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I wish I could start my life over again or at least erase the past 12 years or so

I know that feeling. Even though I'm objectively speaking not that old I already have a lot of regrets in my life and in the past ten years or so I often found myself wishing I could go back in time and do things differently. Most of my regrets are with regard to human relationships of different kinds by the way (friends, family...)

But in the end it doesn't do any good to dwell on the past. Time is a one-way thing, you can never go back and I think one of the keys to happiness is to not dwell too much on things from the past, draw a firm line underneath this and live only in and for the present. And you probably need to view negative things of the past as things that simply happened and made you grow as a person, and most importantly draw a line.

Not that I have mastered this myself though, I'm very much stuck in the past. This kind of advice is much easier in theory than in practice :(

 

If anyone else has some insight on that matter or advice I would be curious too...

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I know that feeling. Even though I'm objectively speaking not that old I already have a lot of regrets in my life and in the past ten years or so I often found myself wishing I could go back in time and do things differently. Most of my regrets are with regard to human relationships of different kinds by the way (friends, family...)

But in the end it doesn't do any good to dwell on the past. Time is a one-way thing, you can never go back and I think one of the keys to happiness is to not dwell too much on things from the past, draw a firm line underneath this and live only in and for the present. And you probably need to view negative things of the past as things that simply happened and made you grow as a person, and most importantly draw a line.

Not that I have mastered this myself though, I'm very much stuck in the past. This kind of advice is much easier in theory than in practice :(

 

If anyone else has some insight on that matter or advice I would be curious too...

I like to think of myself as having mastered it, but unfortunately I'm not sure how I did it. An important step may be to figure out a way to dissociate yourself from the person you were in the past. Also I think accepting the fact that you're imperfect and that mistakes are inevitable is important... Another thing you can use to remind yourself is that you may not learn much from many little mistakes, and so you're more likely to repeat them in the future. But when you make one big mistake you are not as likely to repeat it, and that impacts your future in a positive way.

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Hi guys. Need to talk about something. I've been feeling so lost during last days. Sometimes I feel better, but eventually I get back to this uncomfortable sadness. Maybe it's because next year my life will change a lot and that freaks me out. After so many years studying hard at university, finally I will start to work, but honestly I don't even know if I really like my career so imagine how scared I am of getting a job. I don't know if I will be able to be happy doing this. The only place where I'm truly happy is in a concert or listening to my favourite music in my room, and that doesn't seem to be right. It shouldn't be like that, I should also be happy with my career and stuff like that... but sometimes I've got this feeling I am in a whole with no escape. It seems like only the music is capable of healing me.

 

PS: while I'm writing this they put Paradise on the local radio... it feels like a signal or something like that haha

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Oh I know about getting stuck in the past real well. It's more for minor and insignificant things sometimes and I can't imagine myself any other way, or getting anyway out of it without feeling happy with myself and what I can do. I put so much emphasis in that thing defining me, and then it knaws at me inside. And then when I'm about to let go I get hit with a borderline existential feeling of who am I ya know. And it can be dumb because it can be simple as changing a goal of mine or career option. A part of it is also the influence of others, like you want to please people and others expect things from you, but learning to realize that their feelings are THEIRS and not yours can help you remove yourself. @guy42 is bringing up a great point of dissociation, yeah LEARN from it, you can't really drop it because some people hide from the past and it comes back to bite them in the ass, but keep reminding yourself how short your life is, you can feel these feelings but your past is going to become obsolete one day to everything, which is a great thing and a terrible thing. Regardless, Focusing on it can distract you from what you can do if you are about contributing and caring for society. If you look back, I'm sure you would be more satisfied seeing that you have left a positive mark in people's lives or done something worthwhile, instead of just contemplating about something that's causing you this trouble.

I hope I don't sound harsh

-and sometimes a regret, or just general negative emotions can be a sign of personally or interpersonally unresolved emotions, a lack of closure in something, sometimes physical ties you need to break that you're in denial of or mental ones you need to acknowledge, going back to dissociation.

Yeah, you described it pretty well. Now that I think about it, meditation is the path to dissociation! We are used to thinking about ourselves in terms of our actions / outward manifestation. For example, we think "I am a nurse," "I am a writer," "I am female," "I am a loser," "I am rich," or "I am sad." These are very unstable things to attach yourself to, because if you fail to meet the standards of "I am X," then you will have an existential crisis. Drop the X, and you're left with "I am." Enjoy the present moment. If you get really good at this, then there is a certain point where even thinking "I am human" is counterproductive.

