Don't Let It Break Your Heart!

[Batman]

@Batman Sorry to hear that.... :'( I wish you lots of strength and am sending a hug as well.

 

@Batman, loosing an animal who has been your friend for 17 years, that's so hard.

Big hug.

 

@Batman I'm so sorry! I know how you feel! We had to put down our dog a few years ago

 

I'm so sorry about your loss, sending you a big hug

 

I'm so sorry for your loss :/

 

Thank you all very much, you're very kind.

 

The dog was old and hurting for months, so I think it was the right thing to end the suffering.

 

The grave is filled now and covered with a big stone, and I think this is my closure. It's like putting a heavy lid on a great part of my life that had ended today.

 

Time to move on and let the sadness where it belongs: the past.

[iamsue]

I have to put my dog down in about 3 hours. I've had him for 17 years, I am very sad. I'll probably come to closure after digging the grave and laying him down, but well.. it's a depressing day.

Going to hug mine close. The Rainbow Bridge poem helped me when I had to put my 18 year old cat down. It took a year for the intense grief to begin to lift. Hugs.[emoji26]

 

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[iamsue]

Here's the poem. Hope it brings some relief,

 

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[Batman]

Here's the poem. Hope it brings some relief,

 

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Thank you. Although I'm 100% sure I'm going to bawl if I even start reading this D:

[iamsue]

That's okay. Let it out, then let the poem sink in to comfort you when you need it!

 

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[antdrew]

It's a bit late but I am sorry about your dog as well :(

 

I was just wondering how do you guys who are at uni/have been at uni balance your lives and cope with it? Because right now I've been going flat out and it is my first year and first semester. I can't imagine how much worse it must get... I am seriously putting in like every spare moment I have into doing project work/assignments/quizzes/pre reading/study all the endless assessment. Then it comes to exams which I feel so underprepared for since I am stuck doing assignments and stuff and get marginal time to actually study for them. The tests also being nicely placed on Saturdays at 9am doesn't help either :P Any tips to manage test nerves as well? I mean I can do this work because I do enjoy what I am doing but I just wish it wasn't draining my life at the same time. I thought year 12 was bad as well, it honestly was 10x easier than this.

[coldplayisawesome]

It's a bit late but I am sorry about your dog as well :(

 

I was just wondering how do you guys who are at uni/have been at uni balance your lives and cope with it? Because right now I've been going flat out and it is my first year and first semester. I can't imagine how much worse it must get... I am seriously putting in like every spare moment I have into doing project work/assignments/quizzes/pre reading/study all the endless assessment. Then it comes to exams which I feel so underprepared for since I am stuck doing assignments and stuff and get marginal time to actually study for them. The tests also being nicely placed on Saturdays at 9am doesn't help either :p Any tips to manage test nerves as well? I mean I can do this work because I do enjoy what I am doing but I just wish it wasn't draining my life at the same time. I thought year 12 was bad as well, it honestly was 10x easier than this.

 

if you don't mind me asking, what are you studying?

 

i did my undergrad in film and animation and am now doing a grad program for UX and interaction design. most of the stuff i learn is not the most complex or intellectually challenging, but it is time consuming for sure. i think for me it helps that i'm practically a hermit and also a workaholic anyway so :P

 

something to keep in mind is that there may never be time for everything. some semesters might be easier, some rougher. in time you learn that there are certain classes you don't have to put as much energy into or that you can allow yourself to not put as much energy into. which classes are most important for you this semester? those are the ones you want to focus on and care about most. if you put the same level of effort into everything you will absolutely burn yourself out. you have to learn what your limit is and be able to accept it.

[AMDB9]

It's a bit late but I am sorry about your dog as well :(

 

I was just wondering how do you guys who are at uni/have been at uni balance your lives and cope with it? Because right now I've been going flat out and it is my first year and first semester. I can't imagine how much worse it must get... I am seriously putting in like every spare moment I have into doing project work/assignments/quizzes/pre reading/study all the endless assessment. Then it comes to exams which I feel so underprepared for since I am stuck doing assignments and stuff and get marginal time to actually study for them. The tests also being nicely placed on Saturdays at 9am doesn't help either[emoji14]Any tips to manage test nerves as well? I mean I can do this work because I do enjoy what I am doing but I just wish it wasn't draining my life at the same time. I thought year 12 was bad as well, it honestly was 10x easier than this.

