And now: do you easily make friends with others?

[Violet]

Just reading this thread depresses me, as it's a huge reminder of how awful I am in terms of being a sociable person.

 

I don't make friends very easily at all. I'm terribly shy, and I have trust issues. If I don't know you, unless you talk to me first, I won't talk to you. It's not that I don't want to, but I find strangers/people I don't know well intimidating. It takes me a while to get comfortable around you. I don't go out really at all, even with people that I like. The only people I'm around on a regular basis these days are my parents, and I don't even like being around them sometimes.

 

Honestly, I think a lot of my problems are linked to a specific mental condition. I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, but I'm almost certain that's the case. Having looked into what it entails, it reads too much like me for me to ignore it.

 

I think this is why I join so many forums and use the Internet so much. I feel much safer relating to people hiding behind a computer screen than being around people in person and talking to people that way, being constantly afraid of what people might think of me.

 

I don't know why I'm sharing all this. I guess I just feel like I need to discuss it with someone.

[MaxRide]

^ this is completely true for me as well (aside from the mental condition thing...though I could have one :shrug:)

[suzanafg]

Just reading this thread depresses me, as it's a huge reminder of how awful I am in terms of being a sociable person.

 

I don't make friends very easily at all. I'm terribly shy, and I have trust issues. If I don't know you, unless you talk to me first, I won't talk to you. It's not that I don't want to, but I find strangers/people I don't know well intimidating. It takes me a while to get comfortable around you. I don't go out really at all, even with people that I like. The only people I'm around on a regular basis these days are my parents, and I don't even like being around them sometimes.

 

Honestly, I think a lot of my problems are linked to a specific mental condition. I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, but I'm almost certain that's the case. Having looked into what it entails, it reads too much like me for me to ignore it.

 

I think this is why I join so many forums and use the Internet so much. I feel much safer relating to people hiding behind a computer screen than being around people in person and talking to people that way, being constantly afraid of what people might think of me.

 

I don't know why I'm sharing all this. I guess I just feel like I need to discuss it with someone.

 

Oh, wow, I can relate to the second paragraph so much. I think the only difference is that for some reason I'm afraid to talk to people because I think they will deem an idiot (which, as a matter of fact, can be true, but the thing is, I just shut down when someone talks to me and I quite simply don't know how to react).

 

I don't know how people in the so-called 'real life' see you, but I think you're one of the most friendly people around here and you always treat people so respectfully and you are so considerate towards everybody. Surely, you've just said you're more comfortable on the internet, but this is something that I think should be acknowledged (no, not just because of your post above), since I do appreciate the way you treat fellow forum members.

[Violet]

Oh, wow, I can relate to the second paragraph so much. I think the only difference is that for some reason I'm afraid to talk to people because I think they will deem an idiot (which, as a matter of fact, can be true, but the thing is, I just shut down when someone talks to me and I quite simply don't know how to react).

 

I don't know how people in the so-called 'real life' see you, but I think you're one of the most friendly people around here and you always treat people so respectfully and you are so considerate towards everybody. Surely, you've just said you're more comfortable on the internet, but this is something that I think should be acknowledged (no, not just because of your post above), since I do appreciate the way you treat fellow forum members.

 

Well, in my case, it's more like I'm afraid to show people who I am because a lot of people think I'm weird. Even people who I have since become friends with have admitted to me that they thought I was an odd person initially.

 

As for your second paragraph, you're too kind. I'll admit that I've had a few tiffs with other members here and there, but generally speaking, I try my best to do those things that you say I do. I know too well what it's like to be ill-treated by other people, and it's a feeling that people don't deserve to feel.

[Coldplay]

Still have no close friends but I'm happy with who I am and that's what matters. I think I'm much more lucky in that sense. The friends will come later.

[Black Rose]

Very hard, I can count my 'true' friends (ones which I would go on holiday with) on one hand.

 

I've got work colleagues whom are kinda friends, but I wouldnt go on holiday with them.

[Blue Nails]

I think if you have about 4 'true' friends, you're doing more than OK.

 

I'm also shy and unconfident, quiet in groups and around strangers and I have some metal (and physical) issues as well, which make me even more scared and shy. I used to think people hate me, but I'm trying to sort my shit out and now I realise people don't hate me at all.

 

Making friends is not easy, making 'real' friends takes a long time and even then they can turn out to be something else.

Recently I found out who my real friends are, which sucks, but it's also a good thing.

I got really close to one of my friends. She helps me so much and I help her. I think she might be my 'best friend'. I've never had a best friend before. :wacky:

 

Just reading this thread depresses me, as it's a huge reminder of how awful I am in terms of being a sociable person.

 

I don't make friends very easily at all. I'm terribly shy, and I have trust issues. If I don't know you, unless you talk to me first, I won't talk to you. It's not that I don't want to, but I find strangers/people I don't know well intimidating. It takes me a while to get comfortable around you. I don't go out really at all, even with people that I like. The only people I'm around on a regular basis these days are my parents, and I don't even like being around them sometimes.

 

Honestly, I think a lot of my problems are linked to a specific mental condition. I haven't been officially diagnosed yet, but I'm almost certain that's the case. Having looked into what it entails, it reads too much like me for me to ignore it.

 

I think this is why I join so many forums and use the Internet so much. I feel much safer relating to people hiding behind a computer screen than being around people in person and talking to people that way, being constantly afraid of what people might think of me.

 

You come across as one of the nicest people on this forum, just so you know. I pictured you as a person with a million friends, so I'm really sorry to hear this.

I hope you can find the strength to maybe get some help and show yourself to the real world, because judging from your posts, you're a great person. :)

 

I think that some people who are shy can come across as arrogant or weird, because they're afraid to show themselves. So, if you want to be seen as a 'nice person', you have to be nice and confident.

Which is weird, because some of the nicest people, like other people more than they like themselves and as a consequence, they're not confident and aren't able to show anyone how nice they are. :sad:

[iccp]

i'm terrible when it comes to making friends...i've always struggled with it right from when i was little....i was able to stay on my own. my dad saw that and tried to make sure i mixed up....well, he tried his best...it helped a little but today i still suck at making friends...i find it easier to make friends online than offline....

 

most times i just dunno what to say to people....

[Accola]

most times i just dunno what to say to people....

 

Same here. I just don't know how to keep the conversation going. When someone asks me how was my day, only thing I can answer is "fine, thank you". I struggle with this problem since my mum died few years ago. Well... I'm not considering this as a problem anymore, I'm okay with it now, but I remember few years back when my classmates was considering me as an really boring person, sometimes even stupid. I have only one true friend, I don't need more. I can talk with people from the internet about everyting, but when it comes to live conversation I just don't know what to say. But when I'm meeting with people with same interests as me I can talk with them all day, all night! But even though, sometimes I'm mad at myself that I can't talk with people as easily as others do.

[Wyrd]

Most [=almost everyone] people need friends, but some people should have them before even needing them.

 

As in, actually having friends.

 

i think that's what the OP was trying to say, anyway. if I'm wrong, please correct me

Ah sorry, my bad. I was referring to the 'should' in relation to the 'few true friends'. As in, should we just have a few and not more? But maybe they both meant it as you say, that it's not a maximum but a minimum. I guess Poky didn't :S

 

Oh Blue Nails, I can so relate to the 'real' friends part! Someone I hang out with a long time I considered a good friend; We talked about a lot and also went on vacations and met each other’s parents (we don't live near our parents). Then after 6-7 years I got ill and she turned into a person I rather would not even know. It seems she is that kind of friend that only cares about ‘friendship’ when it’s convenient for her. She can ask me for help because we are friends but I cannot rely on her. I don’t want that kind of friendship so I never took initiative to see her again and also did I turn down her invited for partying or whatever. But we have friends in common so it’s also not like I can ignore her completely. I still see her in the friend group setting. She doesn’t even seem to realise that I don’t like her. And I don’t have the courage to even tell her that she has been a shit friend. Luckily I have friends I know for more than ten years (one even almost 20 years) and they listen to me, I listen to them and they are there whether times are good or bad. It took a while for me to realise that, but now I am happy with it.

[Black Rose]

The problem is that I'm shy and don't really do 'small talk'

[Chloe_Martin]

I'm a person who is the entertainment and the funny one in a lot of different friendship groups but when they all want to kill each other I get the fk out of there!