 

Meditation is interesting because after observing your thoughts for a while, you realize that those thoughts are not really even your own - they're just bursts of energy appearing randomly in your mind. Then you realize that you're not really in control of those thoughts, which means that ultimately you're not in control of your actions, which means that the mistakes you made aren't really mistakes at all, they were meant to happen.

 

Well, this is very difficult for most people to accept, but if you do accept it, it is very liberating.

 

That's what I learned from meditation :D

 

Hi guys. Need to talk about something. I've been feeling so lost during last days. Sometimes I feel better, but eventually I get back to this uncomfortable sadness. Maybe it's because next year my life will change a lot and that freaks me out. After so many years studying hard at university, finally I will start to work, but honestly I don't even know if I really like my career so imagine how scared I am of getting a job. I don't know if I will be able to be happy doing this. The only place where I'm truly happy is in a concert or listening to my favourite music in my room, and that doesn't seem to be right. It shouldn't be like that, I should also be happy with my career and stuff like that... but sometimes I've got this feeling I am in a whole with no escape. It seems like only the music is capable of healing me.

 

PS: while I'm writing this they put Paradise on the local radio... it feels like a signal or something like that haha

Hi @karvi22, I would always recommend for people to choose a career they will like, even if it's not as high-paying, because how you feel internally is what matters the most. However, if you're kind of stuck on this path, assuming you don't have the luxury of changing your path, I suggest you go along with it at least for a little while. Who knows, maybe you will end up liking it - sometimes you don't know until you actually try it.

 

Tbh, I used to be in the same place as you with music. I used to use music as a distraction from the sorrows of life. The truth is you must find a way to be happy without music. Actually, you must find a way to be happy without any person, place, or situation. Just happy to be with yourself, you know. Try meditation, it helps with many things. If you have a physical ailment, try to get it cured so you can feel good. I hope you will find the tools you need to begin your journey toward happiness. Peace.

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Hi guys. Need to talk about something. I've been feeling so lost during last days. Sometimes I feel better, but eventually I get back to this uncomfortable sadness. Maybe it's because next year my life will change a lot and that freaks me out. After so many years studying hard at university, finally I will start to work, but honestly I don't even know if I really like my career so imagine how scared I am of getting a job. I don't know if I will be able to be happy doing this. The only place where I'm truly happy is in a concert or listening to my favourite music in my room, and that doesn't seem to be right. It shouldn't be like that, I should also be happy with my career and stuff like that... but sometimes I've got this feeling I am in a whole with no escape. It seems like only the music is capable of healing me.

 

PS: while I'm writing this they put Paradise on the local radio... it feels like a signal or something like that haha

 

 

I'm kind of feeling the same way even if I'm only starting my second year at Uni. Sometimes if feels like it won't bring me anywhere and that I'm only wasting away money for no reason. And then I'm stuck in a hole of dreaming of publishing novels, or making music and opening for Coldplay, because I just can't see myself working at all.

To change my perception of things I'm going to try and get a student job, so that, in small steps, I can be reassured that it is possible to get things done, even if it seems impossible now.

Then again you really never know what may come upon your path in life and tomorrow might be totally different than yesterday.

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I like to think of myself as having mastered it, but unfortunately I'm not sure how I did it. An important step may be to figure out a way to dissociate yourself from the person you were in the past. Also I think accepting the fact that you're imperfect and that mistakes are inevitable is important... Another thing you can use to remind yourself is that you may not learn much from many little mistakes, and so you're more likely to repeat them in the future. But when you make one big mistake you are not as likely to repeat it, and that impacts your future in a positive way.

 

I really like this advice!! Thanks!!!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Since I've lived more than most of you, I think, this got me thinking. One of my life mottos is "Don't live life in the rear view mirror." So I try to always move on, but learn from mistakes. That requires discipline to pause and reflect. I'm too spontaneous to do that enough, but I do see where that's led me to patterns of mistakes. It's easier to learn from patterns than single mistakes. Then I try to look deeper into the motivations and reasons and assumptions that cause me to keep going down the same wrong path. I also like the saying, "If you always do what you've always done, you will always get was you've always gotten." So true.

