I Hate Love

[Reilly]

No, not right now, Im fine with it, but whats the worst thing love has ever done to you?

 

I loved someone so much that it hurt me.

 

I wasnt eating, sleeping, I was vomiting (sometimes blood, I'm guessing the lack of food meant I was coughing up a lung or something), yet I managed to gain weight somehow. On average, for about 2 or 3 months, I'd have eaten the equivilent of a packet of crisps every week. If I had more then 3-4 chips I'd feel ill and start puking, wouldnt eat for the rest of the day

 

If I managed to sleep for 2 hours, it was a good night. I would usually get about 40minutes. I once went without sleep for 90 hours, which was a loooong 4 days.

 

I used to talk to her for hours, and hours. Once we had a phonecall that lasted 21 hours, is that extreme?

 

I couldnt cry either, in fact, my entire body felt so drained of water, I constantly felt like sand was running through my vains. When I'd try to cry, a little bit would come out, but nothing else, just kind of wet but I couldnt.

 

I used to have 'rush of emotions' as I called it, where I would just think about her, and pass out, right there, wherever I was. I did it once when walking off a bus and fell down the stairs.

 

I also would get random clots and stuff, like blood clots. It would take absolutely nothing to get me bruised, or cut. I once tapped a breadknife on my hand without thinking about it, and it actually broke my paper skin.

 

My hands would become puffy, so would other parts of me. Random unexplained rashes also happened. My hair thinned too, on my head as well as body, thank god it grew back.

 

Oh and I couldnt brush my teeth, because my gums ripped so easily. I would run the toothbrush over the top set of teeth, once, and I'd spit out a mouthful of blood and have to wait a week for it to heal.

 

And this is just the physical damage, there was mental too. I found myself really unsociable, I'd just sit around the house when I wasnt going to hers. I had problems talking to people, hot girls especially, I was so nervous for a long amount of time.

 

I became simply less cool, I always looked tired and out of it, mumbly, just not the kinda guy you want to hang around with.

 

It took about 5-6 months to get back to my normal self, and I've now kicked her out of my life, because its better this way. Im healthy again.

[Anita_sp]

oohh man... that is horriblee...Im stunned...:stunned:

and ur friends and family help u?????

[an_cat]

Oh man........ That's aweful!! Love can kill you... :stunned: I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad you've recovered now :)

 

 

My unrequited love for a guy 2 (now almost 3) years ago lead to the beginings of my depression. I won't say it caused it, but it definately didn't help me feel good about myself! LOL! :\ It's hard falling in love at a young age, and I still haven't let him go. I need to forget about him! Everytime I think about him I find my mood getting really low. I just.... I can't stop that feeling, you know? And I find myself unable to really invest in anyone else, I haven't even had a crush on a realistic guy in so long.

 

Love is a bitch.

[bonnie2789]

holy moly. that's intense reillo. :o

gosh i didn't know love could go that far. did she go through a similar thing? or was it just you? wow that's intense...

[Mojo Pin]

No, not right now, Im fine with it, but whats the worst thing love has ever done to you?

 

I loved someone so much that it hurt me.

 

I wasnt eating, sleeping, I was vomiting (sometimes blood, I'm guessing the lack of food meant I was coughing up a lung or something), yet I managed to gain weight somehow. On average, for about 2 or 3 months, I'd have eaten the equivilent of a packet of crisps every week. If I had more then 3-4 chips I'd feel ill and start puking, wouldnt eat for the rest of the day

 

If I managed to sleep for 2 hours, it was a good night. I would usually get about 40minutes. I once went without sleep for 90 hours, which was a loooong 4 days.

 

I used to talk to her for hours, and hours. Once we had a phonecall that lasted 21 hours, is that extreme?

 

I couldnt cry either, in fact, my entire body felt so drained of water, I constantly felt like sand was running through my vains. When I'd try to cry, a little bit would come out, but nothing else, just kind of wet but I couldnt.

 

I used to have 'rush of emotions' as I called it, where I would just think about her, and pass out, right there, wherever I was. I did it once when walking off a bus and fell down the stairs.

 

I also would get random clots and stuff, like blood clots. It would take absolutely nothing to get me bruised, or cut. I once tapped a breadknife on my hand without thinking about it, and it actually broke my paper skin.

 

My hands would become puffy, so would other parts of me. Random unexplained rashes also happened. My hair thinned too, on my head as well as body, thank god it grew back.

