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So, since the lounge is about dating, couples, love, guys, girls, whatever...


Gitta Rensolo

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Firstly I think him attempting 3 (or was it 4 times?) in total to have sex is a bit uncalled for and I'm not sure if I want to know exactly what 'trying' constitutes, but if a guys staying with a girl for the first time and she actually has to say "no" then it should be pretty clear she's not going to budge on that. I don't think I've ever actually heard that said to me, haha I don't mean that because I'm irresistable, but it's never come to that because if she's not into actually having sex it's pretty clear from how she acts that she doesn't want to go much further then messing around. I'd certainly give some space in that situation, trying to make it happen when it's clearly not on is like a desperate 15 year old virgin kindof move, not classy.

 

While I was typing this I did ask a few guys about being in this situation (I didn't link them to this or anything haha), one said if he heard the word "no" for taking it too far he'd feel embarrassed and even rapey (A bit far but I know what he means), other said he's heard "no" quite a few times, mainly when drunk, but then gives up instantly, falls asleep in disappointment. The 2nd ones a bit of a douche though. Though they both could agree that trying a bunch of times is weird, and yeah desperate. As a gender we're definitely more desperate to have sex, but also have some form of arrogance that nobody really wants to beg for it.

 

Also both don't believe that I asked them from a 'friends situation' and think I tried to have sex with a girl a bunch of times last weekend and continually got shot down. The first guys being very judgemental. Damn.

 

Anyway, probably more importantly there should be no reason for him to be mad about it, you shouldn't expect him to be angry and ask him if he's mad at you as if it's your fault. Sorry to be so blunt but it just sounds like low self-esteem, if he likes you then you should feel he was happy to spend time with you, not feel a bit guilty he got sexually frustrated. I know he said he wasn't mad but if he said anything otherwise then that would be horrible, it shouldn't really be a question.

 

Just out of curiosity, the first time you got a taxi, did he know you were going to your homes separately before you got in? Because to be honest, if a girl I met when out drinking agreed to go get a taxi with me, I'd assume she at least plans on going home with me (But wouldn't assume it's definitely for sex), if we got in and she just out of nowhere asks to go to her house, I'd be a bit pissed off, I wouldn't say anything but I would. Like if he left the party early with you just to get a taxi ride home on his own, I'd be sitting there thinking "Well why the fuck am I in this taxi" haha. I'd even feel a bit like the girl possibly tricked me in an attempt to get a free/cheaper taxi to her own house (I know you didn't mean that but from the guys perspective), but generally it's a pet peeve of mine when people don't make their plans clear beforehand anyway.

 

But that last paragraph is beside the point and doesn't really matter, just wondering. The 1st and 4th paragraphs were more relevant. I know I'm not being super helpful as to what to do next but I did just want to give another perspective from what's happened so far, I don't really know what you should do next. If you think his intentions were just for sex then obviously there isn't much point, it's hard to know. I don't see the harm in trying to get in touch with him if you think you can handle it if he isn't looking for something serious. It's a balancing act.

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Thanks for your reply Reilly....I was actually hoping for a reply by a guy.

 

Well, I didn't actually have to say no. We were messing around and it was really good and when I noticed that he wanted to go further I gave him enough "signs" that I didn't want to and it was ok for him. So we stopped, but after a while we started again. I think we both couldn't resist. He was telling me that he wanted to kiss me so badly (well, I wanted the same :wacky:) so that's what we did.....we started again. It was really good. He wanted to go further and I didn't let him again-. Well, he said that I was the most reasonable girl he has ever been with and asked me if I was ok and I remember that I asked him if he was mad at me and he said noooo. So, then we fell asleep. Well, I didn't haha. I was being afraid that he would wake up some hours later and see me and regret taking me home ahaha....but he woke up and put me in his arms....and after a while he started kissing me again and yeah well that same stuff went on like some hours before that. That was the 3rd time I rejected him and that was when he said "Ok, you are consequent".

It was so hm weird.....we didn't talk too much that morning. It didn't feel awkwad or anything. He was just so quiet. We were sitting in the car barely talking. So, I didn't really know what was wrong or what to say that's why I asked him again if he was mad at me or anything. When he said "naaaah it's ok" he paused for some seconds and then he laughed. Not a like laughing at me but that kind of awkward laugh idk.

I wish I knew what he was looking for. I had the feeling that he kinda fancied me before, otherwise he wouldn't have come over to me whenever there was a party or did he just do that, because he only wanted sex from me?

