Don't Let It Break Your Heart!

[guy42]

Thank goodness I do care about closer friends, but once we stop talking for a certain amount of time they're dead to me :uhoh: And that's what I find very concerning. I just don't care at all about them anymore. And now one of a very close family member of mine kind of seperates themselves from me and it's happening again :bomb:

Do you care about them when you see them again?

If yes, I don't think you should worry too much about it. You can't make yourself feel something that's not there, so you might as well not guilt yourself over it.

Just my 2 cents.

[Batman]

Do you care about them when you see them again?

If yes, I don't think you should worry too much about it. You can't make yourself feel something that's not there, so you might as well not guilt yourself over it.

Just my 2 cents.

A tiny bit, but worringly little :S

[guy42]

A tiny bit, but worringly little :S

Sucks...

How do you maintain friendships then lol

 

I suppose there are advantages to being apathetic over being very attached :)

[Batman]

Sucks...

How do you maintain friendships then lol

Well there is a difference for me in caring about a person and finding a person interesting. I find a lot of my friends very interesting. But I don't care very much about them. I care a lot about my family, but don't find them interesting.

So I do feel a spark of happy curiosity and somewhat liveliness when I'm around my friends, but once I'm on my own the feeling disappears.

[alisbe]

Hey thanks for the heartfelt message.

 

I try, too, to see life as something beautiful. And that I should be greatful. But when I try to insert a thought or worldview like this into my head it seems like an empy message, a lie even. It's like I would try to force myself to feel happy, and that just doesn't work. Of course there are moments of joy in between (like visiting a concert or so) but after that it's just back to emotional numbness.

 

Of course we're not alone, but I don't really think we can't help each other either because we don't care enough for other people. We could just be miserable together hahaha!

Thank goodness I do care about closer friends, but once we stop talking for a certain amount of time they're dead to me :uhoh: And that's what I find very concerning. I just don't care at all about them anymore. And now one of a very close family member of mine kind of seperates themselves from me and it's happening again :bomb:

Let's be miserable together then haha

 

I was trying to find the right words but I couldn't. Everything I was writing didn't make sense. Maybe we need to make some changes because life is great and that's not a lie. If we force ourselves to change that won't work.

Keep contact with the people you care but remember that any kind of relationship involves two people, so they should keep contact with you as well. It’s not your fault anything bad that happens to you. And don’t be too harsh with yourself, I guess you're still young to keep learning and so I am :)

[guy42]

Well there is a difference for me in caring about a person and finding a person interesting. I find a lot of my friends very interesting. But I don't care very much about them. I care a lot about my family, but don't find them interesting.

So I do feel a spark of happy curiosity and somewhat liveliness when I'm around my friends, but once I'm on my own the feeling disappears.

Hm, perhaps you value your friends for what they do instead of for just being your friends. Maybe you just see them as producers of something interesting rather than an intrinsically valuable human being. It seems that someone caring and someone interesting are two distinct (and maybe mutually exclusive) concepts in your mind.

[Batman]

Let's be miserable together then haha

 

I was trying to find the right words but I couldn't. Everything I was writing didn't make sense. Maybe we need to make some changes because life is great and that's not a lie. If we force ourselves to change that won't work.

Keep contact with the people you care but remember that any kind of relationship involves two people, so they should keep contact with you as well. It’s not your fault anything bad that happens to you. And don’t be too harsh with yourself, I guess you're still young to keep learning and so I am :)

Ayyy :awesome:

 

Putting troubling behavioural themed thoughts into words in a second language has never been one of my strenghts :|

I do think you're message did make sense though. At least to me, maybe you thought about something completely else heh.

 

Oh yeah I know that. If people don't initiate any kind of communication with me, ever, they as much worth to me as dust.

Luckily my friends are awesome, but I wish I would care so much more about them, they'd deserve it.

 

Maybe when we'll get old and wrinkly we're gonna be able to care more again :wacky:

[Batman]

Hm, perhaps you value your friends for what they do instead of for just being your friends. Maybe you just see them as producers of something interesting rather than an intrinsically valuable human being. It seems that someone caring and someone interesting are two distinct (and maybe mutually exclusive) concepts in your mind.

I just looked at the word "care" itself for a moment there and pondered a little bit about it.

 

I kinda work like this: I'm there if friends need me. I also provide somewhat of emotional advice if someone is sad and needs an uplifting message. I also help when I can and try to give back as much as possible to people who are kind to me. So the concept of me being friendly and helpful is there (at least I hope so lol). But if for some reason said close person would vanish out of my life, I'd maybe be sad for like, a day or so, and after that just shrug and move on with my life. I feel responsible of giving the people that befriended me everything back they gave to me, but I just can't feel close to them. And when I try to think about caring about them I get a very cringeworthy alien feeling that tells me my thoughts are weird.

