i don't think christopher martin has realised that there have already been racist (or xenophobic) jokes in the thread already, even before the hitler/jew joke. but i guess everything's too black and white in his consciousness, in more ways than one

 

 

 

anyways yeah

jokes

What do you call a woman with ESP and PMS?

 

 

A bitch who knows everything.

 

I had a great dessert at the pizza house today, tiramisu and a blindfolded horse.

 

masc-ar-pone! :laugh3:

I've got a friend who has a butler who's left arm is missing. Serves him right!

 

One armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out! :laugh3:

EMP3 - I can take being offended, I dont care if somebody is offensive, please read my very first post, it says something like, i dont know how anybody can find ultra offensive jokes funny? But if people want to be offensive then thats their prerogative.

Braddock you dont even deserve a reply for that ignorant post.

Lolz at this last page.

in fairness, christopher martin's have been funnier than some of the jokes

maybe he's doing it on purpose?

what did the bra say to the hat?

 

 

you go on ahead, i'll give these two a lift.

I'd share a joke but I always forget the punch line :laugh3:

 

There's this one, my dad always associates women with the name Eileen as missing a leg or something :P

 

:disappointed:

donald rumsfeld, dick cheney and george w. bush are court martialed for 9/11 high crimes and dragged before a firing squad. donald rumsfeld is first placed against the wall, and just before the order to shoot him is given, he yells, "EARTHQUAKE!" the firing squad falls into a panic and rumsfeld jumps over the wall and escapes in the confusion.

 

dick cheney is the second one placed against the wall. the squad is reassembled and dick ponders what his old pal rummy has done. before the order to shoot is given, cheney yells, "TORNADO!" again the squad falls apart and cheney slips over the wall.

 

the last to go, george w. bush, is placed against the wall. as the firing squad is reassembled and the rifles raised in his direction, he grins his texas grin and yells, "FIRE!".

:laugh3:^

guy walks into a mental hospital wearing nothing, except cling film.

 

the doctor takes one look at him and says "i can clearly see your nuts"

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and on the packet it said "Best before...End". :laugh3:

in fairness, christopher martin's have been funnier than some of the jokes

maybe he's doing it on purpose?

 

outsmarting you? Im not doing it on purpose, infact im not even trying.

guy goes into a hospital with a steering wheel down the front of his pants

"that looks painful!" the doctor exclaims

"i know, it's driving me nuts" the guy replies

outsmarting you? Im not doing it on purpose, infact im not even trying.

 

lololololololol

How many mexicans does it take to change a bulb?

Juan.

WHY MEN DO NOT WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS

 

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

 

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

 

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

 

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Lusk

---------------------------------

 

Dear Sheila:

 

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Walter

Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

 

cos it keeps Dublin its capital

two blonds are walking in the woods.

they come across a set of tracks.

they start arguing

"they're bunny tracks!"

"no, they're moose tracks!"

"no, fox tracks!"

"no, deer tracks!

the argument continues for another 20 minutes until they're hit by a train.

where are all the offensive jokes? you know you want to share them.

:rolleyes:

you never heard a funny racist joke before christopher martin?

there are plenty that aren't funny, but there are some that are funny. usually the ones that involve a play on words. a play on words can make anything funny (if it is a good play on words of course).

 

similar to things like irish jokes, or blonde/women jokes. nobody takes them serious because they are clearly stupid. but sometimes their stupidity can be funny. like some racist jokes.

 

as long as it is clear you are joking and the person understands then there isn't a problem.

 

i'm not going to bother though since you seem determined to assassinate my character at any given possibility and accuse me of being things i'm not.

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

 

"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

 

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

 

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

 

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

 

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.

 

There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

haha! brilliant.

You are retarded if you think i accused you of being racist. YOU ARE RACIST is very different from, "I hope you are not serious"