Don't Let It Break Your Heart!

[onlylove]

Just reread this during my own recent darkest hour and it is so true. But right now I feel like a blow-up clown that you punch and it pops back up- only I am so tired of doing that, I have no energy to bounce back up again.

 

 

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I'm glad that it may have helped in some small way in your darkest hour...and I am sorry you are going through this. :(

 

I don't know if this is helpful, but, I am a ruminator, and there are definitely times when my hormones are such that I will sit in that spiral until I cry it out, or push everyone away while I am in my dark place and pass the storm. I'm lucky in that usually I can get past it in a few days.

 

But, something I am trying recently is much more mindfulness. I used to think all this stuff was crazy and didn't work for my anxious mind. But it has recently started to click with me. Probably because I have been rewatching Chris's interviews post his breakup and all he did to heal himself. Practicing emptying my mind, just noticing how I feel, trying to attach no judgement to it, trying to love myself no matter what I feel. Finding the positive in the negative.

 

It's hard. It takes practice. But when I am successful, it really helps.

[iamsue]

Thinking or ruminating (I wonder if that’s where “umi” comes from in AOAL about this. You’ve given me lots to consider! Thanks!

 

 

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[RedBalloon]

I'm glad that it may have helped in some small way in your darkest hour...and I am sorry you are going through this. :(

 

I don't know if this is helpful, but, I am a ruminator, and there are definitely times when my hormones are such that I will sit in that spiral until I cry it out, or push everyone away while I am in my dark place and pass the storm. I'm lucky in that usually I can get past it in a few days.

 

But, something I am trying recently is much more mindfulness. I used to think all this stuff was crazy and didn't work for my anxious mind. But it has recently started to click with me. Probably because I have been rewatching Chris's interviews post his breakup and all he did to heal himself. Practicing emptying my mind, just noticing how I feel, trying to attach no judgement to it, trying to love myself no matter what I feel. Finding the positive in the negative.

 

It's hard. It takes practice. But when I am successful, it really helps.

 

Great to hear your trying and the experience~ it has helped me a lot, and it is a hard but rewarding process. Whether they are endless/"energies absorbing" thoughts or strong emotions, trying to let it out/flow but without being taken by them. Maybe, at first, you are like the one who don't know how to swim in the deep ocean~ after practicing, gradually, it seems you standing by the river of thoughts/emotions, with more understanding but less judgement, then continuously, the origin/answers of the problem surfing out itself, the inner/wise words coming out naturally, the "turbulent waves" then disappearing. It is hard to describe, but I guess I got your saying to a degree.

[Gideon_Mx]

I've been away too long from the forums honestly and many things happened. Life isn't always as easy as it seems.

I'm having a tough time. Sometimes it's really, really tough, I can better say that I'm going through a (kind of) depression, which doesn't always make it easy to be a happy person. It sounds really weird but sometimes I just feel as if the world has stopped for me and that there's nothing left that can ever make me happy.

Fortunately contact with some of my (kind of) friends/classmates cheers me up a bit and I have my relatives that are always supporting me at all time. And honestly, I have no idea which person I would have been without music: AKA... Coldplay :innocent:

I am getting help so please don't worry too much about me. I just wanted to share in what state I am in.

And of course I hope that everyone here on the forums is fine !

[I ran away]

I've been away too long from the forums honestly and many things happened. Life isn't always as easy as it seems.

I'm having a tough time. Sometimes it's really, really tough, I can better say that I'm going through a depression, which doesn't always make it easy to be a happy person. It sounds really weird but sometimes I just feel as if the world has stopped for me and that there's nothing left that can ever make me happy.

Fortunately contact with some of my (kind of) friends/classmates cheers me up a bit and I have my relatives that are always supporting me at all time. And honestly, I have no idea which person I would have been without music: AKA... Coldplay :innocent:

I am getting help so please don't worry too much about me. I just wanted to share in what state I am in.

And of course I hope that everyone here on the forums is fine !

What a weird coincidence, half an hour ago I was thinking of this thread and wondering if I should revive it and then I come here and you posted !

So nice to see you again. :) We're always here for you if you wanna talk. I can understand how you're feeling....