What the heck.

 

*edit: It's like I know how behave emotional, but I don't feel them really. Only rarely. And the rest of the time I just say or write what would be appropriate. If I'd say or write what I was really thinking, I wouldn't be saying anything at all most of the time, and that would creep people out. So I say something.

[guy42]

I just looked at the word "care" itself for a moment there and pondered a little bit about it.

I kinda work like this: I'm there if friends need me. I also provide somewhat of emotional advice if someone is sad and needs an uplifting message. I also help when I can and try to give back as much as possible to people who are kind to me. So the concept of me being friendly and helpful is there (at least I hope so lol). But if for some reason said close person would vanish out of my life, I'd maybe be sad for like, a day or so, and after that just shrug and move on with my life. I feel responsible of giving the people that befriended me everything back they gave to me, but I just can't feel close to them. And when I try to think about caring them I get a very cringeworthy alien feeling that tells me my thoughts are weird.

What the heck.

But I also think that's what caring is! As far as the feeling goes, maybe it's just that you don't have the need to have people around in general. So I guess you're never lonely...? I think normally the need for human company drives the whole caring thing - it's like a give-and-take situation.

[Batman]

But I also think that's what caring is! As far as the feeling goes, maybe it's just that you don't have the need to have people around in general. So I guess you're never lonely...? I think normally the need for human company drives the whole caring thing - it's like a give-and-take situation.

Yaay so maybe I'm not a completely lost case! :cheesy:

 

No, I'm alone throughout the day, sometimes I see my parents. And I'm never lonely. You could put me on a deserted island and I could party on my own there lol.

[guy42]

Yaay so maybe I'm not a completely lost case! :cheesy:

 

No, I'm alone throughout the day, sometimes I see my parents. And I'm never lonely. You could put me on a deserted island and I could party on my own there lol.

Yayyy!

 

And there you go :) Now you gotta figure out if you've always been like this or whether it started off one day.

[iamsue]

Ayyy :awesome:

 

Putting troubling behavioural themed thoughts into words in a second language has never been one of my strenghts :|

I do think you're message did make sense though. At least to me, maybe you thought about something completely else heh.

 

Oh yeah I know that. If people don't initiate any kind of communication with me, ever, they as much worth to me as dust.

Luckily my friends are awesome, but I wish I would care so much more about them, they'd deserve it.

 

Maybe when we'll get old and wrinkly we're gonna be able to care more again :wacky:

Well, luckily I'm here to represent the "old and wrinkly" set, so I'll share my perspective. I'm not that old, but probably old enough to be MotherColdplay, LOL! A couple observations over my life: Friendship is a two-way street. If it's not exactly even in communication efforts, that's ok if it's a small difference, but eventually it turns to indifference for me, too, if the other person doesn't make the effort. Problem with that is that, if both of you believe that way, the friendship withers for lack of effort.

 

I once had a best friend who suddenly dropped of the face of the earth. She would not respond to any of my communications. To this day, I do not know why. It ate away at me for awhile.

 

Now, years later, I realize that it is ok and part of life. People choose to be friends or not. That is life. It doesn't make us good or bad. I wouldn't feel guilty if you decide you don't want someone as a friend.

 

On the other side, if you have a friend you value, be sure to let them know. I have a dear friend who was suddenly diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at 45 and had been a healthy runner and non-smoker. We work together and are especially careful to let each other know how much we value the other. Because life is short and we are all on borrowed time, some of us are just made more aware of it.

 

Due to my pain and some related depression, I am on medication that "levels out" my emotions. Sometimes I want to feel and can't. Or feel guilty because I can't cry when I want to, and I am by nature more emotional and empathic. So I relate, Batman.

 

I've come to learn from all of these situations to take life as it comes; I love the Rumi part of Kaleidoscope! It's all good, like a friend always said about the ups and downs of my mom's Alzheimers.

 

I do think the one time we should worry about not feeling for someone is like what a sociopath does: they feel nothing after hurting someone else. That's clearly wrong. But if someone turns their back on you, and you don't feel for them any more, I think that's healthier in the long run. Sorry for rambling.

 

 

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[alisbe]

Ayyy :awesome:

 

Putting troubling behavioural themed thoughts into words in a second language has never been one of my strenghts :|

I do think you're message did make sense though. At least to me, maybe you thought about something completely else heh.

 

Oh yeah I know that. If people don't initiate any kind of communication with me, ever, they as much worth to me as dust.

Luckily my friends are awesome, but I wish I would care so much more about them, they'd deserve it.

 

Maybe when we'll get old and wrinkly we're gonna be able to care more again :wacky:

Good it made sense at the end!