 

 

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Thank you all for your replies. I know it is a mental process, a change of the way you think of yourself or things in your life, but that is so hard. Have never tried meditation. I have to say that being a science and hard facts-oriented person I have always been a sceptic about all things connected to spiritualism and I personally don't believe in any kind of higher being etc., although I have been thinking maybe there is no harm in having a healthy amount of it as in thinking of every little thing you encounter as a blessing or something like that ("see each sunrise as a gift").

And what @guy42 said to @karvi22 about being able to be happy without any particular thing, person, place etc. seems to be key. I think that's what makes true self-fulfillment. Because in the end all the things around you, whether it be particular persons or health or wealth or whatever can always betray you at some point. And relying on finding happiness in other people somehow always seems to lead to hurt and disappointment, at least in my experience.

 

And @karvi22, I know how you feel. Am at the moment also in a (mid-life ?? haha) crisis about my career and wondering if I want to actually do what I essentially studied for for 10 years now, and like @AmyEverdeen I am dreaming of other, more creative things. I don't have any advice however...

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Thank you all for your replies. I know it is a mental process, a change of the way you think of yourself or things in your life, but that is so hard. Have never tried meditation. I have to say that being a science and hard facts-oriented person I have always been a sceptic about all things connected to spiritualism and I personally don't believe in any kind of higher being etc., although I have been thinking maybe there is no harm in having a healthy amount of it as in thinking of every little thing you encounter as a blessing or something like that ("see each sunrise as a gift").

And what @guy42 said to @karvi22 about being able to be happy without any particular thing, person, place etc. seems to be key. I think that's what makes true self-fulfillment. Because in the end all the things around you, whether it be particular persons or health or wealth or whatever can always betray you at some point. And relying on finding happiness in other people somehow always seems to lead to hurt and disappointment, at least in my experience.

 

And @karvi22, I know how you feel. Am at the moment also in a (mid-life ?? haha) crisis about my career and wondering if I want to actually do what I essentially studied for for 10 years now, and like @AmyEverdeen I am dreaming of other, more creative things. I don't have any advice however...

 

i think spiritualism in such an interesting concept, because you can be spiritual without being religious, which those things tend to get lumped together it seems. i don't particularly believe in a higher being, but i think there is something incredible just about the universe in general and through that i can feel a connection that to me i would define as being spiritual. it doesn't have to be about holding a certain system of beliefs and morals, but about being able to think outside of yourself in a big way. so maybe you can actually use some of your science and hard facts-orientation to change your perspective in that way, kind of like you were saying here about how unique life even is and how ridiculously incredible it is to be able to do any of the things we do as human beings. like me being able to press a bunch of plastic buttons that put symbols up on a screen, somehow representing this crazy abstract idea and then being able to send it to you, another human who lives across the planet...

 

when i start thinking about all those kinds of things, how remarkable it is that life even exists, let alone existing in the way that it does for us, it makes it a lot easier to forget about dumb stuff i did in the past. thinking that the universe is so big and we're relatively insignificant compared to it COULD be a bit of a downer, but honestly for me it's more freeing than anything. i'm just one small part of something larger. that's not to say that individual people don't matter, that individual problems aren't real and that you shouldn't ever be upset about things that have happened to you, of course.

 

but it's just something to think about. you're part of the human race, all of the stars and the outer space...

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i think spiritualism in such an interesting concept, because you can be spiritual without being religious, which those things tend to get lumped together it seems. i don't particularly believe in a higher being, but i think there is something incredible just about the universe in general and through that i can feel a connection that to me i would define as being spiritual. it doesn't have to be about holding a certain system of beliefs and morals, but about being able to think outside of yourself in a big way. so maybe you can actually use some of your science and hard facts-orientation to change your perspective in that way, kind of like you were saying here about how unique life even is and how ridiculously incredible it is to be able to do any of the things we do as human beings. like me being able to press a bunch of plastic buttons that put symbols up on a screen, somehow representing this crazy abstract idea and then being able to send it to you, another human who lives across the planet...

 

when i start thinking about all those kinds of things, how remarkable it is that life even exists, let alone existing in the way that it does for us, it makes it a lot easier to forget about dumb stuff i did in the past. thinking that the universe is so big and we're relatively insignificant compared to it COULD be a bit of a downer, but honestly for me it's more freeing than anything. i'm just one small part of something larger. that's not to say that individual people don't matter, that individual problems aren't real and that you shouldn't ever be upset about things that have happened to you, of course.

 

but it's just something to think about. you're part of the human race, all of the stars and the outer space...

I like what you just wrote. That's exactly what I meant in terms of being spiritual...the wonder and amazement at life and the universe. Speed of Sound is a song in that vein :D

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@guy42 @AmyEverdeen @I ran away thank you so much for your kind words.

 

Hi @karvi22, I would always recommend for people to choose a career they will like, even if it's not as high-paying, because how you feel internally is what matters the most. However, if you're kind of stuck on this path, assuming you don't have the luxury of changing your path, I suggest you go along with it at least for a little while. Who knows, maybe you will end up liking it - sometimes you don't know until you actually try it.

 

Tbh, I used to be in the same place as you with music. I used to use music as a distraction from the sorrows of life. The truth is you must find a way to be happy without music. Actually, you must find a way to be happy without any person, place, or situation. Just happy to be with yourself, you know. Try meditation, it helps with many things. If you have a physical ailment, try to get it cured so you can feel good. I hope you will find the tools you need to begin your journey toward happiness. Peace.

I think I will give a try to the meditation thing, it could work! And you're right, all I can do now is to keep doing this and see what happens. Maybe eventually I will learn to love it... after all, how can I know it if I don't even try?

 

Then again you really never know what may come upon your path in life and tomorrow might be totally different than yesterday.

Totally agree with this... life changes in the most unexpected ways. Sometimes we tend to think over everything so much. Maybe what we should do is to live, because life itself will give us all the answers... and your dreams could come true someday :)

 

And @karvi22, I know how you feel. Am at the moment also in a (mid-life ?? haha) crisis about my career and wondering if I want to actually do what I essentially studied for for 10 years now, and like @AmyEverdeen I am dreaming of other, more creative things. I don't have any advice however...

Hope you can find your path as well... I know it's hard but we have to try it. Wish you all the best!

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So today is one of these days were I am asking myself again, what is the purpose of living through every day ?

When I was younger I used to have a motivation for living and I used to think that every day and year brings you closer to your life's goals and that once you reach a certain point, everything will be better. It was as if I was working towards something but along the way found out that there isn't really such a thing, and now it feels like it's just a hamster wheel that you're stuck on for the next 60 years or so. And sometimes I feel like all the nice things like going to concerts or travelling are just momentary distractions from this inescapable routine.

And it seems to be the same with human relationships in general (by that I mean any kind, also friendships etc.). What is the purpose if they always seem to involve rejection or hurt or disappointment ?

I'm just sometimes so sick of life in general....

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So today is one of these days were I am asking myself again, what is the purpose of living through every day ?

When I was younger I used to have a motivation for living and I used to think that every day and year brings you closer to your life's goals and that once you reach a certain point, everything will be better. It was as if I was working towards something but along the way found out that there isn't really such a thing, and now it feels like it's just a hamster wheel that you're stuck on for the next 60 years or so. And sometimes I feel like all the nice things like going to concerts or travelling are just momentary distractions from this inescapable routine.

And it seems to be the same with human relationships in general (by that I mean any kind, also friendships etc.). What is the purpose if they always seem to involve rejection or hurt or disappointment ?

I'm just sometimes so sick of life in general....

 

@I ran away I know what you mean because I feel exactly the same. Like Coldplay says, "I don't know which way I'm going, I don't know which way I've come". It seems like we can only find happiness at some moments but the rest of our lifes we just live and that's all. It's like we are in a hole or something like that... during last days I've been wondering a lot about how we can feel better. I'd wish I could have a better answer, but maybe all we can do is to appreciate more the small things. We should try to find happiness in the details. Even if we think our routines are boring and bad, maybe we still can find something beautiful in them... a song, a movie, an unexpected smile... anything could be useful to make us feel good.

Regarding to what you've said about relationships, sadly right now there's nothing positive I can say about it... recently I kinda lost faith in most people. I've had so many disappointments, broken promises... and honestly I'm really tired of it. From now on, I will try to find happiness all by myself. If someone wants to come with me, that will be ok... but it will also be ok if no one comes.

