Don't Let It Break Your Heart!

[Nie]

IRA, I kind of know how you are feeling.

In Amsterdam I was sitting between groups of people too and felt a bit "lonely".

But once the concert started I didn't mind anymore.

You'll get so into it that the people around you won't matter.

Enjoy yourself, sing and dance and don't let anyone take away your fun.

 

I'm gonna join you on a Periscope thread. [emoji4]

Hopefully there are going to be some active the whole concert.

[I ran away]

OMG, thanks for all your responses. I am touched by how many responses there are already :'I

[uSER=101247]@diogo_sg[/uSER] - you are not being nosy, I have thought the exact same thing !

 

@guy42 - I know, at least I can unleash my Coldplayer energy without worrying about embarassing anyone.

[Nie]

Just thought of this: you have sold the extra ticket so that person is coming alone too.

She or he might be the perfect companion for this evening because really wanted to be there.

[coldplayisawesome]

OMG, thanks for all your responses. I am touched by how many responses there are already :'I.

 

so, see, we're also there with you in spirit :D

[Mojan]

Has anyone here ever gone through an existential crisis? It didn't sorta come outta nowhere, it's always really been there but I think the fact that I'm about to become an adult and I have so many expectations and responsibilities on my shoulders made it worse. The pressure to balance my education (which is going to be fecking unaffordable), maintaining the household and becoming something is really getting to me. It feels like being intoxicated is my only escape from the pressures of reality. I just feel really scared that I'm being sucked into student debt, getting and office job and dying as a nobody on pension. I don't want to die as a nobody, I want to accomplish things but I can't because neither I nor my mama can afford to help me.

 

Sorry for the weird rant, I feel I can exprss my feelings better when my inhibitions are lower

 

Is it normal at my age?

How can it get through it? It's really starting to affect my daily life :/

[guy42]

Has anyone here ever gone through an existential crisis? It didn't sorta come outta nowhere, it's always really been there but I think the fact that I'm about to become an adult and I have so many expectations and responsibilities on my shoulders made it worse.

 

Is it normal at my age?

How can it get through it? It's really starting to affect my daily life :/

Just wanna say I feel you man...

[42Escapist]

Has anyone here ever gone through an existential crisis? It didn't sorta come outta nowhere, it's always really been there but I think the fact that I'm about to become an adult and I have so many expectations and responsibilities on my shoulders made it worse.

 

Is it normal at my age?

How can it get through it? It's really starting to affect my daily life :/

I've gone through that a bit during the past several months. I'm only 18 and about to face the expectations and responsibilities of being a university student for the first time, so I know how you fell. What has helped me is just having places like Coldplaying where I can vent and just be a nerd about things I enjoy. It helps me get my mind off of the anxiety.

 

There's also nothing wrong with talking to your parents, guardians, or other adults who have been through the same transition. They might be able to offer better advice than I can. :)

[coldplayisawesome]

Has anyone here ever gone through an existential crisis? It didn't sorta come outta nowhere, it's always really been there but I think the fact that I'm about to become an adult and I have so many expectations and responsibilities on my shoulders made it worse.

 

Is it normal at my age?

How can it get through it? It's really starting to affect my daily life :/

 

it seems pretty normal to me. it's a rough time to go through and i still feel like i'm going through it at 23. :P

but what helps me sometimes is to know that there are so many other people going through the same thing, especially my friends because we're all around the same age and at roughly the same spots in our lives. i'm also the oldest of four girls, and while my one sister is only one year younger than me, we are very different people. like i moved out of the house and went off to college, but my sister stayed at home, has taken over the house as her own since my parents and youngest sister moved across the country, and now she has her own baby. so we're both learning how to be adults, but in very different ways, and that can feel pretty lonely sometimes.

 

you know the phrase, "it takes a village to raise a child"? well, i think that's true for adults, too. :P we are never done growing, and we will always be going through periods of our lives where we aren't sure of what we should do now or what's going to come next. so, i don't know if this will help you, but it's what i try to think about to make myself feel better. :)

[Mojan]

I've gone through that a bit during the past several months. I'm only 18 and about to face the expectations and responsibilities of being a university student for the first time, so I know how you fell. What has helped me is just having places like Coldplaying where I can vent and just be a nerd about things I enjoy. It helps me get my mind off of the anxiety.

