I don't know if this has happened to you but it's happening to me now. I'm pretty much the way i am here meaning i haven't made up an online character except that maybe i act only like this when you get to know me in real life otherwise i'm totally shy and quiet .But i'm pretty much a joker most of the time and my friends know me for that but lately i don't really feel like joking around or doing much cos i've been having some personal problems.The thing is that i've noticed how that makes them avoid me (and don't get me wrong,some of them don't even know what's going on with me cos i havent said much so no whinning from my part) i'm just more serious than usual and just down, know what i mean? They usually are begging me to hang out with them cos they say i'm the soul of the party and stuff like that but damn, i can't be like that 24/7. I guess they just don't know how to react when they ask " hey how are you doing?" and i reply" not good really" , they don't really know what to say.They just go like " hmm ok :uhoh: " I act cool and all but i wish someone actually asked " why? what is it? you need to talk?" but it wasn't that bad, except when your friends actually ignore you just cos you arent what they want you to be and that's what i find terrible. But then again maybe some people react in a different way when you see someone going through something bad? I don't know, i used to be terrible comforting people, i think i'd just say " there there" cos the situation was akward to me, especially if i had to cheer up a girl friend who was crying. I don't find it weird or akward anymore cos i think it's just natural to feel sad sometimes and i always try to comfort my friends the way i'd like to be heard or treated myself if i was going thorugh something awful but unfortunately, i don't have much luck.

 

So anyone had a similar situation? or are you good at comforting people? find it akward? anything related?

 

ps. yeah i'm bored but this is better than playing countdown games, right?

I'm in exactly the same situation Ren, my home life is a royal mess at the moment and yet the only people who seem to want to talk to me about it and actively ask me how I am are people from here. Or one person from here who is a great friend.

 

One of my 'real' friends has been great, and listens to me bitch and moan, but everyone else is only interested if I pretend it's not happening.

 

I guess it's hard if someone is upset, I always find it hard to find the right words when someone is upset, but I always try. :\

is not easy to comfort a friend, is not that i find it akward, but if you hadn't had experienced their problem you can't help them properly to solve their problems, just you can be there to listen them. :\

 

i'm always there for my friends, but they've been there for me just once and didn't do much at all.

There really isnt the right words to say, but i find it odd that your friends dont even seem to ask how you feel.. its more "oh hes not as fun anymore lets not hangout" thats not a good friend. Whenever im down, my friends usually just talk to me, ask me how im doing, and lend me their shoulder to lean on.

 

Like mimixxx said, it is difficult sometimes to find the right words to say, but even if the person isnt saying much, its nice*at least for myself* to know that someone is willing to just sit with me, maybe listen to what i have to say, and just be a good friend.

 

Also, I dont find it to awkard comforting people or people comforting me.

 

Also, Ren.. have you told you friends whats happening.. maybs they be willing to help. Maybe they dont want to ask??

^most definitely better than the countdown games

 

That does sound really lousy that your friends keep there distance from your because you act a little different than your usual self. It reminds me of when I have problems in real life and people dont worry about talking to me about because Im not meant to feel down and depressed. I feel I am good at comforting people because i have a great capicity to love whoever I meet. Once you get past the akward part its feels comforting like a normal conversation. Also on another note, Im not exactly the same here as I am in real life. He I might be more reserved if thats believable. I think Im more of a split personality guy anyway. Oh well, thats all i have to say for the moment.

I'm in exactly the same situation Ren, my home life is a royal mess at the moment and yet the only people who seem to want to talk to me about it and actively ask me how I am are people from here. Or one person from here who is a great friend.

 

One of my 'real' friends has been great, and listens to me bitch and moan, but everyone else is only interested if I pretend it's not happening.

 

I guess it's hard if someone is upset, I always find it hard to find the right words when someone is upset, but I always try. :\

I'm sorry to hear that Mich :( But i understand you. I think my real life problems are actually affecting my online persona too cos even some online friends i have are kinda avoiding me too cos i'm not much "fun" anymore. Too bad but i just can't help it for now.

 

I don't really have a best friend irl anymore so i kinda keep any problem to myself and i guess i'm not that close to others for them to ask me how i feel or want to help but still. It's like everybody loves you cos you make them laugh and you're funny but the sec you arent, then its all bye bye.

 

But don't mind me peeps, i just had a shitty day.

There really isnt the right words to say, but i find it odd that your friends dont even seem to ask how you feel.. its more "oh hes not as fun anymore lets not hangout" thats not a good friend. Whenever im down, my friends usually just talk to me, ask me how im doing, and lend me their shoulder to lean on.

 

Like mimixxx said, it is difficult sometimes to find the right words to say, but even if the person isnt saying much, its nice*at least for myself* to know that someone is willing to just sit with me, maybe listen to what i have to say, and just be a good friend.

 

Also, I dont find it to awkard comforting people or people comforting me.

 

Also, Ren.. have you told you friends whats happening.. maybs they be willing to help. Maybe they dont want to ask??

They do but they don't know how to handle my answer and it's an akward situation , more for them than for me i think so i just say nothing and they try to talk about something else. I don't mind and try to play cool to make make the whole situation less akward but like i said, deep down i really wish someone would just say " nah, you aren't ok, what's wrong?"

 

Ah yeah most of them know what's wrong but pretend all is ok and their best way out is just to ignore me or that's how i saw it. I had a best friend who was the best ever and he really was a bugger, never stopped till i told him what was wrong but he passed away in some car accident a few years ago and my other best friend lives abroad now and i know a million of people but never really had a close best friend and i'm hardly ever down anymore so i can see why everyone is so shocked but meh, that's life i guess.

I suck at comforting people.. I think i'm doing a bit better job online than in real life though.

I so have no idea what to do if someone comes up to me crying over something :uhoh: I've actually never seen any of my closest friends crying (yeah, talking about how all finns are so cold :tongue:)

 

I tend not to talk about it to anyone if i'm feeling low..i just keep it all to myself and that kind of sucks 'cause i'll just explode at some point bah.

I think I'm better online too, is easier when you can't see people I think. :uhoh: But I guess it also means they're better at comforting you.

 

Ren, that's so sad about your friend. :\

I think i am a good comforter to people. You have to work hard at listening to people and have sympathy and empathy for them. You do find out who your real friends are during the bad times. I guess being older and being a mom has given me a lot of experiences and you really do learn through everything you go through, all the bad stuff too. i try to learn something through all the crap in my life and spin it to make it positive.

countdown games ren?

i don't even know what those are.

durr. its cuz i'm that stupid. <3

 

 

anywho. umm. ren! YOU ARE an amazing listener, i would know. and let me tell you, i might be wrong, but alot of people that actually live their life aware of what actually surrounds them and see things others don't see in people, then when something as bad as what has happened to you happens, it feels like the weight of the world is in your shoulders, because you know that all this people that expected you to be happy all the time see that that's not the way you are anymore, oh shit right? that's their reaction, and they don't know what to tell you because they thought that you were "the clown" that was going to make them happy and help them have a good time when they were feeling crappy, probably because for them talking about it didn't help a bit, so acting that way and going to partys made it all better, so all the pain that they felt went away with a couple of beers, you in the other hand don't feel beeing that way anymore and you actually want to talk about your feelings, like i said before that might scare them, and well. that proves to you what bad friends they are if they can't even take the time to confort you without just the usual "there. there. everything is going to be ok. have a drink" and well. all of this i'm telling you is something i've been through since i came here in the US and it might relate to you or not, my point is that you need to find new people to be friends with, i know, it's not that easy.. but i think they always come in time, and beeing once in a while in the int always helped me cuz, i always had one or two people that actually cared for me, i don't know about you but i always ask myself, 'why the hell this people that actually love me and care for me don't live closer?' because when they tell me they would hug me and let me cry in their shoulder i can't help but smile (: and even if it hurts, and i know what they said might never happen, i know they care and even at 100000 miles away, they made me smile, one thing that even the closest person here can't do. you know that silly breakdown i had the other night? well. i'm pretty sure it has alot to do with the same things you are going through, so even if i'm an insignificant nobody, i've been dealing with things like that for years now, so if it helps you can talk to me about it.

and, yeah it's nothing but, you know i'm here.

I think I'm better online too, is easier when you can't see people I think. :uhoh: But I guess it also means they're better at comforting you.

 

Ren, that's so sad about your friend. :\

Yeah probably, i used to be so bad at comforting people but i learned to listen and sometimes that's all that it takes, listen to someone instead of holding it all inside.

 

Well yeah, that was years ago. Childhood buddy, he used to take the punches for me when bullies wanted to kick my ass. But thanks Mich :kiss:

Cheers Iz!