I feel the same way as you...and also add the stress of not knowing what to major in/trying to change your major.

 

A large part of this past semester for me was trying to figure out what to change my major to, and that was a long/difficult process.

[coldplayisawesome]

i'm going into NYC on the 17th of this month with a few of my classmates to sort of celebrate the end of the semester, and i was supposed to be meeting at least one of my sisters there who said she just happened to have that day off of work anyway. my other sister who still lives in NY probably wouldn't have been able to get the day off, but i was still excited to get to see one of them since i haven't seen them since january. well, now my sister tells me that apparently she no longer has that day off because they had to switch her schedule around. i'm really upset about this because that was honestly most of the reason i even wanted to go. i already bought my bus tickets so there's no point in backing out now...

 

but i think another thing that's really bothering me about this is that when i was talking to her about it she was like "come here instead" (they live a few hours north of NYC) and the thing is that it's ALWAYS me who is going up there to visit them. in some ways it makes sense because that's where we all grew up, and because i am only one person. but in my entire time living in philly for almost five years they've only made the effort to come visit me here ONCE. she said she'll "try to come down to philly soon for a weekend or something" but i'll believe it when i see it. it's not just with them, either. my parents and youngest sister live in Arizona and almost every time i talk to them they make a comment about how i should move out there with them.

 

then me and some of my friends from undergrad were talking about all getting together memorial day weekend and originally i thought we were planning to meet in philly since a couple of us are still here and have space for the others to stay. my one friend had mentioned that if her parents were around they probably wouldn't mind us staying at their house in NJ, but i don't remember any of us agreeing that's what we would do until suddenly she talked about it as if that plan was set in stone already. so for me i'll have to get a ride with one of my other friends and actually probably another one of our friends will, too. it's not THAT big of a deal, but it's just like... i thought we were going to meet in philly? the last time we were all able to get together we met at her house. why can't we do something different for a change?

 

it just feels like i'm always the one making an effort, putting in the time and money in some cases, to get to someone else. that same friend actually did come and stay at my place last week, but only because she had to be in philly for something else anyway. it's just frustrating and even more frustrating right this second because i had to take the time out to vent this when i'm supposed to be finishing a final presentation video due today for one of my classes and i was hoping to have finished this video a while ago but it's taking me forever. life. :p

[I ran away]

i'm going into NYC on the 17th of this month with a few of my classmates to sort of celebrate the end of the semester, and i was supposed to be meeting at least one of my sisters there who said she just happened to have that day off of work anyway. my other sister who still lives in NY probably wouldn't have been able to get the day off, but i was still excited to get to see one of them since i haven't seen them since january. well, now my sister tells me that apparently she no longer has that day off because they had to switch her schedule around. i'm really upset about this because that was honestly most of the reason i even wanted to go. i already bought my bus tickets so there's no point in backing out now...

 

but i think another thing that's really bothering me about this is that when i was talking to her about it she was like "come here instead" (they live a few hours north of NYC) and the thing is that it's ALWAYS me who is going up there to visit them. in some ways it makes sense because that's where we all grew up, and because i am only one person. but in my entire time living in philly for almost five years they've only made the effort to come visit me here ONCE. she said she'll "try to come down to philly soon for a weekend or something" but i'll believe it when i see it. it's not just with them, either. my parents and youngest sister live in Arizona and almost every time i talk to them they make a comment about how i should move out there with them.

 

then me and some of my friends from undergrad were talking about all getting together memorial day weekend and originally i thought we were planning to meet in philly since a couple of us are still here and have space for the others to stay. my one friend had mentioned that if her parents were around they probably wouldn't mind us staying at their house in NJ, but i don't remember any of us agreeing that's what we would do until suddenly she talked about it as if that plan was set in stone already. so for me i'll have to get a ride with one of my other friends and actually probably another one of our friends will, too. it's not THAT big of a deal, but it's just like... i thought we were going to meet in philly? the last time we were all able to get together we met at her house. why can't we do something different for a change?

 

it just feels like i'm always the one making an effort, putting in the time and money in some cases, to get to someone else. that same friend actually did come and stay at my place last week, but only because she had to be in philly for something else anyway. it's just frustrating and even more frustrating right this second because i had to take the time out to vent this when i'm supposed to be finishing a final presentation video due today for one of my classes and i was hoping to have finished this video a while ago but it's taking me forever. life. :p

Hey, I can understand how you feel. My friends from uni have gone into different directions and cities. And some of them, even though they have a car, almost never make the effort to come to the twice-per-year meetings we're trying to set up, saying they find it too long when many of us have to travel equally long ways and even with public transport. Some people just seem to be like that, in that they never reach out or invest time (or road kilometres) to see another person.

Maybe you should sit down with your sisters once and make it clear that it's not fair that the meetings are only one-directional...

[iamsue]

Hey, I can understand how you feel. My friends from uni have gone into different directions and cities. And some of them, even though they have a car, almost never make the effort to come to the twice-per-year meetings we're trying to set up, saying they find it too long when many of us have to travel equally long ways and even with public transport. Some people just seem to be like that, in that they never reach out or invest time (or road kilometres) to see another person.

Maybe you should sit down with your sisters once and make it clear that it's not fair that the meetings are only one-directional...

Boy, do I agree. Years later, I hindsight, I can look back and reflect on both @coldplayisawesome and @antdrew's comments. I was a Resident Advisor very youmg, in my sophomore year. In addition to honors classes, in pre- business major classes in the sciences aand accounting, subjects I really struggle with, I had this very unruly, even mean group on my dorm floor. I didn't know if I would make it. Also, I was a Little Sister for a fraternity and pledging a sorority. I eventually dropped out of all Greek life, as I was being paid and got room and board free, so it was my absolute priority to keep my job. My parents could not afford it otherwise.

 

Also, all through high school and especially college, I came to accept myself as a "A-/ B+" student, who would rather apply myself to learning from work and being involved, rounding out myself. Others might have wanted to be straight A students. Other very rare people could do it all.

 

You have to know yourself! Fast forward to grad school, when I was the right hand manager to a Graduate Hall Director and International Program Student Liaison. My boss quit part-way through the year because she couldn't take the stress. It was all on me for awhile. This time, when I knew I couldn't do it all, at the last second before my second year started, I got a different job teaching Communications classes and moved to a studio apartment across the street. Best decision I made, and also one of the hardest.

 

So my second point is, when you are that stressed, prioritize what you are getting from your experiences and what you can let go. When I realized that spending a fourth year running University housing units would not teach me anything new, and that I could earn enough to pay my rent by teaching, it was an easier decision. It shaped my career, and sparked my love for training. "IF YOU NEVER TRY, THEN YOU'LL NEVER KNOW."

 

Who you are is unlocked by accessing varius experiences. Stress often gives you clues to those experiences if you listen to what is wearing on you and what would make you a healthier, happier person. Explore, and take a deep breath. You can handle more than you know.

 

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[coldplayisawesome]

So my second point is, when you are that stressed, prioritize what you are getting from your experiences and what you can let go.

 

love this, well said!

[guy42]

It's a bit late but I am sorry about your dog as well :(

 

I was just wondering how do you guys who are at uni/have been at uni balance your lives and cope with it? Because right now I've been going flat out and it is my first year and first semester. I can't imagine how much worse it must get... I am seriously putting in like every spare moment I have into doing project work/assignments/quizzes/pre reading/study all the endless assessment. Then it comes to exams which I feel so underprepared for since I am stuck doing assignments and stuff and get marginal time to actually study for them. The tests also being nicely placed on Saturdays at 9am doesn't help either :p Any tips to manage test nerves as well? I mean I can do this work because I do enjoy what I am doing but I just wish it wasn't draining my life at the same time. I thought year 12 was bad as well, it honestly was 10x easier than this.

I'm not sure how much this will help you but I'll give it a shot:

 

1. You need to learn how to plan your day out ahead of time. I know this sort of thing might not come naturally for you, being an ENFP. But you need to at the very least know in the back of your mind what you will be doing at any given time of the day. This will minimize conflicts in your schedule and keep you focused on what you should be doing next so that there is no time wasting in transitioning from one activity to the next.

 

2. Be aware of the activities you are taking up upon yourself.

2a. When you promise to do something for someone, you are giving them your time. Nothing wrong with this, but you need to know when you can say yes, and when you need to say no.

2b. Although this happens to everyone, ENFPs are known for their inability to block out distractions at times. When you listen to your brain which tells you that you need to watch the half hour episode on TV (even though you have a paper to write for the next morning), you will get a burning desire to watch that episode. You will totally be in the mood for it. I mean, it will just make sense to do so. But note that this desire is temporary. The next minute your brain will tell you to ride your bike around town, and if you reject it, the next minute it will tell you to check your Facebook or go snack on something, etc. If you go along with these suggestions, you are taking upon yourself an unnecessary activity; you are giving it your time. Sometimes you can say yes to them, but it's all about your priorities.

