^ :laugh3:

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker/indicator worked.

 

She stuck her head out and said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'

^ :laugh3:

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'

I filled my car up with petrol the other day

couldn't get in

A pub's closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door, then to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him:

"You were really drunk last night weren't you?"

"Yeah, why? How do you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the pub."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

two dragons in a pub

one says 'christ, it's hot in here'

the other replies 'shut your mouth!'

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about

psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions".

 

The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of

crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and

sad at the same time."

 

She replied: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis. "

-Hey, who's standing there?

-It's Estonian running

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about

psychology and explaining the phenomenon of "mixed emotions".

 

The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of

crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy and

sad at the same time."

 

She replied: "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis. "

 

:laugh3:!!

I just remembered this

 

 

-How do we call polish who's riding a bike?

-A thief

:laugh3::laugh3:

i love jokes about neighbouring countries

Yes, me too. Everytime you visit them you can laught while you're driving the car and they can't understand you :D believe me, polish are funny people, almost all men has moustaches :D

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there.

 

St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. But before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions.Make sure you tell the truth because if you don't, we'll have to ask you to visit the beast below. Your answers will also determine what kind of car you will get.You have to have a car here in heaven because it is so huge!"

 

St. Peter asked the first man, "How long were you married?"

 

The guy replied, "24 years."

 

St. Peter then asked, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"

 

The guy said, "Yeah, about 10 times... but you said I was forgiven."

 

Peter said, "Yes, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto for you to drive."

 

The second guy got the same questions from Peter to which he replied, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her only once, but that was during our first year and we worked it out. I was faithful thereafter."

 

Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that. Here's a Mercedes SUV for you to drive."

 

The third guy said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman!I treated my wife like a queen!"

 

Peter said, "Now that's what I like to hear!Here's a Jaguar for you to drive."

 

A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk, so they went to see what was the matter. When they asked him what was wrong he tearily said, "I just saw my wife and she was on a skateboard!"

That's so terrible. :lol:

(Roman): Romans has built a Hadrian's wall to save England from savage Scotch.

(Scot): It's not true, that wall saved our great country from Englishman.

:laugh3:

what's the most offensive joke you guys know?

obviously the one i started with wasn't the most offensive one i know, but i figured we'd start off slow.

 

i don't know if i could say mine on here.

(dead baby jokes don't count because they've lost all meaning and are too predictable)

 

I have some male chauvinist friends, so I know a bunch of sexist jokes.

hmmm

i don't know whether to bring out the most offensive joke i've ever heard

it's not offensive so to speak. it doesn't target a certain group specifically. well it kinda does.

 

it's more distasteful

Just post it, and we will rate it ;)

Just do it.

 

 

Why are Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles always smiling?

 

They don't know they're black.

Ive never understood how anyone could find ultra offensive jokes funny??? I think the only joke ive ever laughed at was;

 

How do you confuse an Irishman, Show him into a round room and tell him to stand in the corner.

I know this one: In Mexico, iwhen you play hide&seek, when you find some one you go: "1,2,3 for this person that's hidden behind this thing"

so there was this joke:

1,2,3 for Ricky Martin that just came out of the closet

I like the ones about blondies.

 

-Why the blonde fell through the window?

-Because she was ironing the curtains