Jump to content
✨ STAY UP TO DATE WITH THE WORLD TOUR ✨

I have a problem (and answers to questions about having a neutral gender)


MaxRide

Recommended Posts

^You have a point, but isn't that the thing with most problems or issues we have? We shouldn't focus on them because they don't matter in the big picture. Still we all have problems, and they matter to us right now, and sometimes we need some advice. Besides, you can't say what's important to someone else and what isn't.

Apparently they feel like it's important enough to come out to their parents, so why wouldn't they?

 

And if they want us to call them they, why not? Even if it's just because they want to be different, why not let them be?

 

I personally experience neither romantic nor sexual attraction. However, there are quite a few asexual people do, in fact, experience romantic attraction. There is actually a married couple that I have read about: both the husband and wife are asexual, but are obviously not aromantic.

 

Thank you, that clears things up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 184
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I don't mean to offend you but I'm not sure that you can be certain at your age that you are asexual and aromantic. I'm 17 and I'm not entirely sure of my sexuality, I have had feelings for guys before and I find girls attractive but what's to say in the future I don't meet a girl and have feelings for her or that I will only like guys?

I can't say that I'm bisexual just because I'm unsure so I just let people assume because I am not certain at this age and honestly I think it's fairly normal to not have feelings for anyone at your age and what you may feel now may change in five years time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't mean to offend you but I'm not sure that you can be certain at your age that you are asexual and aromantic. I'm 17 and I'm not entirely sure of my sexuality, I have had feelings for guys before and I find girls attractive but what's to say in the future I don't meet a girl and have feelings for her or that I will only like guys?

I can't say that I'm bisexual just because I'm unsure so I just let people assume because I am not certain at this age and honestly I think it's fairly normal to not have feelings for anyone at your age and what you may feel now may change in five years time.

 

same

 

i just don't bother addressing it or labeling myself as anything because if i ever do find myself in a relationship with a girl, it will probably only be a big deal to the ones i care about if i make it a big deal, and everyone else who might care can fuck off. :|

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't mean to offend you but I'm not sure that you can be certain at your age that you are asexual and aromantic. I'm 17 and I'm not entirely sure of my sexuality, I have had feelings for guys before and I find girls attractive but what's to say in the future I don't meet a girl and have feelings for her or that I will only like guys?

I can't say that I'm bisexual just because I'm unsure so I just let people assume because I am not certain at this age and honestly I think it's fairly normal to not have feelings for anyone at your age and what you may feel now may change in five years time.

I can completely understand where you're coming from, Kat. Think about it, though: there are some kids who know that they're gay when they're nine. I mean, I'm fourteen, not nine, but the same thing applies; some people 'just know,' for a lack of a better way to put it.

 

I'm not saying that I will absolutely be asexual/aromantic in the future, though; those terms just happen to suit me the best at the moment. If anyone asks me personally, I'll answer them, but I don't showcase the fact (well, not consciously) that I identify as asexual and aromantic.

 

(also, not having feelings for anyone at 14 [well, I'm closer to 15 at this point] is fairly normal? From what I've witnessed at my school, it's unusual to not have feelings/a crush on someone. Granted, that might be infatuation, rather than "true love," but still)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Annoying the ridiculously PC deal with the pronouns and broad generalizations about 'society', has your life ever been directly effected by others as a result of being neutral-gendered? Why exactly are you concerned about 'coming out' with regard to something that I imagine the vast majority of people would never think to pry into at this stage of your life?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If anyone asks me personally, I'll answer them, but I don't showcase the fact (well, not consciously) that I identify as asexual and aromantic.

 

Not consciously, as in, making a topic about it? Requesting people call you 'they' as if you're a group of people?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Annoying the ridiculously PC deal with the pronouns and broad generalizations about 'society', has your life ever been directly effected by others as a result of being neutral-gendered? Why exactly are you concerned about 'coming out' with regard to something that I imagine the vast majority of people would never think to pry into at this stage of your life?

Well, for the first part of your question, I have experienced dysphoria (not as extreme as some neutrois people, but it's still there) when people refer to me as a gender that I do not feel I am (at this point, aside from "she," this has mostly been usage of "girl"). I'm not sure if you already know about dysphoria, but, essentially, I can become unfocused/discontented [for a lack of a better way to say it]. I'd say that's an effect on my life. Now, no one in real life has actually taunted/teased/bullied me about it, but, at this point, that's because I haven't come out yet. (however, to answer your second question, the answer is, simply, the aforementioned dysphoria).

 

Not consciously, as in, making a topic about it? Requesting people call you 'they' as if you're a group of people?

Firstly, the reason I made I topic about it in the first place was to make clear what I was/am going to do: come out to my parents. I only wanted assistance and advice - which I now have. That was certainly conscious on my part, but requesting help is not the same as "showcasing" oneself, as far as I am aware of.

 

Secondly, "they," believe it or not, can be correctly used as a singular pronoun. If there was another, unambiguously singular neutral pronoun that was already used by the general public, I would request usage of that pronoun. However, as it is, neutral pronouns are pretty uncommonly used; I haven't even heard people actually use anything aside from ze/xe and hir.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^ For me, "person" works the most easily in that type of situation. :nice: (actually, off the top of my head, no other word really sounds right in that type of situation; "human," to me, seems to have a sarcastic overtone in this context, and I can't really think of any other way to refer to a member of humankind. :shrug:)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^ For me, "person" works the most easily in that type of situation. :nice: (actually, off the top of my head, no other word really sounds right in that type of situation; "human," to me, seems to have a sarcastic overtone in this context, and I can't really think of any other way to refer to a member of humankind. :shrug:)

 

Hmmm ok I guess that makes sense.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Secondly, "they," believe it or not, can be correctly used as a singular pronoun. If there was another, unambiguously singular neutral pronoun that was already used by the general public, I would request usage of that pronoun. However, as it is, neutral pronouns are pretty uncommonly used; I haven't even heard people actually use anything aside from ze/xe and hir.

 

In all fairness its absolutely ridiculous to be offended or request that people make exception to you on those grounds. If you're in the room with my friend and I, I don't know your name, how would you suggest I tell them about you without using he or she? You can't. If you appear female, of course they'll say 'she/her', it's no harsh judgment on their part. At that point its your problem for making a trivial issue over something so arbitrary.

 

With regard to this discomfort that you so dramatically refer to as 'dysphoria', come to terms with the fact that people don't mean anything by it, it's much easier than trying to garner acknowledgement from the English language for something that shouldn't define your life in the first place.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In all fairness its absolutely ridiculous to be offended or request that people make exception to you on those grounds. If you're in the room with my friend and I, I don't know your name, how would you suggest I tell them about you without using he or she? You can't. If you appear female, of course they'll say 'she/her', it's no harsh judgment on their part. At that point its your problem for making a trivial issue over something so arbitrary.

 

With regard to this discomfort that you so dramatically refer to as 'dysphoria', come to terms with the fact that people don't mean anything by it, it's much easier than trying to garner acknowledgement from the English language for something that shouldn't define your life in the first place.

(I just wanted to respond to the part that I bolded first: technically, you can, by using xe/another neutral pronoun. Now, I realize that people are extremely unlikely to actually do this - I myself will admit that I rarely do in my daily life - but xe can be used regardless of the person's appearance)

 

If someone doesn't know my gender, and uses the wrong term, I will not be extremely offended. I don't expect them to necessarily be aware of any gender other than male or female, due to the way that many people are raised in today's society. If that person is one whom I will be interacting with quite frequently, I will [not at the present moment, but soon] explain my situation and correct them, but if a stranger referred to me as "ma'am," I wouldn't become very upset.

 

From neutrois.com: "There might be a preference to present more closely to one gender over another, or it can be more comfortable to just live as one binary gender rather than the other. However, this choice is more often a result of convenience in order to navigate a society in which only two genders are recognized. A lot of people would ideally opt to have neutrois recognized as their gender and not be forced to make a decision between male and female only."

 

Also, gender dysphoria is a clinically used term.

 

EDIT: Also, I apologize if I seem to be repeating myself a lot; I'm not terribly good with using words in an effective manner.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(I just wanted to respond to the part that I bolded first: technically, you can, by using xe/another neutral pronoun. Now, I realize that people are extremely unlikely to actually do this - I myself will admit that I rarely do in my daily life - but xe can be used regardless of the person's appearance)

 

If someone doesn't know my gender, and uses the wrong term, I will not be extremely offended. I don't expect them to necessarily be aware of any gender other than male or female, due to the way that many people are raised in today's society. If that person is one whom I will be interacting with quite frequently, I will [not at the present moment, but soon] explain my situation and correct them, but if a stranger referred to me as "ma'am," I wouldn't become very upset.

 

From neutrois.com: "There might be a preference to present more closely to one gender over another, or it can be more comfortable to just live as one binary gender rather than the other. However, this choice is more often a result of convenience in order to navigate a society in which only two genders are recognized. A lot of people would ideally opt to have neutrois recognized as their gender and not be forced to make a decision between male and female only."

 

Also, gender dysphoria is a clinically used term.

 

EDIT: Also, I apologize if I seem to be repeating myself a lot; I'm not terribly good with using words in an effective manner.

I don't think it's that easy though for somebody to change what they call you, they call you by your name because it's your identity because other wise they could be talking to anyone. I understand what gender dysphoria is but I just don't see it as being so much of an issue if you feel you are neither gender there's the whole spectrum of how feminine or masculine as a male/female you are and people don't generally question it you just are how you are and you shouldn't feel that you have to define this to people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(I just wanted to respond to the part that I bolded first: technically, you can, by using xe/another neutral pronoun. Now, I realize that people are extremely unlikely to actually do this - I myself will admit that I rarely do in my daily life - but xe can be used regardless of the person's appearance)

technically, yes. Realistically, it's absolutely absurd to call someone 'they' in the context I described.

 

If someone doesn't know my gender, and uses the wrong term, I will not be extremely offended. I don't expect them to necessarily be aware of any gender other than male or female, due to the way that many people are raised in today's society.

This just annoys me, to be frank. I'm not going to ask if someone is neutral gendered before referring to them as he or she. How is it a negative reflection on society? It's just common sense.

 

 

From neutrois.com: "There might be a preference to present more closely to one gender over another, or it can be more comfortable to just live as one binary gender rather than the other. However, this choice is more often a result of convenience in order to navigate a society in which only two genders are recognized. A lot of people would ideally opt to have neutrois recognized as their gender and not be forced to make a decision between male and female only."

This tells me nothing. How do you feel?

 

You're not sick. Until you're diagnosed with depression, I'll assume you don't have some medical condition that hinders you from functioning in society or being happy. Etymologically, dysphoria is the opposite of euphoria, so I regarded it as such.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(also, not having feelings for anyone at 14 [well, I'm closer to 15 at this point] is fairly normal? From what I've witnessed at my school, it's unusual to not have feelings/a crush on someone. Granted, that might be infatuation, rather than "true love," but still)

 

Actually, you'd be surprised at the amount that just say things to fit in... just as a random point there. I know when I was younger I said I liked someone when I didn't have those feelings at all, just so I wouldn't be picked on or have to deal with the awkward explanation of explaining 'WHY NOT?!?!?!'.

 

I don't know if this is really helpful or not.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Actually, you'd be surprised at the amount that just say things to fit in... just as a random point there. I know when I was younger I said I liked someone when I didn't have those feelings at all, just so I wouldn't be picked on.

 

I don't know if this is really helpful or not.

I used to do that aswell and pretend that I found JLS and other various boybands hawt or I'd not be accused of being a lesbian.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Actually, you'd be surprised at the amount that just say things to fit in... just as a random point there. I know when I was younger I said I liked someone when I didn't have those feelings at all, just so I wouldn't be picked on or have to deal with the awkward explanation of explaining 'WHY NOT?!?!?!'.

 

I don't know if this is really helpful or not.

 

This just reminded me of the time at school when I was sat with my friends on a bench at lunchtime and they has a copy of "Heat" or some similar magazine (I must have been roughly 13) and where perving over the half naked male models saying how hot and fit they where and which ones they like best. I didn't actually find any of them attractive at all, but joined in because I didn't want to spoil the fun or seem uninterested in men. :anxious:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This just reminded me of the time at school when I was sat with my friends on a bench at lunchtime and they has a copy of "Heat" or some similar magazine (I must have been roughly 13) and where perving over the half naked male models saying how hot and fit they where and which ones they like best. I didn't actually find any of them attractive at all, but joined in because I didn't want to spoil the fun or seem uninterested in men. :anxious:

 

LOL sheeple sheep1.gif BAHHH

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I haven't even heard people actually use anything aside from ze/xe and hir.[/url]

 

Oh I know that, but only in rare circumstances otherwise it sounds ridiculous, whether or not it's technically grammatically correct. For example, if someone you don't know was to mention their partner you don't want to assume their sexuality so in continuing the conversation you'd say "So what did they do then?" instead of "So what did he/she do then?" but at this point the other person would normally acknowledge they should reveal the gender by saying either "he" or "she" so that we stop sounding ridiculous.

 

The main problem is that it doesn't sound specific, for example:

 

Reilly, you're not helping anyone here. Leave them alone. Even if they change their mind, they can thank you for trying to tell them what's right later.

 

When it's used too much it's downright confusing. Is he talking about a group? Is he talking about genderqueer people generally (As in "leave one alone, even if anyone changes their mind...)? So yes you are right, it can be used, but only as a last resort to refer to a person singularly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



×
×
  • Create New...