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GQ Exclusive: The (Totally Serious) Tracklist For Coldplay's New Album

Don't ask us how we got it, but we did: The song titles to Chris Martin and co.'s new album. And you'll only find them here


Last week, Coldplay unveiled the first single off their eagerly awaited new album: "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall"—an unmistakably Coldplay-ish name for a song. And yet it left us wanting more. So the music sleuths here at GQ went digging, and thanks to an anonymous source in the Goop camp, we managed to unearth the remainder of the track list for the new album. Here you go, Coldplaymates: every name of every song off the so-far-untitled new album. A GQ exclusive**.


Track 1: Your Love is A Raw Quinoa Salad


Track 2: Wouldn't This Make a Better United Airlines Theme Song Than Gershwin?


Track 3: Every Teardrop is a Waterfall


Track 4: I Thought Of This on a Gulfstream VII


Track 5: She's Never Gone Down On Me (But Every Night I Comb Her Hair)


Track 6: Here's A Song For Hotel Lobbies


Track 7: When I'm at Pinkberry


Track 8: My Wife Only Orgasms While On Horseback


Track 9: Dreary Rain in a Dank Place


Track 10: Fine, We're From Omaha.


Track 11: Country Strong


Track 12: Just Me Humming


Track 13: My Penis Wears Chambray


Track 14: Brand New Bidet


Track 15: You Are a Moat (My Heart is a Portcullis)


Bonus Track #1: The Sound of Holding in My Farts for Eight Years


Bonus Track #2: One Thousand Leaves of Arugula


Bonus Track #3: At Night I Sneak Into the Bathroom and Watch Things That Shame Me

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Yeah, I think it's kind of funny. It's not meant to be serious. And whether it's positive or negative, it's free advertising, so it's not all bad.


BTW I'm going to move this to the LP5 section since this is about LP5. And I'll change it to say "not funny" instead of "snot funny".



edit: Oh yeah, and the article also states this at the end, maybe you didn't see it. It is related to the ** notation, which is also in your post:


"**OK, not an exclusive, because these are all made up. Except "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall." That really fucking is the name of the song."

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"**OK, not an exclusive, because these are all made up. Except "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall." That really fucking is the name of the song."


Theheh :awesome: I find the name of the song also rather.... cheesy *cough*

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On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being Hilarious and 1 being Lame, I'd said it's a 2. And I think this makes fun of Gwyneth more than Coldplay.


Anyhoo, I'm happy they are talking about Coldplay and this week, all the magazines that I've been reading they had nothing but praise for the band; EW (major magazine here) made it their #1 song/ must listen tune of the week.

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