Kiame Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Male. Female. Homosexual. Heterosexual. Transsexual. Bisexual. Dog. Cat. These are just labels people. Just labels. Labels that only serve to restrict our passion, our creativity and our inspiration. It's time to drop these labels, and speak today about something that matters. We gather here today to admire, nay, worship a specimen. But not just any specimen, a prize specimen. More specifically, the arms of a prize specimen. When I first became a fan of Coldplay, the lead singer - Mr Chris Martin - was a skinny little dweeb. A loser. An outcast. He sung about feelings, he sung about things that matter and he composed songs that were deep and meaningful. What a little tosser. Take a look at that skinny little idiot. Notice the lack of bulk in his arms. Not only was his body image totally lame but so where his lyrics. "Look at the earth from outer space Everyone must find a place Give me time and give me space Give me real don't give me fake Give me strength, reserve control Give me heart and give me soul Give me time, give us a kiss Tell me your own politik And open up your eyes" Seriously? Hah. What knobhead would ever think of that? Feelings are for girls, and that's exactly what Chris Martin was acting like. A stupid little girl. Thank fully for all of us, he met a film star. But not just any film star, a smoking hot blone babe called Gwyneth. (Ok, I'll be honest - the name is a huge turn off.) It was then Chris discovered something amazing. The more and more he banged Gwyneth, the cooler and cooler he got. He started to attack photographers! YEAAAHH!! He started to call his children random objects throughout the house. YEAAAAHH!!! He started to write BETTER LYRICS!!! No more was he being weak and singing about things that made people think, he started to write like a true genius! "Life goes on, it gets so heavy!" "Para, para, para, para, para" "waawawawawwa" "oohohooooo" "SHE FLY AWAY AT NIGHT" "Puzzles have pieces in them" "Every salmon is a tasty, nutritious way to enjoy lunch time" "Every mylo is a xylophone". YEAAAAHH!!! But perhaps most importantly of all, he developed the sexiest arms known to man. Arms that are so strong they could crush a walrus. Arms that are so toned they could tune a piano. Arms that we have gathered here today to discuss. And let this be a message to all of us. Whether we are Male, female, homosexual, heterosexual, transsexual, bisexual, dogs or cats we must all strive to be exactly like Chris Martin. The Chris Martin of today. Not the loser of the past. So go, Chris Martin and let your dreams soar as high as the stars. Let your arms continue to turn everyone on. And keep on smashing that blonde girl, you big fucken hero! Fly away! P.S: What are the other band members called? The bassist is pretty fly but the other two look homeless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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