[Charlie Xyloto]

I've been kinda down lately and can't shake it off... I have a tendency to get really depressed when someone breaks my trust and it gets difficult to deal with that person in the future. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but I try to play by the rules even if others don't. Life is difficult enough without these disappointments... :pensive:

[iamsue]

Hi, all. I’m sorry to hear some of you so down. I went through a deep depression earlier this year after losing my mother. I am having some major back surgery which turned from minor outpatient surgery to another fusion like the one 18 months ago. Plus I have two nearly fractured bones in my foot and am in a walking boot that has made my back worse.

 

Sometimes, it seems like just when life can’t get any worse, WHAM! It does. But we are resilient. As I write this, I’m watching Live 2003 and, no lie, the verse Chris was just singing was “Don’t ya Shiver”! A message that seems meant for all of us in despair.

 

One last thought: When I was new in my career in Human Resources, I worked a lot with labor unions (different in the U.S, I realize). I lost a lot of my idealism quickly when I had to learn the expectations for adversarial relationships between us and the unions.

 

That made it hard for me to trust. It hurt me deeply to be expected to “toughen up” when the last thing I wanted to do was hurt anyone. And you know what? I became good friends with the head of the union and even his family.

 

So, Charlie Xyloto, I say “good for you!” For not losing your ideals! I admire you for that. Be the kind of person you are. Guess what Chris just sang? “Don’t lose your trust!”. I am not kidding!

 

 

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[Charlie Xyloto]

Hi, all. I’m sorry to hear some of you so down. I went through a deep depression earlier this year after losing my mother. I am having some major back surgery which turned from minor outpatient surgery to another fusion like the one 18 months ago. Plus I have two nearly fractured bones in my foot and am in a walking boot that has made my back worse.

 

Sometimes, it seems like just when life can’t get any worse, WHAM! It does. But we are resilient. As I write this, I’m watching Live 2003 and, no lie, the verse Chris was just singing was “Don’t ya Shiver”! A message that seems meant for all of us in despair.

 

One last thought: When I was new in my career in Human Resources, I worked a lot with labor unions (different in the U.S, I realize). I lost a lot of my idealism quickly when I had to learn the expectations for adversarial relationships between us and the unions.

 

That made it hard for me to trust. It hurt me deeply to be expected to “toughen up” when the last thing I wanted to do was hurt anyone. And you know what? I became good friends with the head of the union and even his family.

 

So, Charlie Xyloto, I say “good for you!” For not losing your ideals! I admire you for that. Be the kind of person you are. Guess what Chris just sang? “Don’t lose your trust!”. I am not kidding!

 

 

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Thank you iamsue for your kind words! Trust is everything to me, whether it is between friends or co-workers, and having that trust broken by someone always hits me hard. I had a rough week that felt like all the energy just drained out of me, I'm doing better now. I just hope I could brush off these negative things easier and get on with my life without letting them get me down.

The positive message that comes across in so many of Coldplay songs is exactly what drew me to their music and continues to cheer me up. Chris singing "Don't lose your trust" is just the kind of wonderful positivity that I need! I hope you're recovering well, I wish you all the best! :)

[GirlFromTheAbstractStorm]

It's really great to see all the messages of positivity here and people sharing their stories about the bad stuff.

Bad things happen to everyone and a lot of the coldplay songs are about something really bad that happened long ago or "way back"... so maybe that's why people going through stuff feel a connection with the songs. I think it's great that so much of the songs have such a positive message for people too which is maybe not what a lot of people think of when they think of coldplay.

 

Where I am at the moment they have just put rubber stamped envelopes on everyones doors, so it looks like there is another difficult chapter coming up and I might be going quiet again soon but there is hope of something more positive for my situation too so I feel you have to hope for the best and there's often the chance of a more positive outcome in everything.

 

I'd urge everyone to stay positive and to keep on with the struggle in what you are doing in your life and with your life.

...and it's summer now so we don't have to shiver so much! ;)

 

love

 

Freya

[I ran away]

Where I am at the moment they have just put rubber stamped envelopes on everyones doors, so it looks like there is another difficult chapter coming up and I might be going quiet again soon

I don't understand, what do rubber stamped envelopes mean ? Can you explain ?