For what you've shared so far with us I think you've been a great friend. You've been for them when they need you and if it wasn't like that they wouldn't be your friends. And, in my opinion, it's good you don't get very sad for someone who dissappears, I just hope you're still there if they ever try to get in contact with you. As I'm writing this I realized i have faced similar things. The difference is that I see them in a different way. I'm not sure how to explain that (even in my first language) I think I've chosen to let go things that doesn't make me happy. Just enjoy what you have, life is too short to worry about things that at the end don't make any sense at all. Don't wait til you have wrinkles and grey hair to find happiness :)

[iamsue]

Batman I think you and I are both introverted. That doesn't mean quiet or uncaring, it means we refuel our energy by being alone, reading or doing whatever. Whereas extroverts refuel by being around others. Many others. Introverts tend to be more comfortable or more enjoy one-on- one relationships. I have worked with this model a lot in my former career.

 

 

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[coldplayisawesome]

Batman I think you and I are both introverted. That doesn't mean quiet or uncaring, it means we refuel our energy by being alone, reading or doing whatever. Whereas extroverts refuel by being around others. Many others. Introverts tend to be more comfortable or more enjoy one-on- one relationships. I have worked with this model a lot in my former career.

 

the most awful feeling is being an introvert but wanting to be social and connect with people

and if you add social anxiety to that... ugh. it's so complicated :P

[alisbe]

Well, luckily I'm here to represent the "old and wrinkly" set, so I'll share my perspective. I'm not that old, but probably old enough to be MotherColdplay, LOL! A couple observations over my life: Friendship is a two-way street. If it's not exactly even in communication efforts, that's ok if it's a small difference, but eventually it turns to indifference for me, too, if the other person doesn't make the effort. Problem with that is that, if both of you believe that way, the friendship withers for lack of effort.

 

I once had a best friend who suddenly dropped of the face of the earth. She would not respond to any of my communications. To this day, I do not know why. It ate away at me for awhile.

 

Now, years later, I realize that it is ok and part of life. People choose to be friends or not. That is life. It doesn't make us good or bad. I wouldn't feel guilty if you decide you don't want someone as a friend.

 

On the other side, if you have a friend you value, be sure to let them know. I have a dear friend who was suddenly diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at 45 and had been a healthy runner and non-smoker. We work together and are especially careful to let each other know how much we value the other. Because life is short and we are all on borrowed time, some of us are just made more aware of it.

 

Due to my pain and some related depression, I am on medication that "levels out" my emotions. Sometimes I want to feel and can't. Or feel guilty because I can't cry when I want to, and I am by nature more emotional and empathic. So I relate, Batman.

 

I've come to learn from all of these situations to take life as it comes; I love the Rumi part of Kaleidoscope! It's all good, like a friend always said about the ups and downs of my mom's Alzheimers.

 

I do think the one time we should worry about not feeling for someone is like what a sociopath does: they feel nothing after hurting someone else. That's clearly wrong. But if someone turns their back on you, and you don't feel for them any more, I think that's healthier in the long run. Sorry for rambling.

 

 

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Thanks for these words. They felt like a big hug :)

[iamsue]

Thanks for these words. They felt like a big hug :)

Awe! I'm so glad. Thanks for letting me know.

 

 

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[I ran away]

Sorry that I did not yet have time responding to other people's posts in this thread. (I will !) don't wanna look like silly if I post here again now, but just a short thought:

 

Am very depressed right now here in the stadium because as usual, I feel like the only one who is alone. The "One I love", for whom i got the tickets ages ago, said Coldplay is "garbage" and refused to come. At least I got the ticket sold in the last minute. Am very annoyed because I did go with him to a concert of an artist he liked and that I did not care about, a couple of days ago, because I am not a jerk. Everybody is in groups or couples here, I feel very sad and out of place :(

Is there anybody out there who is lost and hurt and lonely too :'(

[42Escapist]

Sorry that I did not yet have time responding to other people's posts in this thread. I don't wanna look like silly if I post here again now, but just a short thought:

 

Am very depressed right now here in the stadium because as usual, I feel like the only one who is alone. The "One I love", for whom i got the tickets ages ago, said Coldplay is "garbage" and refused to come. At least I got the ticket sold in the last minute. Am very annoyed because I did go with him to a concert of an artist he liked and that I did not care about, a couple of days ago, because I am not a jerk. Everybody is in groups or couples here, I feel very sad and out of place :(

Is there anybody out there who is lost and hurt and lonely too :'(

You don't need to be ashamed to post here, it's okay. :) It would hurt me too if I politely declined to go to a concert with someone and they rudely declined to go to a concert with me... :( I've been through that with events that weren't concerts and it frustrated me to no end. Do you know if anybody from Coldplaying is attending the show and might be able to meet up with you?

