I'm glad I'm not a girl

[The Mad Hatter]

i like tasteful porn

 

bdsm pics but with cool angles and filters so it's artsy

[Coldplay]

spoiler if you don't want to hear me talk about porn and sex and stuff

 

 

i used to think porn was ok but ... just creates an expectation of sex to be as ridiculous as its shown

... and despite liking it, this is a massive problem i have with it. it's not my problem personally because i believe i'm too good to settle for someone who expects me to be something in order to be attractive to them (and really every other person in the world should be like this), but you have no idea what a big influence porn has on teenage boys in my school, i'm singling out boys because i'm pretty much the only girl i know who admits to watching porn. anyway, i've heard conversation from boys in my school along the lines of EW I WOULD NEVER FUCK A GIRL WHO WASNT BALD DOWN THERE THAT'S DISGUSTING

and you can say that they're just being dumb teenagers and they'll grow out of it but i genuinely think we're raising a generation that expects that, along with other acts in your generic macho porn to be done, and that scares the hell out of me

so that raises the question, why the hell would i support it? more on that later

(like seriously are they all 12??????)

playing devil's advocate here, but why do men have to shave their facial hair?

we are a culture obsessed with youth, if we let all our hair grow and didn't put cream on our wrinkles and wear things to slim and tighten and accentuate we would look far more different. i do agree with your point though. personally, i wax there every once in a while, on a whim, but doing it because i feel like it, and doing it because i feel i have to do it to be accepted, are two completely different things. the latter is awful!

 

but more on their ignorance of how it damages the public view of what is sex :sad:

out of curiosity, how would you feel about a girl who is treated very equally during sex, and is happy in that sex life, but enjoys watching porn where the woman is being heavily degraded, or alternatively, a woman is heavily degrading a man. is it only fate that the porn would eventually influence her behaviors in sex, or can she just enjoy watching something without it being a reflection of what she does in private?

 

do you watch it because you want it to happen to you, or do you want it to happen to you because you watch it?

 

i'm trying to work this out and i'm unsure. i watch different kinds of porn, sometimes it's your generic average joe type where the woman is submissive, sometimes it's where the man is submissive (GASP!!!!!!!!!!), and sometimes it's one of those cheesy romantic ""female-friendly"" types with the awful corny music and the roses and they write the names of the actors in fancy cursive at the beginning and yada yada, you know what i mean. it's the closest i can find often to both partners having an equal share in power.

 

but the majority (not by an overwhelming amount, but yes, the majority) is the type where the woman is submissive. it's partially due to laziness of searching through the (significantly less prevalent) latter two categories of porn, but really i just prefer to watch it a majority of the time.

 

but i wouldn't want to be submissive with a lover the majority of the time. it's just not what i'm interested in. i'm interested in it, but not that often. but i tend to like watching that, i like seeing them being controlled like that. but i wouldn't stand for someone trying to make that character out of me. why do i watch it?

 

 

[Prince Myshkin]

I have a looooooong post to make on the subject. Stuck at work though.

[Cyan Kat]

okay i have a few points to make;

 

i think most girls have come across porn at some point i mean it's kinda hard not to on the internet and i guess there's a sort of wonder why people seem to watch it so much. from the stuff i've seen i find it pretty awful to watch and i'm starting to think the ban isn't such a bad thing. i used to have the attitude that just let people do what they want but it seriously influences so many people that you start to wonder is it really their choice... for instance people getting hurt quite badly from bdsm stuff and not seeing that as abuse.

another thing is i've come across some stories from ex-porn stars on tumblr and they are truly awful so kinda tw for those.

https://www.shelleylubben.com/pornstars

 

i think some porn is ok i just hate all the degrading stuff which seems to be quite a lot.