[GirlFromTheAbstractStorm]

rubber stamped means ink stamps that say things like "IMPORTANT DOCUMENT" to let people know it's not just junk mail or something.

It's legal documents. Everyone got served notice from the council. Complicated stuff.

 

Maybe I will be able to appeal as it's not about anything I have done but about what other people have done and the council kind of know that but I'm not sure what exactly is going on.

I'll need to speak to the landlord who is never around when you actually want to speak to him, only when he wants you to do something for him! ;)

 

We will see what happens. I have been through so much you wouldn't believe so this is small potatoes in a way!

 

love

 

Freya

[alicjanna]

Hi everyone, I want to get some things off my chest

 

I've been feeling like a complete mess lately. Some things have been worrying me for a long time but now they started "accumulating":

 

I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

I can't find my passion and I get bored with things quite easily.

Our maths teacher might take a year-long sick leave next year. He's the best teacher in our school and it makes me worry about my finals.

 

I am usually able to cope with these things, but now I overwhelmed with them and that situation:

 

I became very close friends with a girl from my class and she came out to me that she's fond of females (she's not sure if she's bi/homo romantic/sexual). I must say that she's the most wonderful person I've ever met. After some time I realised that I really love her but I wasn't sure if it was a romantic or non-romantic feeling (like for a family member or a friend). A few days ago she told me that she loves me and I did so too (neither of us said in what way but I guess she meant the romantic way). I've been thinking about my romantic/sexual identity a lot and I realised that even if I might feel attracted to women this feeling is much less stronger than the one I have for men so I can't imagine being in a long-term relationship with a female.

So now I'm terribly confused about what I should do. I guess she thinks that I'm homo/bi too. I can't see myself being with her but our relationship seems to be going that way and it looks like she has fallen for me.

I want to tell her about my thoughts but I'm afraid I'll hurt her. I top of it, she tends to be self-destructive (in a mental, not physical way) so she might blame it on herself. The only thing I want to do now is to be alone but I know that alienating myself is only going to worsen the whole situation and make her worry even more. I don't want to ruin our friendship.

 

I hope that what I wrote makes sense

 

Right now I feel like an embodiment of confusion

Maybe someone can remember this post I wrote here over a year ago.

 

Turns out that at that time I had no idea what being in love felt like.

 

I had just assumed I was straight. I hadn't really questioned it until I became close with her.

 

The funny thing is I made the first step with her not even knowing that I was attracted to women.

 

We've been together for a year now.

It might seem weird that not that long ago I thought that I was straight and now I think I'm not even attracted to men.

 

I guess it's because of the environment I grew up in. Only about 2 years ago I realised that there are people around me who are not heterosexual.

 

My coming out was painful. I don't want to get into details about the relationship between me and my parents.

For short, I can't wait until I move out.

 

It's been a tough year for me.

 

I'm not sure why I'm writing that. It's been on my mind fot quite some time.

 

I just want to say that getting to know who you are can be incredibly confusing, but you'll eventually figure it out. Take your time.

[onlylove]

I've struggled with anxiety and depression all my life. I was at a low point last summer and then went to the Coldplay concert and it made me so euphoric and positive for a while as I got into studying the band and especially Chris's own journeys with this stuff. I got healthier physically and mentally for a while.

 

I feel I'm starting to slip a bit again and am losing that positive spark and motivation I held for nearly a year amazing enough! Some stressful things have occurred but I know I still have much to be grateful of, blessings far outweighing any negative parts.

 

I have more tools now to help but am just sad that internal spark is leaving me. I need to get inspired again!

[Zero Theory]

Maybe someone can remember this post I wrote here over a year ago.

 

Turns out that at that time I had no idea what being in love felt like.

 

I had just assumed I was straight. I hadn't really questioned it until I became close with her.

 

The funny thing is I made the first step with her not even knowing that I was attracted to women.

 

We've been together for a year now.

It might seem weird that not that long ago I thought that I was straight and now I think I'm not even attracted to men.

