, i was so destressed and the movie reminded me of the better times, when it was just getting worse. but one person, my own good samaratin, came up to me. an old mate of mine, one who abandoned me at the dawn of this stage was loudly joking about how dead i looked and how i was falling off of this planet. but this stranger asked me what was wrong. we befriended eachother quickly, and one day, as a fantastic, possibly life saving joke, he gave me a cd that was labeled "cure to cancer and depression". i listened to it, and you could guess whos voice reminded me of happy times, or maybe even created for me happy times.

 

so, i actually learned from one of my experiences:rolleyes:. i now have hope, in everything. hope cant really decribe what changed my life, but it can be multiplied enough to match up to it. i kind of expect what is coming next thursday(i still wince at his death day, jan 22)the memories of that time period saddens me. how could i go through something that terrible and come out? but this time i know that maybe even if its a stranger out of a crowd, some one will help me.

Hahaha you're not the first one comparing me to Chandler( i'm a huge friends maniac btw :P) But yeah maybe i'm a lot like him, and that's a good exaple actually! Maybe it's not that my friends are just cold but are just shocked to see me acting in a different way, that's why i tried to think and be in their shoes or maybe they just don't know how to react to this kind of situations and i have to say i didnt know how to react or comfort anyone before but oh well, i don't wanna think too much about it .

 

And yes, it feels good to talk about it even if its online but i know myself and i can be a pain in the ass and bug everybody online too( ok, especially online more cos i actually say exactly how i feel) But i find it so funny (not to say weird )that some online friends actually react the same way as my rl friends.Don't know how to react cos they're so used to see me joking around 24/7 too. So whenever that happens i just disappear not cos i dont trust anyone but just cos i dont wanna be a bugger and bounce back the way they knew me.

 

But hey thanks a lot Carla, you're great! :kiss:

 

 

Aww sorry to hear about that but hey i know what you mean, especially if is your best friend. You feel like you're losing her little by little and its an awful feeling and hell no! If you had great friend online you shouldnt cut them off just to please her. I actually care for friends i made online, sometimes i think some know me more than my rl friends and if i had the chance i'd love to meet them someday.

 

Oh and don't worry about it! It's not a thread about me, i just posted my personal experience but its about anyone who had a similar experience so it's all good :D

 

aww so are you Ren! :kiss: either joking or bumming around, so if you ever wanna bum around just head on over to my thread, I bum around there too :P doesn't bug me at all!