[The Mad Hatter]

The problem is that I'm shy and don't really do 'small talk'

 

OH MY GOD EXACTLY

 

people think i'm a rude person because i just don't understand small talk

[Cobalt]

small talk is boring when you don't know the person

[Reilly]

How does a conversation even start without small talk? Just purely from the topic idea, you don't meet new people and engage in conversation by alienating them with your own personal random interest in something that they probably won't care about (And vice versa). You gauge what they're like with shitty small talk, then it goes from there, that's how the whole 'meeting people' thing works.

[Destrokk]

Now I have a lot of friends but they´re not really true friends just people I hang out with, it was weird because I was such a shy mess I thought I had problems but then one day I just got a lot of confidence and people started to like me so I feel so great right now because my shy stage is over and I think thats what was, just being shy at the beginning.

[Coldplay]

small talk is boring when you don't know the person

I feel that it's quite the contrary, it's boring when you know the person well and you can already very well establish a conversation without all this 'the weather is lovely' garbage. It's a bit exciting to do small talk with a new person cos you're getting to know a new person and possibly making a new friend

[Reilly]

I feel that it's quite the contrary, it's boring when you know the person well and you can already very well establish a conversation without all this 'the weather is lovely' garbage. It's a bit exciting to do small talk with a new person cos you're getting to know a new person and possibly making a new friend

 

:nod:

 

I don't know why you'd have small talk with someone you already know as you already have something to instantly talk about which defeats the purpose, the only reason for doing it is to get to know someone.

[Cyan Kat]

Out of the friends I had at the end of last year, I have one girl that I still call a true friend by how nice they are to me, we don't hang out much because she has a boyfriend and they spend all their time together and the group we had has completely split off so I don't even speak to any of the others anymore, they just make it clear they don't like my company. I have some new friends at college who are mostly boys and I find myself feeling bored while they all talk about COD and games they are obsessed with and start hitting each other as though they are like five, it gets frustrating because I have so little in common with them but I'm trying to socialize and not be alone all the time.

Since then I've made some good friends at work and they say that I was really shy and now I just won't stop talking, I wish they were at my college sometimes because they are so nice and we have such a laugh.

[Blue Nails]

Oh Blue Nails, I can so relate to the 'real' friends part! Someone I hang out with a long time I considered a good friend; We talked about a lot and also went on vacations and met each other’s parents (we don't live near our parents). Then after 6-7 years I got ill and she turned into a person I rather would not even know. It seems she is that kind of friend that only cares about ‘friendship’ when it’s convenient for her. She can ask me for help because we are friends but I cannot rely on her. I don’t want that kind of friendship so I never took initiative to see her again and also did I turn down her invited for partying or whatever. But we have friends in common so it’s also not like I can ignore her completely. I still see her in the friend group setting. She doesn’t even seem to realise that I don’t like her. And I don’t have the courage to even tell her that she has been a shit friend. Luckily I have friends I know for more than ten years (one even almost 20 years) and they listen to me, I listen to them and they are there whether times are good or bad. It took a while for me to realise that, but now I am happy with it.

 

Wow, this is almost exactly the same situation I'm in with a 'good' friend. Maybe our friends should be friends. :P

 

Sometimes she shows sides of herself I don't want anything to do with, she only asks me how I am when she needs something from me, I can't rely on her and our relationship is just shallow, but I'm too scared to confront her.

I'm trying to let go of her but there's also a part that still cares about her and feels like she might need me in the future. I want to be that person she comes to when something's wrong, but she is not that person to me anymore.

 

Like you, it did make me realise what friends are about and how much my real friends mean to me.

[Abracadabra]

I am so disappointed with people who I call my friends and I wish I could stop caring about all of them and just feel fine alone ( I tried to seclude myself for more than two weeks by avoiding any means of comunication but I almost cracked up so I gave it up ). I don't think I'm over-sensitive and I don't nitpick at people but they can really be the scum of the earth without ever taking notice of it. It's a bit off topic, but I had an urge to do something as minor as posting this here because I noticed I'm losing my cool when I am around them and I hate being driven to impoliteness, let alone any kind of violence.