2c. You must try to be more... "practical" I guess, in your everyday choices, such as being offered to take up an activity; and your school decisions, such as which classes to take or which major to choose. Make an effort to find out what you are truly good at, instead of running after everything like a lunatic (I know this seems harsh, but I have some ENFP friends to whom I have given such advice, and it seems to be working for them, so I consider myself having earned the right to say it :p). You want to narrow down the things you want to do as a career and not waste too much time on the other things because the amount of knowledge that is out there is simply too great for any single human being. So try and get an accurate, unbiased assessment of what you like and what you are good at, and go for something related to that. Then, maybe uni won't be so hard, and perhaps the test nerves won't be so strong...

[iamsue]

I'm not sure how much this will help you but I'll give it a shot:

 

1. You need to learn how to plan your day out ahead of time. I know this sort of thing might not come naturally for you, being an ENFP. But you need to at the very least know in the back of your mind what you will be doing at any given time of the day. This will minimize conflicts in your schedule and keep you focused on what you should be doing next so that there is no time wasting in transitioning from one activity to the next.

 

2. Be aware of the activities you are taking up upon yourself.

2a. When you promise to do something for someone, you are giving them your time. Nothing wrong with this, but you need to know when you can say yes, and when you need to say no.

2b. Although this happens to everyone, ENFPs are known for their inability to block out distractions at times. When you listen to your brain which tells you that you need to watch the half hour episode on TV (even though you have a paper to write for the next morning), you will get a burning desire to watch that episode. You will totally be in the mood for it. I mean, it will just make sense to do so. But note that this desire is temporary. The next minute your brain will tell you to ride your bike around town, and if you reject it, the next minute it will tell you to check your Facebook or go snack on something, etc. If you go along with these suggestions, you are taking upon yourself an unnecessary activity; you are giving it your time. Sometimes you can say yes to them, but it's all about your priorities.

2c. You must try to be more... "practical" I guess, in your everyday choices, such as being offered to take up an activity; and your school decisions, such as which classes to take or which major to choose. Make an effort to find out what you are truly good at, instead of running after everything like a lunatic (I know this seems harsh, but I have some ENFP friends to whom I have given such advice, and it seems to be working for them, so I consider myself having earned the right to say it :p). You want to narrow down the things you want to do as a career and not waste too much time on the other things because the amount of knowledge that is out there is simply too great for any single human being. So try and get an accurate, unbiased assessment of what you like and what you are good at, and go for something related to that. Then, maybe uni won't be so hard, and perhaps the test nerves won't be so strong...

 

Andrew and other ENFPs: I am one of you and have lived longer enough to say this: LISTEN to Guy42 now and save yourself a lot of anxiety and wasted life!!! Thanks to Guy42!! You just plainly stated in a compassionate way what I have been struggling with. I have all my life! I am disabled and as you all know, have lots of medical issues vying for my time.

 

I work part time from home, where distractions abound. My mom has dementia and I have had to strictly set aside one day a week for her. Priorities matter. Attend to them first them whatever time is left feel free to chase a thousand different things. Also, for ENFPs, daily routine tasks like cleaning seem boring so if you don't plan them in, you won't pursue them.

 

Lastly, watch out for online distractions. I am on way to many mailing lists and leave way too many browser windows open to read later. I use Pocket to save pages of interest. Problem is, I just keep saving, rarely reading because something else enticing always pops up. Same with saving recipes and never being able to find them. Or not cleaning out emails right away.

 

Discipline to manage these things is SO hard for ENFPS like us. Learn it now and save yourselves a lifetime of stress.

 

And @guy42, I can't thank you enough for so clearly shedding light on this issue!!

 

 

 

 

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[guy42]

Andrew and other ENFPs: I am one of you and have lived longer enough to say this: LISTEN to Guy42 now and save yourself a lot of anxiety and wasted life!!! Thanks to Guy42!! You just plainly stated in a compassionate way what I have been struggling with. I have all my life! I am disabled and as you all know, have lots of medical issues vying for my time.

 

I work part time from home, where distractions abound. My mom has dementia and I have had to strictly set aside one day a week for her. Priorities matter. Attend to them first them whatever time is left feel free to chase a thousand different things. Also, for ENFPs, daily routine tasks like cleaning seem boring so if you don't plan them in, you won't pursue them.

 

Lastly, watch out for online distractions. I am on way to many mailing lists and leave way too many browser windows open to read later. I use Pocket to save pages of interest. Problem is, I just keep saving, rarely reading because something else enticing always pops up. Same with saving recipes and never being able to find them. Or not cleaning out emails right away.

 

Discipline to manage these things is SO hard for ENFPS like us. Learn it now and save yourselves a lifetime of stress.

 

And @guy42, I can't thank you enough for so clearly shedding light on this issue!!

 

 

 

 

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Wow, I'm so glad I was able to make a post that is so helpful! Thanks so much for your comment. You're so kind, @iamsue :heart:

[iamsue]

Wow, I'm so glad I was able to make a post that is so helpful! Thanks so much for your comment. You're so kind, @iamsue [emoji813]

Not kind, just totally honest, @guy42.

 

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[tov1988]

I'm depressed every day. Low energy, tired, don't want to be around people. Scared of the future (don't think I have one anymore), weight loss. Not sure what's going on

 

Been dealing with a lot of disappointments and setbacks in life (dropping out of school, job losses, unfulfilled ambitions). My best friend killed himself last month. Fighting with my family. I think I need to see a professional because I have been getting panic attacks or something. I could be overreacting though or being too dramatic.

[I ran away]

I'm depressed every day. Low energy, tired, don't want to be around people. Scared of the future (don't think I have one anymore), weight loss. Not sure what's going on

 

Been dealing with a lot of disappointments and setbacks in life (dropping out of school, job losses, unfulfilled ambitions). My best friend killed himself last month. Fighting with my family. I think I need to see a professional because I have been getting panic attacks or something. I could be overreacting though or being too dramatic.

 

Oh dear, you are going through a lot right now and first of all I wanna send you a big hug. We are here for you to listen and respond.

It's true, the symptoms you describe sound like a depression triggered by recent events in your life.

Like you said yourself, going for professional help is the right thing to do and you should do it sooner rather than later.

 

As for not having a future: Many people have major setbacks at some point in their career life, be it at school or at a job. But even if those setbacks are huge, it is never too late to get back on track. Try to get some help there as well (for example, since you write job losses I presume it happened more than once - maybe talk to someone and try to identify the causes so they can be avoided next time). And most importantly, believe in yourself.

A while ago, something happened that made me think I had arrived at the lowest point of my life. In that time, I couldn't imagine life would ever get any better. But actually now I'm not just alright, I'm feeling pretty good ! And so will you after some time. Everything's not lost. :)

[coldplayisawesome]

I'm depressed every day. Low energy, tired, don't want to be around people. Scared of the future (don't think I have one anymore), weight loss. Not sure what's going on

 

Been dealing with a lot of disappointments and setbacks in life (dropping out of school, job losses, unfulfilled ambitions). My best friend killed himself last month. Fighting with my family. I think I need to see a professional because I have been getting panic attacks or something. I could be overreacting though or being too dramatic.

 

sorry to hear all that. :( but I ran away is right, you already know you need to seek professional help so that's a great place to start. it doesn't sound like you are overreacting/being dramatic because what you've listed here are really serious issues - and anyway sometimes we just can't help things like depression and anxiety/panic disorders. they're not always rational or appropriate reactions, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be treated seriously all the same.

[antdrew]

if you don't mind me asking, what are you studying?

 

i did my undergrad in film and animation and am now doing a grad program for UX and interaction design. most of the stuff i learn is not the most complex or intellectually challenging, but it is time consuming for sure. i think for me it helps that i'm practically a hermit and also a workaholic anyway so :p

 

something to keep in mind is that there may never be time for everything. some semesters might be easier, some rougher. in time you learn that there are certain classes you don't have to put as much energy into or that you can allow yourself to not put as much energy into. which classes are most important for you this semester? those are the ones you want to focus on and care about most. if you put the same level of effort into everything you will absolutely burn yourself out. you have to learn what your limit is and be able to accept it.

