Last Thursday, Thomas suffered a heart attack. Our student society received a phone call that he had been admitted to Intensive Care. On Friday morning the doctors would tell his parents, sister and girlfriend that there was nothing more they could do. He was taken off life support.

 

Yesterday, at 6:30 PM, Thomas "Solen" Versendaal died. He would have turned 21 in two weeks.

 

 

How the fuck do you start dealing with something like this?

I am sorry for all who have known him.

 

I don't know how to deal with something like that though I have been thinking about such a situation a lot.

Admit being sad for a while and surround yourself with people that have probably known him as well!

I wouldn't want to talk too much but I also wouldn't want to be alone. :\

I'm sorry for your loss :disappointed:

The only advice that I can part with is one I have heard quite often from others;

That it's better to cry and let it all out then try to bottle it up inside.

and I agree with s@m - you should try to surround yourself with other people, even though you may not feel like you want to. :(

 

:hug:

I'm sorry for your loss :disappointed:

The only advice that I can part with is one I have heard quite often from others;

That it's better to cry and let it all out then try to bottle it up inside.

and I agree with s@m - you should try to surround yourself with other people, even though you may not feel like you want to. :(

 

:hug:

 

 

This quoted post really says it all! So well put, Emily (it is Emily, right?)

 

R.I.P., Thomas.

I'm sorry for your loss :(

 

not stay alone

how awful :(

 

there's no right way to deal with it, you have to do whatever helps you to get through the next little while.

 

and have some coldplaying hugs :kiss:

WTF man, 20? Maybe there was some underlying condition? Rather sad.

Yeah, that's really odd for someone that young to have something like that happen to them, especially if he was a healthy human being.

 

I'm really sorry for the loss of your friend. :sad: I have to agree with Jen on this one. Different people grieve differently, and you have to do what works for you. Try different things until you find something that helps ease the pain you feel. In time, it will go away.

 

If you need any of us to listen, we'll be here for you. :hug:

:(

Different people grieve differently, and you have to do what works for you. Try different things until you find something that helps ease the pain you feel. In time, it will go away.

 

 

well put, that's what I wanted to say but couldn't find the words. :)

I'm sorry for your loss :hug:

 

I've never lost a friend before but I've lost family and it really sucks. Mostly more of a shock initially until it really hits you one day. But I agree with what violet said in you have to do what works for you. It takes time, but at first it's tough.

I'm so sorry for your loss :(

 

It's so hard to give advice because like Violet said, different people grieve differently. I've seen it. While some people just want to talk about it, others don't like that, etc.

 

:hug:

R.I.P. Thomas

 

Sounds like he had something like Congenital heart valve disease which suddenly decided to show itself :(

Wow :( That's terrible. I am sorry. As everyone else said, have people who you love and trust surround you, it's not gonna be easy but it's better to cry right now.

I hope his friends, girlfriend and family have the necessary support to get through all of this.

Thanks for all the kind words, everyone ;)

:hug: I'm really sorry about your friend.

 

My cousin died of a heart attack a few years ago. He was the same age as me, so he would have been about 23 at the time.

 

I went to a tiny school with him for a year, so I got to know him pretty well. He was a total jock, loved sports, very funny, gorgeous, a bit of a spaz, had a thing for wearing dorky sweater-vests when he wanted to dress up which completely clashed with his physique. His girlfriend was one of my best friends and as I understand it they were planning to get married. That's how I like to remember him.

 

But when I think of him it always comes back that he was playing pick-up football with some friends one reportedly beautiful fall day. He was in peak health, but he just collapsed there on the field. Heart attack. Gone by the time the ambulance drove away. We though it was congenital at first, but I guess they found out later that he had caught a virus that had eaten away the lining to his heart.

 

 

....I wish I could tell you how to start dealing with it. But I'm on the verge of tears just typing this, sort of like I am every time I really start thinking about it again several years later. At first it hurts like mad, and you cry. Crying is good, but it's not for everyone. The funeral helped. It sort of set a marker for the end of the worst of it. I cried a lot at the funeral. After the funeral I went out for coffee with some mutual friends and relatives I hadn't seen in a long time. We talked about him, and about stupid geeky things, and we laughed a lot. And it felt like a bit of a dark veil had been lifted off of all of us in each other's company.

 

I don't believe that time heals all wounds. Sudden deaths like that leave scars you carry with you and have to deal with for the rest of your life. But the more you live the smaller it gets relative to everything else in your life. It's kind of a pity we don't have a mourning process anymore, because you do mourn for a while. And then you live, and you learn to understand how fragile and finite and guarantee-less life is.

 

So yeah, do what you need to for now. Hug people. Be in a group. Be alone. Cry. Write bad poetry. Laugh at stupid jokes. It helps. And then time passes.

Thanks for the heartwarming post! I'm doing a lot better.