 

There's also nothing wrong with talking to your parents, guardians, or other adults who have been through the same transition. They might be able to offer better advice than I can. :)

 

I don't really have anyone to talk to, my mama is always working (besides she works on a different side of the UK), my papa doesnt want anything to do with me and my brother is always at work too.

 

it seems pretty normal to me. it's a rough time to go through and i still feel like i'm going through it at 23. :P

but what helps me sometimes is to know that there are so many other people going through the same thing, especially my friends because we're all around the same age and at roughly the same spots in our lives. i'm also the oldest of four girls, and while my one sister is only one year younger than me, we are very different people. like i moved out of the house and went off to college, but my sister stayed at home, has taken over the house as her own since my parents and youngest sister moved across the country, and now she has her own baby. so we're both learning how to be adults, but in very different ways, and that can feel pretty lonely sometimes.

 

you know the phrase, "it takes a village to raise a child"? well, i think that's true for adults, too. :P we are never done growing, and we will always be going through periods of our lives where we aren't sure of what we should do now or what's going to come next. so, i don't know if this will help you, but it's what i try to think about to make myself feel better. :)

 

What scares me most is that it's been an ever-present feeling throughout my life, just that it's intensified lately. Everyone around my has a pretty clear idea of who they are and, which uni they'll go what they want to do in future but I have gender dysphoria and have no idea of if I should transition or not, I can't afford uni and I have no idea of what i want to do or any real passion.

[I ran away]

Just thought of this: you have sold the extra ticket so that person is coming alone too.

She or he might be the perfect companion for this evening because really wanted to be there.

I met the person I sold it to (cause I sold it to her in person, she is the mum of a Coldplay-obsessed teenager who got a floor seat for herself ;))

[karvi22]

Sorry that I did not yet have time responding to other people's posts in this thread. (I will !) don't wanna look like silly if I post here again now, but just a short thought:

 

Am very depressed right now here in the stadium because as usual, I feel like the only one who is alone. The "One I love", for whom i got the tickets ages ago, said Coldplay is "garbage" and refused to come. At least I got the ticket sold in the last minute. Am very annoyed because I did go with him to a concert of an artist he liked and that I did not care about, a couple of days ago, because I am not a jerk. Everybody is in groups or couples here, I feel very sad and out of place :(

Is there anybody out there who is lost and hurt and lonely too :'(

 

I don't understand how someone can refuse to go to a CP concert... it doesn't make any sense to me.

Don't feel sad... think of what you're about to live, think of that amazing memory you will have!! I know loneliness is hard, but remember this: sometimes it's better to be alone than in bad company. So focus on the good things: tonight you will see the best band in the world! Too many people would love to be in your place... and I know for sure most of the Coldplaying members (including myself) would love being there with you in order to make you feel better :)

[Mojan]

I'm prolly not making any sense

[coldplayisawesome]

What scares me most is that it's been an ever-present feeling throughout my life, just that it's intensified lately. Everyone around my has a pretty clear idea of who they are and, which uni they'll go what they want to do in future but I have gender dysphoria and have no idea of if I should transition or not, I can't afford uni and I have no idea of what i want to do or any real passion.

 

gotcha. so, i would still say that i think feeling lost about who you are personality-wise or career-wise is a normal thing, but i can only imagine how much more complicated it gets having gender dysphoria on top of that. i don't have that experience - but there are still other people who are going through the same thing you are. maybe there is someone on here, or there is another community online that has people who are going or have gone through similar situations.

 

but in general, i will say some things you have to just kinda wait out and have faith that you'll find what your place in the world is and find something that you are passionate about one day. it can be really hard in the meantime, but at least you know you have a place here where you can reach out for help and support when you need it. :D

[Mojan]

gotcha. so, i would still say that i think feeling lost about who you are personality-wise or career-wise is a normal thing, but i can only imagine how much more complicated it gets having gender dysphoria on top of that. i don't have that experience - but there are still other people who are going through the same thing you are. maybe there is someone on here, or there is another community online that has people who are going or have gone through similar situations.

 

but in general, i will say some things you have to just kinda wait out and have faith that you'll find what your place in the world is and find something that you are passionate about one day. it can be really hard in the meantime, but at least you know you have a place here where you can reach out for help and support when you need it. :D

 

Thanks, I owe you and everyone on this forum a pint or two. I hate the waiting game but sometimes, there's no other option.

[iamsue]

@I ran away, remember, i was in the exact same boat last weekend. As someone married half a lifetime ago to a person with very different tastes, who never misses a chance to bash Coldplay, and who dropped me off at the concert and went to a movie, I can say that love should be give and take. This guy, right now, sounds like he's taken a lot from you. It would break my heart if you stayed with him just to avoid being alone. I do love my husband at the core of it all but you have to be prepared to often wonder what it would be like not to have to be alone when you are with the other.

 

 

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[iamsue]

@I ran away, you were far from alone. Nie, Guy42, myself and others (sorry if I missed anyone!) were all watching with you. What a show!! Hope you enjoyed it even more than New York!

 

 

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[iamsue]

gotcha. so, i would still say that i think feeling lost about who you are personality-wise or career-wise is a normal thing, but i can only imagine how much more complicated it gets having gender dysphoria on top of that. i don't have that experience - but there are still other people who are going through the same thing you are. maybe there is someone on here, or there is another community online that has people who are going or have gone through similar situations.

 

but in general, i will say some things you have to just kinda wait out and have faith that you'll find what your place in the world is and find something that you are passionate about one day. it can be really hard in the meantime, but at least you know you have a place here where you can reach out for help and support when you need it. :D

 

 

 

 

 

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[iamsue]

I'm not so sure that this is a passing phase. It seems more like an ever-evolving state. Either way, relish the excitement of discovering yourself. Your heart will lead the way. I have learned from experience to trust my instincts and listen to my gut. All the rest is just noise. Best to you, Mojan.

 

 

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[flockofbirds222]

I don't really have anyone to talk to, my mama is always working (besides she works on a different side of the UK), my papa doesnt want anything to do with me and my brother is always at work too.

 

 

 

What scares me most is that it's been an ever-present feeling throughout my life, just that it's intensified lately. Everyone around my has a pretty clear idea of who they are and, which uni they'll go what they want to do in future but I have gender dysphoria and have no idea of if I should transition or not, I can't afford uni and I have no idea of what i want to do or any real passion.

I feel the same sometimes. I'll finish school next year and I don't think I've really found my passion yet, I'm so scared of ending up doing something I'm not that good at or don't like. I feel like all of a sudden it'll be so many responsibilities I never had in my life before. And there's also so many things about my personality and personal life I haven't figured out yet.

It's so easy to drown in anxiety about the future especially if you don't really have someone close who you feel like you can talk to, but part of me deep down just believes (also from experience) that in the end most things figure themselves out somehow and aren't as bad as they once seemed.

 

It's really great to have a place like Coldplaying where you can just be yourself and talk about whatever you really feel like without feeling awkward for it.[emoji4]

[I ran away]

*reads every post intently*

 

I think Chris Martn would really approve of this thread and sprinkle love buttons all over you guys :wacky:

 

 

I don't know if my post fits into this thread because I'm kinda at the opposite of emotional most of the time :wacko:

 

I can relate, this is annoying as hell.

 

 

Do you know that feeling that you think of yourself as a very shitty version of something better you could have been, then force yourself to stop wallowing in self-pity because it's pathetic, only to realise you feel stupid about even thinking thinks like that and in the end you just sit there and feel indifferent about everything?

 

I have episodes where I don't care about anything at all, like if I would lose a leg in an accident, or if my pets died, even if some of my relatives died I'd be just like "well that's life, whatever". And then the next day I'm very shocked about this and really despise myself for being like that. Over the past couple of years my grandpa died, my cousin killed himself and left a family behind and a close friend of my parents died after a bad surgery. And I felt next to nothing. It was just like "Oh. Okay. So I don't have a cousin anymore? Hm. Yeah okay, alright."

 

And then the general indifference comes back. I try to appreciate life and every moment that's special but it's just like, there's this thick grey fog around me of repetition and uselessness. And moments of nihilism where everything seems like it has been done before and we're all just absolutely pointless.

 

I'm not telling this to anyone in real life because everytime I'm about to my brain goes: "My God get over yourself you miserable ass" and I'm like "Yup okay, alright, just make sure to be extra nice and happy to everyone today and don't let your misery shine through".

 

I've been feeling like this for I think 8 years now and I think I'll just live with it.

 

Right now I even feel specifically stupid for writing in here to be honest. Maybe I'm gonna delete this post later, I don't know.

 

I just looked at the word "care" itself for a moment there and pondered a little bit about it.

 

I kinda work like this: I'm there if friends need me. I also provide somewhat of emotional advice if someone is sad and needs an uplifting message. I also help when I can and try to give back as much as possible to people who are kind to me. So the concept of me being friendly and helpful is there (at least I hope so lol). But if for some reason said close person would vanish out of my life, I'd maybe be sad for like, a day or so, and after that just shrug and move on with my life. I feel responsible of giving the people that befriended me everything back they gave to me, but I just can't feel close to them. And when I try to think about caring about them I get a very cringeworthy alien feeling that tells me my thoughts are weird.

What the heck.

 

*edit: It's like I know how behave emotional, but I don't feel them really. Only rarely. And the rest of the time I just say or write what would be appropriate. If I'd say or write what I was really thinking, I wouldn't be saying anything at all most of the time, and that would creep people out. So I say something.

 

I hear you, @Batman ! I know this is a late response but anyway:

There is no need to feel stupid about writing about one's feelings, please don't feel pressured to delete this post again. Writing about your feelings is sometimes just necessary and then it is a very good and healthy thing to do in order to clear your mind or feel better.

I have often have these feelings that life is pointless or just plain cruel too. Because in the end, what is the purpose of life or why do we even exist ? Since there are ultimately no scientific answers to these things, you can probably only find answers in a spiritual way. I have to say that personally I'm not at all spiritual and don't believe in a higher purpose or any kind of God or God-like being (i would call myself an atheist), so I have no answer to these questions. The more you dwell on the meaning of life and death or the meaning of suffering or cruelty on earth or whatsoever, the unhappier you become however. It's hard to describe, but sometimes I dwell too much on these things and then i feel my head is about to explode, because there are no answers and you can dwell infinitely !

One other thing. If you say you often have phases of indifference, this may also be a protection mechanism from the impact of the actual feelings themselves. You can see it in a positive way, it is a form of resilience of your psyche against life's adversities. Sure, you may seem outwardly like a cold person during these phases, but at least you protect yourself against the pain, which is something you can see as an asset !

 

About that not feeling emotionally close to the people around you or not "caring" (whatever that is), don't beat yourself up about it. If this is who you are, well then this is who you are. It does not make you a bad person. Again, I think it might be some kind of protection against feelings of attachment, cause feelings of attachment entail vulnerability and potential pain/hurt. As someone who unfortunately easily gets attached to persons (or even things, haha), I think some having some more emotional distance is not a bad thing to have. I am sure that in your very own way, you do care about those friends or relative, you just don't let these feelings come to the surface where they could overtly hurt you. (By the way, that is just my two cents and i hope i am not offending you with anything I wrote, in the end i don't know you in person and can only conjecture based on the posts,so i may be wrong :))

[I ran away]

Well, luckily I'm here to represent the "old and wrinkly" set, so I'll share my perspective. I'm not that old, but probably old enough to be MotherColdplay, LOL!

 

I must admit i have seen your photo on Twitter and you are not "old and wrinkly" !! :)

[I ran away]

the most awful feeling is being an introvert but wanting to be social and connect with people

and if you add social anxiety to that... ugh. it's so complicated :P

 

I hear you ! Can relate to that personally, and it is an issue that bothers me a lot, especially at social events in large groups. But won't elaborate on it now, maybe some other time (don't wanna turn this thread into the I-ran-away-whines-about-her-life-thread ;)

[I ran away]

@iamsue I'm so sorry to hear about your friend who has lung cancer :( Wish you both lots of strength and that you can share beautiful moments and put more "life" into the remaining time if no more time can be added to the life. The latter is a saying which I often came across in the context of palliative care, and it is so true. Although I still find it hard to imagine how you can achieve happiness when you know your life is coming to an end, I always admire late-stage cancer (or other terminal diseases) patients when they show this strength !

 

Or feel guilty because I can't cry when I want to, and I am by nature more emotional and empathic.

Reading that wording of your sentence just reminded me of something. It's different from your situation actually, it reminds me more of things said by @Batman. I never got to know my mum because she died after my birth. I mean sure, i have seen pictures and heard lots of things about her and once even found an old tape with her voice on it, so i could hear how her voice sounded. But i have grown up knowing that somebody is missing and at the same time not actually feeling this person is missing, because the state of not having her around was all i ever knew. So sometimes I suddenly remember with a pang of guilt that in the last couple of days or even weeks i did not even think of her. Somehow these thoughts are just not present and just do not occur ! But then i feel so terribly guilty about it, because i know that i have thought many more times about some random people or things than of her. I feel like a heartless person then and so guilty and so ashamed of myself :bomb:

I also think i have never once cried about her death. Not once. And this makes me feel ashamed too

[I ran away]

but part of me deep down just believes (also from experience) that in the end most things figure themselves out somehow and aren't as bad as they once seemed.[emoji4]

 

I agree that we often worry about the future too much when all will fall into place eventually. I often asked myself "how can people do this and that" as in for example "how can people raise kids, it looks like such a difficult job, how do they teach a child all that it needs, how do people even know what to do??" but people do it all the time and have been doing it for thousands of years. :) I think everyone somehow grows into the tasks at hand, and with age comes new wisdom. When you will be at university for example you will figure out how to handle your student life buthave fears about work life afterwards. Then you finish and you find out how to handle your work life, but now you may wonder how to raise a family or something. Life is full of challenges, but we grow as we go. this is also partly in response to @Mojan s posts !

[I ran away]

I don't really have anyone to talk to, my mama is always working (besides she works on a different side of the UK), my papa doesnt want anything to do with me and my brother is always at work too.

 

What scares me most is that it's been an ever-present feeling throughout my life, just that it's intensified lately. Everyone around my has a pretty clear idea of who they are and, which uni they'll go what they want to do in future but I have gender dysphoria and have no idea of if I should transition or not, I can't afford uni and I have no idea of what i want to do or any real passion.

I feel so sorry about your family situation :( I know that feeling alone and having nobody to talk to is a horrible situation. First of all, you should know that you can always talk to us in this thread or via PM if you have any worries.

There is one piece of advice that I did want to share with you: About your financial situation and going to university or not. You said you want to accomplish something in your life. I don't know what you feel passionate about (and it is ok if you don't know yet, you will find out with time) but i would strongly advise you to pursue higher education in any way. Yes, there are pretty high tuition fees in the UK, but if you can somehow make it happen, via a loan or maybe even a scholarship, go for it. University degrees are the key to better-paying jobs, and landing a well-paid job will help you to break out of that vicious circle of financial and existential worried and give you the freedom to pursue your interests and, as you said, accomplish something meaningful to you. Having a higher education degree also means having some kind of security in case of unexpected turns in life, or in case something does not work out. Just think of it, even some of the most talented rock musicians of our times first carefully completed their university degrees before launching their career instead of dropping out and pursuing only their band career, and this was an extremely smart move on their part because if their music career had not taken off (which happens to many, many young bands), they would still have had something to fall back upon. (Their names were Mr William Champion, Mr Jonathan Buckland and Mr Christopher Anthony John Martin, I believe ;))

On another note, have you ever considered studying abroad in a European country with low tuition fees (like Germany) ?