 

Engineering and physics so I guess to be expected... Yeah that's really true, the time since that post I've kinda reflected upon things more and I now am getting more of a feeling for things I think. It's just so weird going from high school where you normally understand things as you go/can ask your teacher about it, to uni where most of the time you are in the "I don't understand" area. Then you have to go home and understand it yourself :P Talking to other engineering/physics students I have found that I have chosen a quite tough first semester as well, which probably doesn't help either :P

 

I feel the same way as you...and also add the stress of not knowing what to major in/trying to change your major.

 

A large part of this past semester for me was trying to figure out what to change my major to, and that was a long/difficult process.

 

Ah yeah all the major stuff. It's so hard to make a decision on stuff because honestly so many things sound cool and interesting to me. Like I think damn I miss doing chemistry but then if I did chemistry I'd miss doing physics... It is annoying too because if you don't have a plan for your major then it can greatly increase the amount of time you spend at uni because of having to catch up on different courses for different majors :P

I'm not sure how much this will help you but I'll give it a shot:

 

1. You need to learn how to plan your day out ahead of time. I know this sort of thing might not come naturally for you, being an ENFP. But you need to at the very least know in the back of your mind what you will be doing at any given time of the day. This will minimize conflicts in your schedule and keep you focused on what you should be doing next so that there is no time wasting in transitioning from one activity to the next.

 

2. Be aware of the activities you are taking up upon yourself.

2a. When you promise to do something for someone, you are giving them your time. Nothing wrong with this, but you need to know when you can say yes, and when you need to say no.

2b. Although this happens to everyone, ENFPs are known for their inability to block out distractions at times. When you listen to your brain which tells you that you need to watch the half hour episode on TV (even though you have a paper to write for the next morning), you will get a burning desire to watch that episode. You will totally be in the mood for it. I mean, it will just make sense to do so. But note that this desire is temporary. The next minute your brain will tell you to ride your bike around town, and if you reject it, the next minute it will tell you to check your Facebook or go snack on something, etc. If you go along with these suggestions, you are taking upon yourself an unnecessary activity; you are giving it your time. Sometimes you can say yes to them, but it's all about your priorities.

2c. You must try to be more... "practical" I guess, in your everyday choices, such as being offered to take up an activity; and your school decisions, such as which classes to take or which major to choose. Make an effort to find out what you are truly good at, instead of running after everything like a lunatic (I know this seems harsh, but I have some ENFP friends to whom I have given such advice, and it seems to be working for them, so I consider myself having earned the right to say it :p). You want to narrow down the things you want to do as a career and not waste too much time on the other things because the amount of knowledge that is out there is simply too great for any single human being. So try and get an accurate, unbiased assessment of what you like and what you are good at, and go for something related to that. Then, maybe uni won't be so hard, and perhaps the test nerves won't be so strong...

 

Planning out my day.... :D Nah but this is very true, I have forced myself to make a plan, honestly without a plan nothing works I found out. Not harsh at all, if I had my way I'd probably be studying so many different things. I find myself waking up sometimes thinking "you know what politics might be pretty cool". This doesn't stem from me disliking what I am doing now, rather that there's just so much out there to know but you are confined to a small section of stuff. But my degree in itself has so many restrictions with course choices, that I am forced to stay focused lol. Really good advice as well, especially with the ride my bike around town :') Yeah with test nerves I think it was all just a bit daunting for the first time around looking back at it. I think I know what to expect now a lot better, so hopefully I shouldn't get too nervous in the future.

 

Andrew and other ENFPs: I am one of you and have lived longer enough to say this: LISTEN to Guy42 now and save yourself a lot of anxiety and wasted life!!! Thanks to Guy42!! You just plainly stated in a compassionate way what I have been struggling with. I have all my life! I am disabled and as you all know, have lots of medical issues vying for my time.

 

I work part time from home, where distractions abound. My mom has dementia and I have had to strictly set aside one day a week for her. Priorities matter. Attend to them first them whatever time is left feel free to chase a thousand different things. Also, for ENFPs, daily routine tasks like cleaning seem boring so if you don't plan them in, you won't pursue them.

 

Lastly, watch out for online distractions. I am on way to many mailing lists and leave way too many browser windows open to read later. I use Pocket to save pages of interest. Problem is, I just keep saving, rarely reading because something else enticing always pops up. Same with saving recipes and never being able to find them. Or not cleaning out emails right away.

 

Discipline to manage these things is SO hard for ENFPS like us. Learn it now and save yourselves a lifetime of stress.