 

 

[Coldplay]

more spoilers hurrah

 

 

i used to have the attitude that just let people do what they want but it seriously influences so many people that you start to wonder is it really their choice... for instance people getting hurt quite badly from bdsm stuff and not seeing that as abuse.

what do you mean by is it really their choice? and i'm pretty sure in the bdsm community they're supposed to make sure they never cause serious harm to someone involved and that they consent to everything that is going on so no idea what is going on with that

there is a huge misconception that the 'submissive' is the one being controlled, dominated etc.

yeah, this was erroneous to say, i'm sorry

this was not the connection i made in my head, i wrote it badly :embarrassed:

 

what i should've elaborated on is yes, it's not horrible or degrading to be in a submissive role in sex, that's perfectly fine. but in the world of porn, a woman taking a submissive role in videos is too often not having a whole lot of fun, and even if they genuinely love their job they still have to go through a lot of awful shit in this industry and lifestyle. and my post about feeling mixed and guilty for liking videos for people in this situation

 

 

[Cyan Kat]

 

cw: porn

there is a huge misconception that the 'submissive' is the one being controlled, dominated etc. thanks fifty shades of grey not only are you a terrible book but also a terrible influence URGH

 

i like to take from the bdsm community in that the submissive is actually the one in control. they dictate what is done to them and when and where. to me, that is the most healthy sorta way to do it.

 

continuing to perpetuate that 'submissive' = the controlled etc just seems to be making the problem worse. it takes away all agency and gets really icky in terms of consent. that assumption really needs to change

 

(and i should probably try a bit harder to break that myself but i get so awkward trying to breach the subject when the partner is so set in their ways, ugh)

 

 

 

i'm not denying theres a fucktonne of problematic shit in mainstream porn - i mean let's face it, there is.

there are probably some actors or actresses pressured into doing certain things due to expectations, yeah. i dunno what best to do about that though and would rather leave that to those workers themselves.

 

something makes me think if wom*n talking about or watching porn was less stigmatised you'd probably see a bit more of it that wasn't so shitty and skewed in terms of the power dynamics often depicted

or maybe that's just me and my weird idea that wom*n's sexuality in society appears to be threatening

 

 

@cyan kat: do tell more about this 'ban'.

i don't understand what you mean by degrading.

 

the ban coming in the uk isn't a ban as such, it just means that people have to kind of apply for access to it so will prevent kids seeing it and then maybe it will have less influence on them. i think really it should also be met with better sex education in schools but that's not going to happen soon. well idk i just was trying to think of a word but like you said all the mainstream porn and stuff that sexualises violence.

 

more spoilers hurrah

what do you mean by is it really their choice? and i'm pretty sure in the bdsm community they're supposed to make sure they never cause serious harm to someone involved and that they consent to everything that is going on so no idea what is going on with that

i just mean people sexualising violence from what they have seen, and i'm talking about girls and boys here. Yes the bdsm community is supposed to be like that but it's really not uncommon that people get hurt and when they get hurt the blame is shifted onto themselves saying oh it's my fault i allowed it to happen etc. and it can be pretty unhealthy having someone being dominant in a relationship, like does there come a point where people feel guilted into things and that's not truly consent.

 

[Prince Myshkin]

OK, I'll try and write what I wanted to write, but I've forgotten half of it and I've just finished an 11 hour shift starting at 6am with only a half hour break. So this will not be written very well at all.

 

 

 

 

First of all, as I've said, I wouldn't look down (or up to) on women, or girls, who watch porn, nor would I look down (or up to) women, or girls, who do not watch porn (be that for ethical reasons or simply because they do not get turned on by it).

 

As for the public view of what sex is being damaged, this can indeed be the case. But it is certainly not the case across the board. Especially if you consider that many who watch porn are already in relationships and so are well aware of what sex is to them in real life. But with regards to young adults, it can be very negative indeed. Personally, I think one thing that is needed is for females to interact with pornography more and for them to voice their opinions more on the matter. The more voice women have in pornography, the greater the variety will develop and there will be much more people would be comfortable viewing. It would also be easier to find because right now you have to search to find something specifically tasteful on the free sites, at least. But it can be found.

 

 

It is the case though, that there are relationships where one partner is more dominant sexually. In other cases there is no dominance at all. In others these roles alternate. One thing for certain, however, is that all of this came about long before the internet. And the internet can be seen (in many places but not all) as a representation of real life. There is plenty of pornography that is not a representation of common occurrences of real life, and there is pornography that is a representation of the real life that we wished didn't exist. Pornography can change for the better though, in the way that I explained above. Pornography will loosely mirror society, one would hope (though not completely as pornography is a world of fantasy for many). But I hope it will be similar to what the gaming world is about to go through as more people interact with it, the obviously skewed sex dynamics become far less one way.

 

You also have to realise that just because you watch something in pornography it doesn't mean you necessarily want to do it yourself. The issue then of course becomes if the actors want to be doing it themselves. But talking of the viewer, if you watch something "degrading" (and one would hope consensual), it doesn't mean that one would want to do that in real life (just like I can watch two people having sex who are completely different to me, be it race, body type or whatever, it doesn't mean I'm going to take anything away from it. Sex can be completely different to real life, or it can be interlinked, depending on those involved. If people accepted this it would be a lot easier for people to accept theirs and others preferences). But I personally feel that the working conditions of those involved in pornography will not improve unless society stops deeming it as so much of a stigma. The more it is talked about, the more improvements you will see in such areas, and I'm talking both the type of content produced and working to help those who work in the industry. One would hope that the current debate on actors wearing condoms, and the fact that has become (relatively) mainstream, for pornography at least, will lead to a better life for those involved. If the decision is left to those with vested interests on the money side of things and the mainstream refuse to engage out of shame then that will be a tragedy if more people contract hiv.

 

So with the two major problems as I see them being the experience of the actors (as I mentioned above) and the impact it has on the young, I think the main thing to realise is that the whole issue needs to be confronted. In this country, sex education experts are crying out to include pornography as a topic to cover. Obviously there is a backlash from some but you have to accept that pornography is going to continue to be made and people are going to continue to watch pornography so ignoring the issue will not help. And the fact that young people are going to watch pornography, many of whom that won't understand the true nature of what is being depicted, this means that there should be something put in place to explain these things. Just like I think how feminism should be explained and taught at school, to a decent depth (rather than just the superficial and usually incorrect things that are projected in the media about it being man hating or a lack of humour) I feel pornography needs to be broached in an educational setting. If you can't grow up and face the facts that young people are watching it and provide them with a mature forum with which to discuss it, then you aren't going to be able to help them.

 

As for any forms of ban (passed what is actually legal or health and safety, with condom use, etc) then most certainly not. Any form of censorship for the sake of "the children" would be a poor excuse for the sexual dysfunction society already has, regardless of whether or not it is possible. And we know that it isn't really possible. Technology always finds a way around it, see illegal downloads. You can ban what you like but online a way can be found. And in the meantime, innocent targets tend to be hit. Sex education sites for example are having a tough time with the proposals taking place in my country whereby a blanket ban on pornography is the default setting and you can choose, as a family (with all the negative stigmas our current society holds) to have the ban lifted. The ban was specified as being against violent pornography and child pornography, but as usual plenty of others suffered who would not be classed as pornography. And that's forgetting the fact that truly violent pornography and child pornography (though I hate that term in itself, it's child abuse and/or rape, it is not pornography) are already illegal and so they should be going after those who are uploading and distributing such material rather than taking heavy handed measures with little to no effect for anybody who really wants to find such things.

 

But anyway, I could debate the censorship of pornography for much longer than I have time to sit here. All I will say is that the internet isn't the problem, if you look at the way society is set up (as this thread has highlighted). Sexism came long before the internet, and the internet is merely replicating real life. To make the changes you want to see on the internet you need to fight for the changes you want to see in real life, and to do that you need women to engage as much as possible in these things, and you need people to help others understand exactly what happens in this society and the pitfalls that have come about. A ban on the internet would not solve that, it would be ducking the issue, especially considering that much of would be banned could be done, and sometimes is, in a consensual setting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyway, yeah. Not well written and my points are all over the place, but I really don't have time to structure this much better. i've not reread this so there will likely be plenty of repetition and bits that don't really make sense, but I started this last night and finished it this morning.

[Prince Myshkin]

Fuck spoilers, just don't read it if you don't want to.

[Jonny and the cake]

I think the problem with porn is that some teens use to see "how it's done" when porn is just an exaggeration of the actual act and it's completely different from "reality".

 

I do enjoy some of it, the female friendly ones because i can in some way relate to it, i can't really say anything because i'm still a virgin despite i'm almost 18 so I need something closer to how its actually done

[Prince Myshkin]

I think the problem with porn is that some teens use to see "how it's done" when porn is just an exaggeration of the actual act and it's completely different from "reality".

