this girl i've been going out with for two years (and with whom i have been best friends for even longer than that) recently broke up with me. now she's talking to me again, saying she still wants to be friends. with any other girl i'd just blow it off, say "yeah, me too," and then never talk to her again. but this girl is special to me, and she was special to me long before we were officially "together" or whatever. so i know she honestly means it (unlike what a lot of my friends who don't know me or her that well are telling me), and i would like to be friends too. i just don't know if i could handle being "just friends" with her, or if i'd constantly be killing myself wishing for more than that again. things could become especially problematic when she starts seeing other guys again.

 

so i'm asking this here, not because i need your help in making the decision (because obviously i know more about this than you), but just because i'm curious as to what you think. obviously it's more complicated than just "yes" or "no," that's why you can post to explain it better. :P

Re: is it possible to be "just friends" after 2 ye

 

this girl i've been going out with for two years (and with whom i have been best friends for even longer than that) recently broke up with me. now she's talking to me again, saying she still wants to be friends. with any other girl i'd just blow it off, say "yeah, me too," and then never talk to her again. but this girl is special to me, and she was special to me long before we were officially "together" or whatever. so i know she honestly means it (unlike what a lot of my friends who don't know me or her that well are telling me), and i would like to be friends too. i just don't know if i could handle being "just friends" with her, or if i'd constantly be killing myself wishing for more than that again. things could become especially problematic when she starts seeing other guys again.

 

so i'm asking this here, not because i need your help in making the decision (because obviously i know more about this than you), but just because i'm curious as to what you think. obviously it's more complicated than just "yes" or "no," that's why you can post to explain it better. :P

 

well I'm not very goodd in this "love" thing... but If you know she means it, why not stay friends with her? maybe along the way she might feel the need to get back with you like you do with her.... and if after a while of being just friends and you can't handle that anymore then just simply be honest with her and tell her... I'm sure she'll understand... :)

Tom, from personal experience after having an 18 month relationship end....no matter how much you think you can't imagine life without her in it in some form, you need time space and distance apart. I broke up with my ex, and we said we'd be friends, i still wanted more, and so to begin with it was hard being friends, then she met someone else...I couldnt cope with this and it became why him, why not me...we argued, rowed...and then never spoke for 7 months...after those 7 months, she contacted me, we spoke gradually, and the friendship reformed...without the bitterness of before, I'd moved on, i didn't care about her that way anymore...

 

But to be friends straight away? That's impossible, you need to just cut her out...like you say, how will you cope being friends when she meets someone else...unless you are truely over her, you wont cope, trust me..it will hurt like hell :( Eventually though, it will be good, but you need to move on...get closure as they say...

 

You may think this is all shite, but this is a poll, thus my opinion :)

Btw I voted yes to you can be friends..afterall I managed to, but its very hard to do it right away.

 

Hope that helps some.

You can only be friends with an ex if you're in a relationshpi wit another person. Otherwise, the intimacy bred by friendship will only remind you of the sanctuary of the relationship you had.

 

So I voted no. I've been in this situation 3 times. It might be only me, but if you ever felt close to the other person intimacy will only remind you of those times.

hmm, id say yes if you are mature about the relationship and you can move on, but it's hard being friends with someone you love very much so i would give it a while and distance myself from her and meet other people and then slowly start talking to her again.

yeah, i guess that's one thing i forgot to mention, we pretty much agreed right off the bat that we're not going to see each other for awhile. i've never been in a situation where i actually wanted to keep in touch with an ex, but even i knew that was for the best.

 

anyway, thanks for all of your thoughts! it's interesting to hear other people's experiences with it, because i get so caught up in thinking about myself that i forget that what may apply to me may not apply to everybody else (sounds obvious, i know)

 

here's a weird observation: every "real" relationship i've ever had (which admittedly could be counted on one hand) has started with the girl chasing me and ended the other way around. am i prone to becoming too dependant and wanting to stay in the relationship more out of safety and familiarity than because i had any feelings for these girls? (i know for a fact that isn't the case with this most recent one, but it certailny poses an interesting question anyway)

yeah, i guess that's one thing i forgot to mention, we pretty much agreed right off the bat that we're not going to see each other for awhile. i've never been in a situation where i actually wanted to keep in touch with an ex, but even i knew that was for the best.