 

Oh and I couldnt brush my teeth, because my gums ripped so easily. I would run the toothbrush over the top set of teeth, once, and I'd spit out a mouthful of blood and have to wait a week for it to heal.

 

And this is just the physical damage, there was mental too. I found myself really unsociable, I'd just sit around the house when I wasnt going to hers. I had problems talking to people, hot girls especially, I was so nervous for a long amount of time.

 

I became simply less cool, I always looked tired and out of it, mumbly, just not the kinda guy you want to hang around with.

 

It took about 5-6 months to get back to my normal self, and I've now kicked her out of my life, because its better this way. Im healthy again.

 

Man i'm so sorry to hear that. I know what it feels like.. this is kinda creepy cos what you just mentioned was the way i was like 6 months ago... Plus i used to kinda hurt myself by punching walls til bleed or stuff like that..i stopped cos since i didnt eat at all i got way too weak.. its was a fucking hell, my body was a total mess ( i lost like 15kg in less than 2 weeks ) so sometimes i had to go to the hospital and get serum cos i couldnt eat.. i felt i was going to throw up... The worse thing about all this is that the ppl around me could tell i was going through something hard and i was always pretenting to be ok... lost my job and lied to my friends saying i was going to be abroad for 3 months so no one could see me falling apart.. i guess i just needed time to put myself together and the nights were the worst.. hmm i cant even remember how many nights i stayed up just thinking or sometimes crying but like you said, i reached the point i couldnt even cry cos i was too weak.. like my life was leaving my body and i couldnt do anything about it.

I just cant believe someone had soo much effect on me, it's been 7 months now and i can say i'm way better physically at least, mentally i'm still a mess.. i mean, there are times when i talk with a girl and somehow i cant avoid to compare her to my ex and think to myself that she's not as good as my ex and thats' so fucked up... but hopefully i'll kick her off my mind and life with time..but to sum it up, love sucks.

[bonnie2789]

i was just going to pm you ren and ask you how things were from before. but you just said it all here. woah this is intense. all of you. i didn't realise what an effect it could have on people...

[RICK8]

Yes I can relate to some of the things you went through,as I am currently going through that myself,it's so hard when you keep thinking of that person non stop all day,its like you're mind has been taken over and you cant think or do much,and the sadness is also great!!!!

 

Luckily I am getting a bit better,but still going to take a very long time to get better...

 

:bigcry:

[Sam]

I'm scared. Jeez, thats scary.

 

But, I don't understand, why did these things happen? You obviously liked her quite a lot, and her you. So why did these things happen? both of you

[Gitta Rensolo]

Well....Reilly and Ren...all this sounds horrible...really awful....

 

I hope this is not what love is about...

 

I once fell in love with a boy....hmmm...or let's say I fancie him a lot....but I came to a pont I couldn't eat and stuff...but this only lasted for one or two weeks....I lost maybe 3kg of weight then....but it was a strange feeling...

[Sam]

god, this is all really scary.

[Gitta Rensolo]

Hehe...hm...I think in my case it was just normal....you hear that so often that people can't eat and sleep and stuff....haha...many songs are about that.....

 

but if I consider Reilly's and Ren's case...it is extreme....I've never heard something like this...

[bonnie2789]

I'm scared. Jeez, thats scary.

 

But, I don't understand, why did these things happen? You obviously liked her quite a lot, and her you. So why did these things happen? both of you

 

i was about to ask this too.

i mean you guys were obviously soooo freaking far in love

how did it result in this? :cry2:

[Reilly]

It eats at you! How can I explain it.

 

Being so in love with someone, and when it starts to go wrong, and you start to fight, but yet you cant keep away from her. Its torture, some weeks you are with her, some weeks you arent, you feel constantly nervous at the thought of losing her for good.

 

Just thinking of it now is giving me chills.

 

Its loving someone too much. In my case in particular it was horrible because she never let me express my feelings, I could never tell her how much I loved her.

[badlydrawngirl]

Reilly, Ren this all sounds horrendous. I'm gonna be honest and say that I don't have any words of wisdom on this at all! (Although I don't with most things but hey). Love is a bitch and a half, and Reilly I think it WAS so bad because you couldn't tell her how you really felt and keeping all that stuff inside must have driven you crazy. 'Love' is too complex to have to keep to yourself.

It is interesting that you said you couldn't cry though, I find myself crying almost everyday now about this guy, I don't know the exact reason though.

