So it is just about people's opinions of the thread?

In my defence, I'm tired and [slightly] hungover, Greg :P

 

you can't win a thread :hug:

Dad: Son, I think it's time for the sex talk.

Son: Okay. What do you need to know about it?

^ :laugh3:

I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'.

I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'.

He said 'How can I help?'.

I said 'Break my arms!'

you can't win a thread :hug:

 

EVIL :angry: :bigcry:

:hug:

I went to the doctor. He said 'you've got a very serious illness'.

I said 'I want a second opinion'.

He said 'all right, you're ugly as well'.

I bumped into an old friend the other day.

He's got poor eyesight as well

So I went to the dentist.

He said "Say Aaah."

I said "Why?"

He said "My dog's died.'"

A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts.

A woman comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?"

The man says "A premature ejaculation."

"What?" says the woman.

The man explains "I've just come in my pants."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip).

• Telegram
  
• Telephone
  
• Tell a woman
  

When I was young I didn't like going to weddings.

My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"

However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player?

 

She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

It's amazing how 7 words can make you laugh so much :lol:

A thread for people to post jokes they have heard (no matter how offensive).

Ok, I'll kick us off

 

 

A seal walks into a club

:laugh3:

I just saw a holiday advert "Book by 25th July and your children go free".

 

I know the holiday industry's having a tough time, but I hardly think kidnapping kids and making televised demands like that is the way forward.

i took my girlfriend out on friday night

one punch, right to the jaw

how many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

it's an obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

I want moar jokesssss :lol:

god created orgasms so women could still moan when enjoying themselves

donald rumsfeld, dick cheney and george w. bush are court martialed for 9/11 high crimes and dragged before a firing squad. donald rumsfeld is first placed against the wall, and just before the order to shoot him is given, he yells, "EARTHQUAKE!" the firing squad falls into a panic and rumsfeld jumps over the wall and escapes in the confusion.

 

dick cheney is the second one placed against the wall. the squad is reassembled and dick ponders what his old pal rummy has done. before the order to shoot is given, cheney yells, "TORNADO!" again the squad falls apart and cheney slips over the wall.

 

the last to go, george w. bush, is placed against the wall. as the firing squad is reassembled and the rifles raised in his direction, he grins his texas grin and yells, "FIRE!".

 

That's a blond, brunette, and redhead joke here. :P

This thread is amazing. :laugh3: