Guest LiquidSky Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 well sorry to disappoint you, but one dissatisfied reader is not going to stop me. hahaha I was talking about my poem...... :shifty: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w1ll1am7 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 hahaha I was talking about my poem...... :shifty: oh, sorry about that. it was right after i posted mine...lol, my bad any comments on mine? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiquidSky Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 oh, sorry about that. it was right after i posted mine...lol, my bad any comments on mine? yeah no problem!:P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w1ll1am7 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 yeah no problem!:P any thoughts on it? :P lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiquidSky Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 okay, well here is my first one. it's a couple of years old, and it's about re-finding a lost love. A Full Circle I never thought that two Could feel the same as one Every time I see you It’s like the rising sun You entice me with warmth And a tingling of love This feeling has been there For time that has stood still Without you, I am ill Medicine to heal my wounds I want something That’s never been had before And you give Needing something That’s never been given before Things have been a full circle Going back to the start I’d hold you in my arms If you’d give me your heart A full circle of feelings Re-invented beginnings A full circle of feelings Its my love that you’re stealing any thoughts on it? :P lol uhhh sure!! It was good....it's not my favorite one but it was good. It has a nice rhyme to it (I'm not good at rhyming). I like how in the beginning you state that the two of you feel the same & now you are yearning for more & they are willing but they changed in the end. I thought the end was clean and straightforward :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w1ll1am7 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 uhhh sure!! It was good....it's not my favorite one but it was good. It has a nice rhyme to it (I'm not good at rhyming). I like how in the beginning you state that the two of you feel the same & now you are yearning for more & they are willing but they changed in the end. I thought the end was clean and straightforward :wink: thanks I know it won't be your favorite, but I have many. a lot of them are little blurbs or words i just write with no meaning. I'll post another one and tell me what you think! :D okay, this was a random one, i don't think it's too good. but it shows two perspectives, somewhat Discard This is meant to break you As I write this in tears You saw what it might be And threw it in the garbage You never give me a reason That’s good enough So feel free To just forget me Discard my image Discard my feelings Nothing like this will ever matter But I scream inside All of this torture Will never rid the love That I will never discard The love I feel for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiquidSky Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 thanks I know it won't be your favorite, but I have many. a lot of them are little blurbs or words i just write with no meaning. I'll post another one and tell me what you think! :D hmmm m'kay :chinese: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pseudonym Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Poems :dance: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w1ll1am7 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 any thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiquidSky Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 oh you already post it? sorry the site keeps not loading for me..boo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w1ll1am7 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 haha that's alright. i edited my last quote to you and added it! :) I'm thinking of posting one of my lyrics tomorrow when I wake up! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiquidSky Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Raw... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w1ll1am7 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Raw as in the poem? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiquidSky Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 yes.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w1ll1am7 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 oh, thank you. i tend not to put too many metaphors in my writing, but I have some. there is this one religious one i have, along with two sonnets i did for a writing class, maybe i'll post those. anyways, i'm off to bed, glad you are enjoying what i like to do! :) night all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikamay Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 LITTLE SIREN Hey siren Where have you been? I've missed your cheering And your summer skin It's been so long the guys are nice my teddybears are fine. And I Whispered a word in the dark We could meet tonight My siren we should meet and chat and keep with our things they were lots of fun And the dancing and singing to songs that no one really wrote And I Whispered a word in the dark We could meet tonight Oh siren i don't get you why do you think we shouldn't meet right after school And you leave again? I can do what you wish i can act as a man And I Don't want to let this die Some people grow up fast Oh, wow. I really love this poem. and what kind of novel are you writing, w1ll1am7? :] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w1ll1am7 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 and what kind of novel are you writing, w1ll1am7? :] It's a murder, mystery type of story my main character's name is Henry Cooper and the title is untitled as of now. it has a lot of history and action in it as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikamay Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Oh, that's cool! I love murder mysteries. Good luck with your story. :) Right now I'm trying to finish up this story about these two cops in the 60s, but I started writing this story about a boxer and I'm hoping I can get back to writing that soon. and to stay more on topic, here's a poem I wrote a while back that I really liked. well, like enough to use in one of my drawings. ahaha! "Reasons Why I Shouldn't Write Poetry" i. Frozen lakes battle across lands to heated rivers in the south. Cars run on pollution made by flowers and the sun, and rush by in rainbow-colored blurs. Over hills and mountaintops, on highways and you never stop but, boy, does she breath. Inhale deep and she says this is life’s ultimatum. Open your mouth wide and remind yourself this is what you wanted to see. ii. So much better with your eyes rolled back and your head relaxed. Perfume and oil are key factors of everything you need to know, and not of anything that’s of sense and relevance is what she informed, with smiles and gazes that cannot be liars. Gas stations are honestly honest, don’t you know? iii. Engines roared before, but just one howled with the coyotes while running with a pack of snow covered wolves. In cities, you’ve been in elevators, and in the country, caves but it’s when breeze from oceans and highways and flapping butterflies hit against pale skin, panic and the emotion of trapped set in. Through the window you see a snake, hissing with a grin. Or a mountain lion or a deer or a raccoon or even a hundred-year-old tree. iv. Hurricanes travel across vast waters for dry-land tornadoes. Hands reach out and thousands scream and pray for a better dream, and maybe someday. On the top of cliffs that never have a bottom, but rather a river and a tall-tell story and history and rocks and no one can hear her sneeze but you. Coughing and she says this is it. Her name is Deception so you know you can trust her. Open your eyes wide and remind yourself this is what you wanted in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w1ll1am7 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Oh, that's cool! I love murder mysteries. Good luck with your story. :) Right now I'm trying to finish up this story about these two cops in the 60s, but I started writing this story about a boxer and I'm hoping I can get back to writing that soon. and to stay more on topic, here's a poem I wrote a while back that I really liked. well, like enough to use in one of my drawings. ahaha! "Reasons Why I Shouldn't Write Poetry" i. Frozen lakes battle across lands to heated rivers in the south. Cars run on pollution made by flowers and the sun, and rush by in rainbow-colored blurs. Over hills and mountaintops, on highways and you never stop but, boy, does she breath. Inhale deep and she says this is life’s ultimatum. Open your mouth wide and remind yourself this is what you wanted to see. ii. So much better with your eyes rolled back and your head relaxed. Perfume and oil are key factors of everything you need to know, and not of anything that’s of sense and relevance is what she informed, with smiles and gazes that cannot be liars. Gas stations are honestly honest, don’t you know? iii. Engines roared before, but just one howled with the coyotes while running with a pack of snow covered wolves. In cities, you’ve been in elevators, and in the country, caves but it’s when breeze from oceans and highways and flapping butterflies hit against pale skin, panic and the emotion of trapped set in. Through the window you see a snake, hissing with a grin. Or a mountain lion or a deer or a raccoon or even a hundred-year-old tree. iv. Hurricanes travel across vast waters for dry-land tornadoes. Hands reach out and thousands scream and pray for a better dream, and maybe someday. On the top of cliffs that never have a bottom, but rather a river and a tall-tell story and history and rocks and no one can hear her sneeze but you. Coughing and she says this is it. Her name is Deception so you know you can trust her. Open your eyes wide and remind yourself this is what you wanted in life. very descriptive. i do like that. and good luck with your book! i like the 60's cop idea! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikamay Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w1ll1am7 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 no worries, can you give me more insight on that story? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Best u Can Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 I have two poems. The other day I wrote this: Landscape For the first time I can say, "Open up my head" and feel safe You will lift the thoughts Like wet clay in your hands To put it in front of you On your table The clay-matter You gently massage My mind into a cup, or a carton An almost formless, wet mass With your picture under "Missing persons" You could take a drink and I will surely melt back Then you'd reform the mold Into various objects and animals I want to be your landscape Open my head a little more To make the trees, the bushes, the vines Take my breath like a pool of water To place in the middle of this Landscape of memories Mold me like your toy I don't mind, the deeper You reach through my mind But if you leave it -You leave me formless Like god's pre-earth, Change me into a landscape With no more people but you This one is very simple and depressing... i'm feeling simple with my words... and depressed... Fall Until Reality Dawns My Eyes tell me it's okay My Spirit and Body are at war At Night the Latter is dead, The Latter is dead. A neat Facade takes control A neat Facade, my soul A neat Facade makes me 'Nemo'. A Rising Sun is this deep Depression My 'Blue Period', not yet turned -Red. The Light of Dark The Dark of Light Led to an eternal Night Those have led me. Now I confess, I became obsessed Without your discretion -You do not love me. Words, like spoken air -Waste Visions I have of you They are not true Visions have led me To Midday Night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w1ll1am7 Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 dark and deep, i liked those! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Best u Can Posted August 19, 2009 Author Share Posted August 19, 2009 thx man... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crests Posted August 19, 2009 Share Posted August 19, 2009 Eric, you are a poet of epic proportions :kiss: i might edit one of my poems and put it here :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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