I send you a big hug :)

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So today is one of these days were I am asking myself again, what is the purpose of living through every day ?

When I was younger I used to have a motivation for living and I used to think that every day and year brings you closer to your life's goals and that once you reach a certain point, everything will be better. It was as if I was working towards something but along the way found out that there isn't really such a thing, and now it feels like it's just a hamster wheel that you're stuck on for the next 60 years or so. And sometimes I feel like all the nice things like going to concerts or travelling are just momentary distractions from this inescapable routine.

And it seems to be the same with human relationships in general (by that I mean any kind, also friendships etc.). What is the purpose if they always seem to involve rejection or hurt or disappointment ?

I'm just sometimes so sick of life in general....

I believe everything we go through is part of our life and makes us who we are. We get disappointments, we face rejection, we fail, we had bad moments. But we also have nice memories, success, friendship. Nothing will be perfect or it might seem perfect just for yourself, it depends on the way you see it. I believe on seeing each sunrise as a gift and to treasure every moment when I'm happy and to learn from or forget the bad moments. I try to stay positive because I don't find any purpose on seeing the negative side of life; I don't know what I'd be doing at this moment of my mind was full of those thoughts. The sad moments in my life have taught me to keep moving forward and to show to myself that I can be as happy as I want with the things and people I have in my life.

Maybe, this post doesn't make sense but what I'm trying to say is don't try to make sense of life just because everyone does it. Look for your strength inside you, find your happiness in the things, moments and people you have around you but don't rely just on them. It might sound weird to say but "when you see it you'll understand" not everything is just black and white, there are lots of colors we can't identify yet, we need time to find them.

Sending you a big hug :heart:

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@I ran away

 

The past is called the past for a reason. When the dust has settled, and it's all over, whether you like the outcome or not you have to accept it for what it's worth. We can only live and learn. It is easier to be negative than it is to be positive. And while I can just say, think positive, that won't really help you at all. You don't have to move mountains to figure out the source of the problem. But at the same time, progress is only made when you step outside your comfort zone. Sometimes you have to do things that scare you half to death. Because when you do something scary, and complete it, you just told yourself that you are capable of doing so much more! You are stronger than you think, you are smarter than you think. You are better than you think. We as humans are capable of so much! Yet we refuse to believe it because it means we have to scare ourselves and do something we "think" we cannot do. The minute you open your mind to everything that comes in, the minute you tell yourself, "I can and I will just watch me!!" That is the day you realize you are capable of doing anything. Our hardest critic is ourselves. Our worst enemy is staring back at us everyday in the mirror. My advice, Never Never Never Give Up!! Just find a way to overcome, don't give in and keep on pushing. Just keep holding on. Never Never Never Give Up!!

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@I ran away I know what you mean because I feel exactly the same. Like Coldplay says, "I don't know which way I'm going, I don't know which way I've come". It seems like we can only find happiness at some moments but the rest of our lifes we just live and that's all. It's like we are in a hole or something like that... during last days I've been wondering a lot about how we can feel better. I'd wish I could have a better answer, but maybe all we can do is to appreciate more the small things. We should try to find happiness in the details. Even if we think our routines are boring and bad, maybe we still can find something beautiful in them... a song, a movie, an unexpected smile... anything could be useful to make us feel good.

Regarding to what you've said about relationships, sadly right now there's nothing positive I can say about it... recently I kinda lost faith in most people. I've had so many disappointments, broken promises... and honestly I'm really tired of it. From now on, I will try to find happiness all by myself. If someone wants to come with me, that will be ok... but it will also be ok if no one comes.

I send you a big hug :)

 

I believe everything we go through is part of our life and makes us who we are. We get disappointments, we face rejection, we fail, we had bad moments. But we also have nice memories, success, friendship. Nothing will be perfect or it might seem perfect just for yourself, it depends on the way you see it. I believe on seeing each sunrise as a gift and to treasure every moment when I'm happy and to learn from or forget the bad moments. I try to stay positive because I don't find any purpose on seeing the negative side of life; I don't know what I'd be doing at this moment of my mind was full of those thoughts. The sad moments in my life have taught me to keep moving forward and to show to myself that I can be as happy as I want with the things and people I have in my life.

Maybe, this post doesn't make sense but what I'm trying to say is don't try to make sense of life just because everyone does it. Look for your strength inside you, find your happiness in the things, moments and people you have around you but don't rely just on them. It might sound weird to say but "when you see it you'll understand" not everything is just black and white, there are lots of colors we can't identify yet, we need time to find them.

Sending you a big hug :heart:

 

@I ran away

 

The past is called the past for a reason. When the dust has settled, and it's all over, whether you like the outcome or not you have to accept it for what it's worth. We can only live and learn. It is easier to be negative than it is to be positive. And while I can just say, think positive, that won't really help you at all. You don't have to move mountains to figure out the source of the problem. But at the same time, progress is only made when you step outside your comfort zone. Sometimes you have to do things that scare you half to death. Because when you do something scary, and complete it, you just told yourself that you are capable of doing so much more! You are stronger than you think, you are smarter than you think. You are better than you think. We as humans are capable of so much! Yet we refuse to believe it because it means we have to scare ourselves and do something we "think" we cannot do. The minute you open your mind to everything that comes in, the minute you tell yourself, "I can and I will just watch me!!" That is the day you realize you are capable of doing anything. Our hardest critic is ourselves. Our worst enemy is staring back at us everyday in the mirror. My advice, Never Never Never Give Up!! Just find a way to overcome, don't give in and keep on pushing. Just keep holding on. Never Never Never Give Up!!

 

Thank you all for your replies. I read them all but to be honest I don't really know what to say. Some days I feel ok and others I feel so devoid of any hope or meaning. Haven't found a solution yet.

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Thank you all for your replies. I read them all but to be honest I don't really know what to say. Some days I feel ok and others I feel so devoid of any hope or meaning. Haven't found a solution yet.

 

It'll get better. Sometimes it just takes some time. In any case, you're not alone.

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Hey, this is really, really, really special thread. This is a space where I can really can share my feelings because I believe you are the ones who will understand more even than my close friends.

 

Last year I went (finally) to my first Coldplay in Colombia because it was the nearest placeconcert and it was amazing... It was the happiest day of my entire life... For real, was it. I went with some friends and my girlfriend.

Some weeks after I found that my girlfriend was cheating on me and a lot stuff happened in that time, (depression) and the memory of the concert turned a really dark memory. I cound't listen any song... Because it was a hell...

After months of recovering now I can enjoy again Coldplay and even I changed the last week of my vacations on october and spend savings (and a 13 hours flight jeje) to go to the Rose Bowl concert. I don't know if I will be able to manage all the emotions of the concert, but I know will enjoy it with all my heart.

So, if you are going to the concert and see a guy with a world flag (I'm from Panama but I really love the project of a flag for the whole world, and also it has something in common with Coldplay) that's me. =)

 

Hope you are having a nice day, ViVa La ViDa

 

1430773740087

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So today is one of these days were I am asking myself again, what is the purpose of living through every day ?

When I was younger I used to have a motivation for living and I used to think that every day and year brings you closer to your life's goals and that once you reach a certain point, everything will be better. It was as if I was working towards something but along the way found out that there isn't really such a thing, and now it feels like it's just a hamster wheel that you're stuck on for the next 60 years or so. And sometimes I feel like all the nice things like going to concerts or travelling are just momentary distractions from this inescapable routine.

And it seems to be the same with human relationships in general (by that I mean any kind, also friendships etc.). What is the purpose if they always seem to involve rejection or hurt or disappointment ?

I'm just sometimes so sick of life in general....

The short answer is that there is no answer I guess. Like relationships as well I don't understand like I find myself as an observer watching friends go through breakups and being depressed and all. And then they're with another girlfriend and the same thing will eventually happen again. Like it's a destructive and depressing way to view the world and kinda reminds me of "gravity", that people are just inclined to be together... I feel like if you think you're job is as monotonous as thinking of grinding for the next 60 years, definitely think about if there's something else that you'd be more interested in doing. But I mean easier said than done :/

 

Going back to what people were talking about before, looking back into the past is and always has been a problem of mine as well. It's just like a matter of letting go, especially when you know what you did to cause a friendship to break down. There's always that kinda guilt you feel about what if, I didn't do this and didn't let this person down.

