Hey,

 

Well I don't usually make new threads about my music because I find it a little daunting, and anything I do post, usually is a 1 minute long sample in other threads. But I'm kinda in need of some advice for one in particular that I havn't finished... its a sister track to another song with carries on the same idea, kind of like what LIT 1 is to LIT 2.

 

Anyway, I'm having some trouble finding a decent structure of the different sections in this song, and the transitions between them. It's also turned out to be one of the most experimental sounding things that i've done, but that wasn't really the intention. And I think its lacking enough hooks to make it sound catchy. So can anyone give me a bit of advice as to how i can make it more appealing, maybe by rearranging parts of it, or adding more guitar solo sections or lyrics? I have more lyrics for this song but I was going to use them for the other 'main' track that carries on the final piano/ guitar section in the song. Anyway, you can download the incomplete version of the song below:

 

http://www.sendspace.com/file/hrddne

 

It's called Forever More for now, and its missing a drum section near the end, and of course plenty of other things. It's around 5:00 long at the moment. The only lyrics are:

Time soars

Over our shoulders

And under the oceans

And Forever More

 

Never be sure

What comes after the curtain fall

Don't think that we'll be alright

Just 'cause you think you know

Thanks in advance for any comments - you can hear some more demos here:

http://trig.com/semyingle

 

Semy

^wow! that was absolutely breathtaking, the intro gave me chills! Like Saeglopur meets ambient-shoegaze.

 

Structure-wise it seems to lead right to where a chorus should normally be. The chorus could maybe be based around the arpeggio riffs from the intro or something completely different.

After that the choice is yours, you can add another verse and chorus, just a verse or go straight into the outro.

But I would highly recommend having another (or the same) guitar bridge like the one that starts at 2:14, that tone is too powerful and rich to pass up. Overall the textures and layering are really phenomenal I can't wait to hear the finished version!

Oh.My.God.

 

 

 

That is absolutely terrific. Very well done. I cannot describe how amazing this sounds.

 

I personally wouldn't change a thing. It's over 5 minutes but it feels like less than 2. It leaves you wanting to play it again. It's absolutely brilliant, all the instrumentals blend together and build and the singing and the lyrics are spot-on with the music.

 

Well done! Got any more music you can share? :)

That sounds GREAT....

That sounds great!!!

 

Some advice.

When the drum enters.. I miss something.

It sounds empty at that moment.

Fill it with some low basslines!

 

The vocal parts.. damn why aint you famous yet? :o

sounds awesomely spectacular. i love it

Oh man, thanks guys! I wansn't expecting so much positive feedback. It really means a lot that you like it so far :nice:

 

Tnspieler1012, thanks for the ideas, i'll be exploring some of those :D. I was thinking of having another 15 second guitar solo after the first section with lyrics ends, before that distant sounding piano part. But yes, the thing is that the song doesn't have that conventional pop / rock arangement (with well defined verses and choruses), so its pretty hard to know when i've landed on an arrangenment that's satisfying enough and one that explores all the ideas equally. I'll get experimenting with that though.

 

Thanks for the compliments, 2732! Up until now I didn't really think it was any good at all, at least not compared to other stuff that i've done. But thanks, its awesome that you like it :D. I have a few other songs that I could post, but none of them are as well mixed or produced than this one, except for one which I wrote for someone's birthday, and i should really ask permission before i post that here. I'll see what i can dig up, but they're mostly just piano only demos.

 

I know i really should add basslines here and there, but I like to build melodies without having to rely on the bass too much at first. I'll add it later after i've layed everything else down, but i think it'll end up being quite subtle. I find that the final things sounds a lot more dense and interesting when i do it that way, but that's just my weird way of doing things :P.

 

Anyway thanks for the feedback :nice:. Any more comments would be very welcome :smiley:

I think it's pretty good, a lot better than so many songs by famous bands/artists!!

I agree with stephanbass, with the bassline you can get so close to perfect.

I like the song quite a bit, great chord changes and also arrangement as well.

 

One suggestion that I have is somehow put your vocals slightly more clear in the verses because I can understand only some of the words. Like others have said I would add a deep bass to the song, I think that it would definitely ground everything together. Besides that structure wise it really works well all together. Good Job!

 

You should have a music myspace or something to post your music, to get many other people to hear it!

Oh wow, Zemy101. That... blew me away.

 

Makes my music seem even crappier than I already think they are! :laugh3: But yes, I think adding a bass would complete the song and add the final oomph it needs. ;)

:D Semy, you are just too talented for your own good-- great job, I likey !

Thanks for the comments! :nice:

 

I'm uploading some other demos to trig.com, so i'll post the link to that soon.

Most of them were recorded and mixed last year which means that they are generally less polished in one way or another, and some contain quite a lot of mistakes, so they don't really sound as crisp as the one I've posted here. And I've only recently begun using Session Drummer 2, so alot of the drum parts in some of the songs are out of sync or just plain awful :P.

ok i liked that very much! and i must agree with stephenbass and mig-e about putting in some bass when the drums are coming in. you could make it very subtle and simple and short but i think it would be very lovely.

the ending caught me off guard, but i dont think it was a bad thing. anyways, very good! you should make LOTS more!

Wooow

http://trig.com/semyingle

 

You can listen to 8 demos / samples here :D

For some reason though the player only shows the 6 middle songs, but there is a song hidden at the top and at the bottom of the playlist. So you can use the skip forward and skip backward buttons to get to those.

wow, listened to most of them so far and its all really fantastic. :thumbsup:

:dead:

please make an album.

what the fuck!!! I normally don't check this kind of threads but I'm glad I did this time! Absolutely amazing!! Man you should really complete this songs and record them!!

Solid in production. Don't worry about standard formats and arrangements in pop creation. You are good at developing a build.

 

My only suggestion would be more vocals, this track, September as well.

 

Now on teleport, you just bring the vocals right away, which is good, almost imogen heapish with the harmony.

 

I don't know if you have mp3 distribution yet (itunes/amazon), but if you are interested in getting that going, I'd invest in you for sure.

Here's a sneak peak of a song i'm working on called Silver Snow, almost entirely guitar based:

 

Silver Snow - Sneak Peak (1:22)

http://www.sendspace.com/file/8gchxl

 

If you're interested :smiley: