Ask the Oracle on Coldplay.com (Now in session!)

[Raphaele]

22 May 2014 / submitted by Kirsten, New Zealand

Q. Hey there Oracle.

 

What started the Team Oracle questions? Did you decide to do it or did someone say '... you're good at giving advice, go help the fans out!'

 

Hope you're having a marvelous day!

(the word 'marvelous' isn't used enough these days is it...)

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

I was already answering questions from fans that were more on a personal level - matters of the heart etc. What I noticed was that fans would then write to me after I'd posted the reply and add their comment. I thought it would be a nice idea to once a week, open it up to everyone.

We've had 168 questions now with the first one being answered on 26 November, 2011.

[Raphaele]

22 May 2014 / submitted by Jennifer, United States of America

Q. Hi Oracle! I just checked the tour list for Coldplay possibly coming to the US to perform, but it shows none. Is there a possible date that might come up? I love the new album Ghost Stories and I especially hooked on the song Magic. I really hope they could come to New York. It would make my day!

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

I'm afraid you missed them, Jennifer. They played NYC on 5 May.

I don't reveal future tour dates - as you might know - but there isn't a major world tour planned.

[Raphaele]

22 May 2014 / submitted by Andrew, United States of America

Q. Dear Oracle, do you happen to know what the setlist was for the recent intimate performance at Royce Hall?

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

I'm sure you'll agree that the set list in L.A was a real unexpected treat:

 

Atlas

Charlie Brown

The Scientist

Don't Panic

A Whisper

Til Kingdom Come

Viva La Vida

Paradise

Always in My Head

Magic

Ink

True Love

Midnight

Another's Arms

Oceans

 

The encore was:

 

A Sky Full of Stars

Yellow

O

[Raphaele]

23 May 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom

Q. WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

 

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

 

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to [email protected] before midnight Thursday 29 May.

 

I have had an absolutely wonderful experience sending in answers for Team Oracle, and it's something that I am very thankful to have been a part of, but now I come to you with a problem that has really affected my life. Back in December of 2013, I told my best friend that I was in love with her, because she was dating my other best friend. He was present when I told her.

You see, I told them because I had been hiding these feelings for two years, which had put me in a deep depression, and it hurt them seeing me like that, and I didn't want my problems to get in their way, so I had to tell them to fly on without me.

 

It's been six months since that happened, and so much has changed in my life leaving me at the lowest I've ever been. I took the previous semester off from school to try and get myself where I need to be, and I cannot fix things with my friends.

She refuses to speak to me, and I can't look him in the eye knowing I hurt her. They have written me out of their lives.

I thought I was ready to move on, but now as I'm getting ready to move back out and back to school, I've fallen apart completely. I've lost all of the confidence I've had to build up in the past six months in a matter of days, I'm horribly insecure, and I'm very anxious all of the time. I hate myself for running off my best friends, and I'm afraid that if I somehow manage to find new friends, I'll run them off too.

I have absolutely no idea how to try to put things back together. Any help or insight would be extremely valuable right now. Thank you for everything. Bradley H. USA.

 

 

Look forward to seeing your replies.

 

The Oracle.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

Please email your replies to [email protected]

Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.

[Raphaele]

23 May 2014 / submitted by Daisy, Indonesia

Q. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #169

I'm so sad, very sad. What do you feel when somebody look down on you just because you never had boyfriend. Now you are 23 years old. They asked when will you get married, and I answered I don't know and they insist to get the answer. I have not thinking about marriage and more. I don't care but I feel so sad.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

Are you sad because you're single or sad because of the way people treat you being single? If it's the former, don't worry. Love will come but it doesn't matter whether that's at 23, 33 or 83 - if you're happy. You don't need to be in a relationship to have a wonderful life.

If it's the latter, don't worry. What's it got to do with anyone else? NOTHING! People do expect people to couple off and put pressure on anyone not doing that. When you're in a relationship they ask when you're getting married. When you're married they ask when you're having children. It's intrusive and nobody's business but yours.

You answer "I don't know" and you don't, so what else are you supposed to say? NOTHING!

You don't have a crystal ball so it's an impossible question to answer however, as people are making you sad, maybe you could add that their questioning makes you uncomfortable and you'd prefer them not to ask. Or simply ignore them!

It's your life, live it your way and take things at your pace regardless of people's expectations and questions.

Over to you.

 

I'm only 17 but I surely can give you an advise. My friends also has the same problem as you but on a different situation. They're still young and still on their college years like me. But one thing I tell them every time they nag me about having a boyfriend. I just tell them to "Let love find you." I find this appropriate to you because you don't need to rush things because you know rushing just leads to heartbreak and mistakes in life. So yeah just tell 'them' you haven't found your true love yet and he will come soon. Very soon.

Princess, Philippines.

 

Tell them you don't know when you'll get married. When will we get married is our destiny and no one knows anyone's destiny. But believe that you will get married someday because everyone will meet their partner of life even if it feels like forever and remember that everyone's is unique and important in their own way. Khansa.

 

I lived in Indonesia for 10 years, and understand how difficult it can be for Indonesian women who feel pressured with the social and cultural expectations on marriage. Only you know what is truly best for you, Daisy. Your feelings and opinions may differ from family and friends, yet it is "sancta penting" that you believe in your own decisions and do what you know reflects your truth. Percaya diri sendiri, saying. Nothing true and lasting can be forced. Know that you have support. Alia I. from Oregon, U.S.

 

I know in your culture getting married is more important then in mine. But what I also know is that everyone should marry when he/she is ready, not earlier. It's your marriage and your life, after all. Your friends/family should respect that.

Isabelle.

 

I'm from Indonesia too! *waves at you*

I think you shouldn't be worry about you being single. I had been in relationship once, and it was good, but it wasn't as good as being single. Actually, you can do more when you're single than when you're in relationship. You wanna know the perks of being single?

1. It is a great time to do your hobby explore your passion.

2. You can save more money. Believe me, dating costs a lot of money that should've been spent on our favourite things, such as a nice backless dress, a John Green novel, or even a Coldplay vinyl album!

3. We have more time on our beloved family and friends.

4. No boundaries and limitation.

5. You can focus more on your education and career.

6. And most importantly, you have more time for you to love yourself and know yourself more, because you can't love someone else before you can love yourself.

 

There's a quote I remember, "Fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely." So, don't listen to those who look down on you, just enjoy when you're still single. The right person will come on the right time.

Love, Ira.

 

I know how it feels, but let me tell you this: we all have our own way to fall in love, I mean, there isn't any rule on love. If your first love is at the age of 40, who cares? The idea of having a boyfriend at a young age is just an idea society has, because, seriously, who wrote rules on love? who said you have to get a boyfriend at an early age? NOBODY, absolutely nobody. Some people may have their first love at the age of 13, others at the age of 20; we are all different, and we all have our ways to live life. Some may think it is not okay, some may think it is, but hey, you live your life for you, not for others. Let love come, don't make it come. The wait, is worthless.

Sofia, Argentina.

 

Don't be sad, You're ONLY 23 years old and when you meet Mr. Right, you'll have the rest of your lifetime to be a married couple. Besides there's nothing wrong with being single either. There'll always be people that talk down to you for one reason or another, but please don't listen to them, be yourself and live your life at your own pace. Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet or maybe you you prefer to stay single for the rest of your life. Everything is possible just as long as you are happy! Good luck. Amanda.

 

The world is full of people, and they all need love. You may love them all. Just and some action to your love and you will be amazed. It is in giving we find joy. Britta.

 

No wonder you are sad. You are misunderstood. No one has the right to judge or condemn you. You are not a criminal! You may be a shy person. You are an honest person. You may be a meek person. There is nothing wrong with you! Is there a law in Indonesia that obligates you to marriage? There are economic and financial realities that impose the necessity to making a family, because it is hard to support yourself alone. Maybe they are looking down on you because they don't want to support you forever. Every generation has a maiden Auntie who is never courted, who never marries, who never leaves her father's house. She serves her father and her elders; she helps with her nieces and nephews. She has self respect; she deserves a place in this world. Some of them tell their father; "Use my dowry, or the funds that will not be spent for I will not have a wedding, and invest in my education so I may have a career and contribute to my father's house." Your depression is serious and you must get turned toward living happily. Ishtar.

 

I think Daisy shouldn't think too much about what other people said. She can have her own opinions and people must respect her for that. And also I think not having any boyfriends when you're 23 years old is a bad thing, I mean there's so much things in life you can look forward to! Your source of happiness is not from what people told you to do or what they think of you. So I suggest for Daisy to just hold her head up high and put a smile on! Hope everything's alright.

Syifa, Indonesia.

 

Societal and cultural pressures can present many challenges for women in any country especially when marriage is intertwined with inheritance, family assignment, and value which is amplified as we age. You are at an age where external voices will affect the self-reflection of yourself no matter what the issues are, but this will dissipate as you get older if you learn to listen to what you want and need.

You could succumb to the external pressures, get married, and expose yourself to a live-time of unhappiness or abuse. However, if the external disapproval is the worst harm as a result of not getting married - I say wait.

I just turned 40 years old in March, and I have never married. I have friends on their second and third divorces, and they have the nerve to ask me whats wrong with me. I am waiting for that person that makes me feel like I don't want to run in the other direction. We all deserve to be in love and give love unconditionally at least once in our lives. Be Well, Daisy. DH.

 

Life has been socially designed so that individuals get married and procreate, and if somebody doesn't, it is seen as something unexpected or unusual. We, human beings, are without a doubt animals which seek survival like any other animal, and that's why our instinct tells us to pair up with another human being. However, thanks to discoveries made in the medical field, for example, the planet has now been overpopulated. Moreover, couples break up every day. As a consequence, my personal belief is that: as I have been born, and as I exist, I wish to bring happiness to this world, I wish to heal people's wounds, I want my life to be significant to others, not only to myself. I am a 21 year-old girl from Argentina who isn't very keen on marriage, at least not at the moment. Only God knows what will happen in the future. As cultures in our respective countries may be different, in Argentina there's no hurry to get married at a young age, so I don't feel pressured to "take action". To sum up, is it that important to get married and procreate? I don't think so, I think that it is important to contribute to this world ANYWAY, by being a good person. I recommend you to search on YouTube a Nigerian female writer called Chimamanda Gnozi Adichie, she's my role model, and in one of her speeches she mentions her opinion on marriage. Much love, Caro.

 

First of all, the only right time to start dating is the time that you want to start dating; no one can decide that for you. When you feel comfortable and ready to have a boyfriend, it will not matter at all that you are new to the dating scene. If you decide you never want to start dating, that's great too. It all comes down to what you feel comfortable with.

However, I don't want to simply give you the obvious "you'll find someone!" pep talk, because this issue seems to go deeper than that. If marriage is something you are not thinking about at all, try your best not to let other people bring you down with their negativity, and outright nosiness. How you handle your personal life is no one's business except for yours. If this person continues pestering you about the issue, try answering something along the lines of, "I don't know when I'm getting married, but I'm not worried; I'm happy with the way things are going for me right now." If this doesn't work, you can always go with the traditional "butt out!"

In general, try not to worry too much about the future, because what will happen is going to happen whether you torture yourself over it or not. Just enjoy the ride while you're on it and ignore anyone who tries to put their own obstacles in your way.

Rose (NY, USA).

 

I am also single and close to your age. At 21, people expect that I have been in relationships by this point, and are confused and sometimes combative when I tell them that marriage and children are simply not in the cards for me. People are going to ask why, and going to try to force answers from you, but this is what you must remember: your relationship status in no way affects your value as a person. The things that make you whole, and human, are your passions, your intelligence, and your ambitions, and these things do not have to include marriage. Your dreams are entirely your own to create and build and grow, and if there comes a time where another person is worthy of altering these plans to fit into your life, then that's wonderful, but if that time does not come, it does not make you a lesser person. Daisy, you are strong and beautiful and worthy of compassion exactly the way that you are. So next time someone asks you why you don't plan to be married anytime soon, you should ask them why you ought to be. There is no good reason for that question, and perhaps you can help the people asking it to reshape their perspectives.

With love from the United States, Melaney.

 

I've gone through the same situation with my family until I was 18. Maybe my relatives/friends didn't insist as much as yours do, but I felt all their expectations over me until I found my first boyfriend. He was perfect for them, exactly everything they desired for me, but I didn't like him: I wanted so badly to get rid of their expectations that I was dating someone I didn't like. I left him because I wasn't able to play that role, and 5 years have passed before I met my present boyfriend, whom I LOVE and CHOSE. The point is that, after trying to support my relatives' desires, I realized I couldn't sacrifice my happiness - and a boy's happiness - because my family couldn't understand I need my time! I was happy as well during those 5 years and I learnt that I can manage my life without a man beside me.

I know it's hard but don't give up fighting for your right to choose when and who to date, because it influences your whole life! Search for the company of those who can understand your feelings and find strength in their support, it will help you through this. And without even realizing it, you'll show to those who want you married with children that you can be happy in a different way.

Hold on! A big big hug! Giulia.

 

Often people look at marriage or being in a relationship as a status symbol. We should not believe this or give into pressure from others. Rushing into relationships is harmful to both us and our partners. There is plenty of time and Daisy, you are still very young.

There are many advantages to being single. It allows you the time and space you need to become a complete and happy person by focusing on your own interests and needs. You will also better understand what to look for in a partner when you have a fuller understanding of yourself. When you are ready to open your heart to someone, the opportunity will present itself. Until then, do what makes you happy. Continue to grow and learn about yourself. Be honest and true to yourself. Find ways to help others in need. In doing this, you will send out positive energy and attract the right kind of people to you. Being single or alone is not the same as being lonely. What other people feel they need is not necessarily what you need to be happy. Love is all around us every day. Take a deep breath, breathe it in, and take your time. You'll be glad you did. Tracey.

 

I am unclear as to whether you are sad because you don't have a boyfriend or just sad because people keep asking and making you feel sad about it. Since you stated that you don't care, I am assuming it's the latter.

If that is the case then know that there is nothing wrong with you just because you have not had a boyfriend. It is perfectly ok to be alone. Learn to be happy independently and then if you find someone you like then they can become part of your life and not become your whole life.

Wouldn't you rather be alone than be in a relationship, just to have a boyfriend, or to make other people happy?

Live your life on your own terms, because it's your life - not theirs.

Be well. Dawn.

 

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.

[Raphaele]

27 May 2014 / submitted by Tim, United Kingdom

Q. Dear Oracle, I was lucky enough to get tickets to Casino de Paris. Is there any support? Please tell me it's Madeon, after the collaboration on the album!

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

I'm not sure I'd use the word collaboration for the tiny - yet important - additional input by Madeon. I believe it was the final sound we hear on Always In My Head. Anyway, there will be no support act tomorrow evening. See you there!

[Raphaele]

27 May 2014 / submitted by Jairo, Colombia

Q. In the little book of the Ghost Stories CD, there is a little heart. Below it, there are some letters (amgvjcnkjajrmyrm), what does it mean?

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

I actually mentioned this on twitter the other day.

If you recall, there was something similar on the MX album cover: JMYAMGNA?RCVJJ

The amgvjcnkjajrmyrm that appears on Ghost Stories are the same letters (apart from the ? is now an R*) in a different order.

The letters are the initials of the band's family (children, mothers of / partners).

*R was a baby bump at the times of MX's release hence being represented by a ?

[Raphaele]

27 May 2014 / submitted by Amy, United States of America

Q. Dear Oracle

I loved the Ghost Stories movie that aired. My favorite part is when Chris sings Oceans on the Paradise Cove pier (do I have that location right?) Did he really jump into the Pacific or was that fantastic movie magic?

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

I loved that part too. The location was indeed Paradise Cove pier, Malibu but the shot of Chris jumping into the water and the subsequent underwater shots were filmed at the Irvine High School's pool.

[Raphaele]

28 May 2014 / submitted by Brian, United States of America

Q. Hello Oracle,

 

There are many, many Targets stores around my area and I was glad to see some Coldplay swag in the stores today, promoting the new album! CD/album, same thing nowadays right? Anyways, I noticed the BIG sign with a picture of the band above the new "CD" and asked an employee what happens to the sign when they take it down. They said they get thrown out. I asked if I could have it but they said, "No, Coldplay won't let us. It would be copyright infringement for us to give it away so we just rip it up and throw it in the barrel." REALLY?! I love to collect items related to the band and this thing deserves to be in someones collection for many, many years! Is there any way to get one even if I have to buy it?? I called literally 10 Targets and they all said they throw them out, that they cannot give them away.

Thank you!

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

If someone has told them they can't give it away, it wasn't Coldplay. Maybe the label have a say but it definitely has nothing to do with the band.

What a shame if this is the modern day protocol. In my day, record shops were happy to give them away on a first come, first served basis.

We don't have any - it's not merch, it's promotional material, so not for sale.

[Raphaele]

28 May 2014 / submitted by Stephen, United States of America

Q. I love the stage set from the Ghost Stories TV special. Who designed it, and will it be going on the road with the band?

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

It was designed by Phil, Paul Normandie and Misty Buckley.

It hasn't been (& won't be) on the road with the band; it's actually too expensive to do.

[Raphaele]

29 May 2014 / submitted by Isabelle, Netherlands

Q. Dear Oracle,

 

I just found a video of Midnight, live at the Alcaline concert. I love it. Can you give me the playlist of that concert?

 

Love Coldplay and thank you for your time.

Isabelle

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

I was very confused by this as I didn't know where Alcaline was. I realise you're actually referring to the TV special, Coldplay: Ghost Stories that you presumably watched on Alcaline. It's got nothing to do with Alcaline by the way.

They set list was:

 

Always In My Head

Magic

Clocks

True Love

Viva La Vida

Another's Arms

Oceans

A Sky Full Of Stars

Paradise

[Raphaele]

29 May 2014 / submitted by Jayden, United Kingdom

Q. So for a project at school, we are designing a house on sketch up. I had the brilliant idea of having live music, and I will make 3d models of members of coldplay to put inside of the house. Do you know where I can get good pictures of the whole band that look like they are performing? ThX;)

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

Have a look through any of Anchorman's live blogs on tour or visit the Live section and click the interactive map to see fans' photos from shows.

If they're not in one shot, I'm sure you can still make your models.

[Raphaele]

29 May 2014 / submitted by Jinafer, United States of America

Q. Hello! Hope everyone is doing excellent.

Short question:

Who is the young lady floating under water during Coldplay's performance of Another's Arms?

Give my greetings to Chris, Guy, Jon, and Will. Love ya boys!

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

I'm sorry I don't know her name. She wasn't an actress but a model.

[Raphaele]

29 May 2014 / submitted by Karim, United Kingdom

Q. Why the set used to the TV Special is too expensive? It seems simply a round stage...

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

It wasn't "simply a round stage"; it was recorded in a custom-built amphitheatre.

As they performed in the round, they also were able to incorporate 360-degree projections.

[Raphaele]

29 May 2014 / submitted by Thibault, France

Q. Hi Oracle,

Just back from the amazing concert in Paris, I saw the setlist posted by Phil Harvey. Charlie Brown is written on that list, but was surely not played at the concert, what happened to it?

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

You were there & I was there yet I heard Charlie Brown and you didn't. I shall assume you were SO excited that it didn't sink in. ;-)

It was the second song.

There were last minute changes to the setlist. That isn't unusual but it's why the one Phil tweeted was hand-written.

Here is last night's setlist:

Always in My Head

Charlie Brown

Paradise

Magic

Clocks

God Put a Smile Upon Your Face

Green Eyes

Ink

True Love

Viva La Vida

Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall

Midnight

 

Encore:

Oceans

A Sky Full of Stars

Fix You

 

If you're interested, here's what it was originally going to be:

Always in My Head

Magic

Paradise

Clocks

Charlie Brown

Ink

God Put a Smile Upon Your Face

Green Eyes

True Love

Viva La Vida

Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall

Midnight

 

Encore:

The Scientist

Oceans

A Sky Full of Stars

Fly On / O

[Raphaele]

30 May 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom

Q. WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

 

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

 

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to [email protected] before midnight Thursday 5 June.

 

I'm completely lost at the moment. It seems as if every person I know leaves me. My father left before I was even born because he didn't want me. I just helped a guy get over self-harm; he said that he loved me then promptly ditched me after he was better. I keep trying to look after others and block out my own feelings. I bury my head in academia and yes, whilst this is good as I could, potentially, have a shot at getting into a university such as Oxford, I feel that I am placing no importance on my emotions whatsoever. I don't know what to do. Orlagh. UK.

 

Look forward to seeing your replies.

 

The Oracle.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

Please email your replies to [email protected]

Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.

[Raphaele]

30 May 2014 / submitted by Bradley, United States of America

Q. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #170

I have had an absolutely wonderful experience sending in answers for Team Oracle, and it's something that I am very thankful to have been a part of, but now I come to you with a problem that has really affected my life. Back in December of 2013, I told my best friend that I was in love with her, because she was dating my other best friend. He was present when I told her.

You see, I told them because I had been hiding these feelings for two years, which had put me in a deep depression, and it hurt them seeing me like that, and I didn't want my problems to get in their way, so I had to tell them to fly on without me.

It's been six months since that happened, and so much has changed in my life leaving me at the lowest I've ever been. I took the previous semester off from school to try and get myself where I need to be, and I cannot fix things with my friends.

She refuses to speak to me, and I can't look him in the eye knowing I hurt her. They have written me out of their lives.

I thought I was ready to move on, but now as I'm getting ready to move back out and back to school, I've fallen apart completely. I've lost all of the confidence I've had to build up in the past six months in a matter of days, I'm horribly insecure, and I'm very anxious all of the time. I hate myself for running off my best friends, and I'm afraid that if I somehow manage to find new friends, I'll run them off too.

I have absolutely no idea how to try to put things back together. Any help or insight would be extremely valuable right now. Thank you for everything.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

Firstly, I want to thank you for all the help you have offered to others in the Team Oracle feature. I hope we can now offer support to you in your time of need.

Usually when you hear about love confessionals, they're done to the object of one's affection. I think it's brave to confront your feelings as you did in this way. You didn't do anything behind anyone's back; you were simply honest with both of your friends. I know it doesn't feel like it now because you're hurting but you must have been feeling so conflicted hiding your feelings that it will get better.

At least by putting your cards on the table and opening up, you all know where you stand. Right now they may still be feeling uncomfortable and not how to treat you in this situation. Perhaps they don't want to rub your nose in it. Maybe they just need longer to adjust. Perhaps they're trying to protect you by distancing themselves. I'd hope that's the case but if it isn't, you did what you felt was right and if they really can't accept that then I'd argue they're not really friends at all. That said, being around someone you love when they're with someone else is very hard. Why would you want to put yourself through that just now.

What you need to do is focus on putting this behind you rather than putting it right.

I suggest you look into coping strategies for your anxiety. Don't try to rush it, take small, manageable steps.

When you're back at school, hold your head up high knowing you're a good person with a good heart. We all know that from your Team Oracle answers so I'm sure others see that too.

Don't be too hard on yourself, Bradley. You WILL make new friends and they'll be luck to have you.

Over to you.

 

I'm so sorry for the terrible situation you're in! You've taken a very brave decision when you decided to open your heart to your best friends and I honestly don't now how you've been able to keep those feelings inside for two whole years. But I also think that it's not fair how your friends have treated you, because, even in such an uncomfortable situation, a good friend would have been able to forgive you. So, I believe that the time has come for you to go on. I really hope you can leave the past behind and try to make new friends, without thinking that you will run them off too, because if you keep thinking this way you will never find a way out, which you have to do instead! I understand that in this moment you're afraid of making new friends as you don't want to disappoint people anymore, but life is about relationships and dealing with people, even if sometimes it seems the hardest thing to do. I'm sure you will be able to overcome this period of your life! I wish you the best. Ilaria.

 

Do you know anyone that has been through a similar situation? You could talk to them and find out how they got through it. If you don't know anyone, you could watch a movie or read a book about someone that was in a similar situation.

A good movie would be Bridge to Terabithia. It's about a guy that lost a friend and learned to move on. You can really put yourself in his shoes and feel empathy for his loss. While your still in his shoes the movie will help you get through it like he did in the movie.

I know Bridge to Terabithia is about death and your story is about just being left behind, but you can make enough connections for it to help. Eric.

 

I know what you're going through. A couple years ago I had these really good friends. We were close. Then something happened and I haven't talked to them since. How I delt with it was I had gotten in to a new school,

The year started and I didn't know the place. A really nice kid who had started going there a few years before took me under his wing. We became good friends and I almost forgot about my old friends. Don't worry I'm sure you'll find new friends. Remember: No matter what happens in life look on the positive side. Good luck. Hailey.

 

I know what it's like to have lost friends like that. I'm currently in a rut with now a former friend of mine because of the same guy we like. I backed off because of being a good friend, and she didn't tell me they were going out until I found out from another friend. There were some other issues that also starting to distance our relationship and this added another level, so we are no longer on speaking terms.

I think that it was brave of you to confess to the both of them about your feelings. It is very sad that they, instead of looking at it as a way understanding why were you depressed and as a sign of respect and honesty in your friendship with them, just turned a blind eye to you. They are not really true friends of yours if they did that and do not support you. It may be hard, but a fresh new start is the best way to go. Try something new, like a different hobby or a fashion style. Do not be afraid to do so because it is important to see these kinds of obstacles are reflections to make you a better person. For me, I understood that friends come and go and regardless of the circumstances, you cannot stop such things. Embrace your life and friends as they come and go, just remember the good and reflect upon the bad. MeiT. USA.

 

I'm pretty much sure your means are you were trying to be honest to her and your best friend as well. That's one good point, you have to be true to yourself and others, you did the right thing. But, even the smallest action have its own result. You don't have to be sad because they written you out of their lives, you can do good things to make them accept you again, and as time goes by, they will learn to forgive you. Be happy and carry on.

Syifa, Indonesia.

 

Wow. Let me just say that you've been through a lot. Much more than I think we expect to ever go through in our lives - and you're doing okay. It's hard; I know what you're feeling and the pressure and the helplessness you can be feeling is immense. Nobody can judge you for being honest and though maybe what happened was a little bad, it's a little good too. I think the best thing for you to do is to find someone close to you and let it all out - tell them why you're anxious and what happened. Although it might be tough to share these things with people close to you, it's better in the long run. Make sure this person is someone you trust and love, that way they have your back and with either catch you if you fall or support you while you battle on. I think you should lighten up on yourself - I know that it's easier said than done but you're a beautiful person no matter what you think of yourself. If you can be happy with yourself, even for just a little while, people can be happy with you too. You were a good friend, and told the truth - just like friends should and perhaps the pair were not as 'best' as you think. You're a good person and deserving of better friends, just remember; your heart is beating and the world is alive - be aware of the little things. Good luck. Paige.

 

Your question really touched my soul. Here is what I think:

you were very courageous to tell them your feelings. Even if they actually decided to keep you out of their lives, you made the right choice. Because this is feelings. You can't control them, and maybe your friends are keeping you away so they don't hurt you. Now, just move back to school. You ARE courageous, you proved it, and so you won't run off new friends. You're someone true-hearted, and everything will be fine.

Finally, don't worry about the future, Don't Panic, this is the best advice I can tell you. Your friends will be there for you when you'll need them, they aren't your best friends for nothing. Maybe they're simply waiting for you.

I hope I helped you,

Matthew J.

 

When grieving the loss of a friendship, especially if you blame yourself for them no longer being in your life, it's painful, and there is a natural tendency to want to go in hiding or try to anesthetize your pain with food, alcohol or other harmful behavior.

It took guts to come clean about your feelings and taking risks aren't easy, so you deserve some major credit on that front. However, if you don't let go of people who let go of you, you can't make room for new friendships and new love. The origin of your insecurities and anxiety may stem closer to home from family relationships which may be manifesting negatively in your extended relationships.

I would encourage you to do two things. When you go back to school, connect with your counseling support services center to help you identify the root cause of your insecurities/anxiety. Until you can view yourself the way you want others to see you, you will have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships. Secondly, volunteer with an organization using the compassion you have shown to Team Oracle. Helping someones less fortunate than yourself is the best medicine for helping to heal yourself. Be well Bradley. DH.

 

Relationships are tough to build; harder still to maintain. And honesty is of paramount importance in any relationship. You were honest about your feelings and how it was affecting you and your relationship with both your friends. You were not wrong in doing so. Lying and pretending that everything was fine would have been far worse.

You have done your part by being honest and open about what troubled you. If they truly are your friends they should have at least understood the predicament you were in and realized how hard it was for you. You can only try and tell them why you did what you did. Even after this, if things do not change then you need to let go.

When something affects not just the way you feel but the way you function, you have to seriously evaluate your life. You need to be 'the core' of your own life. Without you everything else will fall apart. Your life cannot revolve around someone else. Understand that everyone else is a part of your life. Trust that in time, the right set of people will surely be drawn to you.

Our lives are a series of choices and the priorities we choose to give to certain aspects of life. You have your dreams and a whole lot of life ahead of you. Follow the light inside you and know that you'll get through this too.

"Leave a light on".

Rex, India.

 

First and foremost, I have to say that what you did, in my opinion, was amazing. It was incredibly courageous, and despite the fallout from the event, you should be proud that you were so truthful both to your friends and, most importantly, to yourself.

I personally think that it is a real shame that neither of these individuals talk to you any longer. You have been hurt by an incredibly hard situation.

My advice for you now is to force yourself to get back on your feet. You feel awful, most likely heartbroken, but you cannot spend the rest of your school life feeling like this. I am 17 and also still at school.

Try and get back to acting normally. Do the things that you would have normally done before all of this happened; if some of the stuff that you would have normally done was with these two friends, try and do it with other friends. Mix with more people.

It was be incredibly hard to begin with, but you will get there.

You're not alone in this situation, Bradley.

Best of luck, Orla x

 

The story of loss you have told is indeed a sad one and I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time, yet grateful for you sharing it with the Oracle.

I believe the answer to your question is that you seek to gain insight and understanding of what happened, rather than anyone else.

Chris Martin asked himself this very question in a recent interview, around the album Ghost Stories.

"How do you let the things that happen to you in the past - your ghosts - how do you let them affect your present and your future?" & "if you sit with your experiences and the things you've been through, they alchemize."

I invite you Bradley to sit with your experience, with compassion, and trust that your answers will eventually come. Allow your 'inner guide' to seek the insight you are looking for, whilst understanding You are the best friend you will ever have.

To arrive at your own clarity, rather than someone else's, will then resolve your feelings of insecurity and anxiety.

Go well. Steve.

 

I know there's nothing any of us can say that will take away the pain you're feeling. Know that it's okay (and part of the healing process) to allow yourself to fully feel the hurt and sadness. Let it move through you and crack open any barriers you've placed around your heart. This is how the light gets in.

You deserve to "fly on", just as you wish for your friends. You are so much stronger than you may believe right now. "Speak your truth, even when your voice shakes." Your courage to let honesty take center stage is remarkable, even with the pain that followed. This is the process of true inner transformation. The extent of joy we experience is in direct proportion to the extent we're willing to sit with the pain, and allow it to flow through us. We cannot have one without the other. It is all a beautiful part of this journey of life.

I admire your courage, honesty, and willingness to open up to guidance and support. Know that you are loved, and are never alone. Alia I. USA.

 

First of all, you did the right thing by telling them. You were only being honest about your feelings, and their is nothing wrong with that. They should not have written you out of their lives - they were you're friends and they should have tried to help you get over her.

Don't worry about your confidence. It might take a year, it might take a week, but it will return. The only thing you can do now is not be so hard on yourself. They were your friends and you told them what was wrong with you. Also, as long as you never tried to make this friend cheat on her boyfriend then you are blameless and there is nothing wrong in what you did.

Finally, you need to learn to trust yourself. You were being honest. People won't judge you for that. You will find new friends, and you will not run them off. If these two friends of yours rejected you like this, then they don't deserve to be your friends. You need to believe that everything will come together. It won't be easy, but it won't be fruitless. If you have done mistakes, learn from them, but don't beat yourself up over them; everyone does mistakes. Just trust yourself, and it will be ok. Much love and I hope everything goes well for you. Emily.

 

Honestly best friends are going to come and go. If they truly are your best friends they should try to understand where you're coming from, if they can't do that they either just need more time or they aren't really as great friends as you think.

I've had a similar thing happen to me where my best friend completely out of nowhere stopped talking to me (I found out later it was because her boyfriend was jealous of our group of friends). I was devastated at first, I never thought I would be able to find a friend as awesome as her (oh how wrong I was). And like you I thought that if I did find another friend I would just make them leave me too (I was wrong once again). Now I have some really amazing people in my life that help me and understand me and truly care about me. So don't be in a rush about getting it solved it takes time to get to know people who really are amazing.

Don't beat yourself up for saying how you feel, you have every right to feel it and every right to say it especially if it is hurting you not saying it. Just try to focus on good things and do good things and you will feel much better. Sofia.

 

First of all a hug for bravery, it takes courage to talk about all this and put it all out there. That is the first step to coping with this. The second depends much on you. Clearly you need some help to deal with this, and to realize that not all your friendships will end in disaster. We make many friends in the course of our lifetime, and you will too.

You were in an impossible situation with no way to please anyone, you did what you thought was best. No regrets. Now mentally you are paying the price. It will get better. You may need to get some help, talk to a counselor or other professional, because you sound like this is maybe a major depression. You would do well not to ignore it because you need to get better for yourself first and because you have a whole life left to live, and many more lasting friendships to make. Take care, Laurie.

 

First of all allow me to offer some form of sympathy for your situation. It sounds like an incredibly tough thing to have to go through, and to lose two great friends through the process can't have been easy. Unfortunately, you can't change how your friends feel about this awkward situation, but I think it was incredibly brave of you to tell them, rather than stewing in your own depression which could well have lead you down an even darker path. Perhaps with time they will be able to forgive you. I don't think you've done anything wrong here. You can't control who you love, and it wouldn't have been fair on them or you to have gone through life hiding your feelings, especially when they may well have emerged further down the line causing more damage.

I think your best course of action now (easier said than done, I know) is to get back to school and finish what you started. Try to put the past behind you and focus on the future. Yes it might be awkward to be around mutual friends, yes you may even bump into your friends at times, and yes it absolutely will be painful if you have to see them together. As much as it hurts to lose these friends, perhaps it will be good in the short-term while you deal with these unrequited feelings, but try to shift your efforts into your work, or a hobby, or whatever else takes your mind off these things. Speaking from experience of unrequited love in close quarters, it may feel like you'll never love again and can't deal with seeing these people happy, but just when you think it will never end, it does. One day you're going to wake up and feel just a little bit less sad about the whole situation. And then a couple of weeks later you'll feel less sad again. And then after time, it won't hurt quite as much and you'll wonder why you ever had such a huge problem with it. It's funny, but trust me, that's how time works. But time takes time. Nobody said it was easy, as a famous songsmith once crooned, but dig in and focus on the rest of your life and I promise you, this will pass.

Good luck & God bless. Peanut, UK.

 

I'm afraid I have to confront you with this: that it probably has no sense to try them make your friends again. And that's not your fault, it's theirs. Knowing someone is in love with your girlfriend is no reason to ignore him. Accept you have no reason to miss them.

Now we arrive at the second thing: finding new friends. Well, try to remember how you met them and how you made friendship with them. Those will also work with other people, it's just how humans work. If you don't remember, here is some advice: join a sportclub or something like that. There you'll find people with the same interests. Be nice, and you'll find someone (or some guys) who like you. Isabelle.

 

I think the best you can do right now is focus on yourself. Confidence is not achieved overnight, and it seems to me like you need to be making some changes. First of all, don't blame yourself for what's happening; you fell in love and that is something no one on earth is able to control. Then, try to see the situation differently; you are guilty of nothing, therefore you should not blame yourself for what is happening. I think it's in your best interest to go and talk to your two friends, and explain the way you have been feeling. You should also know that self confidence is not achieved overnight. It takes time to win it back. Try to practice something you're good at; a sport, and art thing, whatever will make you feel better - even though it has nothing to do with the situation, it will make you feel powerful, and you might gain more strength to confront your issues. You can also talk about it to somebody - a friend, a parent (a pet?) you'd be surprised how much good this can do to you !! One last thing- keep in mind that through life, friends come and go, but best friends stick together. And even though you might be in a bad place right now, they just might get over it, and soon things will all go back to normal.

Valentine B, France.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. What's happened between the three of you is unfortunate, but its important to remind yourself why and how it started. You opening up to them was you trying to accept the reality of what you'd been feeling for so long. It was you being vulnerable and hoping for growth in your friendship. It was you being true to yourself. That itself is incredibly brave, and I don't see how you could have done anything differently. Them not knowing the truth would have only distanced them from you anyway, so I feel you only made the best of that situation. You should accept that its not your fault and you didn't really do anything wrong, it's just something that happens in life. That being said, you'll still feel that emptiness until you find ways to fill it. You've chosen to acknowledge the darkness in your life,(taking a semester off to work on yourself), which is great because it means you are working to be in touch with your emotions. But, you have to learn to accept the light in your life as well. You have to work on knowing that you're worthy of feeling happiness, and that this isn't the end of your life, its just a chance to become a stronger person that is whole all by themselves. This will help you in future relationships. Right now you are broken, and you have to fix yourself before you can fix your friendships. I myself have also lost friends and people I love, but I've also found love in other things, even myself. There's nothing like feeling magic with another person. But you have to know there's magic within you, apart from anyone else. Be your own best friend. Hope this helps. Wish the best. Love, Darem.

 

First, I admire you. It took quite a bit of courage to be open and honest about how you were feeling to your two best friends. However disappointing the consequences may have been, it was the right thing to do.

I am surprised by their reactions though. I would have thought they would be more understanding.

This is one of those times when you have to realize that you have no control over how they will react. You only have control over your heart and your mind. Now, comes the time when you have to think less about the past and more about the future your future.

I think getting back into school will help you move forward. It is a positive step and will give you something more to focus on. Please remember that putting your life back together takes time and patience, but it is possible.

Since you are a Coldplay fan, perhaps you heard Chris talk about Kintsugi or Kintsukuori - the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken. As painful as the consequences have been, you know you did the right thing and that took courage. The confidence you have been building up is still there, but you also feel vulnerable and that is ok, because that honest revelation has set you free to become who you were meant to be.

Go for the gold and be well, Dawn.

 

First of all, I think it's very brave of you that you told them the truth about your feelings.It was the right thing to do. But it sounds to me like you did all those things for the sake of your best friends(telling them what caused you to be depressed, telling them to go on without you), which makes me wonder; what about YOU?! what about your feelings? It's really nice that you don't want to hurt your best friends feelings, but sometimes you just have to be a bit selfish and put your own needs first.Who knows maybe your best friend wants to talk to you and work things out, but is just afraid to make the first move. Try and reach out to him. If you're afraid to face him, start with a text or a phone call and see what happens from there. And if he won't talk to you: We can't help who we fall in love with and if being honest about that makes your friends write you out of their lives, you should wonder if they were ever truly your best friends to begin with. Please don't be afraid to make new friends, I'm sure there are plenty of people at your school who'd love to talk to you, if you give them a chance. You can do it! Amanda.

 

I would like to congratulate you for your courage, you were true to yourself and took a huge risk by telling your friend how you felt about her. I'm really sorry it hasn't worked out but don't let this stop you from being brave and sharing your beautiful soul with the world. Somewhere there is a special one for you and perhaps in time you will be able to patch things up with your friends too.

Much love, Sanet.

 

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.

[Jonny and the cake]

2 June 2014 / submitted by Kaz, Australia

Q. Greetings Oracle,

I'm sorry if I sound terribly ignorant here - I'm going back through all Roadie 42's blogs, and have found myself confused on a number of occasions? Could you please educate me about the difference between an arena and a stadium? Thanks :)

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

Without using a dictionary definition and whatnot, the simplest way to explain is arenas are indoor & stadiums are outdoor venues. Arenas tend to have a lower capacity than stadiums.

There are exceptions but that's the general difference.

 

 

2 June 2014 / submitted by Brock, Canada

Q. I have heard from a friend who knows I love Coldplay, that they are playing in Toronto in August this year, and their friend has tickets to it already. However, I can't find Toronto listed anywhere in their schedule. Is it true that they are playing in Toronto?