 

anyway, thanks for all of your thoughts! it's interesting to hear other people's experiences with it, because i get so caught up in thinking about myself that i forget that what may apply to me may not apply to everybody else (sounds obvious, i know)

 

here's a weird observation: every "real" relationship i've ever had (which admittedly could be counted on one hand) has started with the girl chasing me and ended the other way around. am i prone to becoming too dependant and wanting to stay in the relationship more out of safety and familiarity than because i had any feelings for these girls? (i know for a fact that isn't the case with this most recent one, but it certailny poses an interesting question anyway)

 

Re: the last paragraph ...

 

that's not just you. that's EVERYBODY. the problem is that there's a reason the relationship ended in the first place. this is not to say all relationshpis, once ended, are over for good. but the security and confidence you get from a relationshpi can not be garnered anywhere else. however, people in a bad relationshpis tend to loose parts of themselves as they start adapting their personalities in efforts to confort to their partner. that shouldn't happen.

I couldn't even be just friends with a guy I liked for little more than oh, 3 weeks!

It depends about the end of the relationship, of course...

But, for my experience, I vote 'yes'. I've been with a guy for more than 4 years and now we're still friends.

I couldn't even be just friends with a guy I liked for little more than oh' date=' 3 weeks![/quote']

:lol: :lol:

yeah, i guess that's one thing i forgot to mention, we pretty much agreed right off the bat that we're not going to see each other for awhile. i've never been in a situation where i actually wanted to keep in touch with an ex, but even i knew that was for the best.

 

anyway, thanks for all of your thoughts! it's interesting to hear other people's experiences with it, because i get so caught up in thinking about myself that i forget that what may apply to me may not apply to everybody else (sounds obvious, i know)

 

here's a weird observation: every "real" relationship i've ever had (which admittedly could be counted on one hand) has started with the girl chasing me and ended the other way around. am i prone to becoming too dependant and wanting to stay in the relationship more out of safety and familiarity than because i had any feelings for these girls? (i know for a fact that isn't the case with this most recent one, but it certailny poses an interesting question anyway)

 

well I hope you feel better...

I'm good good friends with my most recent ex. I talk to him every night and it's going well....so far..... :/

my ex wants me to die.. :/

hahahahhahahahhaha :lol:

how harsh of them to say! :angry:

That is pretty harsh...was the break up THAT bad? :o

After a break-up, the relationship becomes extremely fragile. Going from romantic to platonic so quickly is the reason for this. A break-up happens all in one day. It can take maybe a small handful of words to end a relationship and bring about such a serious change so quickly. If its not a mutual break-up, a healthy friendship is nearly impossible. The break-up basically determines how easy or hard it will be to remain friends. After a break-up, all the bitter feelings come out and its basically like in "High Fidelity" when he goes through a state of bitter confusion. Some people try to bring up their problems with their ex to try and solve them once and for all. Like "why did you do this?" or "this bothered me" or "you said this, blah blah blah."

 

A friendship can happen, but it takes equal effort from both sides. If the problems from the past cant be solved, its best to agree to disagree if you're really serious about remaining friends. If problems arent solved, then its only going to build-up over time, and someone will either explode over it, or start holding grudges over it. Its going to be hard, because people are prone to assume the negative after a breakup, like "he/she hasnt talked to me in a while, he/she must not care anymore, this reminds me of that one time he/she hurt me"

 

basically like DoogieJ said, its best that you spend time apart at first, to try and establish independence again. You have to ween yourself off of a relationship. Jumping into something else will ruin any chances of a friendship as well.