 

And @guy42, I can't thank you enough for so clearly shedding light on this issue!!

 

 

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Yeah, yeah saving websites for sure. Microsoft edge has a new "save tab feature" and by the end of the day I usually have like 25 tabs and just save them all but don't really look at them again... Too true to get your priorities set and watching out for distractions. I'm sorry to hear about your mom though :(

 

Thanks everyone for their advice it has truly been helpful and I have learnt more about myself and know more about what I need to look out for. Time to power through these last few weeks before end of semester. Then during holidays I can spend more time on here :)

[iamsue]

Antdrew, sending you gold luck with a strong finish to your semester. Tov1988, you are very smart and rational to know it is time to seek help. PM me if you want to talk. I have been there too. Having a professional who is trained to help and listen is not shameful, it is powerful. The truly successful people know when to seek help, so I have every faith in you! Check out The Mighty. It is a website with and for people battling anxiety, depression, pain and chronic illness. It is a Godsend! Peace...

 

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[antdrew]

Do you guys ever kinda just wonder what's the point in relationships? Idk, like I feel selfish in a way thinking this but my ex has a new boyfriend and we've been broken up for ages but finding this out has brought back some things. Like what's the point of being so close to someone when you're in a relationship and you are essentially replaceable, does anything you say or do really mean anything? It just feels like a massive cycle and thinking like this, I really hope I'm not just trapping myself within this one kind of space/thought bubble. It's hard also knowing that I haven't really completely moved on and I probably never will. It sounds really petty and dumb writing this though because compared to the other serious stuff happening in all of your lives, this is really nothing.

[I ran away]

Do you guys ever kinda just wonder what's the point in relationships? Idk, like I feel selfish in a way thinking this but my ex has a new boyfriend and we've been broken up for ages but finding this out has brought back some things. Like what's the point of being so close to someone when you're in a relationship and you are essentially replaceable, does anything you say or do really mean anything? It just feels like a massive cycle and thinking like this, I really hope I'm not just trapping myself within this one kind of space/thought bubble. It's hard also knowing that I haven't really completely moved on and I probably never will. It sounds really petty and dumb writing this though because compared to the other serious stuff happening in all of your lives, this is really nothing.

I completely understand you but it is hard to give an answer. I also have the feeling that for some people relationships seem to just serve the purpose of not being alone, and you are essentially replaceable...I don't understand how some people move on so quickly, although in your case quite some time seems to have passed, right ?

On the other hand this notion that there is only one person for you is likely to make you unhappy. But not thinking like that also seems wrong. Yeah, I don't really have an answer...

Sending you a big hug anyway

[guy42]

When I think about it, relationships serve the purpose of not being alone, as I ran away says. Being alone tends to suck for us humans because we have an inherent social need. There are two aspects to this, one is psychological and the other is physical:

1. We want to be understood.

2. We want to have physical touch. Some people seem to meet this need with animals (pets and so on).

Makes sense, right? This seems to suffice for day to day living.

 

What I don't understand is when falling in love happens, why is it only with THAT ONE PERSON? Why can't it be with someone else? For me it's hard to pinpoint what makes that person special. What causes those feelings to occur?

 

If someone has any insight about the origin of feelings, I'd be very glad to know.

[karvi22]

Do you guys ever kinda just wonder what's the point in relationships? Idk, like I feel selfish in a way thinking this but my ex has a new boyfriend and we've been broken up for ages but finding this out has brought back some things. Like what's the point of being so close to someone when you're in a relationship and you are essentially replaceable, does anything you say or do really mean anything? It just feels like a massive cycle and thinking like this, I really hope I'm not just trapping myself within this one kind of space/thought bubble. It's hard also knowing that I haven't really completely moved on and I probably never will. It sounds really petty and dumb writing this though because compared to the other serious stuff happening in all of your lives, this is really nothing.

 

I think people treat relationships in very different and particular ways... maybe some of us see them as such a big deal, while others just use them as a simple hobby. That's why sometimes relationships don't feel right, because maybe we want a completely different thing than our partner does. It's hard to find someone who has our same point of view.

On the other hand, you're right, nowadays it seems like the normal thing to do is to use other people like clothes to put and then throw away... don't really understand that. I think this kind of behaviour is becoming trendy and I feel really hopeless about it... sometimes I feel like I am the weirdo in this term. Despite of it, we have to keep hope, right? Believe in love, they say...

 

Send you all my support.