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The Confession Thread


raelikescoldplay

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  • 3 years later...

 

bump

 

I confess that I wish he would just die or disappear or anything, and I never had to see him again. He brings me such anxiety when he comes here and I wish I didn't have to pretend to be the peacemaker and pretend to be nice to him after all he's done. It makes him feel like he's done nothing wrong and he can carry on being the way he is and I want to make him understand just how much he's ruined for all of us.

 

And I want to meet someone in my school that really resonates with me and is capable of doing more than making jokes and being loud. It's been a year and I've made great improvements from running away from people and sitting alone as I actually have some circles of friends now but I feel like if something serious happened to me or if I needed to get something off my chest nobody would even really care. Maybe this year that will change.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

 

Despite this being my first really longer-term relationship I'm a bit lost as to what I want out of it now after a year. I feel awful because there is not anything the dear bf has specifically done that is wrong per se, just things that are bugging me.

 

I suppose it doesn't help that an old flame has kind of waltzed in very flirtatiously and I've got a crush on him again, and that he has reminded me of qualities that my partner doesn't have that I would prefer in a partner.

It's also hard because I don't want it to be a case of thinking the grass is greener on the other side and taking a bit of a leap before realising 'WELP SHIT things weren't as bad as I thought'.

Though these little niggling things have been going on for some weeks and just evolved into big problems because they're not talked about in depth for the sake of hurting one another's/our own feelings or solved.

 

I dunno I just feel like a greedy asshole. It isn't wrong of me to want and possibly expect a little more out of a partner but it is becoming a pain in the ass to actually figure out what those things are with such limited time thanks to school, talk about them with him and come to some sort of resolution.

Especially when I've brought up some of these things when they were only 'stuff that bugs me' and nothing changed.

Acting all close with the old flame and thinking about him all the damn time also makes me feel pretty greedy even if we are good friends.

I think a bit of that is the perceived lack of emotional support right now, so at least I have identified that...

 

It is a pickle.

 

 

SIGH.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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