 

But hey people, dont worry about it. I was just giving an example with my particular situation, just wondering if that happened to you too at some point .

hahahaa. ook. just trying to be a good friend ren. :P you know.

aww ren, that's pretty sucky. i think it's a kind of weird situation, because you kind of want someone to ask how you are and all that, but if you were in their shoes, it would be really awkward for you to say something and ask about them. i think i know what you mean, but in a somewhat different way. in the past few years since my friends and i have left high school, i've changed a lot, but i think they've mostly stayed the same. we still get together and all that, but rarely do i have as fun a time as i used to, and at the bigger gatherings, i just find it awkward. what's worse is that everyone's seemingly noticed the change, but they just make faces or big sighs or say that i'm different rather than asking me about my life between high school and now or letting me explain myself. i think they just don't understand that i'm not like them anymore in the same ways i used to be, and that there are stories behind those changes rather than just me wanting to be different. sometimes i wish i could just tell it all to them and have them understand, but i know they wouldn't really understand even if they said they did.

 

anyway, i hope your days stop being shitty, and i hope that things get better soon :smiley:

aww that sounds terrible. :( hope everything goes well with you.

Me, seems all i do is comfort my friends in bad times. And it can be really hard because, you comfort your friends when they're hurt but it's even harder when you yourself are hurting inside. I wish I could get a break from myself a lot of times but, i always try to put my friends before me. help them out as much as i can but... it feels like sometimes, i'm held responsible for helping my friends feel better. I hate it sometimes but it's not that i hate helping them. It's more of the fact that sometimes i feel i get no help in return.

Situations like this make "The Bends" run through my head on repeat.

 

"Who are your real friends...and have they all got the bends...."

I just have friends who after say they will come with you to concerts pull out, leaving you with spare tickets.

 

Anyone want a wembley ticket for the saturday show, the only downside is that it's seated (somewhere in the stadium) next to me.

David, i told you i am still a hold out, and if i can get the money to get over there i would love to sit next to you

i wanna! *raises hand*

Get over to the UK and give me the £55 (face value) for the ticket, and it's yours.

 

Although I have no idea where in the stadium it is

okay this might sound awkard Ren, but the way you described your self so reminds me of Chandler from friends.. always being funny everywhere, but when he's actually showing his feelngs nobody know how to react because they're just shocked basically.. I hope this is just your friends getting used to the situation and at some point one of them will wake up and realise 'hey Ren needs someone who'll listen' and will be there for you!

 

I recently discovered that just about everybody online is willing to listen, or give their advice (look at this thread) which is very comforting.. my RL friends have really been there for me :nice: I think of myself as a pretty good listener, but sometimes I realise I;m too easily distracted when in a conversation where I really shouldn't be. Or i might answer to someones problems by relating them to my own.. which might not always be the best thing to do.. so to everyone.. sorry if I did that...

 

I really hope your friends will wake up soon Ren!

Get over to the UK and give me the £55 (face value) for the ticket, and it's yours.

 

Although I have no idea where in the stadium it is

 

...oh.

 

well then... :confused: i'm in a bit of a pickle now.

 

lol.

I don't even have "real life" friends.

I don't want to make this turn into the "friend thread", Ren, because it's your thread, for your problem... so tell me if you want me to get rid of what I'm about to type. :P

 

I seem to have issues with friends too, my best friend of 7 years and I seem to be growing apart, even though we're still closer than anyone I know. It's just a weird feeling, she is starting to hang out with this other girl a bit more, and whenever I try confronting her about it she claims it's because I never spend enough time with her, which is probably true. She doesn't like the fact that I constantly have online friends and stuff, but I don't want to get rid of my online relationships just to make her happy. Is that a bad thing? :confused: I care about how she feels, and I've been trying to be a better friend lately, but there's times when she seems to be focusing on this other person more than me, which is obviously a terrible feeling. :\ For instance, the other night I was hanging out with her after being away for nearly 3 weeks, and by about 11 PM we were out of things to do, and there was a brief awkward period, until she was like, "oh, I know! I'll text message _____ (the other girl) and ask her what we should do!" Maybe I'm overreacting, but that made me uncomfortable and upset... and, I don't know, I just feel like I'm losing my best friend over small things like this. As it is, I don't really have very many other close friends- a lot of aquintances, but only one other friend who I'd trust with certain things.

 

Anyways, sorry to rant in your thread, Ren, and tell me if you want me to delete all of that. ;)