What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?

 

Wipe it off and apologise.

 

---

 

I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow.

I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels.

I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll take a shit on the floor and piss everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink cock.

 

Let's see Crimewatch fucking stage a reconstruction of that.

On Christmas Eve Santa was delivering gifts as usual.

Ha came down one particular chimney only to find a gorgeous 18-year-old girl in a sexy nightgown.

As he was eating cookies and laying gifts under the tree she said: "Oh, Santa, won't you stay with me tonight?".

Santa replied:"Ho ho ho. I gotta go. Gotta give gifts to people I know.".

She took off her nightgown to reveal her sexy bra and panties and asked him again to stay.

Santa replied :"Ho ho ho. I gotta go. Gotta give gifts to people I know.".

She removed her undergarments and asked again, to which Santa replied:"Hey heyvhey! I gotta stay. Can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!".

Guy and girl having sex in a field, guy on top.

 

Girl: Aren't the stars lovely tonight?

Guy: I'm not in a position to say...

How a rooster starts his day: Cock-a-doodle-doo!

How a hooker starts her night: Any-cock'll-do!

what do you call it when you can’t breathe around the booty?

assthma

 

taken from tumblr

What kind of bees make milk?

 

Boobies.

 

Only works when said allowed though.

 

 

 

 

So pointless here.

 

 

 

 

Sorry.

Not if you spell it 'Boo-bees', lol.

The 'D' always comes before 'U'... :thinking:

 

*crickets*

On Christmas Eve Santa was delivering gifts as usual.

Ha came down one particular chimney only to find a gorgeous 18-year-old girl in a sexy nightgown.

As he was eating cookies and laying gifts under the tree she said: "Oh, Santa, won't you stay with me tonight?".

Santa replied:"Ho ho ho. I gotta go. Gotta give gifts to people I know.".

She took off her nightgown to reveal her sexy bra and panties and asked him again to stay.

Santa replied :"Ho ho ho. I gotta go. Gotta give gifts to people I know.".

She removed her undergarments and asked again, to which Santa replied:"Hey heyvhey! I gotta stay. Can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!".

um