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Hey. I know this is a place where we could be open about things, and I have so here's something else. Have any of y'all questioned you're sexuality to the point it's made you feel oddly isolated. I'm still quite young, I won't reveal my age exactly, but I'm feeling really strange and feel like I'm in a void in terms of my orientation. I'm female by the way and have always identified as straight but I'm starting to reconsider if I'm into other girls because there are lots of things not adding up in my head, even though my history has pretty much been always into males in real life, like crushes and all that and in my fantasies for the most part. In certain ways I'm into girls (I won't go into detail lmao) and literally just yesterday I started considering that I may be into spending my life with one (even though I've never been with one in real life) and things are getting quite confusing to figure out because I might not want to marry a man or spend my life with one in the long run. I don't know if I'm just bored with them or what??? cause I've just been enraptured by men lol in many aspects of my life. I know that I have a lifetime to figure this out. I think again I'm just scared of abandoning my past self and what I used to like and be comfortable with. Like I'm afraid to jump out of my comfort zone and I shouldn't be. I actually don't have any negative outside influence telling me that being gay or bisexual is wrong, in fact I'm living in a place that's extremely accepting of it, so I'm think I'm just battling with my own confusion and feelings.

 

it definitely sounds like your orientation is not exactly what you're struggling with - you said it yourself! "I think again I'm just scared of abandoning my past self and what I used to like and be comfortable with."

 

one of the people i watch on Youtube is Michael Buckley, he's a life coach now and what you said here reminds me of a video that he put up recently. in this he's talking about having given up drinking, but what he says starting at 4:22 relates to this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id=melgr-NXHQg;m=4;s=22

 

 

and then at 5:55 he says something really great that he thought to himself: "stop acting and thinking and talking like you know exactly how you feel about everything and just notice and pay attention and be open to the idea that you were wrong about yourself."

 

your life changes, you're not the same person as your past self, so why should you pretend to be? and like he says in the video, you don't have to radically change your identity instantly. you can just be open to the idea that maybe you like girls as well or maybe you prefer girls, at least at this point in your life. i know it's harmful to think about orientations as being "phases" because that is typically used to invalidate people's orientations, but you also don't have to be tied to one identity your entire life. it can be true now and not true later and there's nothing wrong with that, same with how you have felt about boys before. maybe start to warm up to the idea and then take small steps toward finding out if being with girls is something you do enjoy or not.

 

especially since the environment you're in right now is supportive of that, you should definitely take advantage! what purpose does it serve you to hold onto the person you used to be? ask yourself that and i think you'll find that it doesn't serve you at all.

 

of course... easier said than done, i know. :P i struggle with this concept, too, especially because i'm very conscious of how i present myself/my personality to other people. think of it as a process. it's not easy, but it is possible, you just have to keep working at it. set small goals for yourself and don't get discouraged if you don't reach the goal as quickly as you want. take a deep breath and persevere.

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Hi guys, I'm actually Guy Berryman and I've come here to save you all :)

 

jk

 

Hey. I know this is a place where we could be open about things, and I have so here's something else. Have any of y'all questioned you're sexuality to the point it's made you feel oddly isolated. I'm still quite young, I won't reveal my age exactly, but I'm feeling really strange and feel like I'm in a void in terms of my orientation. I'm female by the way and have always identified as straight but I'm starting to reconsider if I'm into other girls because there are lots of things not adding up in my head, even though my history has pretty much been always into males in real life, like crushes and all that and in my fantasies for the most part. In certain ways I'm into girls (I won't go into detail lmao) and literally just yesterday I started considering that I may be into spending my life with one (even though I've never been with one in real life) and things are getting quite confusing to figure out because I might not want to marry a man or spend my life with one in the long run. I don't know if I'm just bored with them or what??? cause I've just been enraptured by men lol in many aspects of my life. I know that I have a lifetime to figure this out. I think again I'm just scared of abandoning my past self and what I used to like and be comfortable with. Like I'm afraid to jump out of my comfort zone and I shouldn't be. I actually don't have any negative outside influence telling me that being gay or bisexual is wrong, in fact I'm living in a place that's extremely accepting of it, so I'm think I'm just battling with my own confusion and feelings.

Oh crap, so you're female, mkay, good to know...

 

Thank you all for your replies. I read them all but to be honest I don't really know what to say. Some days I feel ok and others I feel so devoid of any hope or meaning. Haven't found a solution yet.

What do you expect the solution to look like?

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