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🌙 COLDPLAY ANNOUNCE MOON MUSIC OUT OCTOBER 4TH 🎵

I Started Taking Anti-Depressants

Spoon

By Spoon
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Spoon

Spoon

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You know the butterfly feeling you get in your stomach when you listen to Coldplay's artistic music?

 

During my high school years all I ever wanted to do was listen to Coldplay. I obsessed over them...and started to have beautiful day-dreams while listening to them. Then I would come back down from the gloomy but sweet feeling and look at the zit-faced bumfuck losers around me, and got so bitter and cynical. Coldplay even seemed to shape my perfect woman. I used to get beautiful girlfriends even though I didn't really favor their personality. They were all middle class gangsta rapping Britney Spears mtv addicts. I guess their homes were unstable or their parents don't have any personality themselves because I just don't see how that drivel can touch your soul. Meanwhile my Coldplay collection became nothing but .wav files and grew over 30 gigabytes.

 

I've always been a bit different and strange...I think its because of my parents. I won't get too deep into it but I should point out that their personalitys are the complete opposite. My father is a business work-aholic, and my mother is a psychadelic, lethargic, drug addict. I side with my mother...I think I inherited most of her traits. I look like her, and I'm ultra-sensitive and prone to addiction. Her father is a complete genious, but he's also paranoid schizophrenic. He's in an insane asylum now I believe. He might have something to do with the weird daydreams I have all the time...I'm not sure.

 

Anyway, throughout the years my friends seemed to drop and my interests differed from everyone elses. I had to do something because I got so down. I took the fucking cowards way out and fell into the drug scene. That became the only way I could achieve happiness. My favorites are the opiates, I've never been a fan of the extreme uppers, I like downers. I could never really trip though because i'd always analyze myself and my life and feel like demons were inside me...then I put on some Radiohead and for some reason I really wanted to listen to Idioteque...bad choice right? I kept thinking about god and the apocalypse...the mark of the beast...I don't know it just isn't fun.

 

Eventually I wanted to live in this dream world. I'll describe a day in the life. When everyone was asleep I'd snort some oxy contin, smoke weed, throw in Parachutes, chain smoke and watch Marilyn Monroe movies (I think she's one of the most beautiful women that ever lived. I don't know I just love her style...that 50's noir innocent look.)

 

Anxiety and depression started to overwhelm me. My favorite song at this point was Politik because it's just so raw, angry and pretty. I couldn't stand the everyday routine anymore...waking up at 6 in the morning in the cold and getting under those cheap flourescent lights...just becoming another face in the crowd in that sea of adolescent kids bitching about their corny bullshit. I felt so dirty and uncomfortable. Everything and everyone seemed to turn against me. The administrators always picked me out of the crowd because everytime I broke one of their rules I would make a big scene and argue with them for hours about how my punishment was too harsh for something so trivial. I guess they got off on it . Then I guess since negative vibes radiated off me whenever I was in that place the kids always tried to pick on me then I'd insult them where it hurts (Instead of focusing on the teachings anymore I'd just analyze them deeply and listen to Coldplay.) So they really wanted to fuck me up. Ugly agressive musclehead middle class white kids with hairdue rags with oversized clothes trying to impress their girls..and i'm like man i'm never going to get out of this mess.

 

My family began to notice how I looked like a pale zombie all the time and decided to step in. I kept telling them it was a self-esteem issue and I didn't really know what was the catalyst. So they sent me to this fat "therapist" (social worker). Brian Lynch...I'll never forget that fuck's name until the day I die. Foolish me I decided to confide in this moron and told him about my drug abuse one fucking time. That's all he seemed to focus on. I kept trying to talk to him about my thoughts on everything but he always seemed to change the subject back to my opium cravings. He put me on two drugs, Valium (Barbituate) and Effexor (Anti-depressant). I started abusing both of them to get high even though the anti-depressants hadn't really kicked in yet.

I became so out of it...I couldn't remember weeks at a time. I really started to dig x&y because I felt like I was on a never ending downward spiral and the line "Our bodies floating down the muddy river" made my stomach drop to the floor. I wanted to make a film with that song but i'm too lethargic. For some silly reason I always pictured vividly my mother and I bobbing and floating down this muddy river with a blank stare on our faces and heard the sounds of water softly splashing upon the sides of the land.

 

I started to fail fucking public high school (I hope this doesn't sound egotistic...) 'm smarter than the whole gelled buzzcut gold chain mass! Dragging around day to day falling asleep in every period then being punished over and over again I was eventually suspended for 10 days and was only 2 days below the limit of failing automatically for skipping so many times. I didn't tell anybody at home and went to this therapist and was going to tell him. I sat down in that closet of an office of his holding my head and looking at the ground. The first thing he said to me was that he wanted urin analysis tests often if I wanted to keep seeing him. So I said no way man i'm not ready to just drop everything for you. "Well if you're taking drugs prescribed by us and you fall ill we don't want to be held responsible." I said well you can take your drugs then and I'll just stop coming. He asks me what i'm going to tell my father...and I say I just don't want to see a therapist anymore. He struggles his fat ass off the couch and grabs my dad out of the waiting room and sits his fat ass blocking the exit so I couldn't get out. He told my father all the drugs i've been doing and that I was listening to very odd suicidal sounding music and I need more intensive help. Well I had an emotional breakdown...i'd never felt so clausterphobic in my life. I started crying and yelling flailing my arms all over, and cussed him and my father out and said if you don't move your fat fucking ass out of my way im going to knock your lights out. He moved and I ran until I couldn't run anymore.

 

So I guess here's where I hit the fork in the road. My brother found me and consoled me and I stayed in the city with him for a few days until everything cooled down. I dropped out of that high school at 11th grade.

 

I've continued to take anti-depressants and I can't really listen to what used to be my favorite band anymore...because all I can think about when I listen to them is geting fucked up and that horrible time period in my life. I'm at a bleak loser status right now and I don't know what to do. I mainly lay around thinking, reading, and trying to avoid painkillers and doing less addictive drugs...listening to Pussycat Dolls, watching David Lynch movies, and driving aimlessly looking for something that isn't there. I sleep all day and stay up all night to avoid everyone and everything because honestly I'm scared of society. All I know is school, it's been my life since I was an infant. The ironic thing is when I was very young I was the happiest boy you'd ever meet.

 

Sorry everyone for all my bitching, but I write this to you now at 5:55 AM chewing on a straw because I have lockjaw from taking to much Methamphetamine...and I needed to get some things off my chest. The majority of the atease board members are very intelligent. I've been reading this board everyday for a long time now and enjoy myself. Anyway thank you for reading into my babbling, and hopefully you guys can relate. I hope i'm not the only one out there that's sort of cursed like this.

I just pray that I'm not going to be melancholy for eternity...

 

Edit - I went outside for a smoke and I started thinking that you guys might get the wrong impression. I blaming anything on RColdplay. They don' tencouraged me to let my true feelings out and to develop my artistic side. I hated them.

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ricardo

ricardo

Posted
Posted

can't get the stink off,

he's been hanging around for days.

comes like a comet,

suckered you but not your friends.

one day he'll get to you,

teach you how to be a holy cow.

 

don't get my sympathy hanging out the 15th floor.

you've changed the locks 3 times,

he still comes reeling through the door.

and soon he'll get to you,

teach you how to get to purest hell.

 

you do it to yourself you do

and that's what really hurts is

you do it to yourself just you,

you and no-one else

you do it to yourself

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Spoon

Spoon

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Posted
can't get the stink off,

he's been hanging around for days.

comes like a comet,

suckered you but not your friends.

one day he'll get to you,

teach you how to be a holy cow.

 

don't get my sympathy hanging out the 15th floor.

you've changed the locks 3 times,

he still comes reeling through the door.

and soon he'll get to you,

teach you how to get to purest hell.

 

you do it to yourself you do

and that's what really hurts is

you do it to yourself just you,

you and no-one else

you do it to yourself

 

just is the worst radiohead song ever.

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