According to some conversations with him I have the impression that he wants to find someone. Most of his friends do have a serious relationship and kids and a house. Or they are building a house. I don't know how much a flat says about a person haha, but his flat impressed me. It was so tidy and so nice.

 

Oooh about your question about that other party where we took the same taxi. I think he knew before that I wouldn't go home with him. I remember that he asked me while we were still at that party and I think I said no. He didn't even ask me to go home with him to have sex with him. I remember that he said that he wants me to sleep next to him, because his bed is big enough for two.

I wouldn't say yes and then inside of the taxi change my opinion and say no.

I was surprised that he came over to me at another party some weeks after that and apologised for acting like that....I think for asking me so often to go home with him.

 

Whatever....I have been thinking of what to do now all day long. Either I wait until we meet (by coincidence) at a party next time (and god knows when this will be....on saturday? In some weeks? In some months?) or I try to find out his number (though i don't really know how, because I don't want my sister's friends to find out about this).....the only possibly is to leave him a message in his postbox. With my number and that I must have forgotten my earrings at his house (because I couldn't find them anymore the next morning haha) and that he shall call me if he wants to....or something like that.

 

I only wish I knew why he didn't ask for my number we didn't see each other anymore on sunday eventhough we were at the same place. Because he feels awkward or because he isn't interested? I mean if he wasn't interested he wouldn't have asked if I was really going to watch the football match and if we would really see each other there, would he?

 

 

If a friend of my sister hadn't seen us on sunday morning in the car and hadn't told me on sunday evening "ooooh well, I heard some things about him....but uhm maybe he has changed" I wouldn't be so confused. But well I don't know what those things are and she said she doesn't really know him and that's why she doesn't want to be judgemental.

 

 

 

So end of my post. Now you know further detail of what happened that night :blank:

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Haha I wrote a note saying:

 

Hey.

I didn't know how to get through to you and I hope it works this way. I think I forgot my ear-rings at your house. We haven't seen each other on sunday anymore. You can call me....if you want.

*my mobile number*

x Julia

 

 

Is this stupid?

I bet I'm not brave enough to leave this in his postbox :disappointed:

 

I can't eat too much because of this guy anymore.....the first thing I think of in the morning is him.....and I constantly think of him when I am not distracted by something else. And now this is so typical me. There is nothing to loose and I think too much about how to act and in the end nothing happens because I thought too much of it.....I'm such a dreamer.

I should take myself and reality more seriously.....and this time I feel that this is the only right thing to do now. I wish I was more self confident when it comes to this stuff

This feels esp. hard to do now after what happened (after I "rejected" him)

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Haha, I thought I didn't want to know what happened because it sounded uncomfortable, to actually say no to someone in the heat of the moment, but meh that's no big deal, I understand now, and that happens to everyone really.

 

Yeah I know he didn't expect sex from the first taxi time but even just to stay together or hang out for a bit and then sleep. But I understand.

 

I don't know now, to be honest me thinking you literally had to tell him to stop a bunch of times made me think he's a pure creep, but now it's different. There's still a possibility he pretty much just wanted sex and I mean, that's not horrible or anything, girls can be the same sometimes, but that's obviously not what you're looking for.

 

It's whatever you think. I know he remember you months later but to be honest it's not difficult to remember someone even if you just spent a few hours chatting to them, if you know their background and everything you remember them pretty easily, it depends if you think he cares enough to make something more serious then just sex. If you think there was a bit of a connection and he might be interested then I think you should try get in contact, you wouldn't need to outright just ask him if he wants to meet up, but just ask what he's up to etc.

 

If you exchange some text messages or chat, I'd imagine he'd make it known pretty quickly if he's interested in meeting up, and if he's not, maybe he just isn't looking for something serious with anyone right now. No biggie.

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This was posted while I typed.

 

Haha I wrote a note saying:

 

Hey.

I didn't know how to get through to you and I hope it works this way. I think I forgot my ear-rings at your house. We haven't seen each other on sunday anymore. You can call me....if you want.

*my mobile number*

x Julia

 

 

Is this stupid?

I bet I'm not brave enough to leave this in his postbox :disappointed:

 

I can't eat too much because of this guy anymore.....the first thing I think of in the morning is him.....and I constantly think of him when I am not distracted by something else. And now this is so typical me. There is nothing to loose and I think too much about how to act and in the end nothing happens because I thought too much of it.....I'm such a dreamer.