 

I guess it's because of the environment I grew up in. Only about 2 years ago I realised that there are people around me who are not heterosexual.

 

My coming out was painful. I don't want to get into details about the relationship between me and my parents.

For short, I can't wait until I move out.

 

It's been a tough year for me.

 

I'm not sure why I'm writing that. It's been on my mind fot quite some time.

 

I just want to say that getting to know who you are can be incredibly confusing, but you'll eventually figure it out. Take your time.

Good for you for being true to yourself. It's much harder than it sounds, especially if you're parents don't accept you for who you are.

My older sister recently came out as gay to me, and the crazy thing is, I really had no clue nor saw it coming. That just shows how difficult it is to express those feelings, since she never led on about it at all. Luckily my parents and entire family are very accepting.

 

I feel for people who aren't as fortunate in that sense, like you. But just know that your parents don't define who you are or your happiness. They are people who have brought you into the world, provided and guided you. I always got the sense that people with difficult family situations usually come out stronger and more battle tested in the end. The best success stories usually come from rough beginnings.

 

I hope it gets better for you, and always know, you aren't alone. And know that most people really don't judge you for your sexual choices! Besides, who cares what people think? F*** people's opinions about your life. Ever since my sister came out, it barely even matters to me. I don't really think about it, the only hard part for me is knowing she felt the need to hold onto it for so long.

 

Even with all the division in the world and seemingly overwhelming hatefulness in the media, in my experience, most people are very accepting and generally good people. The world is a good place.

 

We live in a beautiful world.

 

Anyways, who cares about anything else in life? Earth has been around for over 4 billions years and we all happen to be living at the same time as mother***** Coldplay! That's enough to keep me going through any life issue.

[alicjanna]

Good for you for being true to yourself. It's much harder than it sounds, especially if you're parents don't accept you for who you are.

My older sister recently came out as gay to me, and the crazy thing is, I really had no clue nor saw it coming. That just shows how difficult it is to express those feelings, since she never led on about it at all. Luckily my parents and entire family are very accepting.

 

I feel for people who aren't as fortunate in that sense, like you. But just know that your parents don't define who you are or your happiness. They are people who have brought you into the world, provided and guided you. I always got the sense that people with difficult family situations usually come out stronger and more battle tested in the end. The best success stories usually come from rough beginnings.

 

I hope it gets better for you, and always know, you aren't alone. And know that most people really don't judge you for your sexual choices! Besides, who cares what people think? F*** people's opinions about your life. Ever since my sister came out, it barely even matters to me. I don't really think about it, the only hard part for me is knowing she felt the need to hold onto it for so long.

 

Even with all the division in the world and seemingly overwhelming hatefulness in the media, in my experience, most people are very accepting and generally good people. The world is a good place.

 

We live in a beautiful world.

 

Anyways, who cares about anything else in life? Earth has been around for over 4 billions years and we all happen to be living at the same time as mother***** Coldplay! That's enough to keep me going through any life issue.

 

Thank you for your response, it warmed my heart [emoji173]️

 

The thing is, my parents are not homophobic. I guess they just didn't expect my coming out and they are afraid that this all is just a phase. They are also really worried about how hard my life can be as a gay person in Poland (apparently it's the second most homophobic country in Europe, yay - and it's getting even worse because of our conservative government).

 

I think they need more time to process that thing and change their prospect of my future.

But I'm afraid that all that has happened between us during the last year will change our relationship irreversibly. We've never been close but I think I've distanced myself from them even more

 

 

You're right, this experience makes me a tougher person

I'm very hopeful about the future. It might be rough, but it'll teach me something.

 

Thank you, again

Have a lovely day [emoji177]

[M Marks The Spot]

Hey, my first post in this thread. I'm not really sure what to type to describe accurately the way I'm feeling now or what's on my mind since it's a quite sensitive topic but I'll do my best.

 

Somehow I've come to realize that my class might have not been something I've taken for granted all the time before. I thought of it as my second family but I must have been totally naive and silly to perceive that this way. I thought every of my classmates would be willing to help me or talk to me whenever I came to them or dropped them a line. At first it looked so innocent but then when I sent more messages most of them stopped responding me. I felt like a fool.

 

I know it's weird to communicate with people more on the Net than face to face although I meet and see the classmates every school day. In fact, I'm a shy person. I just can't imagine myself going to a person I barely speak to or a complete stranger and start a conversation with them without hesitation unless I'm feeling totally high and have no problem with engaging someone else in conversation and doing a nice small talk. On the other hand, I crave attention. I do not think I'm the type of person who attracts others to come to me and feels comfortable being surrounded by a group of whoever there is with me. I can't find anything interesting about me that would function as a magnet and pull people to me. I want to feel like I belong somewhere actually but at school I feel left out though I wouldn't call myself an outsider. Most classmates know I'm there but we just don't speak to each other much and this drives me crazy. It always makes me believe I'm the guilty one who's not able to make new connections or friends. I blame myself for all of this. Despite hesitation now and then I'm still able to speak when I need or want something. That's why I wish I met someone who would be interested in me and wanted me to be his or her friend or befriend me. It seems to me that breaking the ice is really an issue of mine. It looks so simple yet challenging. I always to try to make a good impression but am so uncertain about myself that I just overthink it and lose all the confidence I have got. I'm so obsessed with how the others see me. I try to overcome it but it takes so much time I end up doing nothing at all and find myself at the start of the circle when I've just reached the end. Despite having few friends this is truly haunting me and telling me to do something but I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now.

[yoyo2000]

Hey, my first post in this thread. I'm not really sure what to type to describe accurately the way I'm feeling now or what's on my mind since it's a quite sensitive topic but I'll do my best.

 

Somehow I've come to realize that my class might have not been something I've taken for granted all the time before. I thought of it as my second family but I must have been totally naive and silly to perceive that this way. I thought every of my classmates would be willing to help me or talk to me whenever I came to them or dropped them a line. At first it looked so innocent but then when I sent more messages most of them stopped responding me. I felt like a fool.

 

I know it's weird to communicate with people more on the Net than face to face although I meet and see the classmates every school day. In fact, I'm a shy person. I just can't imagine myself going to a person I barely speak to or a complete stranger and start a conversation with them without hesitation unless I'm feeling totally high and have no problem with engaging someone else in conversation and doing a nice small talk. On the other hand, I crave attention. I do not think I'm the type of person who attracts others to come to me and feels comfortable being surrounded by a group of whoever there is with me. I can't find anything interesting about me that would function as a magnet and pull people to me. I want to feel like I belong somewhere actually but at school I feel left out though I wouldn't call myself an outsider. Most classmates know I'm there but we just don't speak to each other much and this drives me crazy. It always makes me believe I'm the guilty one who's not able to make new connections or friends. I blame myself for all of this. Despite hesitation now and then I'm still able to speak when I need or want something. That's why I wish I met someone who would be interested in me and wanted me to be his or her friend or befriend me. It seems to me that breaking the ice is really an issue of mine. It looks so simple yet challenging. I always to try to make a good impression but am so uncertain about myself that I just overthink it and lose all the confidence I have got. I'm so obsessed with how the others see me. I try to overcome it but it takes so much time I end up doing nothing at all and find myself at the start of the circle when I've just reached the end. Despite having few friends this is truly haunting me and telling me to do something but I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now.

 

I've been in your situation a lot of times and I admit that a few years ago I had troubles with friendship and relationship with my classmates. Although, I think I overcame the obstacles with the passing of time and I understood what was missing. The thing I did was making sure I had some close friends that I can talk to them freely about anything that bothers me. Try hanging out more with people that make you feel good and accept you and like you about who you are. Then, the other thing that I did was that I've had the courage to blend in with others in my school by simply asking to be with them. First I sat with them and I listened what they said, finding out which are their interests, and when I found something we have in common, I know we will go further. Don't take it seriously! No one is going to get annoyed from your presence and you will know if someone is really your friend, if they care about you and what you say. If you have doubts about your relationship with someone just move on to the next one, who is there for you. I still have troubles with my friends or some people but I try to get along and stay in touch, cause believe it or not, the human existance needs the team work if it's in school, social life, workplace, erotic relationship it is necessary. If you don't have enough experience in human interaction then you lose a big part of what it meens to be a human. Be brave out there and don't overthink it! You can make it and you won't regret it!