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

No. Not unless your friend's friend has a DeLorean or similar time travelling device and is planning to go back to 2005.

 

2 June 2014 / submitted by Christopher, United States of America

Q. Hi Oracle

Is there an update on when the US fans might be able to purchase the Midnight 45 single, either online or in a store? I know Anchorman said it was delayed and it wouldn't make it here for RSD, but that was a quite a while ago!

 

Thank you!

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

You should be able to grab a copy at some of the larger independent record stores. Here are some stockists that definitely have/had it:

 

Bull Moose - Maine & New Hampshire

 

Turntable Lab - NYC (physical store and online shop)

 

Newbury Comics - Mass, Conn, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island

 

Vintage Vinyl - New Jersey

 

Amoeba - Los Angeles

 

Amoeba - San Francisco

 

Cactus Music - Houston, TX

 

Waterloo - Austin, TX

 

Silver Platters - Seattle, WA

 

Exclusive Company - Wisconsin

 

Plan 9 - Richmond, VA

 

Von's Shop - Indiana

 

Shake It Records - Cincinnati, OH

 

There are quite a few smaller ones stocking it too so it's worth having a look around.

[Jonny and the cake]

3 June 2014 / submitted by Linda, United States of America

Q. Dear Oracle, I was completely moved by the recent TV special for Ghost Stories. The hour left me quite speechless and deeply moved. Anyway, I was wondering if the 3 markings on Chris's guitar (looked like from a sharpee marker) had any significance. They were cool and was just wondering. The album is brilliant and as a fan from the get-go , I am so happy they are making music that pleases them and not just for the critics or to just make $ etc. Thanks for reading my question! Linda.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

I had the same reaction, Linda. The guitar symbols are significant in that they link to the album themes: a heart, a ghost and an O.

 

 

 

3 June 2014 / submitted by Grace, Ireland

Q. Dear O,

I recently saw Coldplay on The Graham Norton Show where Chris and Jonny were asked if they would be doing a world tour where they replied 'No' in unison! Is this true? Will Coldplay cease to be setting on a Ghost Stories tour? Please shed some light on this situation!

p.s I love the column!

 

Many thanks,

 

Grace

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

As you may have noticed, Coldplay have been performing at more intimate shows at smaller venues. I suppose that amounts to a tour of sorts but not on the scale of previous ones.

Chris & Jonny said on the Graham Norton Show that there will be no big world tour for this album and yes, that is true.

Here's where the band played / are playing:

25 April - E-Werk, Cologne, Germany

05 May - Beacon Theatre, New York, USA

19 May - Royce Hall, Los Angeles, USA

28 May - Casino de Paris, Paris, France

12 June - Dome City Hall, Tokyo, Japan

19 June - Enmore Theatre, Sydney, Australia

01 July - Royal Albert Hall, London, UK

 

There have been other performances too but these are the official tour dates as they stand.

 

 

3 June 2014 / submitted by Pham, United Kingdom

Q. Hello! I understand that Coldplay will perform at BBC 1 Radio Weekend, do you know whether it will be broadcast on Television or Radio?

 

Thanks Oracle!

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

As you probably know - given it's been and gone - it was broadcast. If you missed it, or wish to watch it again, you can watch highlights via the BBC's red button.

[Jonny and the cake]

4 June 2014 / submitted by Sebastian, Ecuador

Q. Dear Oracle! Can you tell me what's the name of the hidden song in O?

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

I know a few people have been confused by this - me included! The track listing goes from A Sky Full Of Stars to O yet in between is the beautiful Fly On. It's not hidden per se, it's just not been detached from O. I think it's part of it hence the fact it's usually written O / Fly On or O (Fly On).

 

 

 

 

4 June 2014 / submitted by Teresa, India

Q. Hello Oracle!

 

This is a question about the very interesting new instrument that the band used at the iTunes festival, the Reactable. I'm curious to know how it actually works! From what I've read it involves moving blocks around a table, but wasn't Guy playing it more by moving his hands in the lasers that were coming off the table? Would you be able to explain how it works in simpler terms? Whatever it is, it makes for such a cool performance!

 

Thanks for your time! Love from India, as always.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

What Will and Guy are playing are two different things. Will is using the Reactable and Guy is playing a laser harp to create bass sounds.

The Reactable works by moving blocks (Generators, Effects and Filters, Controllers and Global Controllers) around the table screen. It's not quite as simple as that and perhaps their online manual will explain better.

 

 

 

4 June 2014 / submitted by Alejo, Peru

Q. Is Steve Cheney your stage manager? He's just a genius !!!

I hope you answer this one, O :)

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

No. Steve is a stage manager. He's worked as a tour manager and production manager as well as stage management for the main stages at the Glastonbury, Latitude, Big Chill and Leeds Festivals.

Gary Currier was the band's stage manager on the MX tour.

[Jonny and the cake]

5 June 2014 / submitted by M Davis, United Kingdom

Q. Is Brothers & Sisters considered to be an EP? Safety and Blue Room are listed as EPs on the website, but Brothers & Sisters is not.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

That's because the Brothers & Sisters in our Recordings section is referring to the song - not the EP.

Fierce Panda released the Brothers & Sisters EP (which the second image in Recordings is of) and then a re-recorded version appeared on the b side of Trouble (the first image) released on Parlophone.

 

 

 

5 June 2014 / submitted by Alex, Canada

Q. Hi dear Oracle,

 

When Chris plays the laser harp in Midnight, does he play for real? It looks like his hands are going randomly above the lasers!

 

Thank you

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

I'm pretty sure it's only for show and Chris is just using it as a visual effect. Guy is definitely playing the laser harp for real though.

 

 

 

 

5 June 2014 / submitted by Teresa, India

Q. Hello Oracle!

 

First off, I'm sorry for this throwback question in the middle of all the Ghost Stories excitement, but it has been bugging me for a while!

 

In the intro to Til' Kingdom Come during a concert (Toronto 2006 I think), Chris says, 'This is a song we wrote for Johnny Cash, and in return he gave us our..." I can't make out what he says. Would you be able to remember? :)

 

Thanks in advance if you answer this! Much love from India.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

Ah, this was a lovely question to answer for the pleasure of watching the wonderful video clip of that performance.

Chris said "This is a song we wrote for Johnny Cash, and in return he gave us our dress sense".

If you don't know, Johnny Cash was also known as The Man in Black due to his trademark black clothes. During the Twisted Logic tour (X&Y), Coldplay dressed in black hence the reference.

[Jonny and the cake]

6 June 2014 / submitted by The Oracle, United Kingdom

Q. WHO'D LIKE TO JOIN TEAM ORACLE?

 

As you may know, we have a weekly feature, Team Oracle, whereby each Friday we open questions of a personal nature to all of you to answer too. Then, the following Friday, I post a selection of the best answers, alongside my own reply.

 

ANYONE can join in so, if you'd like to, please email your response to the following question, in no more than 250 words, to [email protected] before midnight Thursday 12 June.

 

My husband and I are from two different countries. When we got married we chose to stay in his birth country because it would be easier for him to obtain a job. We love each other and are soul mates. Though, everyday is misery for me living in another continent and country. I feel homesick and get depressed easily.

I'm struggling to learn the language and to get a job. I feel like an alien with no life here. I have made friends but I continue to feel this emptiness inside, torn and confused. I love my husband so much but living here is so difficult for me. I keep believing I'm just on an horrible vacation that's going to end soon but that's far from the reality.

Is it normal to feel like this? Will I ever be able to accept that this is going to be my life forever?? Of course true love is about sacrificing your happiness for the people you love - I'm doing it, but I feel like I'm dying everyday. Help. Trina, Spain.

 

Look forward to seeing your replies.

 

The Oracle.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

Please email your replies to [email protected]

Including your twitter address may result in a follow back.

 

 

 

 

 

6 June 2014 / submitted by Orlagh, United Kingdom

Q. TEAM ORACLE QUESTION #171

I'm completely lost at the moment. It seems as if every person I know leaves me. My father left before I was even born because he didn't want me. I just helped a guy get over self-harm; he said that he loved me then promptly ditched me after he was better. I keep trying to look after others and block out my own feelings. I bury my head in academia and yes, whilst this is good as I could, potentially, have a shot at getting into a university such as Oxford, I feel that I am placing no importance on my emotions whatsoever. I don't know what to do.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

A lot of this will stem from abandonment issues with your father's departure and that is something that you may need to talk through with someone - like a counsellor.