[flockofbirds222]

 

Am very depressed right now here in the stadium because as usual, I feel like the only one who is alone. The "One I love", for whom i got the tickets ages ago, said Coldplay is "garbage" and refused to come. At least I got the ticket sold in the last minute. Am very annoyed because I did go with him to a concert of an artist he liked and that I did not care about, a couple of days ago, because I am not a jerk. Everybody is in groups or couples here, I feel very sad and out of place :(

Is there anybody out there who is lost and hurt and lonely too :'(

 

Remember the reason why you're there, you get to see Coldplay! Once the show starts it doesn't matter anymore anyway, you become one with the music and rest of the audience (my experience at least). And I'm sure you're not the only one who's there alone, maybe you can try to find someone else and talk to them (if you're not as shy as I am), discuss something about coldplay;)

And the person who didn't want to come with you is the one who should feel bad, he doesn't even know what he's missing out on!

[Guest diogo_sg]

Sorry that I did not yet have time responding to other people's posts in this thread. (I will !) don't wanna look like silly if I post here again now, but just a short thought:

 

Am very depressed right now here in the stadium because as usual, I feel like the only one who is alone. The "One I love", for whom i got the tickets ages ago, said Coldplay is "garbage" and refused to come. At least I got the ticket sold in the last minute. Am very annoyed because I did go with him to a concert of an artist he liked and that I did not care about, a couple of days ago, because I am not a jerk. Everybody is in groups or couples here, I feel very sad and out of place :(

Is there anybody out there who is lost and hurt and lonely too :'(

I'm so sorry about that. But remember you're in a Coldplay concert aka one of the happiest places ever! You're in the middle of an immense family of loving people. You aren't alone. Start a chat with someone random, maybe make some friends! Enjoy your time there, in that amazing place [emoji6]

 

Also, I don't want to be nosy or anything, but are you really sure you want to be with a person like that? A person who criticizes the things you like and leaves you completely on your own? [emoji53]

[coldplayisawesome]

Sorry that I did not yet have time responding to other people's posts in this thread. (I will !) don't wanna look like silly if I post here again now, but just a short thought:

 

Am very depressed right now here in the stadium because as usual, I feel like the only one who is alone. The "One I love", for whom i got the tickets ages ago, said Coldplay is "garbage" and refused to come. At least I got the ticket sold in the last minute. Am very annoyed because I did go with him to a concert of an artist he liked and that I did not care about, a couple of days ago, because I am not a jerk. Everybody is in groups or couples here, I feel very sad and out of place :(

Is there anybody out there who is lost and hurt and lonely too :'(

 

Remember the reason why you're there, you get to see Coldplay! Once the show starts it doesn't matter anymore anyway, you become one with the music and rest of the audience (my experience at least). And I'm sure you're not the only one who's there alone, maybe you can try to find someone else and talk to them (if you're not as shy as I am), discuss something about coldplay;)

And the person who didn't want to come with you is the one who should feel bad, he doesn't even know what he's missing out on!

 

i agree - you may have gone to the concert by yourself, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're alone! if nothing else, the boys are there for you :cheesy:

[42Escapist]

Remember the reason why you're there, you get to see Coldplay! Once the show starts it doesn't matter anymore anyway, you become one with the music and rest of the audience (my experience at least). And I'm sure you're not the only one who's there alone, maybe you can try to find someone else and talk to them (if you're not as shy as I am), discuss something about coldplay;)

And the person who didn't want to come with you is the one who should feel bad, he doesn't even know what he's missing out on!

Well said! When there are tens of thousands of people there, there can't be just one person who happened to show up alone. And even if you don't find someone to talk to about Coldplay, the whole audience is united by one thing once the show starts, and that is their enjoyment of the music. :)

[guy42]

Am very depressed right now here in the stadium because as usual, I feel like the only one who is alone. The "One I love", for whom i got the tickets ages ago, said Coldplay is "garbage" and refused to come. At least I got the ticket sold in the last minute. Am very annoyed because I did go with him to a concert of an artist he liked and that I did not care about, a couple of days ago, because I am not a jerk. Everybody is in groups or couples here, I feel very sad and out of place :(

Is there anybody out there who is lost and hurt and lonely too :'(

Holy crap, you already have so many responses LOL.

 

Don't feel bad for being on your own there. I'm going to my concert by myself too! And I think there are certain advantages to being on your own: you don't have to worry about whether the people you dragged along are enjoying the show. And you get to fully immerse yourself in the music because of it! Also you have the freedom to interact with people if you want to. So just saying, you'll probably enjoy it better. Consider yourself lucky! :)

[guy42]

Also, I don't want to be nosy or anything, but are you really sure you want to be with a person like that? A person who criticizes the things you like and leaves you completely on your own? [emoji53]

 

:wacky: