What would you do...

[bart]

Some background information here.

 

I have a friend we are now very close after a few months of meeting and going for drinks with each other.

She has a boyfriend, now and again she tells me this is an open relationship.

Hey boyfriend is really nice to me, whom soon I hope could be a friend as well, or maybe not.

 

 

We have flirted and kissed a few times, and now and again say things to each other like " I love you etc " but more in the sprit of a friendship.

I have always fancied her and told her, the only reason why I have not asked to be with her as she has him.

There has been a few occasions now when we have been drunk we could have took it further. However due to me not wanting to betray hey boyfriend I have not.

 

Last night we went out and there was this other guy, within moments she was kissing him, I loosely know this guy and in my opinion he is a jerk.

I could not contain my jealousy, felt pretty bad however my feelings were getting hurt. I said this to her, this brought something else out. She said she did this to see what I would do. Then we took a special photo with each other in a photo booth.

 

She asked me again last night to come to her flat and be with her. I cried almost and said I can not whilst she is with her boyfriend.

 

The situation is now critical, her boyfriend loves her, and was more than good to me when he has met me, despite me spending lots of time with his girlfriend, a part of me wants her to step up the ante and tell her to leave her boyfriend if she wants to be with me, but then he would be sad. One thing I would struggle with my counsice would be to cheat with her. I could not look this guy stright in the face.

 

The other option I have is to break it off the friendship with this girl however if I do, all that we have been though so far will be lost, apart from the feelings there is a lot of mental understand of each other too.. we also share somethings we have found about our childhood that is very unique.

[Cyan Kat]

I think you should tell her that You don't want to cheat on anyone and it's her decision whether she stays with you or him :confused:

[Reilly]

I wouldn't really want to go near a girl like that, if she thinks its morally fine and okay to be in an 'open relationship' in the first place then that rings alarm bells.

 

I'd only see a girl who has a boyfriend if I'm in your sortof situation (When you've got to know them well and clearly there's a special connection) but most importantly the girl has to have clear intentions of a relationship coming from it, but she hasn't given that sign. I've been with girls before who had boyfriends but weren't sure what they wanted to do, so no- just end it there. You don't want to be with a girl who thinks it's OK to cheat, even kissing, remember someday you could be in the position that her boyfriend is in, your girl messing around with other guys for fun.

 

Somehow I feel you don't want this opinion, but you need to leave it at friendship, and make that clear. Remember the more you love her the more pain you'll feel when she eventually hurts you. Well, unless you can deal with her cheating on you, if that's the case then I can't relate.

 

Then we took a special photo with each other in a photo booth.

 

Sorry but that made me lul. Where did that come from? :wtf:

[bart]

You´re very right. Reilly, pity about this, one things like this dont happen to often to me.

 

The photo is one of those that you take for your passport, with each other.

 

Going back to the subject. I can try to be her friend, but it will be hard. I have been very postive about her boyfriend and encouraged her all the time to be with him, to drop this open relationship stance with him.

 

As if I was to sleep with her I would be very upset when she went back to him. Now I its not so bad, but sleeping with each other would change everything. I thought kissing was silly enough, but that is something else.

[Reilly]

I think you should tell her that You don't want to cheat on anyone and it's her decision whether she stays with you or him :confused:

 

But my point is, even if she does want to be with him for good, does he want to be with a girl who could cheat on him?

[Reilly]

You´re very right. Reilly, pity about this, one things like this dont happen to often to me.

 

Well if you want to go for it and take that chance she could cheat on you, but you obviously have the morals to not be with her when she has a boyfriend (Which I respect) so you really have no option but to do that thing you mentioned of coming out and tell her it's either friendship or more, not both.

[bart]

Well if you want to go for it and take that chance she could cheat on you, but you obviously have the morals to not be with her when she has a boyfriend (Which I respect) so you really have no option but to do that thing you mentioned of coming out and tell her it's either friendship or more, not both.

 

 

YES i WILL DO THIS, this can not carry on.. for much longer. ! for my own sanity

[Petit Prince]

I wouldn't really want to go near a girl like that, if she thinks its morally fine and okay to be in an 'open relationship' in the first place then that rings alarm bells.

 

I don't think it's morally wrong to be in an open relationship IF both people agree with it.

 

I'd still stay away from her though. If she wasn't lying, she's probably just looking for sex. And as Reilly said, if she's gonna cheat on her boyfriend with you, she's likely to do the same to you.

[bart]

Its a real pity this. We really do get on so well.. but I would be so hurt, if it never worked out. !

[Reilly]

I don't think it's morally wrong to be in an open relationship IF both people agree with it.