Perhaps people are not leaving you, but a situation.

Your Dad left but not because he didn't want you but because he didn't want a baby. Yes, the baby was you but in the time before you were born, to him it was probably the responsibility he didn't want. I know it's not as easy as that to dismiss what happened but what I am trying to say is you sound like an amazing person so don't take that selfish decision of your dad's personally.

If you're a regular reader, you know I'm not a fan of labelling people selfish. To me it means doing what you want with total disregard for others. People can be selfish and the damage they leave behind can be catastrophic but I urge you to not let this shape your future.

You are offering support and love to people but maybe you are not showing that you'd like the same. With what's happened in your past, you may be unaware of a barrier you've created that prevents you from receiving the same? Maybe people think, as you're so capable of giving that you don't need anything back from them?

Also, if you always expect people to leave, they have a habit of doing exactly that.

Studying hard is being kind to yourself and definitely a step towards a better future but don't hide behind it - you need to look after your emotional needs too.

Don't be afraid to tell people what you want and need. If you want a hug or a shoulder to cry on, ask someone. You don't always have to be the rock for everyone else.

That said, different people have different things to offer so the guy who you helped get better needed something but might not be capable of giving you anything back. It's not always a reciprocal arrangement. I have friends that my role is to listen, comfort and help. I have other friends I go to if I need support. Try to seek out who is there for you - they will be there. If you struggle to recognise them, start by speaking to a professional for the support you need.

You're not alone in this I assure you. You need to make time for yourself and I mean schedule it if you have to. In that "me time", do things that make YOU happy. Sometimes we don't need other people to give us what we need, we can get from within ourselves. The more you do that, the more it will become habit and hopefully you will begin to place importance on it.

Over to you.

 

That sounds really tough but you mustn't feel that it will always be the case. You need to focus on you and the rest will fall into place. Bad things happen, but really good things happen too, if you let them. The important thing is to look forwards, not focus on the past. Allow the past to help you become the person you want to be, but don't dwell on it. Rather than thinking about all the people who have left you, focus on the ones who haven't. Look for the positives, the great relationships that you have with family and friends, think about why they're in your life, what you love about them and what they love about you.

It sounds as though you have an exciting future ahead of you and there's nothing wrong with burying yourself in academia. I sound like a grandparent here, but it will stand you in good stead!

I look back on the people from my past, those who have come and gone and I have regrets. Regrets about the way I allowed myself to feel, the time I spent on being sad that they weren't in my life anymore. 20-odd years on and what's important now is those who are with me now, the rest are insignificant. Ruth, UK.

 

Let's start with your father. His lack of commitment and immaturity and who knows what else isn't about whether you were lovable. His issues were instilled in him before he created a life without stepping up to nurture that life. He may have contributed to your DNA, but he is not a father.

Children base their self worth by seeing themselves through their parents eyes. What people often do who haven't received this, is find people like the parent they feel rejected by and try to win them over. Which means, you may be looking for people who lack commitment and a sense of nurturing and then try to change them into what you hoped your father would have been.

Decide to find healthy people who can have a healthy relationship with you. It may not be easy, but, remember, people show you, pretty early on, who they are. Often, people in your situation will excuse behavior in order to continue to try and fix the person who reminds them of their parent.

Volunteer with an organization which speaks to you. You might find people there who are givers and also have things in common with you.

Find an activity which brings you satisfaction and participate, even when you don't feel up to it.

Move forward and shake off people who drag you down. Be for yourself what your biological parent didn't have the guts to be for you. Love your self, nurture yourself, respect yourself. Prove yourself. You are worth everything. Jamie.

 

Sometimes the answer lies in the questions we ask. You said, 'I keep trying to look after others and block out my own feelings.' It is time you pay heed to your own feelings first, before you begin to look after others. Charity, they say, begins at home. And it really does.

No matter how tragic things have been, please realise the act of your father or this guy does not define who you are. Revel in the person that you are despite the circumstances. You have clearly shown you can turn the negative energies into something positive like in your studies and find yourself standing at the threshold of a great future. Celebrate that.

Look after yourself for a change. Indulge in things that make you happy; whether it is gardening or dancing to Coldplay or whatever you fancy. Be more of you. Enrich your 'self'.

Often in our miseries we fail to notice the people around us who truly care for us. Appreciate them. Don't let them feel neglected like you are feeling now because of someone else.

It can be hard to believe that so much suffering can come to one person. But when we see, how we don't even compare to the sufferings of people in other parts of the world, we realise how fortunate we truly are to be alive at all.

Perspective is a tricky thing. But it makes the life we live all the more easier to understand and appreciate.

Rex, India.

 

I really think I know what you are feeling; I have experienced similar things. I had a close friend who was in a dark place. I did everything I could to help her out of it but once she recovered she seemed to forget about me. It really is painful to be left behind like that. I too had swallowed all my pain and focused my energies on school.

However, one of the things I have learned from listening to Coldplay is that you have to let yourself feel the pain. Sometimes you need to have a good cry, go for a long jog in the fresh air, write about your feelings, or whatever it is that will help you let it out. Then it isn't stuck in the back of your throat; you'll be able to breathe. This is when it is easier to understand what you are feeling more clearly.

In life, no matter who you are, there will always be people who forget to appreciate you. You have to let these people go. Although it is a loss for you it is also a loss for them. There are others out there who are lovely like you, and will appreciate you and treat you like you deserve. And you really do deserve it. You focus on helping others and your studies which is great but you also need to take time for yourself.

Wishing you all the best

Alex, Canada.

 

You find the person who really loves you as you want. Do not feel bad because in any place of the world anybody destined for you exists. Sometimes you can go so far as to think that this moment will never come but believe me, I have had some problems with my relations that neither came to a good end nor had the beginning that I wanted but of the errors it is learned. As many people say "if you fall down you can get up and continue". Do not stop your life for anybody who could not value you as you deserve it to yourself. Fulfill your dreams and sees the university that will help you to forget all your problems and know more persons. I am sure that there are more people who love you so much. Look well and fulfill all your dreams. Hugs and greetings enormously from Argentina, Daniela.

 

You can get through. Things may make you feel like happiness is hopeless, but your trials and tribulations will allow you to be happier in the future. This may seem difficult, but let all of your feelings in. Why? You'll have a clean slate in your mind. You will accept your feelings and it will be easier to move on.

Also, emotions are very important. But, you are not shutting out your emotions, just letting in the wrong ones. People unfortunately accept their insecurities before their beautiful gifts. You are smart. You have a chance to get into Oxford. Only a small percentage of people get that chance, which shows that you are special and greatly needed in this world.

I don't know you personally. But, just know that I love you. No matter who you are and what you've done. I love you and there will be one person that will stay with you forever. You're just finding the right person that will really understand you. You're not lost. You're just waiting to be found, and someone will most definitely fulfill that need. So, don't worry, be happy. If you are able to help someone else get through his or her personal trials, you will too. You are a wonderful person and you will find your way. Amy.

 

I'm sorry that you're going through this rough patch! You mentioned two different problems, so I wanted to address them separately.

Part 1

I cannot pretend to imagine that I understand how you feel, but I can imagine that it's heartbreaking to feel as though every time you turn around, people are leaving you. However, if you focus on those who leave you, you'll never be able to focus on those who are standing right in front of you. I like to think of people as flowers. Some people in life are like annuals; you can take care of and nurture that flower to the best of your ability, and it would still die within a year. It's fickle and leaves, just like some people in life. Others, however, are like perennials. You could leave them alone and they would still return year after year. Cling to the perennials in life because they will stay by you, year after year, even in the rough patches. Annuals come and go, and while they might seem lovely for a time, they are soon gone and leave no trace. Don't waste your energy trying to get annuals back, but reach out to the perennials in your life.

Part 2

Balance is the key to happiness. You are more valuable than your academics. It's healthy to sort through your emotions; if you bury a piece of a broken watch, is it ever really fixed? Take time for you.

Good luck! Brooke.