 

I do enjoy some of it, the female friendly ones because i can in some way relate to it, i can't really say anything because i'm still a virgin despite i'm almost 18 so I need something closer to how its actually done

 

There's no real need to think of it as being a virgin despite being almost 18.

[Matter-Eater Lad]

I think the problem with porn is that some teens use to see "how it's done" when porn is just an exaggeration of the actual act and it's completely different from "reality".

 

I do enjoy some of it, the female friendly ones because i can in some way relate to it, i can't really say anything because i'm still a virgin despite i'm almost 18 so I need something closer to how its actually done

 

I plan on googling "how to have sex" for my first time. I'll get on my phone while we're doing it.

[Coldplay]

What will you do if you lose reception :sad:

[Matter-Eater Lad]

Go into sleep mode in the middle of it.

[Prince Myshkin]

A girl was telling me her boyfriend had said he'd find it a lot easier not to cheat on her if she lost some weight. I told her to break up with him. She said he paid her mortgage and car. I asked her what she wanted from life. She said she didn't know. She said he was nice 95% of the time. I asked her how much the other 5% occupies her mind. She said about 95% of the time. It went quiet. She's still with him and I have to meet him tomorrow night.

 

 

 

 

Ugh.

[Batman]

A girl was telling me her boyfriend had said he'd find it a lot easier not to cheat on her if she lost some weight. I told her to break up with him. She said he paid her mortgage and car. I asked her what she wanted from life. She said she didn't know. She said he was nice 95% of the time. I asked her how much the other 5% occupies her mind. She said about 95% of the time. It went quiet. She's still with him and I have to meet him tomorrow night.

 

 

 

 

Ugh.

kill him :>

 

 

 

No seriously, she has got as much self-esteem as a potato :|

[Prince Myshkin]

Esteamed potato?

 

Fuck me, I'm Mark.

[Destrokk]

spoiler if you don't want to hear me talk about porn and sex and stuff

 

 

 

... and despite liking it, this is a massive problem i have with it. it's not my problem personally because i believe i'm too good to settle for someone who expects me to be something in order to be attractive to them (and really every other person in the world should be like this), but you have no idea what a big influence porn has on teenage boys in my school, i'm singling out boys because i'm pretty much the only girl i know who admits to watching porn. anyway, i've heard conversation from boys in my school along the lines of EW I WOULD NEVER FUCK A GIRL WHO WASNT BALD DOWN THERE THAT'S DISGUSTING

and you can say that they're just being dumb teenagers and they'll grow out of it but i genuinely think we're raising a generation that expects that, along with other acts in your generic macho porn to be done, and that scares the hell out of me

so that raises the question, why the hell would i support it? more on that later

 

playing devil's advocate here, but why do men have to shave their facial hair?

we are a culture obsessed with youth, if we let all our hair grow and didn't put cream on our wrinkles and wear things to slim and tighten and accentuate we would look far more different. i do agree with your point though. personally, i wax there every once in a while, on a whim, but doing it because i feel like it, and doing it because i feel i have to do it to be accepted, are two completely different things. the latter is awful!

 

 

out of curiosity, how would you feel about a girl who is treated very equally during sex, and is happy in that sex life, but enjoys watching porn where the woman is being heavily degraded, or alternatively, a woman is heavily degrading a man. is it only fate that the porn would eventually influence her behaviors in sex, or can she just enjoy watching something without it being a reflection of what she does in private?

 

do you watch it because you want it to happen to you, or do you want it to happen to you because you watch it?

 

i'm trying to work this out and i'm unsure. i watch different kinds of porn, sometimes it's your generic average joe type where the woman is submissive, sometimes it's where the man is submissive (GASP!!!!!!!!!!), and sometimes it's one of those cheesy romantic ""female-friendly"" types with the awful corny music and the roses and they write the names of the actors in fancy cursive at the beginning and yada yada, you know what i mean. it's the closest i can find often to both partners having an equal share in power.

 

but the majority (not by an overwhelming amount, but yes, the majority) is the type where the woman is submissive. it's partially due to laziness of searching through the (significantly less prevalent) latter two categories of porn, but really i just prefer to watch it a majority of the time.

 

but i wouldn't want to be submissive with a lover the majority of the time. it's just not what i'm interested in. i'm interested in it, but not that often. but i tend to like watching that, i like seeing them being controlled like that. but i wouldn't stand for someone trying to make that character out of me. why do i watch it?

 

 

i'm totally not dissing people who shave their pubic hair for sex but my problem is that in most porn women look as prepubescent as possible and i just find it creepy although if people can understand that porn is just something you use to get that feeling out of you to just masturbate and be done with it while having sex with someone in rl is also pleasing your partner and making them feel comfortable (to their liking u know with bdsm and stuff i guess) then theres no problem but like you said with the comments that boys in your school make i guess that isn't happening and they're not 13 year old boys, they're almost high school seniors and that worries me

 

out of curiosity, how would you feel about a girl who is treated very equally during sex, and is happy in that sex life, but enjoys watching porn where the woman is being heavily degraded, or alternatively, a woman is heavily degrading a man. is it only fate that the porn would eventually influence her behaviors in sex, or can she just enjoy watching something without it being a reflection of what she does in private?

 

ok lets get some spoilers cos it aWK

 

 

i honestly wouldn't know the effect of that since a) im a virgin b) ive never even held hands with a boy (cue laughter) so how the two would connect in some way i think depends on the person, like "maybe i'll try something new in the bedroom" and getting ideas from it if they get bored with the way they do it? /virginvoice

 

but i understand your argument that i do infact watch porn from time to time cos well yeah i'm at the height of my sexuality (cant fucking belive im typing this in this STUPID BANDS FORUM) and its awkward times for me where i cant just easily get a guy to ~pop the cherry~ so i watch porn and yeah its not like im searching for liberal feminist porn to not feel guilty while im watching it.

 

do you watch it because you want it to happen to you, or do you want it to happen to you because you watch it?

 

i talked to my friends about this (and i think to you too but for the forum because why the fuck not) and she said she liked porn where the woman was submissive too because it was mostly centered around the woman getting the pleasure and not just her body and how the dick gets crammed in her (if its porn like that i click away because it doesnt turn me on) altho i do sometimes watch it just to look at the wee wee :nice: because i like penis :daisy: but my friend also told me it was weird that i wouldnt watch porn where you could see the vagina because you're supposed to imagine that you're the girl and its happening to you and i guess i do that so to answer your question, i watch it because i want it to happen to me but idk not exactly like that and i'd rather get The Real Deal :daisy: with young christoph waltz :heart: which is why im trying to just do it with my ~imagination~ and not watch porn anymore but its much faster and easier to just watch it

 

[Destrokk]

warning this post is rated R

[Coldplay]

a) im a virgin b) ive never even held hands with a boy (cue laughter)

1) me 2

2) me 2

i'd rather get The Real Deal :daisy: with young christoph waltz

 

 

 

 

 

badaboom

 

 

 

 

 

[Coldplay]

he was beautiful when he was young though, yes

and apart from that pic haha he aged nicely

 

sorry i'm ruining the intellectual value of this thread

 

SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING VERY HIGHBROW

[Cobalt]

sorry i'm ruining the intellectual value of this thread

 

SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING VERY HIGHBROW

 

i am not very highbrow

 

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eURKiCUnBb4]Best christmas present reaction ever - YouTube[/ame]

[Coldplero]

Me too I guess.

Is there a "I'm glad I'm not a boy" thread though?

[Destrokk]

I hope so, then we can make a thread for white people to talk about how they suffer in reverse racism. And perhaps later a thread for straight people! You know how those gays hate us :sad:

[Destrokk]

1) me 2

2) me 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

badaboom

 

 

 

 

 

I typed and erased any kind of text or emoticon that can express my anger towards you in this moment. Because there is no such way to show you my furious feelings toward your romanian white ass. I hope you burn in a fire and Frank Ocean laughs at you :angry:

[Coldplay]

Is there a "I'm glad I'm not a boy" thread though?

Is there an "I'm glad I'm not white" thread

Is there an "I'm glad I'm disabled" thread

Is there an "I'm glad I'm not rich" thread

 

I am well-aware of sexist issues against men that exist, and in my life I will do my best to eradicate them, just like I hope to make a difference for people who are discriminated in all sorts of ways.

 

But Christ, a very lousy idea for a thread. I cringe at how in poor taste that thread would be alongside articles in this thread about women in other countries being denied their basic rights.