 

I'd still stay away from her though. If she wasn't lying, she's probably just looking for sex. And as Reilly said, if she's gonna cheat on her boyfriend with you, she's likely to do the same to you.

 

Indeed I got ahead of myself and assumed she was lying, but even so, who gets involved in a relationship where your partner can fuck other people and that's just fine? It isn't healthy.

[bart]

Indeed I got ahead of myself and assumed she was lying, but even so, who gets involved in a relationship where your partner can fuck other people and that's just fine? It isn't healthy.

 

 

Yea I have told her this too. When in the past, she has told me she is fine about this open relationship.

 

The 1st time I met her boyfriend as well, the very 1st thing I said to him, is that I would not feck him over. She said to me afterwards he does not care..However I will keep that promise.

 

I see her this week, I will talk to her about it as I can not go on with this.

 

Its been building up over a 6 month period now.

 

My friends said they are gonna support what ever decison I make on this one.

[Reilly]

It really is great that you have the morals to not fuck a girl with a boyfriend, but Daryl, if your hopes came true and you ended up being the other half of this girl, there's a chance that she will cheat on you and tell other guys its an 'open relationship' when it's not. How would you react to that?

[Violet]

For your own sanity's sake, I strongly suggest you be straight up with this girl and tell it like it is. You'll probably not be able to forgive yourself if you were to go against your word.

[bart]

It really is great that you have the morals to not fuck a girl with a boyfriend, but Daryl, if your hopes came true and you ended up being the other half of this girl, there's a chance that she will cheat on you and tell other guys its an 'open relationship' when it's not. How would you react to that?

 

 

I don’t think I would ever cope. It takes me longer enough to get over being rejected by someone, I have took time of work etc, been back home to see my family for further support in some circumstances. So if that was to happen, I think

 

I would go mental. I can not help that I think I would see further help to stop this, however its easy to say it now.

I am not the best in these situations, last night I almost cracked the guy open that was flirting with her etc. I am not a violent guy at all, however when it comes to women there is a trigger in me, that even scares myself.

 

I will not cheat with her on him, that’s a promise, but this week. I will end it either way. I am going to be so sad, as she will be in a corner and lose a good friend, she has done a lot for me in the time we have known each other as well. I will be worried about her, as I think when it comes to the love of a friendship what we have already her words are very true.

[Matter-Eater Lad]

Punch him in the face.

 

It's always the best advice my friend.

[Prince Myshkin]

We call em sluts.

[AusKT]

You seem like a sweet honest guy. :)

You also seem to be too good for her.

She basically wants to have her cake and eat it too.

She says she's in an open relationship, and while that may work for some people, it doesn't sound like something you are into.

I really believe that if you give in to your feelings for her and do take it further, you will only end up getting hurt.

 

It doesn't really sound like she would leave her boyfriend, but if she did for you I would be very worried that in time she will just do the same thing to you.

I know you have a connection with her and strong feelings, but I feel that she is only using you.

You seem far too nice for this - I would cut your losses before this situation makes you feel any worse.

 

I believe you know what the right thing for you to do is. It will be hard - but stay strong.

Good luck with it. :)

[Prince Myshkin]

If it was a case of she wanted to be with you and not him, and mentioned this herself then it would be a tough decision if you are really into her, but the fact she doesn't seem to have any intention of doing so AND she kissed another guy (guy number three that we know of) just to see how you would react means that you should stay well away.

[bart]

Thanks guys for all your words of support. It means a lot.

 

This is going to be one the hardest things I have ever had to deal with.

 

First and foremost, she is a friend possibly a great one. I want to keep this. We spend a hell of a lot of time with each other maybe for this stage in our friendship maybe an unhealthy amount. I know I spend that about thinking about it. the only discration for me is my football team.

 

I am at a loss if we choose to take a step back from each other, in order to save the friendship. Outside of the complicated stuff as I said already we have quite a lot in common.

 

I would only go with her, if she said she had left this guy, she is with. Also it would be on the condition she drops this open relationship thing, or it wont happen. ( she has hinted if things were stable for her, she would not do this thing anymore)

 

She knows how I feel about that, and I have said a number of times when it has arisen in talks, I have made it more than clear I would not go with her whilst she has a boyfriend. In saying that I have to dropped a massive hints. " Look, I love you to bits love, but you have someone " and gone on to say, " I could not cope as I am already crazy about you, and that would push me over the edge, if we were to go with each other, and you was still with him. "

 

We will see each other some time this week, and hopefully have the guts to talk about it.

[bart]

this one finally sorted it self out... glad I stayed away... she does have less morales than a hooker on heat

[Cobalt]

Hookers don't go 'on heat'