 

I can understand why you're lost and might feel abandoned. You went through some tuff times, but you should not let that get in the way of your life and happiness, and most of all you shouldn't try to block your feelings by studying. Our emotions are one of the things that make us human it's a part of us that can make us really happy or really down. Don't be afraid to tell people how you feel because of what happened. Talking about how we feel is something that connects us with each other and who knows things happen when you at least expect them. That fact that you're going to university is great and you should be proud of that. It's a place where you meet new people who can end up being friends who will last a lifetime, it's also a place where people find themselves. You might miss out on that when all you do is keep your nose into your books. You can be smart and enjoy yourself. Don't let what happened in the past control your future. I went through a rough patch myself a couple years ago and once I realized that how I choose to live my life going forward is a way I can honor his memory I became happier. Maybe you can contact your friend and ask him why he did what he did and that might give you some closure and help you move on from it. Amal.

 

I've read your story, and it made me kinda sad because it seems that I've encountered the same chronology as yours. Well, not very similar. God gave me a loving parents that took care of me, and He gave me many potentials of many things such like linguistic ability and musical sense. But I always underestimated those gifts because of my behavior that always consider things easy, I'm afraid that He'll take everything from me. Meanwhile, I always think that my contribution towards life seems unrequited. Even though I'm an apathetic kind of person and I don't tend to talk to people, I have a principle about helping people regardless everything. There was one of my friends, I often taught him language-related subjects. Until one day, our teacher demanded us to team up to solve a group test. I was sick the day before and he ditched me and he grinned at me " why would I team up with a weirdo like you?". I silenced, then I sincerely took the portfolio by myself. The results were quite surprising that my grades were higher than him - with his troops. Later, he respected me till the end of my middle school years. Well, I just wanna tell you that it's true that what goes around comes around. But never hate those who've hurt you no matter how wretched they are in your eyes, because it makes you same just like them.

God bless, Joshua.

 

From your description, you sound intellectually gifted, but emotionally, you are still the little girl who was abandoned by her Father. As a result, you self-identify as someone nobody wants instead of someone who could potentially get into Oxford which is huge. I have also used my academics as a coping mechanism which is better than drugs or other harmful behaviors. School can provide a support system that home life may not be able to provide.

Your Father not being present in your life is not a representation of you not being lovable rather than a reflection of his inability to care for anybody other than himself. Sometimes, parents stay away because their presence could actually do more harm than being absent, but this does not alleviate the hole in your heart. Right now, you are filling that hole with more damaged people.

Adulthood is about learning to evolve from the damage that was done to us as children. We are all experiments in some way because parenting does not come with a how to manual, but the jewel is realizing the root of the damage in order to create a plan to address it. With the compassion that you expend on people who leave you, you could use that same compassion to be a wonderful advocate for at-risk-youth who grew up without a parent like you. Be Well, Orlagh. DH.

 

Reaching out is such a courageous thing to do, Orlagh. It's often so much easier to help others with the challenges they're going through, and much more difficult to ask for guidance when we need it. The core of what you're going through likely stems back to feelings of abandonment at such a young age. When we experience traumatic events, so much of it gets stored deep within us, without our awareness. We unconsciously continue to play out patterns that reflect those earlier wounds, such as the situation with the guy you helped recently.

Just being aware of the root cause, as you are, is the most powerful step to take in choosing a different pattern for your life. Feel the feelings that are coming up, let them pass through you, allow your emotions to be there without judgment or the need to push them away. Emotions are simply "energy in motion." They need to move up and out in order for us to heal.

It's often helpful to talk these things out with someone as well. Remember that you are not alone in this. We're all here for one another, even across the seas. Sending you love and intentions for healing. Alia, USA.

 

Thanks to all those who replied to this week's question. Remember, Team Oracle is open to anyone so if you fancy replying, click to read this week's, and send us your answer.

[Jonny and the cake]

9 June 2014 / submitted by Marc, Spain

Q. Dear Oracle, I managed to get tickets for the 2nd July show at the RAH! Since they are playing in the round, there is a possibility that the guys face the other way (any seating plan btw?). Are they doing anything special so that it's equally interesting for everybody? (Don't get me wrong, seeing them facing the other way would be so much better than not seeing them at all!).

 

Thank you.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

Forgive me, people. It seems the Oracle does not know everything after all. The gig IS in the round. Click here, scroll down and click the seating plan tab.

The RAH is such a stunning venue.

 

 

 

 

9 June 2014 / submitted by Ana, Portugal

Q. Dear Oracle,

 

I sent you some hours ago a question asking if the song Ladder to the Sun would ever be released. Now, hoping I'm not wasting a lot of your precious time, I would like to ask if you, please, could share its official lyrics. I can't even express how fascinated I am about this song. It's a beautiful, incredible, amazing masterpiece!

 

Again, thanks for your time!

With love,

Ana

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

I'm afraid we don't publish the lyrics to unreleased songs. I'm sure someone will have posted them online but I can't vouch for their accuracy. Sorry!

 

 

 

 

9 June 2014 / submitted by Dominik, Hong Kong

Q. Dear Oracle,

I am a big fan of Coldplay and Snow Patrol. I once read that Snow Patrol had been on a tour with Coldplay long ago but couldn't find any of their collaborative works. It would be wonderful if you can provide ways of finding those songs/footages. Love from Hong Kong.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

They haven't collaborated. THE ORACLE REPLIES >[/color]

They haven't collaborated. Snow Patrol opened for Coldplay in 2009 on the U.S leg of their Viva tour but they didn't play anything together."]Snow Patrol opened for Coldplay in 2009 on the U.S leg of their Viva tour but they didn't play anything together.

[Jonny and the cake]

10 June 2014 / submitted by Maria, Venezuela

Q. Hey, O!

Why Harmless isn't part of Parachutes? It's a really great song, it should've been on the album. Greetings from Venezuela!!!

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

Harmless wasn't actually written then; it was written after during the AROBTTH era.

Many songs were written for that album (and subsequent ones) that didn't make it.

There can be different reasons why these tracks don't make the album - including but not limited to - it doesn't fit the style, it's not good enough, it was ear-marked for a b side, it was written too late or the band (& their inner circle) don't agree on its inclusion.

 

 

 

 

10 June 2014 / submitted by Eleanor, United Kingdom

Q. My Dad and I love the new Ghost Stories Album, can you tell me if track 9 is a 'Zero' or an 'O'. Thank you for all the great Music, hope to see you live sometime soon. Els

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

It's O not 0 (not a zero).

 

 

 

 

 

10 June 2014 / submitted by Melissa, United States of America

Q. Do you know where the Violet Hill video was filmed? It's absolutely lovely.

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

The location was Mount Etna & Catania, Sicily. I assume you're not referring to the alternative Dancing Politicians video...

[Jonny and the cake]

11 June 2014 / submitted by Cole , United States of America

Q. I am from Colorado in the United States and we have one of the most beautiful concert venues in the world here called Red Rocks. It is absolutely stunning to see a concert here as it is nestled in the mountains and I am curious why Coldplay has never played here. I know it's not the biggest venue but have they ever played here? Cheers

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

WHAT?!? Ooh Cole, we are well aware of Red Rocks. Not just because of the legendary U2 performance in 1983 but because Coldplay DID play there twenty years later!

 

 

11 June 2014 / submitted by Zi, Malaysia

Q. Is it the stage in the video uploaded on YouTube for A sky full of stars (TV special) is the one that Chris Martin mentioned which cost about 2m to build?

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

The TV special - Coldplay: Ghost Stories - was the stage that Chris was referring to when he said it was too expensive to re-create for every show but I'm pretty sure he was half joking / exaggerating the £2 million cost of it - though it was VERY expensive.

 

 

11 June 2014 / submitted by Mauricio, Mexico

Q. Play Amsterdam again!

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

OK! Don't know when and where but I'm sure that will happen again one day.

 

 

11 June 2014 / submitted by D, United Kingdom

Q. Dear Oracle

Do the band mind if we take pics of them at concerts? May seem a silly question but I am due to see them live and know how I would feel if someone took my pic without permission!! ;/ Thanks!

THE ORACLE REPLIES >

As long as you're not using a camera that has a detachable lens - i.e. a professional one - you are more than welcome to take photos. That is why we encourage you to upload your photos to our Live section.