Don't Let It Break Your Heart!

antdrew

Never in a rush
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Dec 8, 2016
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Thanks guys just hearing your thoughts definitely helps me thinking through mine.
I completely understand you but it is hard to give an answer. I also have the feeling that for some people relationships seem to just serve the purpose of not being alone, and you are essentially replaceable...I don't understand how some people move on so quickly, although in your case quite some time seems to have passed, right ?
On the other hand this notion that there is only one person for you is likely to make you unhappy. But not thinking like that also seems wrong. Yeah, I don't really have an answer...
Sending you a big hug anyway
Yeah time has passed and I mean I am not feeling bad towards her about being with someone at all and to be honest the way she is now with smoking and drugs after we broke up, I don't really want to be with her either. But there's still that base feeling that it is just kinda weird knowing somebody else is there now and also knowing that clearly you aren't realistically going to stay with that one person forever, as at least I thought whilst in that relationship...
 

karvi22

Coldplayer for life.
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Jun 11, 2016
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933
I wanted to share something with you guys because I'm not sure how to feel about it and this is making me crazy... want to know your opinion about this.

I'm in love with someone who is already in a relationship. We've been friends since almost 2 years. I know this is wrong, but I didn't know he was with someone else when I met him. In fact, I've found it out a couple of months ago (no because he told me, I saw it on the social media). This is important because if I had known it, I know I would have seen him in a totally different way since the beginning. I would have seen him only as a friend, nothing more or nothing less.

When I knew this new information, I felt really sad and in some way, I felt deceived... I thought we had something special because of the sweet way he always treats me. Always loved him in silence, but all the things we shared and the way he talked to me made me think he had the same feelings for me. But no. Not at all, because he loves someone else. So then I decided to put some distance between us. This whole thing was hurting me and I couldn't take it anymore. The problem is he doesn't seem to understand that. He doesn't let me forget him. He's still there and again I feel really stupid. I think he should leave me alone, right? Why is he so adorable with me? Maybe he acts like that with everybody... but if he knows I love him (I'm pretty sure he must know), he should be a little less lovely... don't you think? Or maybe I'm wrong... but when he talks to me like that I feel really bad because I still have feelings for him. I feel stupid because it seems I don't understand people behaviours... in this case I actually thought he could love me, but nothing could be further from the truth. It feels like no one can understand how I feel... hope some of you could do it.
 

iamsue

You're a Sky Full of Stars
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Apr 5, 2012
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2,164
I wanted to share something with you guys because I'm not sure how to feel about it and this is making me crazy... want to know your opinion about this.

I'm in love with someone who is already in a relationship. We've been friends since almost 2 years. I know this is wrong, but I didn't know he was with someone else when I met him. In fact, I've found it out a couple of months ago (no because he told me, I saw it on the social media). This is important because if I had known it, I know I would have seen him in a totally different way since the beginning. I would have seen him only as a friend, nothing more or nothing less.

When I knew this new information, I felt really sad and in some way, I felt deceived... I thought we had something special because of the sweet way he always treats me. Always loved him in silence, but all the things we shared and the way he talked to me made me think he had the same feelings for me. But no. Not at all, because he loves someone else. So then I decided to put some distance between us. This whole thing was hurting me and I couldn't take it anymore. The problem is he doesn't seem to understand that. He doesn't let me forget him. He's still there and again I feel really stupid. I think he should leave me alone, right? Why is he so adorable with me? Maybe he acts like that with everybody... but if he knows I love him (I'm pretty sure he must know), he should be a little less lovely... don't you think? Or maybe I'm wrong... but when he talks to me like that I feel really bad because I still have feelings for him. I feel stupid because it seems I don't understand people behaviours... in this case I actually thought he could love me, but nothing could be further from the truth. It feels like no one can understand how I feel... hope some of you could do it.
Wow, Karvi, I can feel your anguish over what to do about this relationship and also your ability to judge people. Ok, I have a few thoughts on this I hope will help.

I wouldn't expect yourself to read a person who is deceitful and has mixed motives. I know you love him, and value him as a friend, but his flirting with you if he loves someone else is wrong- you did nothing wrong.

You can't help who you fall in love with. Have you tried confronting him about the other relationship?