[M Marks The Spot]

I've been in your situation a lot of times and I admit that a few years ago I had troubles with friendship and relationship with my classmates. Although, I think I overcame the obstacles with the passing of time and I understood what was missing. The thing I did was making sure I had some close friends that I can talk to them freely about anything that bothers me. Try hanging out more with people that make you feel good and accept you and like you about who you are. Then, the other thing that I did was that I've had the courage to blend in with others in my school by simply asking to be with them. First I sat with them and I listened what they said, finding out which are their interests, and when I found something we have in common, I know we will go further. Don't take it seriously! No one is going to get annoyed from your presence and you will know if someone is really your friend, if they care about you and what you say. If you have doubts about your relationship with someone just move on to the next one, who is there for you. I still have troubles with my friends or some people but I try to get along and stay in touch, cause believe it or not, the human existance needs the team work if it's in school, social life, workplace, erotic relationship it is necessary. If you don't have enough experience in human interaction then you lose a big part of what it meens to be a human. Be brave out there and don't overthink it! You can make it and you won't regret it!

 

Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate them a lot. It's great to learn from the experience which other people have gained in order to find a solution and make a change.

 

I have a couple of friends but the truth is that in my town I have no friends outside school. The rest of my friends live hundreds kilometres from me. I believe that's the source of my problem because I spend time with my friends that are closest to me at school for 10 months straight during a school year and then I never ever hang out with them during holidays since to be honest I have enough of them. Seeing the same people except for my immediate family all the time appears to be a huge challenge for me. I usually discuss school with them and that seems to be the topic we speak about most often. We seldom talk about our interests which is a shame, indeed. However, I sometimes chit-chat with schoolmates from other classes although it's just exchanging few words. We barely speak to each other or at times just send messages on social medias but I'm not sure it's going to turn into something bigger. I never wonder about that this person might be my close friend and the other one may become my best friend one day. I don't function this way. I have my friends and all of them are just friends to me.

 

I remember drinking with my classmates somewhere. I stayed there for 4 hours from the very beginning to midnight. I was sitting there, sipping the drink and listening to various conversations. I was trying to learn about the rest of group as much as I could to contribute the discussions with some sentences but didn't talk too much. And then something happened. One of my friends told me that there was no point being there if I didn't talk to the rest and sat there quietly listening and watching people around. Basically, I was advised to go home. I was shocked to hear this but didn't think about it afterwards. I didn't care what the person had said to me. I intentionally forgot it but later I came to realize that it may have been a right thing to do. Looking back, I was really happy that I had taken a chance to be with my classmates but now I have a feeling it was not worth it at all. I might have showed people that I'm able to go out and feel comfortable with whoever is with me despite my inner battles almost nobody knows about. Am I not trying too hard to please my classmates even though I'm not certain if they appreciate these actions of mine? Am not I just following them to make myself not look like a loner? Am not I doing all of this because it is expected from me? These questions runs through my head and I must answer "yes" to all of them as I feel exactly that way. This demotivates me although I truly know I ought to fight against me but I'm sick and tired of it. I've been doing that studying at high school and often failed miserably. I've lost so much of my mental strength that now I'm just waiting to get out from there and discover new opportunities at university.

[I ran away]

Today must be the darkest day of my life. I don't know what to do, I have been going through a breakup but I was always hoping that things might still work out in the end, somehow....but today I find myself having to sort out some belongings, and accusations go back and forth in text messages and every single one hurts. :bigcry: :bigcry:

I have been crying for hours now and I can't calm down, and it just gets worse and worse. I don't know what to do, I wish I would either wake up from this nightmare and everything was alright or I wish I was dead so that I cannot feel anything anymore. It is/was my first relationship and I don't ever want to go through this pain again, so yeah, I wish I had no feelings at all. Life always only hurts, I feel horrible and torn into pieces. :bigcry:

 

Remember when I wrote this ? It was on July 20th 2016.

