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I have a problem (and answers to questions about having a neutral gender)


MaxRide

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Oh I know. Sorry if my post gave that impression. I meant with the example that she was not attracted to people at all (sexually or romatically) but later on (starting university I believe) she did and she dated this guy she loves and finds attractive and she married him and they got a kid. So I am not saying that first she didn't have sex, then *whoops* she had a baby so she must have had sex so she's not asexual. Hahaha. She told me both, first that she never had any feeling whatsoever for someone, much later on, that she now does)

 

Maybe it will help to think of what you expect from your parents, once you've told them. Do you only want them to know or do you expect more of them?

 

And yes, here in the Netherlands guys are sometimes called Anna a well. I heard from an African guy at work that over there they use it as a guy's name as well.

Oh, okay. That makes more sense. :P

 

Well, essentially, I just want my parents to know, and to have them be more aware of non-binary people in general. I don't really expect them to fully understand, but as long as they address me correctly, I won't mind very much. :shrug:

 

You wouldn't feel it is important enough to be genderqueer if it wasn't for this, you wouldn't have bothered thinking about it and lived your life as a woman happily. The whole thing is just ridiculous, from bi-genders who try to equally equate the superficial balance of having both male and female characteristics, which throws their opinion of the irrelevance of typical gender associations into hypocrisy. Then we have you, agender, which means you'll eventually cut your hair short and flatten down your breasts, but most importantly, you will persistently tell people that you're different.

 

:facepalm:

 

Even before I knew about the term genderqueer, I never really felt like a "female." I mean, I didn't really think about it often (maybe once a year, before this year), but I clearly remember saying that I didn't really "feel like a girl" to my mom a few months after I hit puberty.

 

The development of gender roles in society is actually fairly recent (for example, many Native American cultures recognize "two-spirit" people, which I really have no idea how to explain, sooo...). Even if I lived in a society were gender roles were not as heavily emphasized (or possibly not emphasized at all), I still would not feel connected to 'femininity' in the slightest.

 

All I want is for people to use the correct pronouns; is that really too much to ask? I don't want to be seen as "different," I want to be seen as a normal human.

 

I don't care what else you say, but it is absolutely not ridiculous to be genderqueer. Reilly, I know that you might feel like some genderqueer people are hypocrites, but how would you really know, as a [i presume] cisgender person?

 

 

Also, though I have short hair (I, by the way, have never actually had long hair in my life), and I will -probably- flatten my chest due to the moderate amount of dysphoria that I experience, that is not universal among genderqueer FAAB people in the slightest.

 

 

/rant

 

 

May I ask if you're able to fall in love (without being sexually attracted to someone) or something like that? Do you plan to live together with someone in the future?

Just out of interest, I don't mean to offend you. I don't know anything about this.

No offense taken. :nice:

 

I personally experience neither romantic nor sexual attraction. However, there are quite a few asexual people do, in fact, experience romantic attraction. There is actually a married couple that I have read about: both the husband and wife are asexual, but are obviously not aromantic.

 

Now, romantic attraction is almost as complicated as sexual attraction and gender, and I really have no idea how to explain the difference between romantic and sexual attraction, since I just sort of know that I don't experience either. :P

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You wouldn't feel it is important enough to be genderqueer if it wasn't for this, you wouldn't have bothered thinking about it and lived your life as a woman happily. The whole thing is just ridiculous, from bi-genders who try to equally equate the superficial balance of having both male and female characteristics, which throws their opinion of the irrelevance of typical gender associations into hypocrisy. Then we have you, agender, which means you'll eventually cut your hair short and flatten down your breasts, but most importantly, you will persistently tell people that you're different.

Basically this. I can't avoid the impression that the point you've been (subconsciously?) trying to make is that you're yet again exceptional and worthy of attention because of who and what you are (or rather who and what is not you) , and not because of the problems that come out of your being that kind of person.

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(before I say anything, I am not trying to be some kind of "special snowflake." I cannot control these parts of my identity in any way)

 

HINT

 

Honestly, I'm not trying to be some kind of attention-seeker. I genuinely had a problem in deciding when/how to come out to my parents.

 

Do I really seem like I want attention so badly?

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Oh, believe me, when I'm not online, I generally try to avoid attention..I certainly don't welcome it. I'm what you'd call an extreme introvert.

 

I "get attention" online, for the most part, because I generally try to add to conversations in a helpful/positive way. If that attention suddenly disappeared, I wouldn't be overly upset.

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I don't care what else you say, but it is absolutely not ridiculous to be genderqueer. Reilly, I know that you might feel like some genderqueer people are hypocrites, but how would you really know, as a [i presume] cisgender person?

 

Well here's some logic for me. You're also not a racist, so how can you say racists are wrong?

 

And don't facepalm smiley me again (Like you constantly do to anyone who disagrees with you in any slight way and it's so fucking patronising), and I'm not giving you a decent response to your post because of this. I guarantee that you won't be a genderqueer for the rest of your life, and people who shy away from attention in real life usually come on the internet to get their feed, so don't bother trying to make us buy that bullshit.

 

You're correcting people's general interpretations of genderqueer (And Brent wasn't wrong there) as well as writing things like ~Gender and sexual preference 101~ it's just another way for you to feel big.

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^ You are always trying to get attention, you are an asshole to everyone so you can be noted on the forum. There are ways of beign honnest without beign offensive. And if Anna is seaking for attention it's her problem, not yours.

 

Oh yes! The attention I desperately need!

 

As stated I don't appreciate the :facepalm: shit and that's why I've reacted without putting it nicely, if you're mad at me for actually telling the truth then that's you're own problem, not mine, and that's such a fucking stupid problem to have.