Your instinct to distance yourself is what you should trust. Not him!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

coldplayisawesome

Maybe I'm a ghost
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Jul 27, 2006
Messages
28,524
Maybe he acts like that with everybody... I feel stupid because it seems I don't understand people behaviours...
i can't tell you how many times i've been in this kind of position
but for me, always i think other people know when i have feelings for someone but apparently i'm an actual robot and very good at hiding all emotions ever
so maybe you might be the same way and he doesn't even know how you feel... which doesn't make the situation better, per se. i mean that maybe he's not intentionally trying to lead you on or anything.

i don't really have good advice other than it'll probably fade over time? although i do have a question - you've known him for two years and he's been with someone else that whole time and you only just found out about it?
 

karvi22

Coldplayer for life.
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Jun 11, 2016
Messages
933
First of all, I want to thank you both for your kind messages :)

Wow, Karvi, I can feel your anguish over what to do about this relationship and also your ability to judge people. Ok, I have a few thoughts on this I hope will help.

I wouldn't expect yourself to read a person who is deceitful and has mixed motives. I know you love him, and value him as a friend, but his flirting with you if he loves someone else is wrong- you did nothing wrong.

You can't help who you fall in love with. Have you tried confronting him about the other relationship?

Your instinct to distance yourself is what you should trust. Not him!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Yeah, I also think his attitude is not good, but maybe he treats everybody like that and I just misunderstood his behaviour...
Besides, I don't think I should confront him about that term. After all, we are friends but we're not so close... anyway, the fact he avoided to talk about that particular term is curious. He is a very open person, why not to talk about that?

i can't tell you how many times i've been in this kind of position
but for me, always i think other people know when i have feelings for someone but apparently i'm an actual robot and very good at hiding all emotions ever
so maybe you might be the same way and he doesn't even know how you feel... which doesn't make the situation better, per se. i mean that maybe he's not intentionally trying to lead you on or anything.

i don't really have good advice other than it'll probably fade over time? although i do have a question - you've known him for two years and he's been with someone else that whole time and you only just found out about it?
Yes, apparently he has been with someone else during all this time. When I met him I saw him and I talked to him every day because we worked together at the same company, but when I changed job I stopped seeing him so often. Since then, we see each other from time to time and talk via social media.

And I think the same as you, hope all this story will fade over time. Maybe I just need to be patient...
 

coldplayisawesome

Maybe I'm a ghost
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Yes, apparently he has been with someone else during all this time. When I met him I saw him and I talked to him every day because we worked together at the same company, but when I changed job I stopped seeing him so often. Since then, we see each other from time to time and talk via social media.

And I think the same as you, hope all this story will fade over time. Maybe I just need to be patient...
then i would say that if you had been friends with him that whole time and it never even came up that he was in a relationship... either you two didn't know each other THAT well, or he was like intentionally hiding it or something. in either case, it seems like this is a situation that was not going to work out the way you wanted it to either way. i'm sorry that this has happened to you, but i hope that you can move on from it quickly. you deserve better :D
 

coldplayisawesome

Maybe I'm a ghost
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A car accident....... luckily no one was hurt but I've been thinking about it all day....... I know it's not my fault but somehow I feel like shit right now
oh no, that sounds really awful :worried: but good to know that everyone is OK. without knowing details, i think your reaction is totally understandable. hopefully it will fade over time
 

I ran away

A Rush of Blood to X&Y
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@KB9CR7MO23 So sorry to hear ! Sending you a big hug. Don't feel bad about it, it wasn't your fault !
 

coldplayisawesome

Maybe I'm a ghost
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there may have been A Situation with one of my friends two weeks ago that ended with me just kinda quickly leaving to go home and then essentially ignoring him until just now when he finally sent me a message asking if i'm ok
so... i'm about to send him a message to say that something has been bothering me and that it's probably best to talk about it in person

but i'm nervous because i don't have real conversations with people :p especially not when it is me who is having the issue and me who has to *gulp* express their feelings

i don't do so well with expressing emotions, that's why this is my favorite smiley -> :|
 