It is now April 20th 2019, mine and his paths have crossed again and against all reason I couldn't help but immediately fall in love with him all over again. His captivating smile and handsome face, the way he talks... I knew I would probably get hurt again, but still I tried my best to win him back. Of course I ended up getting hurt. He told me he just sees me as a friend. Well but I can't just see him as a friend, damnit !!

So after almost three years this was still my only relationship and I still haven't gotten over him. Now he is gone again and I can't imagine ever finding and loving someone else and basically for the rest just see paragraph 2 of the post above :broken_heart: :sob::sob::sob:

[iamsue]

Remember when I wrote this ? It was on July 20th 2016.

It is now April 20th 2019, mine and his paths have crossed again and against all reason I couldn't help but immediately fall in love with him all over again. His captivating smile and handsome face, the way he talks... I knew I would probably get hurt again, but still I tried my best to win him back. Of course I ended up getting hurt. He told me he just sees me as a friend. Well but I can't just see him as a friend, damnit !!

So after almost three years this was still my only relationship and I still haven't gotten over him. Now he is gone again and I can't imagine ever finding and loving someone else and basically for the rest just see paragraph 2 of the post above :broken_heart: :sob::sob::sob:

 

So sorry to hear this. It sounds as if he mid-led you. By letting him hurt you, it’s giving him power over you. Someone like that doesn’t deserve that power. Strike that- actually no one deserves power over you except you. And a form of that power is believing that YOU are enough. You don’t need a love [emoji3590] n your life to feel good and complete. I hope- and believe- you will find one. At the same time, I hope you can find peace and joy knowing that you are enough.

 

 

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[I ran away]

So sorry to hear this. It sounds as if he mid-led you. By letting him hurt you, it’s giving him power over you. Someone like that doesn’t deserve that power. Strike that- actually no one deserves power over you except you. And a form of that power is believing that YOU are enough. You don’t need a love [emoji3590] n your life to feel good and complete. I hope- and believe- you will find one. At the same time, I hope you can find peace and joy knowing that you are enough.

 

 

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It made me really happy to see you back here, Sue ! How have you been ?

[I ran away]

This is so true :broken_heart:

 

 

[onlylove]

I am tired of being anxious. I am tired of being insecure. I am tired of hating myself. I am tired of my personality when I'm anxious and insecure because I affect everyone around me. I have a great life overall but can't enjoy it. I wish I could have a normal mind.

[I ran away]

I am tired of being anxious. I am tired of being insecure. I am tired of hating myself. I am tired of my personality when I'm anxious and insecure because I affect everyone around me. I have a great life overall but can't enjoy it. I wish I could have a normal mind.

I hear you and you are not alone with those feelings. Been going through similar stuff, and still am. Have you ever considered therapy ? It can be so helpful to talk those feelings through with a professional.

 

Another idea: I have recently taken up regular meditation with the help of an app, and I'm finding it helpful (it takes some weeks/months of practice for long-term effects to set in though). Meditation doesn't change the feelings you have, but it makes you view them in a different, more detached way and thus helps you not get caught up in them.

 

You don't have to go through life being scared of it. Remember that.

[onlylove]

I hear you and you are not alone with those feelings. Been going through similar stuff, and still am. Have you ever considered therapy ? It can be so helpful to talk those feelings through with a professional.

 

Another idea: I have recently taken up regular meditation with the help of an app, and I'm finding it helpful (it takes some weeks/months of practice for long-term effects to set in though). Meditation doesn't change the feelings you have, but it makes you view them in a different, more detached way and thus helps you not get caught up in them.

 

You don't have to go through life being scared of it. Remember that.

 

Thank you. I've tried therapy and meditation with varying levels of success. Mostly it's me. I don't stick with it.

 

Yesterday was a rock bottom day. One of a few I've had in my life. Something happened which was a decent problem in the build up of problems and I blew my fuse. It's hard when you are anxious and overblown but also justified that a behavior is not acceptable.

 

Also, I'm tired of apologizing for who I am. I will work to be better but the other side must too.

 

Then it was good for a day. Then another fight.

 

I hate it.