I should take myself and reality more seriously.....and this time I feel that this is the only right thing to do now. I wish I was more self confident when it comes to this stuff

This feels esp. hard to do now after what happened (after I "rejected" him)

 

I don't know what to say really I mean, I remember reading about you not being able to eat in other situations before when it hadn't really started as a relationship. I just can't relate to it and I don't know what to suggest to get over it.

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Haha well I think I just feel this way now because I don't know what's going on and I don't know what to do. If I should actually do anything or just wait and see what happens. Not because I am soo in love or something like that. I'm just thinking too much of everything.

I'm not a friend of this confusion. Probably I can't decide between the importance of my thoughts/dreams and reality.

I must be feeling that way because I want things work out so badly. I don't even know if this could work. I don't even know if he is the right one.

Man

 

There is a tiny tiny chance that I might see him on the weekend. Which would be best case because I could just talk to him and find out what was going on and end of story. The way it is now kinda sucks

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I think I get the not-eating thing, Jules. I get the same thing sometimes, not necessarily about guys but because of over-thinking in general.

 

I know it's easy to say "Hey, chillax and take it easy, talk to him, see what happens" but really that's the only way to go and it makes it the least possible that the guy will run away. At least I think so (I can't say it for sure because I worry too much about such stuff, too, so at least you've got another worrying buddy right over here :) ).

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Yeah that's what I mean Nina ;)

 

If I only knew how to reach him. All I can hope is to see him soon somewhere in my area. I don't have a problem talking to him about this but I have I problem with reaching him. I don't know how seriously I should take this. I am afraid I am taking it too seriously.:/

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Yeah that's what I mean Nina ;)

 

If I only knew how to reach him. All I can hope is to see him soon somewhere in my area. I don't have a problem talking to him about this but I have I problem with reaching him. I don't know how seriously I should take this. I am afraid I am taking it too seriously.:/

I'm in the exact opposite situation. I know how to reach a guy but I dunno how to start a certain conversation. :facepalm: And I worry I'm taking it too seriously, too, but I just don't know ugh.

 

 

/miserable post

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Fuck

 

I went to that party at Germany's biggest music festival last night. That guy was there too. Haha we said hello and hugged each other and then he went away. There was this girl again. Well don't ask me what they are. They aren't together or anything. She might be his good fuck or something like that. Whatever. Well I went over to him after a while when he was standing there with another guy and I wanted to ask him something but he just went away hahaaa he's an ass.

 

So.

 

I got to know someone at that party. Well we went outside where nobody was around and took a walk and then made out and stuff (now I kinda sound like a bitch:blank: I was drunk and I'm a fucking lonely girl). He was one of the nicest guys I ever met at a party..ha well he told me that I seem to have a low self esteem ( he kinda opened my eyes... He showed me that I am definitely living at the wrong place to meet the right guy ) but I shouldn't, because he thinks that I can have any guy I want. Whatever. It'd be stupid to write everything he told me down now. What I want to say is: he lives aroud 300km from my place. This is so stupid. I asked him what would be if he lived in my area. He said he'd go out with me and how he would treat me. And after some hours we said goodbye. And now he's gone and I'll never see him again. I don't even have his number or anything because that wouldn't make a sense.

Oh. Damn.

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I don't really know what it was haha. All I remember is that he was standing there with some other guy but they weren't talking or anything so I thought I could just go to him and talk to him. I didn't even want to start any serious conversation. I stood next to him and couldn't even say anything because he went away. How weird that was hahaaaa. I don't know why he has done it. Because he was drunk? No idea. Whatever.

 

 

I doubt that I will meet the other one again. He lives too far away. I searched for him on facebook but on chance. All I know is his surname and where he lives and what he has studied (if I remember that one correctly). He was asking me if I was going to be at the music festival on Sunday as well. But I couldn't go there

because I had to work :(

Well at least he's a very nice memory :)

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That's strange. Maybe it was a misunderstanding or maybe you we're both really drunk or something.

 

Too bad you can't find him on Facebook but yeah... as you said - at least it's a nice memory.

 

 

In other news, I texted that guy but didn't get a reply. Whatever, really.

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it might have been a misunderstanding.....I have no other explanation for this ahah....well, or you're right and we were both really drunk....I mean...there've been situations I've been in that night and I can't even exactly remember how I got there....:uhoh: (I do remember the important things though....)

 

Vodka + Red Bull is evil....seriously

 

naaah that sucks....well at least you tried it. I hope we'll both be happy (when it comes to this) soon....:hug:

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