 

After being here all this time you think I write stuff for attention? At this point I couldn't care less, sometimes I come on here and read the most stupid shit and don't reply for weeks, as for being an asshole to everyone, what the actual fuck are you talking about? I'm an asshole to more then most would be, but less then a handful on here and those people deserve it.

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Ok, here's one of those handful of assholes adding some drivel, ha. ( though now that i said that, i'm prolly not even worthy of being a great old asshole):

 

cool your tits, Reilly, and get it diagnosed already. She's only 14, for god's sake.

 

Nice to have someone with some cojones left, Prospect. :)

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The only rare times you ever come out of the woodwork to criticise me is after someone else has in an attempt to gang up on me, and you talk about having cojones? Meaningless drivel.

 

But let's not go on about it, it'll just end in you dramatically leaving the forum yet again or vowing never to acknowledge me yet again. I do however agree that I shouldn't be harsh on some of the younger members, and I'm not, I can tell when kids can't take criticism, MaxRide however definitely isn't one of those, in fact she doesn't seem to have mental breakdowns at the keyboard like yourself and you're way older, so age doesn't always come into it.

 

You're probably not worthy of being a great old asshole? What the hell? Do you realise other people actually read this stuff, that's not really fair on all of us.

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Well here's some logic for me. You're also not a racist, so how can you say racists are wrong?

 

And don't facepalm smiley me again (Like you constantly do to anyone who disagrees with you in any slight way and it's so fucking patronising), and I'm not giving you a decent response to your post because of this. I guarantee that you won't be a genderqueer for the rest of your life, and people who shy away from attention in real life usually come on the internet to get their feed, so don't bother trying to make us buy that bullshit.

 

You're correcting people's general interpretations of genderqueer (And Brent wasn't wrong there) as well as writing things like ~Gender and sexual preference 101~ it's just another way for you to feel big.

..and how is racism related to being genderqueer? :thinking: Racism is directly harmful to others, while being genderqueer/neutrois doesn't harm anyone (same as being gay/bi).

 

I only facepalm-smileyed you due to the fact that you were assuming something to be true when it was not - and in a seemingly hateful way. As my GSA says, "all questions are welcome, but not all statements are." It may sound cheesy, but this is one of those times when a statement is not at all welcome.

 

And as for the ~gender and sexual preference 101~ thing (and correcting Brent), how did I appear to be making myself "feel big," as you put it? I want to help spread awareness of these issues; it's just a plus if I can get recognized for it. However, being known for educating is not my intent, when I just want the information "out there," so to speak.

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I'm fine with disagreement/arguing, but please use my correct pronouns. That's all I'm asking. :wink:

 

(as in, please use "they/them;" I know that it's not what I've gone by for about the past year, but it's what I'm going by now)

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I do however agree that I shouldn't be harsh on some of the younger members, and I'm not, I can tell when kids can't take criticism, MaxRide however definitely isn't one of those, in fact she doesn't seem to have mental breakdowns at the keyboard like yourself and you're way older, so age doesn't always come into it.

 

I can take criticism, believe it or not; however, to me (and, it seems, a few other people), I am not willing to tolerate what essentially appears to be hate speech. If you will be as polite as you can be, I promise the same towards you. :nice:

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..and how is racism related to being genderqueer? :thinking: Racism is directly harmful to others, while being genderqueer/neutrois doesn't harm anyone (same as being gay/bi).

 

Oh my, it was the logic, I thought the point was pretty clear, you practically told me I can't have an opinion because I'm not a genderqueer and I wouldn't know, by that logic we can't have opinions on anything without personally going through it, and therefore we wouldn't have opinions on much.

 

But we're not gaining anything from this, you said what I wrote is hateful but I need to make it clear I don't hate you at all for doing an essentially harmless thing.

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Oh my, it was the logic, I thought the point was pretty clear, you practically told me I can't have an opinion because I'm not a genderqueer and I wouldn't know, by that logic we can't have opinions on anything without personally going through it, and therefore we wouldn't have opinions on much.

 

But we're not gaining anything from this, you said what I wrote is hateful but I need to make it clear I don't hate you at all for doing an essentially harmless thing.

I apologize; what I originally meant by my statement was, essentially, along the lines of, "You can't tell people their identity." It appeared to me that you were basically saying that genderqueer people don't exist.

 

 

also, just a side note: saying "a genderqueer" is similar to saying "a gay;" you need to add "person" after the adjective in order to avoid possibly causing offense. this is not just to you, by the way; it's a good rule of thumb for everyone

 

 

I'm sure that you don't hate me personally; by hateful, I just meant that you appear[ed] to have an extremely negative opinion about non-binary people. That's all.

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^ In what way? (I genuinely want to know)

 

I'm not trying to discount your experience or tell you that you aren't having genuine feelings, or genuinely not feeling certain things, but there are other things to focus on at this point in your life. Your capacity for romance and sexuality is probably not important to you at this point in your life for reasons other than being asexual or being a 14-year-old. Identifying or not identifying as either gender is not very much important either. I'm not saying you can't be different or feel differently than either people. I'm just saying that other people are probably not going to find asexuality or being neutrally gendered or whatever the terminology is a big deal anyway, especially not at this point in your life or in this day and age.

 

Also, you don't need to formally out yourself to your parents. Just be who you are, whoever that is. If they have questions about what you're doing, who you are, or what you are going through, you can answer them and talk them through them as you grow into the things you're going to learn about yourself in the years to come. It's not a big deal if you don't sit them down and instead act in your own interest, pursuing the things you want to pursue, and being the person you are and want to be.

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