[Reilly]

I couldnt cry because I couldnt produce tears! Physically, my body was too weak, to even cry. Its like not having enough water for your windscreen wipers, and then trying to shoot out some H2O and getting a tiny squirt and nothing else.

 

I cant remember the part of your body that produces tears, but obviously mine was feeling pretty shit.

[badlydrawngirl]

Yeah if one thing in your body gets messed up, it screws up everything else.

[Oenona]

Gosh, this is terrible! I’ve always thought that love always creates a deep emotional dependence between the lovers but what happened to you (Reilly, Ren) went too far... it was just like a strong obsession that you had those moments although to an extent love is an obsession. Anyway, like all the dependences, it wasn’t good for yours ‘cause you weren’t able to lead a normal life.

 

What you told us seems to be your first requited love experience... right? – well, I guess so ‘cause you said you were talking to her nop-stop for 21 whole hours - ‘cause they’re always much deeper than the next ones, although mine wasn’t like yours. I mean, I didn’t eat or sleep ‘cause I was worried thinking about him... but that was all. The positive side of love was always much more important.

There’s something you said that I don’t understand:

 

In my case in particular it was horrible because she never let me express my feelings' date=' I could never tell her how much I loved her.[/quote']

 

if you were a “normal” couple, why weren’t you able to express what you felt?

 

 

You mainly talked about the physical damages... but the mental ones are the worse and I think that everything is related, ‘cause one thing leads to the other one. Gosh, the power of mind...

[Reilly]

It was requited love, but we were not a normal couple. We werent actually going out. In fact, its a very long and complicated situation between us that originally centred around sex, and grew to be a connection that is much, much stronger then that.

 

Whenever it came to the subject of us going out, we were both aware that I'd be moving out of the country soon, so we never wanted to go through the pain of a long distance relationship. I dont know if that was a mistake

[Oenona]

oh, I already realize that it was just a complicated relationship what you had 'cause - I think - almost all the relationships don't begin with sex, they used to grow up slowly... step by step. Of course sex it's an important part of them... but they're not centred in it.

 

yes, maybe it was a mistake, who knows? maybe you should have tried to go through with that relationship, at least try it, 'cause the pain that you felt then (when you decided to broke up with her) was really hard - maybe hardest than the pain that you'd have felt 'cause of her absence.

[Reilly]

No, as hard as it was breaking up with her, it was way harder being with her. I had devoted my whole life to her, and thats just too much. She put me in such an odd state of mind where I loved her so strongly that I hated the hurt it put me through. We never showed our appreciation towards eachother, maybe we were both afraid, but we never said anything like "I miss you" or even "You look really nice today", we were more robotic then that.

 

It hurt so much not being able to show her how much I loved her, it made me feel worthless. At least when I slowly began to discover that she also liked me a lot.

 

I forgot to respond to this:

 

What you told us seems to be your first requited love experience... right?

 

No, she was the 3rd.

[marianatsl]

omg reilly!! i didnt realize how intense that whole thing was...

im glad ure better now, but as u said in the other thread, ure not completely free from her, u still tend to compare the other girls to her, and i know exactely how that feels... but i think that goes away eventually (so i hope!!)

 

right now i dont really feel like talking about my painful experience, mostly coz some ppl here already know it... but maybe if this thread lasts long enough ill post it...

[Reilly]

Its good to share, you dont have to (Seeing as I already know anyway hehe) but I know what it feels like to not want to talk about it. I go through it all the time when people ask me (Including my friend from the Awkward thread).

[marianatsl]

yeah, i know sharing is good, but everytime i share, i always end up feelind depressed after, coz i just keep remembering everything, and it hurts way too much!! some ppl here (not u reilly) has talked to me when i was pretty bad... but ive never went through so much like u...

 

as i said... maybe ill talk about it later... but im in a good mood today, dont want to change it...

[badlydrawngirl]

No, as hard as it was breaking up with her, it was way harder being with her. I had devoted my whole life to her, and thats just too much. She put me in such an odd state of mind where I loved her so strongly that I hated the hurt it put me through. We never showed our appreciation towards eachother, maybe we were both afraid, but we never said anything like "I miss you" or even "You look really nice today", we were more robotic then that.

 

 

Wow, it's like that with me and 'the guy' :( He never says things like that to me, yet he can to his female friends and it just pisses me off.

[Guest Grace]

omg ... :shocked: that's shocking ... i mean ... to be honest, i never heard anything like that.

thank god you got over her!