My family's falling apart, please help?

[Coldplay]

edited out

[NumbersGirl]

Show your sister this thread. I'm being serious. You've succinctly summarized things here and it would probably be a good springboard for the ensuing conversation.

[Mojo Pin]

I just sent you a PM Dee Dee :hug:

[Cyan Kat]

I don't really know what to say, other than you really need to make your sister see sense.

[Coldplay]

Show your sister this thread. I'm being serious. You've succinctly summarized things here and it would probably be a good springboard for the ensuing conversation.

Thanks. I want to, but I'm kind of scared. We're so close, we've never fought.

But yeah, this is serious and I will talk to her.

 

EDIT: Thanks Rennie :hug:

[Empily]

Maybe your sister and her husband are struggling with rent because actors find it hard to find work generally. To earn the money you're talking about they would have to constantly be in work which it doesn't sound like they are if they just constantly roam around the house all day.

But tbh your sister and her husband should probably have moved out by now. I know you want to be together with them but surely by now they would maybe be thinking about having children and starting a family on their own? and probably if they left the protective wing that is your moms house they might stop lazing around so much idk.

They may even come back home after a bit after realiseing that they have to completely fend for themselves :tongue:

 

But then idk I think I'm presuming a few things here. Please tell me if I'm on the right track or not.

[Petit Prince]

What you're saying makes sense but they probably won't listen to you because you're quite young. Also it's your mum's flat so it's her decision at the end of the day. She should talk to them and tell them how much she's struggling. I don't think they should be living with you with they don't at least try to find a job (as in another part-time job so they have a regular income) so they can contribute towards the rent.

[Coldplay]

I know I might sound a little insensitive to the situation and I'm sorry.

 

My sister has tried to live on her own before and she came back after a year because she didn't know how to manage her money too well.

 

It's my mom's decision, I just wanted to know what other people think and if someone can give me some good advice so I can help my family make a decision. Thanks.

[Reilly]

Dee firstly that really sucks about your sleeping situation, everyone needs some privacy and really I'd struggle with that so much. Also, they eat and watch you sleep?! What the fuck. Like go munch on a choco bar and watch Dee sleep for a bit, passes the time...

 

I really think that there hasn't been enough communication with your sister, she doesn't pay rent? I mean, no offence I know she's your sister, but she should have a bit more sense, her husband as well, and as adults they should realise it's highly unfair to just live off someone else at that age. It isn't like shes 19, at some point you need to pay your way.

 

I hate to say this but if it's costing you money to keep them there and the situation is so dire that you might actually be looking at being homeless, then your sister needs an ultimatum, clearly if things are that out of control and she still hasn't woken up to the reality of the situation, then regardless of how much you want to keep everything together, it's sad but how else can she see that she needs to do something?

 

Does she clearly understand the difference she could make?

[Petit Prince]

I know I might sound a little insensitive to the situation and I'm sorry.

 

My sister has tried to live on her own before and she came back after a year because she didn't know how to manage her money too well.

 

It's my mom's decision, I just wanted to know what other people think and if someone can give me some good advice so I can help my family make a decision. Thanks.

 

I don't think you do to be honest.

 

I'm sure your sister would have tried to find another job a long time ago if your mum wasn't paying the rent.

[Reilly]

I don't think you do to be honest.

 

I'm sure your sister would have tried to find another job a long time ago if your mum wasn't paying the rent.

 

:nod:

[Brent]

Sounds like a shitty situation.

 

A lot of it isn't that they don't understand that you work really hard. It probably has to do with the age difference. For example, I've gone through a ton more education than anyone in my family ever has, and I'm on the road to get an MD/PhD but my brother, being older and clutching his G.E.D. in hand, will always get more respect because he's older than me.

 

You're even younger than I relative to your sister, which means that the gap in respect is even wider. I wouldn't take it, therefore, as you not working or anything (I'm sure they're pretty aware) it's just that the older person gets crap. And that's the way it will always be.

 

Now, as far as I'm concerned, it sounds like a pretty shitty situation no matter what you do. Your sister seems like an underachiever to say the least. You need to examine her character (remove the familial bond as an element to consider) and whether you want that character in your life. Some things are worth more than money:

 

1. Is she a good person?

2. Does she play a big role in your/your mom's life?

3. Does she hold compatible values with you?

 

etc.

 

Now, assuming you decide to keep her around, no matter when you will need to set some ground rules. While it seems that she is pretty hard to deal with, she will always respond to solidarity. You need to coordinate with your mom, decide what you want from them, and tell her quite simply. If she's a bitch about it, then fuck it. She clearly isn't compatible with you guys. Get her the fuck out.

 

Something tells me that isn't the case. People generally will respond if you talk to them calmly and confidently. At least in my experience this is the case, 9 times out of 10. Some people are just assholes though.

 

As far as the money thing goes, it would be worth it to get into debt to be happy. Love, solidarity and family are more important than money, and if it's important to get along with your sister and the only way to get along with her is to get her to leave, then so be it. Believe it or not, having this little bit of family is better than having none.

 

Let me know if I misunderstood anything but I'm pretty sure I get it. Keep us updated :nice:

[Coldplay]

UPDATE: Okay, my mom has found a house for us to rent (I'd have my own bedroom).

It's pretty fucking expensive (more than the rent for our apartment and business combined) but her idea is that she can run the business out of the tiny yard. :shame:

There are 3 other options, (two stores the same size as ours but it would probably be more expensive and we'd still have family problems)

and a huge moldy building that is cheap (but we'd have to take a loan to add things that would make it safe for living, even just working, plus it's probably illegal to live in it), but they are being flooded with offers so I don't know if we have a chance.

 

My sister and her husband have agreed to live in the house with us and pay nearly double the rent we do now. Yeah, we'll see how that goes...

[Destrokk]

I´m sorry Dee :sad: I don´t really have anything to say I don´t think I can just judge on what you should do with some text. It´s an economic issue and theres not really much you can do. The best thing you can do is just focus on your studies and struggle through :hug:

 

Or just talk to them directly, if they arent doing what they promised show them how upset you are about it. Give them the silent treatment. I DON´T KNOW :bigcry:

[Coldplay]

Dee firstly that really sucks about your sleeping situation, everyone needs some privacy and really I'd struggle with that so much. Also, they eat and watch you sleep?! What the fuck. Like go munch on a choco bar and watch Dee sleep for a bit, passes the time...

 

I really think that there hasn't been enough communication with your sister, she doesn't pay rent? I mean, no offence I know she's your sister, but she should have a bit more sense, her husband as well, and as adults they should realise it's highly unfair to just live off someone else at that age. It isn't like shes 19, at some point you need to pay your way.

 

I hate to say this but if it's costing you money to keep them there and the situation is so dire that you might actually be looking at being homeless, then your sister needs an ultimatum, clearly if things are that out of control and she still hasn't woken up to the reality of the situation, then regardless of how much you want to keep everything together, it's sad but how else can she see that she needs to do something?

 

Does she clearly understand the difference she could make?

Sounds like a shitty situation.

 

A lot of it isn't that they don't understand that you work really hard. It probably has to do with the age difference. For example, I've gone through a ton more education than anyone in my family ever has, and I'm on the road to get an MD/PhD but my brother, being older and clutching his G.E.D. in hand, will always get more respect because he's older than me.

 

You're even younger than I relative to your sister, which means that the gap in respect is even wider. I wouldn't take it, therefore, as you not working or anything (I'm sure they're pretty aware) it's just that the older person gets crap. And that's the way it will always be.

 

Now, as far as I'm concerned, it sounds like a pretty shitty situation no matter what you do. Your sister seems like an underachiever to say the least. You need to examine her character (remove the familial bond as an element to consider) and whether you want that character in your life. Some things are worth more than money:

 

1. Is she a good person?

2. Does she play a big role in your/your mom's life?

3. Does she hold compatible values with you?

 

etc.

 

Now, assuming you decide to keep her around, no matter when you will need to set some ground rules. While it seems that she is pretty hard to deal with, she will always respond to solidarity. You need to coordinate with your mom, decide what you want from them, and tell her quite simply. If she's a bitch about it, then fuck it. She clearly isn't compatible with you guys. Get her the fuck out.

 

Something tells me that isn't the case. People generally will respond if you talk to them calmly and confidently. At least in my experience this is the case, 9 times out of 10. Some people are just assholes though.

 

As far as the money thing goes, it would be worth it to get into debt to be happy. Love, solidarity and family are more important than money, and if it's important to get along with your sister and the only way to get along with her is to get her to leave, then so be it. Believe it or not, having this little bit of family is better than having none.

 

Let me know if I misunderstood anything but I'm pretty sure I get it. Keep us updated :nice:

Thanks guys, helpful replies.

My sister is really a smart girl, and she is a good person, one of the most kind-hearted people I know. She's just trying to live her dreams by acting and she hasn't seen yet that this lifestyle is really not working out.

She talks often of getting multiple degrees while being a millionaire actress but I haven't seen her take any step towards it yet. It's not hard to get a degree here, anyone can start from a community college.

She's been talking for years about being a translator in the 5 languages she speaks, she hasn't done much about that yet.

She is so talented, I don't know why she puts herself in a position like this. You see, this is why I don't want to be mad at her. She deserves the best job with all the work she put in growing up and now it's like...she's stuck. She's drifted away. My mom, too, is stuck in some ways. But she works very very hard.

Before she moves out, she needs to be taught to be responsible and to learn the value of money. And she won't learn that unless she's independent, so it's kinda a catch-22. Because if we just throw her out, she'll come running back and how could someone tell a part of their family to just fuck off and figure out a way to be more responsible?

 

I feel like we will be stuck like this until I'm old enough to bring in some money and help everyone seperate. Maybe this is what all this college crap I've been doing is meant for.

[Brent]

That was resolved quickly

 

Kinda anticlimactic Dee geez :angry:

 

 

 

Naw I'm glad it's working out :hug:

I'll keep yo family in my thoughts I guess. Only cuz I gotz nuthin else to do or whatever *tries to be tough*

 

[Brent]

And remain optimistic. I've found oftentimes when I'm struggling my optimism is all I really have. Gotta give props to your sister for that.

[Coldplay]

That was resolved quickly

 

Kinda anticlimactic Dee geez :angry:

 

 

 

Naw I'm glad it's working out :hug:

I'll keep yo family in my thoughts I guess. Only cuz I gotz nuthin else to do or whatever *tries to be tough*

It's not really a resolution, I just wanted to let you guys know that we've found some options. We haven't made any offers or had an official discussion with the landlords or anything. And we still have to learn how to live with each other. But thank you.

:hug: And thank you for your support and helpful replies.

 

EDIT: no i love being a pessimist : (

[Reilly]

If she speaks 5 different languages I promise whatever the economic climate of your area is, there is always opportunities for people who know multiple languages. Even knowing 2 different languages presents options if you look into it.

[Brent]

If she speaks 5 different languages I promise whatever the economic climate of your area is, there is always opportunities for people who know multiple languages. Even knowing 2 different languages presents options if you look into it.

 

This is true.

 

I have a friend who speaks perfect Bosnian and perfect English. She paid her way through college being a translator.

[Reilly]

Also from the handful of people I've known who've used translating as a job, it's really relaxed work, and can be very simple (Obviously if you know the language). For example one of them translated simple children's science from English to Mexican, worked on her own terms as she got paid by how many words she did, and made a LOT of money from it from only the age of 19, I mean it was better paid then what most specified degrees will get you a job once you've settled into a career.

 

Or another person worked translating for call centres, or directories, they were there for translating Spanish to English only, and again got well paid in a very relaxed atmosphere (Not many calls to deal with). But they had someone in there who spoke like 6 languages or something, so because they were multi-lingual and basically this meant they covered what a whole group of people could (Though they had more calls of course) and got paid 3 times more then the rest. There's a lot of money in it.

 

Going slightly off topic soz, but any type of translating job sounds very simple and well paid, so it'd be a huge opportunity.

[Kiame]

Also from the handful of people I've known who've used translating as a job, it's really relaxed work, and can be very simple (Obviously if you know the language). For example one of them translated simple children's science from English to Mexican, worked on her own terms as she got paid by how many words she did, and made a LOT of money from it from only the age of 19, I mean it was better paid then what most specified degrees will get you a job once you've settled into a career.

 

Or another person worked translating for call centres, or directories, they were there for translating Spanish to English only, and again got well paid in a very relaxed atmosphere (Not many calls to deal with). But they had someone in there who spoke like 6 languages or something, so because they were multi-lingual and basically this meant they covered what a whole group of people could (Though they had more calls of course) and got paid 3 times more then the rest. There's a lot of money in it.

 

Going slightly off topic soz, but any type of translating job sounds very simple and well paid, so it'd be a huge opportunity.

 

My little sister is a linguist in the Air Force. I pity her tremendously. She's been smacked in the head already and she is only a month in.

 

--

 

I'm so sorry to hear this Dee. It must be hard for you and I admire your ability to work so hard with your schooling in a time like this. I know it's not easy for you and you have my thoughts.

 

I've typed my advice to you out about 10 times and I don't think it's a good idea to post it. I think I lack the ability to be open minded and considerate on this and I don't think my natural response to this would be a good one.

 

:hug:

[Karencorpse]

Here are some other options that you may or may not like that you might want to check out:

Section 8 housing for single moms

If you loose your business, if it is selling then sell at the swap meet

One of those fold up wall barriers that Chinese people use in their restaurents or a homemade barrier. I had a roommate who had a barrier made to surround his bed which was in the front room and I had roommates who seperated their beds with one

[Coldplay]

My little sister is a linguist in the Air Force. I pity her tremendously. She's been smacked in the head already and she is only a month in.

 

--

 

I'm so sorry to hear this Dee. It must be hard for you and I admire your ability to work so hard with your schooling in a time like this. I know it's not easy for you and you have my thoughts.

 

I've typed my advice to you out about 10 times and I don't think it's a good idea to post it. I think I lack the ability to be open minded and considerate on this and I don't think my natural response to this would be a good one.

 

:hug:

I'm sorry about your sister, Kiame.

Literally smacked in the head? Or is that an expression? The way it is here, it's forbidden to even think about putting your hand on an employee...

 

Then PM it. I'm curious as to what you think.

Here are some other options that you may or may not like that you might want to check out:

Section 8 housing for single moms

If you loose your business, if it is selling then sell at the swap meet

One of those fold up wall barriers that Chinese people use in their restaurents or a homemade barrier. I had a roommate who had a barrier made to surround his bed which was in the front room and I had roommates who seperated their beds with one

Thanks, no idea what Section 8 is but I shall look it up.

[Reilly]

My little sister is a linguist in the Air Force. I pity her tremendously. She's been smacked in the head already and she is only a month in.

 

Y U DESTROY MY ADVICE MEANIE :veryangry2:

 

Nah, sorry to hear that Kiame, obviously some jobs are not as easy as others. Hope she's ok.