I ran away

A Rush of Blood to X&Y
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there may have been A Situation with one of my friends two weeks ago that ended with me just kinda quickly leaving to go home and then essentially ignoring him until just now when he finally sent me a message asking if i'm ok
so... i'm about to send him a message to say that something has been bothering me and that it's probably best to talk about it in person

but i'm nervous because i don't have real conversations with people :p especially not when it is me who is having the issue and me who has to *gulp* express their feelings

i don't do so well with expressing emotions, that's why this is my favorite smiley -> :|
I can feel your pain. I think when we interact with others, especially without seeing them face to face, our own interpretations take up a lot of weight in how we understand and perceive each other's reactions, and these interpretations in turn are heavily coloured by our own experiences in the past or personality structure, so they are very subjective, which leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings or loss of content.
That's why even if it's difficult, you always have to communicate openly and also state your feelings openly. Let's talk, let's talk...

(Don't know if this is making sense, it's 4 am here, I couldn't fall asleep and I need to get uo at 6.30 to arrive at the queue early...grrr)
 

coldplayisawesome

Maybe I'm a ghost
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I can feel your pain. I think when we interact with others, especially without seeing them face to face, our own interpretations take up a lot of weight in how we understand and perceive each other's reactions, and these interpretations in turn are heavily coloured by our own experiences in the past or personality structure, so they are very subjective, which leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings or loss of content.
That's why even if it's difficult, you always have to communicate openly and also state your feelings openly. Let's talk, let's talk...

(Don't know if this is making sense, it's 4 am here, I couldn't fall asleep and I need to get uo at 6.30 to arrive at the queue early...grrr)
haha, it does make sense. talking in person is definitely the ~~grown up~~ thing to do that's why i've told him i'll talk to him about it next time i see him
i don't know if he realizes that what's bothering me is something that he did, because i didn't really specify when i sent him my reply? but he's gonna find out, that's for sure :p

(go to sleep missy... or sleep in the queue :joy:)
 

guy42

Warm Player
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Feb 20, 2016
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Just wanted to leave this for those who might be down in the dumps. (No, this video is not just for atheists!) Appreciate every moment!

Mobile Link: https://youtu.be/GfBU-OeJ_Ss


I'm gonna follow his advice and say this: I love you all and I think you're amazing, my dear internet friends :heart:
 

Spider-Man

Running In The Dark
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@karvi22 Trust your instincts and stick to your guns. Be upfront and honest with him as other said. He may not like what you say, you might not even like what you say, but by being real and genuine you can get through this situation. Sending you hugs and love :)

@coldplayisawesome This may sound crazy but just put yourself out there and say what's on your mind. Be honest and don't pull any punches, sometimes relationships run their course and we have to accept them for what they were and are.

I broke up with my girlfriend last week and cut off communications with my best friend a few days ago so it's been an interesting week to say the least. Thank god for the gym. I'm still great friends with the ex though, we text a lot, maybe she texts me too much lol. And my best friend was just a toxic person to be around. We played guitars together a lot. But he isn't open to trying new sounds and ideas, same old same old. Plus while I go to college and work on the wambulance part time, he sits at home playing video games, playing guitar, drinking ridiculous amounts of alcohol(he's got a beer gut to that of a 45 y/o male!). I honestly think he's a women repellant! I'm not bad looking but he just drives them away lol! He doesn't work, doesn't go to school and expects to become a rock star overnight and make millions of dollars without any real hard work. He's out of touch with reality. So I am not wasting my time anymore on him. And with the ex gf, I didn't feel like the right fit for her, and she didn't feel like the right person for me. There were no arguments, cheating, lying, I was open and honest and said I am conflicted because I can't keep stringing you along if I don't really mean it anymore. Anyways I'm getting off the soapbox now!! Hope everyone is doing alright :)
 

Draco

Broken Hearts Make it Rain
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Joined
Sep 27, 2014
Messages
756
Just wanted to leave this for those who might be down in the dumps. (No, this video is not just for atheists!) Appreciate every moment!

Mobile Link: https://youtu.be/GfBU-OeJ_Ss


I'm gonna follow his advice and say this: I love you all and I think you're amazing, my dear internet friends :heart:
Yeah that's true. We take people for granted and then say nice stuff when they're dead.
 
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